Must read: I Don't Know a Single Person on this Earth Anymore

[Packratona!]

http://www.aish.com/ci/s/I-Dont-Know-a-Single-Person-on-this-Earth-Anymore.html?s=fb&mobile=yes

I thought this was a very thought-provoking sobering article. One reason society is falling apart.

[frugal-one]

I know many people but not one I could call in an emergency. Everyone has their own life. Family is far away. If spouse died, I would be alone. Sad, but true.

[catherine]

My great-aunt died at 92, shortly after the death of her last friend. She certainly had me and my mother, so she wasn't totally alone, but she was an hour away from us and probably knew we also had our own lives. Actually, she died the day after I dropped her off home after our last summer together at her cottage.

I truly believe we've lost our grip on community, and this probably connects with the discussion we've been having on the school shootings.

[Packratona!]

My great-aunt died at 92, shortly after the death of her last friend. She certainly had me and my mother, so she wasn't totally alone, but she was an hour away from us and probably knew we also had our own lives. Actually, she died the day after I dropped her off home after our last summer together at her cottage.

I truly believe we've lost our grip on community, and this probably connects with the discussion we've been having on the school shootings.

Yes, I was thinking the same thing when I posted this.

[rosarugosa]

That was really heart wrenching. I guess I am fortunate that there are several people I could call in an emergency. I'm sure it helps that I am not 95 years old, and the fact that we live in the town where DH & I grew up is probably also a factor.

[rosarugosa]

Catherine, I think it also ties in with the threads we have going on helping our aging parents.

[razz]

When I read this type of a story, I wonder what people did with their lives. When I walk the dog, I visit with every person that I meet to some degree. We might discuss the weather, dogs, commiserate or whatever interests them at the moment.

Do people wait for others to come to them or do they reach out for activities that include others? I know that people can be very aggravating at times and reaching out may run into rejection but nothing is without risk or guaranteed in life.

What interests have people cultivated over the long-term that can be shared with others? Have solo individuals relied on the same group for years? Have they tried new things?

I saw an article where the loneliness in the UK is so bad that the government is seeing it as serious enough issue to invest healthcare $$ in research and response. It will be interesting to see how that develops.

[Packratona!]

I know many people but not one I could call in an emergency. Everyone has their own life. Family is far away. If spouse died, I would be alone. Sad, but true.

I have been thinking lately; our modern society does not value staying close to "home" any more. Travel, moving away to attend college or to get a higher paying job, adventure in far away places is valued. I know my parents' generation, in the rural area where many people lived back then, had many more persons that rarely if ever traveled far away from home. So many farmed, they pretty much had to stay there to take care of the farm chores, and extended family that needed help. And family was so close, they just had much less desire to move away. I know my generation tended to encourage travel, moving to climb the career ladder, and learning other cultures and languages is more valued now than it was back then. But all this comes at a cost to society I think. The loss of the old and their wisdom is a huge loss when it happens. The greatest generation is almost gone, and our country will never be the same.

[catherine]

I finally saw the film A Man Called Ove which is relevant here. Such a sweet movie. It really spoke to how neighbors simply reaching out can make a huge difference in our lives.

[Williamsmith]

That story reminds me of a neighbor I had when I was high school age. He was an older man in his eighties, a widower, and lonely. I didn’t know about the lonely part until one day he was out in his yard knee deep in maple leaves trying feebly to encourage a huge pile of leaves to make its way to the roadside where the road master would come by and take them away.

He loved his chewing tobacco. There was always a trail of brown tobacco saliva from each corner of his mouth. And he’d spit on the ground and then wipe his face with the back of his sleeve. I went over this particular day and asked him if he needed some help with the leaves. He said he couldn’t afford to pay me anything and I said I didn’t want anything. We immediately hit it off, after I finally wrestled the rake out of his hands.

I had that pile of leaves out to the road in just a few minutes. He looked at me, spit on the ground, wiped his face and asked me if I’d ever been to the river carp fishing. Well, no I hadnt. I fancied myself a trout conisuer. He wondered if I’d like to go down to the Ohio and try my hand at catching carp. I said, “Sure.” And a smile gave way that betrayed his tobacco stained teeth .....all three of them. The next morning I was sitting in his driveway in my Chevy Nova. The exhaust suddenly seemed a little too loud. The garage man door creaked open and out he walked carrying a fishing pole in one hand and a maxwell house coffee can in the other.

