View Full Version : Coming of Age: Downsizing
I have lived in my neighborhood for 32+years. It's a very typical 70s "Brady Bunch" subdivision. My property abuts the school and the common park. My first friends here were women who enticed me to join them in the public sandbox not 50 yards from my yard.
Today on my closed FB group, one of my neighborhood acquaintances posted her dining room set for sale. I've known her for decades. Her son is music virtuoso. I'd watch her walk past my house on her daily exercise jaunt with another neighbor. Her husband was our part-time mailman.
Seeing her post her dining room set was a signal of the circle of life--I wondered, where is she going? Will she no longer need a table that seats 8 or 10? Where are her kids? Will she be going to THEIR house for Christmas now?
These random things jog my awareness that life is on the downswing for me, too. That's not a bad thing... it just is. When I was up in VT last weekend, I was well aware of the fact that once we move up there, our kids may not be ever-present to entertain us. They have their own lives. We need to continue our lives, whatever that may look like. I'm hoping that we find a community we can belong to, and now I'm starting to realize why the "55+ community" lifestyle appeals to people.
I look at my stuff. I don't have a lot. We have one of the smaller models that were constructed in the 70s. But I know that the day will come when I have to decide whether I should keep my farmhouse table, or whether it is too big for the place we wind up in. What do I do with my garden Zen deer-chaser? What do I do with my MIL's mahogany table or my mother's deacon's bench? I used to think my MIL was silly for thinking such things.
But here I am. Thinking such things.
Keep working through this mental and emotional terrain. Keep going. You are onto something...
When you gotta do something due to circumstances, you will do it. Think about and get used to the concepts as you are doing and then when the time comes, it will simply get done. I had to mull leaving my dream farm for a good while and let a gradual separation find its way into my thinking. When the time came for a decision, it worked out wonderfully.
I do believe that when one is wrenched away unexpectedly, the change can be traumatic but with mental preparation, it might still be a tug on the heartstrings but it is manageable, in my experience anyway.
Just a caution about the age-segregated communities - while one may find a community of like-minded individuals, I have heard reports of people leaving these communities. They would make friends and then too many of their new friends kept dying. They then got discouraged and moved to multi-generational communities which is what I did. Much larger senior diverse communities may be different.
I enjoy my peers in age and experience but really love mixing with the younger families and watching the littlest ones grow and find their way.
iris lilies
5-4-18, 7:54pm
I know exactly which pieces of furniture go with me and where, when I downsize.
the dishes, ugg, not so much. Can
I take two sets of dishes to my retirement condo? I dont think so. And only two means
I am getting ride of another couple of sets.
Actually, I constantly think of what I will get rid of. I find those thoughts happy ones. It is the idea of shedding stuff, and weight, that is attractive.
We are taking care of someones cat and the cat has claws. She needs a scratching post. But she scratches up one of the chairs from my mother. This week I thought “oh why does it matter, this cat is more important than that chair.”
But iris. Iris iris iris. Do I move iris to Hermann that is ugly? Do I move iris to Hermann that is pretty enough but unnamed? What if it is ugly and unnamed? Naw, those guys will not get moved, they are compost. So many iris decisions, so much iris stress,ugh. Next will be lily stress.
Catherine, your post made me think about my parent's house and furniture. I am trying to cope with getting rid of their dining room furniture, which I remember finding for them when I was eleven, and I saw a sale on dining room furniture at the "Dry Goods Store" and we went down and bought it. Score.
It was nothing remarkable but it was theirs, for years and years and years. Fifty years, actually.
My dad said the other day to my brother that he is ready to get rid of all of their clothes that are still in the house.
This task is falling to me. I can't bear to do it. It is actually too much for me. I think of folks I know who have waited a year to get rid of their loved ones clothes.
Two or three thoughts. If you can get of stuff now, more power to you. It will be a smaller universe of stuff for your children to suffer over.
On the other hand, I may have thirty years more. So why get rid of my table, my ability to seat eight?
We aren't defined by our stuff. I am trying to figure out what to take with me if and when we move again. I am trying to get rid of things now. I* am trying to keep things and use things that I find beautiful and meaningful.
