View Full Version : Update on friend's house
Some of you may remember this post: http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?15602-Animal-smells (http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?15602-Animal-smells)
Before that, there was one called "Would you rent from a friend?" If you skip the last page in the Smells thread, you'll see that my friend told me it would take three months before the house would be ready. We agreed (or I thought we did) that she would let us know when it was ready. I didn't ask her about it because a) the holidays and b) her father was dying, under hospice care, etc.
Her father passed away last week and we went to the funeral. They had a sort of receiving line after the ceremony. She thanked us for coming, and then said, "Oh, BTW, we rented the house out to another person." WTF?!? At her father's funeral?! I mumbled something about "glad you found a tenant" and left.
Good, let that person live with the cat pee smell.
I HAD considered her a close friend but now I have no desire to speak to her anytime soon. Is it me, or is this just wack? (When I told my mother, she was shocked into silence).
Goes back to Dave Ramsey's advice. Never do business with a friend.
I'd say count your blessings. I agreed to buy a workmate's condo--which I had seen and liked, but really had no idea about. I never heard from her on it, and it was just as well, as I found another in a better location with a better floor plan. I agree with Catherine and Dave Ramsey on this one. (I also bought a car from another workmate, which never did run right, and which my father nicknamed "Tojo's Revenge.")
I did buy a car from a friend, once. It was a good price, but I swear he let everything go before selling it to us. He's dead now...
But not because of us. LOL
You are so lucky. This was a nightmare scenario, in my opinion.
I do feel like I dodged a bullet. But I still feel mad at her.
iris lilies
2-25-18, 7:35pm
Some of you may remember this post:http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?15602-Animal-smells
Before that, there was one called "Would you rent from a friend?" If you skip the last page in the Smells thread, you'll see that my friend told me it would take three months before the house would be ready. We agreed (or I thought we did) that she would let us know when it was ready. I didn't ask her about it because a) the holidays and b) her father was dying, under hospice care, etc.
Her father passed away last week and we went to the funeral. They had a sort of receiving line after the ceremony. She thanked us for coming, and then said, "Oh, BTW, we rented the house out to another person." WTF?!? At her father's funeral?! I mumbled something about "glad you found a tenant" and left.
Good, let that person live with the cat pee smell.
I HAD considered her a close friend but now I have no desire to speak to her anytime soon. Is it me, or is this just wack? (When I told my mother, she was shocked into silence).
I am confused about what makes you mad. Without actually reading those old threads,
I would have bet money that you had decided not to rent from her,
before this funeral, so it isnt that it was important to you to rent this place. Do you think she should have called you anyway? If so, are you SURE she knew you were interested in this house?
Are you expecting her to be overcome with grief and not be able to muster thoughts about anything other than her dead father? If so, that isnt realistic.
OP It seems to me that you are easily upset by the actions of others and you like getting mad at them.
That is ok, you do you, do what you enjoy. But this seems like a very odd thng to be mad at her about since you did NOT want this house. If you are getting mad at her on the behalf of her father,
I would say consider the excellent idea �� of boundaries. This isnt your circus nor your monkeys.
Perhaps she thought you weren't really interested because you didn't come back to her and tell her you wanted it. Maybe she saw your face when you toured it. I also don't quite get why you are mad. Did you want her to bug you about the house knowing you weren't really interested before renting to someone else?
...
OP It seems to me that you are easily upset by the actions of others and you like getting mad at them.
....
That's a good point--If it describes you, you're bound to find yourself in a near-constant state of simmering pique--which isn't good for you, your health, or the well-being of the people around you.
Goes back to Dave Ramsey's advice. Never do business with a friend.
Reminds me year ago of a friend who allowed another mutual friend to rent from her. Long story short, it did not work out and in a surprisingly short amount of time (mutual friend pretty much trashed the house and moved out without paying). Destroyed their friendship as well. If it weren't for that rental arrangement, I am sure they would have remained friends. My takeaway from seeing this situation was that sometimes the best thing one can do for their friendships is to not do business with friends.
My words to her exactly: I realize this is a busy time of year, and you are under stress with your family situation and with work. We’re not trying to rush you. But when you feel the house is ready to be shown, we would love it if you would call or email and let us know so we can have a second look.
I guess I'm an idiot because she never actually said she would call. She also said she had "no timetable" with getting new tenants in there.
I'm not the only person who thinks her behavior at the funeral was a bit odd. I did run it by some friends and they think it's weird too.
I do feel a simple one-line email: "Hey, the place is ready if you want to see it again"
would have been considerate and appropriate.
Perhaps she thought you weren't really interested because you didn't come back to her and tell her you wanted it. Maybe she saw your face when you toured it. I also don't quite get why you are mad. Did you want her to bug you about the house knowing you weren't really interested before renting to someone else?
No, I had not decided not to rent from her. We would have given the place a second look, giving it and her the benefit of the doubt that it would have been cleaned up. I think she was somewhat victimized by her former tenant, unfortunately.
She knew very well that we were interested.
I think you are making a lot of assumptions about me, iris lilies. And it seems to ME that you like criticizing just about every post I make. I don't know why. But maybe you should stop reading mine. And what the heck do boundaries have to do with any of this?
I am confused about what makes you mad. Without actually reading those old threads,
I would have bet money that you had decided not to rent from her,
before this funeral, so it isnt that it was important to you to rent this place. Do you think she should have called you anyway? If so, are you SURE she knew you were interested in this house?
Are you expecting her to be overcome with grief and not be able to muster thoughts about anything other than her dead father? If so, that isnt realistic.
OP It seems to me that you are easily upset by the actions of others and you like getting mad at them.
That is ok, you do you, do what you enjoy. But this seems like a very odd thng to be mad at her about since you did NOT want this house. If you are getting mad at her on the behalf of her father,
I would say consider the excellent idea �� of boundaries. This isnt your circus nor your monkeys.
iris lilies
2-26-18, 2:32pm
No, I had not decided not to rent from her. We would have given the place a second look, giving it and her the benefit of the doubt that it would have been cleaned up. I think she was somewhat victimized by her former tenant, unfortunately.
ok, you said “I doubt we will rent it” and followed that by several reasons why it is not the place for you, so
I assumed you would not rent it. Since your message to her indicated you might rent it, I agree that she should have flagged you the place was ready to inspect.
I am curious to know what exactly is the the behaviour that your friend exhibited at her father’s funeral that you and your friends find odd.
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