I followed his directions to a little sandy sandy beach behind a junk yard that bordered the confluence of the Ohio and Beaver Rivers. He snapped the plastic lid off the coffee can and leaned it over so I could see inside. “Right here son, is the finest carp bait ever.” It was a mix of corn meal, honey, oatmeal, and Karo syrup. And tobacco juice. That day I reeled in some of the heaviest fish I’ve ever caught in my life. It was hard to tell if you had a fish or had snagged a log.

My neighbor never stopped smiling that day. And I have to admit, I think I got more out of it than he did. He told me about how he met his wife, how his kids didn’t visit often and how some of the neighbor kids called him names from the other side of the hedges. He told me about his job as a union welder and how old age was often really difficult. But he didn’t want no sympathy, he was sure his life had been blessed more than he deserved.

I only got to fish a few times with him before winter set in. And one day I saw an ambulance backed into his driveway. His obituary followed not to long after.

Today, I made a strawberry pie. My next door neighbors are getting up in years and poor health has them shut up inside a lot. They have visiting nurses, physical therapy, doctors appointments but their kids live a long ways off. I took them over two slices of pie and chatted a little. I think that seemed to help. And I think I got more out of it than they did.

[profnot]

Marvelous experience for you and a lovely bit of great story telling for us, Williamsmith!

I wish Americans weren't so set on staying in their houses until they can hardly function. The right group living situation can be so much healthier and allow for so much more happiness.

When mum turned 80 and not handling housework, yard work, and driving at all well, I convinced her to sell her house of 41 years and moved all her things into a lovely assisted living facility. She kicked and screamed the months before the month.

A few months later, she LOVED living in her new smaller home. Far less work, far more social opportunities, and fun field trips. Medical resources were close by so doctor visits were much easier.

I see my older friends isolated in their houses, exhausted from care giving spouses, and overwhelmed at the thought of reducing their belongings to sell the house and move. Many do not have family help at all.

If only they had moved into a group situation or at least a condo with wheelchair - size doorways, etc, when they were in their 60s or early 70s.

[CathyA]

You have such a great writing style, WilliamSmith. I can really see the images you paint.

I have real difficulty reading. I don't know if it's because I was never encouraged to read, or if I have a disability of some sort, but I just don't read anything that's too long....like books and long articles. It's too hard. But......after reading the comments on this thread, I was talking to DH about it. He reminded me of a book that DD got him for christmas. He said that it talks exactly about these same issues. I thought some of you might be interested in reading it. It's called "Being Mortal:Medicine and What Matters in the End" by Atul Gawande. He's a physician and talks about his interactions with patients, and what they really want in the end. I thought some of you might enjoy it.

[razz]

A question that may trigger some further thoughts on the OP.
How much of the loneliness problem is caused by the culture that children must ever be striving to achieve more and more self gratification. This has been happening across several generations so far. It is the hypnotic gleam of materialism that is never satisfied. EG- It is never enough to have a house but must be bigger and better with the latest gadgets that are expensive to maintain.

As several articles mentioned on this site have noted in different ways, at the end of one's life, what one most cherishes is the connections with others. What one most regrets, is the lack of time and effort devoted to the connections with others.

Is it our materialism that is destroying community building and generating loneliness?

[catherine]

If only they had moved into a group situation or at least a condo with wheelchair - size doorways, etc, when they were in their 60s or early 70s.

Wow, I think sixties/early 70s is way too early for any normal, healthy adult to consider group housing! Sorry, but I'm going to be 66 in a couple of months and I'm in no way ready for a group situation or a wheelchair accessible home. Sheesh! I get your point--do it sooner rather than later, but 60s/early 70s??? You won't put me out to pasture THAT easily!

How do we KNOW if and when we're going to be isolated, exhausted and overwhelmed in our 80s? Are you suggesting we should be packed up and sent off as a preventative measure? Huh. As we say in Jersey, fuggedaboutit. :)

[CathyA]

This thread is making me a little nervous. I have never been a social being. I love being alone. I even worry about DH ever retiring, since I can't think very well when he's home. But I do worry about DH dying some day and I have no one to help me. I'm sure my children would help occasionally, but they live a ways away. And there's NO WAY ON EARTH I ever want to live in a "nursing home". I would rather die here, alone. So thinking I have that option (ending my life), gives me some comfort. I know that must sound pathetic to some, but that's how I feel. I just hope I have enough wits about me when the time comes to carry my wishes out..........