If you downsize enough, you can live comfortably in the lake house.
I don't want to downsize that much and have been in too small houses for 10 years now. I want a few years at least of big family dinners again.
If my parents had moved at 80, all would have been well. So a good guess is we can live large another 18 years. By then, the grandchildren can have some of our stuff.
Getting rid of my parents stuff is too difficult for me right now. I will try to help, but I may not be able to do this yet.
I guess it's an ever changing calculus.
It's a process - this thing called getting older and entering another cycle of life. I keep trying to recall all my younger and working years and they are just absent from my brain now as if some other life. I realize now it isn't about a house or a place once you downsize or retire but about recreating or re-finding yourself and I am finding it is more difficult than I would have thought. What's the old expression - wherever you go, there you are. Just very difficult when you have been in one place for a long time and still have a bit of your heart in the place you knew best. I envy those who can afford two places so that you can still go back "home".
ToomuchStuff
5-5-18, 2:43am
What do you do with stuff, release it. The tools and trappings are good to pass on to those who need and will use them.
Catherine,
I remember that moment too when I realized that I'm no longer in the "accumulation" phase of life. Except for replacing clothing and shoes, I have everything I need: all the kitchen items, all the household furniture, all the house tools, etc. From now on it's only a "want" which would be things like different curtains, or a pretty garden pot, or similar.
It's definitely easier on the budget, but it's also a stark reminder that we're at the final quarter of our lives. I can understand that for some people the reluctance to downsize is associated with that reality.
Simplemind
5-5-18, 11:51am
When I was having the estate sale at my parents the dining room furniture, especially the table was when I lost it. The set was antique, beautiful, huge and imported from Europe. None of us had a house that could accommodate it. There were two large sideboards. One went with the table and the other was sold separately. The dining table was my mom's command central. It was almost a guarantee that when you stopped by she would be at the table either doing a crossword, playing solitaire or working on some kind of to do list. So many great family dinners, conversations and meetings had been held at that table. When it sold and they started to load it in the truck I was overcome. Tears sprang up and grief struck me out of nowhere. The new owners took pity on me, gave me a hug and told me of their home and family and how the table would be used. They were so sweet about it. I guess I felt that as long as that table was there a little bit of my mom was too. All our things going out the door was like erasing our lives. Necessary but oh so hard emotionally.
That whole process has profoundly changed how I looked at their things and now my own. I was never into the accumulation like my parents, I'm more into experience than things. Not only am I not really bringing much in but we have doubled down our efforts to cast an eye on everything and decide if we really need it in anticipation of downsizing later and the biggie......... never, EVER leaving our kids having to do the work we have had to do with our parents stuff the last five years. It stirred up so many emotions, very few of them were good.
When I was having the estate sale at my parents the dining room furniture, especially the table was when I lost it. The set was antique, beautiful, huge and imported from Europe. None of us had a house that could accommodate it. There were two large sideboards. One went with the table and the other was sold separately. The dining table was my mom's command central. It was almost a guarantee that when you stopped by she would be at the table either doing a crossword, playing solitaire or working on some kind of to do list. So many great family dinners, conversations and meetings had been held at that table. When it sold and they started to load it in the truck I was overcome. Tears sprang up and grief struck me out of nowhere. The new owners took pity on me, gave me a hug and told me of their home and family and how the table would be used. They were so sweet about it. I guess I felt that as long as that table was there a little bit of my mom was too. All our things going out the door was like erasing our lives. Necessary but oh so hard emotionally.
That whole process has profoundly changed how I looked at their things and now my own. I was never into the accumulation like my parents, I'm more into experience than things. Not only am I not really bringing much in but we have doubled down our efforts to cast an eye on everything and decide if we really need it in anticipation of downsizing later and the biggie......... never, EVER leaving our kids having to do the work we have had to do with our parents stuff the last five years. It stirred up so many emotions, very few of them were good.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Simplemind. I think it is wonderful if we can spare our own kids. I could see your mom at that table--you are right, it was my mom's command center too.
When my husband tried to sell my dad's truck I lost it. I started sobbing and he called the guy back and said I couldn't do it yet.
