I think I might be homesick??? [Archive]

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pinkytoe

3-31-18, 12:11am

So it is Spring from whence I moved a year and a half ago and here in the Rockies spring comes much later if at all. I dream about my sweet old house back in Texas, all the beautiful plants and trees that I put in as babies and left behind and I wonder if they are blooming and if their new owner is loving them as I did. I so miss the oak trees, spring and the wildflowers. Is this homesickness and what might be the cure when so far away from all the I have known??

razz

3-31-18, 8:15am

Sometimes, it helps to go back for a visit but it can also be a disappointment that tarnishes lovely memories. It is a letting go, savouring the present and anticipating the future that your are experiencing in the days and years ahead. Hugs to you as I have done this several times.

I can imagine that the difference in the two climates is dramatic. I talk to my sister and BIL in NC and they tell me of the flowers etc in bloom so far in advance of mine. Then, they might mention incidentally about the industrial air conditioners running 24/7 for months to keep them comfortable. I enjoy the beauty of winter and the four seasons so the cold/snow that they dislike is not an issue for me and the humid heat would not be my choice.
I did go back to see my first house that DH and I bought new in 1967 and it is so rundown now and undergoing repairs. The neighbourhood is still modest but I felt no attachment to it. Life is rich now.

Tybee

3-31-18, 8:23am

pinkytoe

3-31-18, 10:20am

I guess for now these thoughts are telling me that I am neither here nor there. Going back in a few weeks so we'll see...

ApatheticNoMore

3-31-18, 10:31am

Well maybe spring is more spectacular when it finally does come? Maybe with enough global warming it will come early enough ...

I don't know, I'm not really one who would handle a cold climate particularly well myself, but most places have advantages and disadvantages. It's likely the things you disliked will be even worse when you get back (expense, crowding etc.).

Tybee

3-31-18, 11:12am

I guess for now these thoughts are telling me that I am neither here nor there. Going back in a few weeks so we'll see...

That is a very wise idea, to go back and see.

Zoe Girl

3-31-18, 11:14am

I understand. I had a weather shock and a culture shock when I move to California for 7 years. The first year was the hardest, I could barely eat with the temperature so high! I had also moved to Colorado from Michigan as a teenager, it was so weird to have a snow storm randomly in April or May. But overall I liked it so much better.

I found that trying to find things I liked or were at least unique about where I was helped. So I went outside more in the evening because it stayed so warm and I couldn't do that in Colorado. I went to the city and took my kids to some museums that were new. When I started to make friends I found that they showed me what they loved about their home which helped me make it my home.

Where are you in the Rockies? I know that we will get spring! I did a lot of hiking last summer and there were such amazing wildflowers, small waterfalls, and ice on the lakes up high. However we do get snow very late as well. What I love is that in the middle of winter when you have had enough snow you will get a bright sunny day out of nowhere.

CathyA

3-31-18, 12:31pm

You might have to learn to appreciate different things, plants, animals.
Could you have a small greenhouse??

Oddball

3-31-18, 1:02pm

Pinkytoe, I have studied this topic a little, as a couple of years ago I went through a period of intense nostalgia, which is very closely related to homesickness.

Basically, homesickness and nostalgia happen when we have trouble accepting the present. We're either unable or unwilling to accept current reality. The reasons vary, but the solution is to accept where we are, who we are, the stage of life we're in, who our loved ones are, as they are, and so forth.

Zoe Girl's approach of trying new things and making new friends is probably the best cure because it helps you refocus on the here and now. People who are homesick or nostalgic are just distracted and need an anchor to pull them back into the present.

If you need a little jump-start, you might try Bach's Honeysuckle (http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/38/honeysuc.htm) flower tincture. For vagueness, feeling neither here nor there, maybe Clematis (http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/38/clematis.htm). Not everyone is sensitive to these, but if you are, one or more might get you over the hump. You might want to study the others to find the best match for you.

If the issue is just the new climate, you simply might not be well suited to it. People are like plants in that some do well in some settings and not at all in others. If that's the case, then the solution is often moving to more comfortable soil, so to speak.

Tybee

3-31-18, 1:11pm

I still get homesick for South Carolina. I loved it. My husband did not. It was either get a divorce or leave South Carolina. Ironically, I have come to love it up here where we moved. very different, but very lovely, and a great fit for us. That does not mean I don't still miss South Carolina, walking on the beach, spotting dolphins, smelling the honeysuckle, enjoying the people, and eating hushpuppies.

Shoot, now I am really bummed.

But until I can get some of my family to want to live near me somewhere, it's go to them, as we did coming up here.

and where we are now there are so many wonderful things. But I guess the Lowcountry will always feel like home, more so than where we are living now.

But if you go back and you want to go home, so what? You've had a grand adventure and accomplished much!

pinkytoe

3-31-18, 1:59pm

I am not actually in the Rockies but near. I can see Pike's Peak covered with snow from my kitchen window today. It is beyond gorgeous and takes my breath away every time I see it as if it's only a few miles away. I couldn't really go back "home" even if I decided to as we can no longer afford to live there and that is primarily why we left. I have been trying to put myself out there with volunteer work and classes but find that overall the people here are much more reserved. I am used to folks who chat in the checkout line or say Hi to you on a walk. Little things like that. Of course, it doesn't help that DD had to go and get pregnant with twins and is now 800 miles away:( So...we'll give it another year or so and try to soak up the differences while we're here. In any case, I remain fascinated by the concept of "home" and wish I understood it better.

catherine

3-31-18, 2:06pm

I've often thought I'd love to live in 4 different places, 3 months at a time and rotate, because I also see benefits in where I am, where I've been, and where I'm going. I feel lucky that I've been able to live in so many beautiful places it's hard for me to make up my mind! I was just coming home from volunteering at the Rutgers greenhouse, and stopped at Trader Joe's and was thinking "Now, WHERE is the Trader Joe's in Vermont?" Everything in NJ is so convenient and close by, but you have to deal with the traffic.

I'll have a farther commute to TJ from Grand Isle, but it will be lovely country roads with barely any traffic lights. There are pros and cons to both.

And being older, I wonder if it takes us longer to feel we really belong in a new place. I feel I belong in Milford, CT where I grew up, because I grew up there. I feel I belong in NJ because I raised my kids here. But am I too old to get to the point where I'll feel I feel a sense of belonging in VT? I don't know. I'm sure from the native Vermonters' POV, I'll NEVER belong--they are notorious snobs about requiring generations upon generations of relatives going back to Ethan Allen to consider yourself a "real" Vermonter.

I feel for you, pinkytoe. I know you made a huge upheaval in your life for this change. As Tybee said, no one is saying you can't go back if you find you are still pining for TX.