[SteveinMN]

Wow, I think sixties/early 70s is way too early for any normal, healthy adult to consider group housing! )
Life can change pretty darn fast. One good (?) fall. A car accident. A rapidly-progressing disease like Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. The average life expectancy in the U.S. is still around the mid-80s, which indicates that every person who dies at 94 has a counterpart somewhere who died at 74. Perhaps 66 is too early for you to even think about a group housing or companion arrangement. But I don't think considering it is out of line, especially for people who are far from family and have outlived friends or who live somewhere which could present serious challenges to safe living.


How do we KNOW if and when we're going to be isolated, exhausted and overwhelmed in our 80s? Are you suggesting we should be packed up and sent off as a preventative measure? Huh. As we say in Jersey, fuggedaboutit. :)
No one knows. But it's not difficult and not a ridiculous idea to plan for the possibility. Our next-door neighbors (he's 70-something; she's 60) just remodeled their house to put the washer and dryer in a spare bedroom so they don't have to traipse up and down stairs just to do laundry. It wasn’t cheap, but they've got the money. My mom's place already has been partially adapted to accommodate someone who's a far cry from 66 years old. There were other houses in the neighborhood we considered but this one was the most adaptable. Our neighbors and my family had the wherewithal to make those choices. How many other people do not?

Pack up and send off as a protective measure? No. But make it possible through design and modification and services to allow people to live someplace safely and with what they need to live a decent life? I don't see anything wrong with making that happen. And it doesn't have to come exclusively from gubmint money either.

[iris lilies]

I have friends in their 80’s. They are active and involved in our community. DH walks with one set of 80 year olds every morning. They all have one thing common—proactive planning for their later years. All of these households sold their giant ass houses when they were in their late 60’s to early 70’s and moved to one story condos.

I am talking about two households we know well, and two more households we know who are parents of friends. All of them end up in our neighborhood because it is a great place to live.

So, I postulate that an ability to grasp reality of aging is tied with successfully negotiating the trials of aging.

Dh and I are taking a risk by buying an extra house that needs lots of work and lots of planting. In a rural, tiny town. But it is possible that we would move there permenantly. Surprisingly, there is a hospital three blocks away. Most tiny towns dont have the regional hospital nearby. We shall see how this plays out. On the one hand, working up our new one acre plot will keep us young by activity and mental stimulation. On the other hand if injury or extensive illness
happens, will we be able to negotiate how to deal with two dwellings? Stay tuned.

[JaneV2.0]

I'm with Cathy; no group living for me--my worst nightmare.

[iris lilies]

There are degrees of housing between a big ass house with multiple acres and the nursing home.
It is a false dichotomy to argue otherwise.

It seems to me to be lacking in common sense AND imagination to NOT be able to envision a downsized life that meets many of our needs for our authentic selves. Dont like other people? Get a place where you shut the damn door and keep them out. Like Mother Nature? Get a place that looks out to woods or field or lake or mountain, or whatever natural scene you like. Like to garden? Get a place that provides a small bed for residents who want it, or a patio with sunny exposure and water access that can hold pots.

The key is how much real estate you surround youself with, and how much money you have to maintain it. It is foolish to assume no other person will be taxed when you (the generic you) and your place fall into squalor and disrepair. Your children (generic children) and those obligated to care for you have enough on their plate, no one wants to mow someone elses acres, bush hog their giant weeds, repair their roofs, clean their gutters.

I am watching this play out right now where our close friend is moving across the country and will be buying an enormous rural house in the with land. She does 0 work herself. Nada, zip. Her income will be in the $35,000 range. She is near 70. I dont inderstand how one maintains a 3,000 sq foot house in harsh winters with land and out buildings on that income. She does have a few hundred thousand in her IRA. It will go fast.

[CathyA]

There are degrees of housing between a big ass house with multiple acres and the nursing home.
It is a false dichotomy to argue otherwise.

It seems to me to be lacking in common sense AND imagination to NOT be able to envision a downsized life that meets many of our needs for our authentic selves. Dont like other people? Get a place where you shut the damn door and keep them out. Like Mother Nature? Get a place that looks out to woods or field or lake or mountain, or whatever natural scene you like. Like to garden? Get a place that provides a small bed for residents who want it, or a patio with sunny exposure and water access that can hold pots.

