Happy ending to moving my MIL to assisted living

[herbgeek]

Today marks 3 weeks since my husband moved his mom into a local rest home.

The first weekend was so hard. She just sat in her room watching TV, refusing to acknowledge that anyone else was around her. She complained to my husband that she was in prison.

Yesterday he took her for a routine doctor visit. When they got back to the home, Mom is in charge. She first goes to the front desk and gives them the doctor paperwork, then she tells my husband she'll be back, she has to say hi to her friends. She went from staring at the TV in her room alone, to watching with others in the TV lounge. She's told my husband that he was right, she needed to do this. She even wants to go shopping for new clothes - this is a woman who was very reluctant to leave her house for any reason for a long time, now she wants to go out shopping.

All in 3 weeks. :)

[catherine]

Wow, that's awesome!

This is why having faith is so important to me--I'm not so much talking about religious faith, although that can be part of it. I'm just talking about faith that things will work out, and that we are so limited in our understanding in what's best for us that we're better off just going for the ride and accepting what is. When we lost our home to foreclosure I was devastated. I thought it was the worst thing that could have ever happened--leaving with my young family what I thought was going to be our "forever home." But it took only one week in New Jersey for me to see that we had actually found ourselves in a much more suitable place. We've been here very happily for 32 years.

I am so happy for you, your DH and especially your MIL. This is just the beginning. Next she'll be organizing sing-a-longs!

[iris lilies]

What a great thing, good!

[razz]

This story is repeated so often that I do get annoyed when I hear of all the gloom and doom and fear expressed about assisted living for those who need it. With a good and active advocate to monitor the situation, supportive care in a proper setting can be wonderful in addressing the fears of those coming to their limits of self-sufficiency. Thanks for the update.

[Tybee]

Fantastic news! I am so glad for your mil and for your whole family. It is an incredible relief, to know our loved ones are being well cared for, and best of all, that they have made a happy adjustment.

[rosarugosa]

That is wonderful news, Herbgeek!

[SteveinMN]

Nice to hear that things have turned out for the better...

[JaneV2.0]

I'm glad this worked out so well!
I agree with Catherine that faith is often rewarded.

[flowerseverywhere]

Wonderful. We have a relative who will soon turn 90 and is self isolating and refusing to leave her house. Sitting around alone makes you crabbier and lonelier, driving even people who would interact with you away.

[Sad Eyed Lady]

I ran into my niece by marriage the other day and she told me about taking her mother to look at an assisted living home. This woman will be turning 90 on her next birthday and lives alone in her house. She had 3 daughters, one is deceased already, one lives in another state about 1/2 the year, and that leaves the one I was talking with. She lives one town away from her mom but being in not so good health herself she is not able to do all the care giving that is needed. She said when she took her mom to visit the assisted living center she "threw a fit" and would not even look! It was a very nice facility with many helpful conveniences for her, but she was having none of it. And now, with the ending to Herbgeek's story, I think this might have been the way her experience would have gone if she had given it a chance. Thank you so much for sharing.

[Float On]

Wonderful! Sounds like they have some good staff and good residents who paid attention to her and got her engaged in living.

[herbgeek]

It was a very nice facility with many helpful conveniences for her, but she was having none of it.

My MIL neither. She's needed this for between 5-10 years, and every time hubby would bring it up, she would change the subject. It was only after being hospitalized 3 times in 7 weeks, and needing to be on oxygen, and strong encouragement from several of his other siblings, AND having panic attacks was this even an option to her. And even when she agreed on the home, she was in denial about the whole thing. On moving day, she hadn't even packed her toothbrush. My guess is she kept hoping this wasn't happening to her, and some magic would materialize to make moving unnecessary.

[Float On]

Until we are faced with going into such a place yourself, we can't possibly understand. We all know it's a one-way ticket this thing called life. But when we know we are at the next to last rail station. Ugh!

A former professor keeps us updated daily on the happenings of her "retirement center" nursing home in TX. Her husband was on the Alzheimer wing until he passed this last fall. She really lives her life fully and participates in everything. They have a great activities department. Her team won the most gold in their nightly olympics. She takes lots of photos and should write a book about how enjoyable these last years can be in a nursing home/assisted living/retirement center. Today she's going in the van to eat and shop. She was up late last night getting everyone's input on what she should eat at the restaurant.

[Teacher Terry]

I am so happy to hear how this turned out. When my friend with Alzheimer's went in I thought she would enjoy the home because she was always such a happy person, outgoing, organizing stuff with people to have fun, etc. Instead she spiraled into such a deep depression that within 6 weeks she did not know anyone and could not carry on any type of conversation. The doctor said no way did the disease cause that to happen so quickly. Her DH dying and her going into the home was too much for her. Thankfully her cancer came back and took her within 1 1/2 years. She had no choice of course with no family.

[Simplemind]

There seems to be such a fear about the loss of autonomy when in reality they gain it back. As hard as it was to move dad from the home he loved, it meant everything to us to see him perk back up in assisted living. He had been so lonely and it was good to interact with somebody other than his children. It was a nice place and we loved visiting him there. It was a golden time.

[saguaro]

My aunt, who turned 92 yesterday, voluntarily moved to a continuing care facility last summer after living alone for many years (condo) after my uncle died. She is still independent at this point and is living in an apartment however, she chose to move there not just because of her age and possible future care needs, but also she said "I have been alone too long. Time to be around other people". She goes to the dining room some days when she doesn't feel like cooking and she has a more of a social life compared to living alone in her condo. I think she did OK for a number of years after my uncle passed, she continued to travel with groups and do things with friends, however she decided she is not up to traveling internationally anymore and she has outlived a number of friends, her daughter, her brother and two sisters in law. This way she can socialize and she's putting the infrastructure in place should she need care down the line.

[BikingLady]

Oh what wonderful news! I am so glad to hear herbgeek. This made me smile after the usual problem filled talk with my dad at 3pm each day:(

[crunchycon]

This is really good to hear, as we just moved my mother to a retirement community this week. Right now, she’s really missing the house she lived in for the last thirty years.