If my parents had gotten rid of their own stuff I wouldn't have batted an eye. But leaving it for me to take care of felt like a betrayal of their memory. I know logically that it wasn't but it felt like it. They seriously believed we would want everything they had down to a matchstick. So I know there was hurt when we all said no to just about everything. I was hoping after my mom died that my dad would help me clean the house out. It was then that I found he was the bigger pack rat of the "junk". Throwing things away that might have a purpose somewhere, somehow was just criminal to him. I prayed for a meteor to hit the place.
ApatheticNoMore
5-5-18, 3:44pm
ah well at the end of the day parents betray you in a dozen ways to sunday, and many probably worse than a messy house (that's nothing compared to if they left a mess of their finances afterall - I fully expect both).
Accept, accept, accept, for there is really no choice in the matter anyway.
And I assure you I don't pass down ANY problems my parents left me to the next generation. No worries there. :)
flowerseverywhere
5-5-18, 3:59pm
Just a caution about the age-segregated communities - while one may find a community of like-minded individuals, I have heard reports of people leaving these communities. They would make friends and then too many of their new friends kept dying. They then got discouraged and moved to multi-generational communities which is what I did. Much larger senior diverse communities may be different .
i live in a very large senior community after we left the snow belt and have been for for six years and I have never heard of anyone leaving for that reason. some people do leave if they are needed by their kids or grandkids if someone gets sick or gets divorced, but that is even rare. Here is the key, stay someplace before you buy. Rent or do a lifestyle visit. Do not listen to realtors tell you a pool will be erected here and a clubhouse will be erected there. If an amenity is not already there, it may never come to be.
Personally I love it here. Multiple pools, tennis and pickleball courts. Many bocce, cornhole and shuffleboard courts. Lots of clubhouses with exercise classes, card games, lectures, get togethers but you can also stay home and read a book. To each his or her own. we have many singles who find lots of companionship (not of the romantic kind). as in groups going out to eat, painting or creating greeting cards, theater, singing, dancing, quilting or forming bowling or bocce leagues. Many many people are involved tutoring in local schools, raising money for various causes, volunteering for the food bank and multiple other causes.
A town can have a senior center, gym, churches, libraries and craft groups where you Might be able to find the same stuff . It really depends on what you want out of retirement. Our house is one floor and you can get into the house through the garage in a wheelchair. We have a Roman shower that you can wheel a wheelchair in as well. Very handicap friendly.
We have very very much culled through our belongings and continue to do so. I will not leave my kids a mess of junk. They want little of it. I asked them.
Teacher Terry
5-5-18, 4:01pm
My Mom did not leave a mess for us kids. When she was 60 her and I took 2 years to get rid of stuff having many garage sales. They then moved into a 2 bedroom apartment. When my Dad died we got rid of his stuff. When my Mom knew she was dying she disposed of much of her stuff. We cleaned out the rest when she died. I am doing the same for my kids.
We have noticed a distinct pattern up where we live, where we are surrounded by Scandinavians. People live in their houses until their late 80's or 90's, then have a house sale and move into assisted living, or the kids close out the estate about a year after the parents have moved into assisted living. There is not much downsizing that I see here, and people also don't throw much away, so the sales are pretty epic.
We stopped at such two such sales today and everything was probably from the 50's to the 70's. The kids were all there (kids in their 50's and 60's) and cheerfully selling things and talking about their parents.
I wish my brothers and I could get along that well--there was lot of cheerful laughter, cookies, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren present.
Lots of farms and land, so like the pattern of my parents, although my mom cleared out much stuff by the age of 75 or 80. There is not a lifetime of accumulation in their house, and they were not hoarders.