The key is how much real estate you surround youself with, and how much money you have to maintain it. It is foolish to assume no other person will be taxed when you (the generic you) and your place fall into squalor and disrepair. Your children (generic children) and those obligated to care for you have enough on their plate, no one wants to mow someone elses acres, bush hog their giant weeds, repair their roofs, clean their gutters.

I am watching this play out right now where our close friend is moving across the country and will be buying an enormous rural house in the with land. She does 0 work herself. Nada, zip. Her income will be in the $35,000 range. She is near 70. I dont inderstand how one maintains a 3,000 sq foot house in harsh winters with land and out buildings on that income. She does have a few hundred thousand in her IRA. It will go fast.

It's almost impossible to be open to giving up a house and a lot of land around you, even if you can't keep it up, especially having lived here for 36 years and raised children here. We'll see how it goes, but I have no intentions of leaving........

[flowerseverywhere]

We left our northern Home at age 55 as soon as we could take retirement. We got over 200” of snow there and our kids had moved away. We had travelled looking for a place to live and settled on a large retirement community in Florida. We have over 60,000 homes. I can get anywhere, even to MD, movies, numerous restaurants and activities by golf car and many places by walking. Our grocery stores will deliver or you can pre order or drive up. You can walk outside almost every single day. we moved here because DH has multiple medical problems. No step from the garage to the house. Wide doors with handles instead of knobs. Roman shower you can roll a wheelchair in with a seat already in the corner. One floor living. Large screened lanai with a ledge (hurricane and flood requirements) that could take a small ramp easily.
But the best thing is neighbors. Yesterday I had my gallbladder out. One neighbor stopped by last evening to see if I was ok. Two people called this morning too see if I needed anything. I got half a dozen texts and more emails from friends and neighbors.
For my sense of purpose, I quilt in a group of 50 women, some of whom I have become friendly with. We make charity quilts for foster kids, and for habitat for humanity type houses (on a smaller scale, they refurbish trailers) and each bed has a brand new quilt on it when they are done. Next week I am going to a meeting that helps veterans who were disabled not in the line of duty obtain housing. We hope to raise $200,000 this year towards this goal. I volunteer in the library in the used book store and we raise money which goes to local school programs. Many of my neighbors tutor kids or volunteer in hospice.

If if I moved near my kids they could move somewhere else They have their own lives and responsibilities. Their first responsibility is towards their spouses, kids and jobs like we raised them.

Just be be careful on this route. There are some crabby old people here. Some entitled. Some heavy drinkers. But by and large a very nice community. Also, be very careful picking out a community. I did not want to see “site of future clubhouse” as I assumed what was not built would never be. . Or a place that touted 200 clubs without seeing for my own eyes what those activities are. Having a quilting meeting and two people show up to talk was one such group I ran across. Good management is the key or the cheap old people will vote down any improvements.

I don’t want to be a burden on my kids. I want to live, love and enjoy life.

[catherine]

But it's not difficult and not a ridiculous idea to plan for the possibility.

Pack up and send off as a protective measure? No. But make it possible through design and modification and services to allow people to live someplace safely and with what they need to live a decent life? I don't see anything wrong with making that happen.

I'm not saying I'm not planning. That's a big reason we bought this little house in Vermont. We can easily retire there, and if we find we like it, we most likely will pull up stakes in NJ within a couple of years. It's one level living, 700 square feet, rooms all pretty open. Despite the fact that its a rural area, they have a lot of amenities and community programs for older folk--the demographics of the islands skew older. But honestly, barring an accident, I don't plan on NEEDING one level living for a while.

[pinkytoe]

I wish there were more affordable places for older folk with small, individual homes so that one could have a little yard and privacy. The thought of senior living with clubhouse, pool, gym, dining hall etc just doesn't appeal to me at this point even though having friends close by would be nice. This trip-level we are living in now ain't gonna work when we are just a bit older. Watching DH get creakier and creakier maneuvering all these stairs.

[razz]

We left our northern Home at age 55 as soon as we could take retirement. We got over 200” of snow there and our kids had moved away. We had travelled looking for a place to live and settled on a large retirement community in Florida. We have over 60,000 homes. I can get anywhere, even to MD, movies, numerous restaurants and activities by golf car and many places by walking. Our grocery stores will deliver or you can pre order or drive up. You can walk outside almost every single day. we moved here because DH has multiple medical problems. No step from the garage to the house. Wide doors with handles instead of knobs. Roman shower you can roll a wheelchair in with a seat already in the corner. One floor living. Large screened lanai with a ledge (hurricane and flood requirements) that could take a small ramp easily.
But the best thing is neighbors. Yesterday I had my gallbladder out. One neighbor stopped by last evening to see if I was ok. Two people called this morning too see if I needed anything. I got half a dozen texts and more emails from friends and neighbors.
For my sense of purpose, I quilt in a group of 50 women, some of whom I have become friendly with. We make charity quilts for foster kids, and for habitat for humanity type houses (on a smaller scale, they refurbish trailers) and each bed has a brand new quilt on it when they are done. Next week I am going to a meeting that helps veterans who were disabled not in the line of duty obtain housing. We hope to raise $200,000 this year towards this goal. I volunteer in the library in the used book store and we raise money which goes to local school programs. Many of my neighbors tutor kids or volunteer in hospice.

If if I moved near my kids they could move somewhere else They have their own lives and responsibilities. Their first responsibility is towards their spouses, kids and jobs like we raised them.

Just be be careful on this route. There are some crabby old people here. Some entitled. Some heavy drinkers. But by and large a very nice community. Also, be very careful picking out a community. I did not want to see “site of future clubhouse” as I assumed what was not built would never be. . Or a place that touted 200 clubs without seeing for my own eyes what those activities are. Having a quilting meeting and two people show up to talk was one such group I ran across. Good management is the key or the cheap old people will vote down any improvements.

I don’t want to be a burden on my kids. I want to live, love and enjoy life.
So much of what you wrote is true for me as well. When DH passed away, I moved from my dream farm into town into a perfect one level home with small private yard close to all the amenities that I need. Friends and activities are diverse and treasured. Basically, for me, the weather didn't change a thing from the experience in Florida. We had almost record snowfall and I loved it. Help for the small jobs is readily available, the home is well-built and easily maintained so I plan on being here as long as is feasible. I, too, did not want to be clustered with a group of just seniors. I love walking and seeing families of all ages. When I can no longer care for myself, i will move into a facility with services but I don't expect that to happen for the next 25 years. Life is good!

[JaneV2.0]

I wouldn't mind a retirement community here similar to what Flowerseverywhere described--it sounds lovely. There are a few around, but fewer of them and less well-designed.

[Gardenarian]

There's a great retirement community in my town, but the fees - over $700 per month! Which gets you an inexpensive and excellent restaurant, a gym, indoor pool, exercise classes, regular community parties, a nice 4 acre park, and all landscaping - as well as your own vegetable plot.
And other people - a social whirl - which may be a plus or a minus. Also excellent security and access to prompt medical care.

Maybe in our 80s we'd consider it...
It's not near downtown or shops and is close to the freeway.

In the meantime, I've slowly been creating my circle of friends through my dancing group and a local progressive political group to which I belong. I'm not much of a joiner and very introverted, but I love dance, and I feel taking part in politics is a duty, and a privilege. We've lived here three years and its only lately that I've been finding people that I'm fond enough of to want to get to know better and add to my contacts.

[Gardenarian]

Also, our house is laid out so that it would be easy to convert one section to a private apartment, and we've talked about getting live-in help in our old age (whenever that arrives.) Just another option. And, our house is all on one floor.

[flowerseverywhere]

There's a great retirement community in my town, but the fees - over $700 per month! Which gets you an inexpensive and excellent restaurant, a gym, indoor pool, exercise classes, regular community parties, a nice 4 acre park, and all landscaping - as well as your own vegetable plot.
And other people - a social whirl - which may be a plus or a minus. Also excellent security and access to prompt medical care.

Maybe in our 80s we'd consider it...
It's not near downtown or shops and is close to the freeway.

In the meantime, I've slowly been creating my circle of friends through my dancing group and a local progressive political group to which I belong. I'm not much of a joiner and very introverted, but I love dance, and I feel taking part in politics is a duty, and a privilege. We've lived here three years and its only lately that I've been finding people that I'm fond enough of to want to get to know better and add to my contacts.

you hit the nail n the head with the fees. Wherever you live, money plays a big part. It does cost money to have a nice clubhouse, activities and generally houses with such amenities cost more. We have beautiful pools, beautiful landscaping, lots of outdoor courts and three times a day a community watch drives by every house looking for anything out of the ordinary. We were the recipients of generous 401k matches and a roaring stock market. I do believe saving for retirement is much more difficult today, and therefore much more important. I have a friend who lives a half hour away in a 999 home community. Cheaper, but way less to do and they bear much more fiscal responsibility for the community and it’s upkeep. Seems like more crabby old people. There are different rules for communities with less than 1,000 houses in Florida I have been told but I never looked into it.

A small town town can be very tricky for an outsider unless you find a way to fit in. If you come to work or bring something to the town, ie. Yoga instructor, some type of craft and so on you can fit is a little easier. It does take years to build true friendships. But building community is important. I know many people who go to church specifically for the fellowship.

But one thing I know for sure. Sitting home wondering why you have no connections won’t make them happen. It is up to you to keep connected and not become a crabby old person. Continually talking about how much worse you had it when you were growing up, how bad parents or kids are today or your aches and pains are no help to forming relationships. I remember listening to the Simon and Garfunkel song “the force can’t do a decent job, the kids got no respect for the law today” and that was 50 years ago, criticizing things that have changed through the evolution of society is not helpful. Times have changed immensely in my lifetime.
Volunteering, joint plant clubs, craft groups, a group which supports your political beliefs, going to a gym or church. Deliver meals on wheels, learn a skill or craft, tutor ESL, Just do it. And if the first group does not work, find another. Social media can be comforting but tremendously isolating.

[Williamsmith]

Its difficult for me to read comments like these. Every life has so many variables yet similarities can help you make good decisions. Yesterday I went to a wake for a friend of the family who died unexpectedly at 84. I expressed my condolence s to the family in line. I related how my own father was in this very spot and their father came to express his condolences. His son, who I went to school with and who was in and out of my life growing up said, “This really brings it home to you doesn’t it?.”

Its hard for me to express what Im getting at here. Watching people make their choices at the end of their lives is very instructive. Some will remain in their large houses even after it becomes untenable. I’ve been convinced that people make a conscious choice to either approach the later years with purpose or out of fear or simple ignorance act as if their not making choices doesn’t effect others.

The biggest mistake is not realizing just how reliant you are on others. And not taking steps to minimize that reliance as much as possible while you are able to make choices. If you wait too long, the choices will be made for you.

If I could make an analogy. Life is like a beautiful balance beam routine with graceful movements, impossible flips, headstands and handstands. Nearing the end the gymnast prepares for dismount. The dismount signals the end of the routine but in itself is perhaps the most important move. An otherwise stunning routine can be ruined by a poor dismount. But the gymnast visualizes it in their head and executes it. It compliments the entire performance when a powerful but graceful person sticks the landing and bows to the crowd.

[Tammy]

That is an awesome analogy

[SteveinMN]

I agree; excellent analogy. It also touches on the conversations we've had here occasionally how these (close-to-)end-of-life decisions sometimes uncover skeletons (an affair, children from that affair, legal issues, etc.) that surface because those involved are no longer capable of keeping them buried. How many people's memories have been diminished because of such things?

[iris lilies]

That is an awesome analogy
agreed, very cool, Williamsmith.

One thing I like about having friends in their 80’s, is to see how they model aging. They enter that part of the world before me and can show actions that work and actions that do not work.

[razz]

Following IL's post, I have noted in my peers that as they retire, they retire from living as well. They keep referring to how old they are now and shouldn't expect as much from themselves and withdraw from volunteering, taking on new skills and supporting the community is some way. I remind them of my 95 year old neighbour who is still driving herself to church every Sunday and is one fierce card player. That shuts the moaning self-pity party for a while. End of life is just like the beginning as WS's analogy demonstrates - make a plan, set goals, practice and make conscious choices to make a 'living' not a 'dying'. I had one friend who was depressed for days as he turned 40. I could not understand that. I was 10 years his senior and way to busy to worry about any birthday. I still don't celebrate birthdays - they are simply trips around the sun.

[catherine]

I agree; excellent analogy. It also touches on the conversations we've had here occasionally how these (close-to-)end-of-life decisions sometimes uncover skeletons (an affair, children from that affair, legal issues, etc.) that surface because those involved are no longer capable of keeping them buried. How many people's memories have been diminished because of such things?

This is a great example of emotional clutter. One of the selfish reasons that I have tried my entire life to never lie or to put myself in a position in which I may have to lie is because I'm afraid of the weight of the burden. I would rather be a hoarder than have some secret burying me my whole life. The simple life extends to a life that's honest and sincere.