Chicken lady
5-6-18, 7:58am
We went to my dd’s Senior show Friday night. They had these little paper fidget twisty things they had folded with the event, date, and location stamped on them (they were handed out ahead of time to advertise the event)
my mom picked one up. She looked at me and said “you know I have to have a souvenir. So that you can throw it away some day. But when you throw it away, you will think of me and remember how we were here together and how nice it was and how I had to have a silly souvenir.” And my mother in law started in on her lecture about how she is cleaning out so that we won’t have to deal with any of that sort of stuff when she is dead. And I just smiled. Because they are both right.
i will remember when I throw out my mom’s souvenir. And I will already be sad, so it will bring a happier moment to mind and be bittersweet. And once my mil is dead, I will be grateful to have to both think about her and have her affect my life as little as possible.
early morning
5-6-18, 9:22am
About two years ago, we cleared my mom's house to sell. While it was harrowing and exhausting, it was also very comforting. We did a LOT of laughing and remembering. And since we packed up a lot of her stuff to store and are still weeding through it to sell, we are still remembering and laughing. Please remember that people connect, share, and find comfort in different ways, and don't expect your kids will react the way you expect. I certainly did not feel that my parent's overstuffed house was a "betrayal". And if my own kids feel that way, that's their problem (in several ways; quite a bit of the stuff in my home IS theirs, lol..). I feel that my parents had the right, fully supported my the three of us kids, to live out their lives in whatever manner they wished. My father shuffled himself off this mortal coil 30 yrs ago; mom hung with us until she was 98. We never wanted, nor expected, them to change their wishes for our convenience. They were handy at repairs and used up many of the bits and bobs they had saved. They lived through the depression, and it molded them in many ways- saving things was important to them. If we had felt strongly about clearing out their home, we could have hired a company to do it for us. But I look at it as the last gift we could ever give them, and the last gift they had to give to us. I realize that not everyone feels this way, and that's fine. I understand that for some, the clear-out brings back bad, not cherished, memories. And I am sorry for that.
i will remember when I throw out my mom’s souvenir. And I will already be sad, so it will bring a happier moment to mind and be bittersweet. And once my mil is dead, I will be grateful to have to both think about her and have her affect my life as little as possible.
I never had to clear out a parent's home. As I've said before, my mother died with a sum total of one large contractor bag of clothes and one medium size box of "other"--necessary things as well as photos and other memorabilia.
As for MIL, BIL did a great job of clearing her stuff.
When my brothers and I cleared my mother's stuff out of her assisted living place, I chose her green rain slicker to keep for myself, and I still have it 20 years later. But I've kept several of those souvenirs--she sent me a copy of Catholic digest once because the cover story was on Anne Frank, who was a lifelong hero of mine. I also have a card with a $5 bill in it. She had no money, but she always sent what she could. And, as I mentioned, I still have some stuff I took way back when she had her stroke in 1978, like the old deacon's bench that she loved, and I have a matted and framed set of Jane Greenwood costume sketches that the Stratford CT Shakespeare Guild gave her when she was president. If she were King Tut, I'd have buried that with her because that was a great time in her life--one of the few years that she was probably happy and fairly self-actualized after a lifetime of living with alcoholism and lack.
So for me, some if it is about the memories of happy times, and some of it is about honoring her memory. She was cremated, and her ashes scattered in the Long Island Sound, so I don't have any other material way of paying homage.
I feel so lucky that I am embracing the downsizing and decluttering at this point in my life. Again, who knows what will happen tomorrow, but at least I am "trying" to get the *stuff* under control both for myself and the kids. Thanks for all the motivating comments.
iris lilies
5-6-18, 10:08am
My mother had moved a few times, jettisoning stuff, so by the time we cleaned out her final house there was very little that brought back memories to me. All of her stuff was so recently acquired, it meant nothing. Also, she often asked me if I wanted stuff she had, stuff from my childhood, before she rid herself of it. So that was good, a gradual declittering over the years with opportunity to take what I wanted.
From my point of view, I feel it sad that those things that Mom treasures or holds dear have no meaning to me. And those things that I would have liked to have got discarded along the way. She has a household presently that has been furnished for 30 plus years and she doesn't realize that both I and my sibling along with our children have our own furnished homes and no need for her things...
My Mom did not leave a mess for us kids. When she was 60 her and I took 2 years to get rid of stuff having many garage sales. They then moved into a 2 bedroom apartment. When my Dad died we got rid of his stuff. When my Mom knew she was dying she disposed of much of her stuff. We cleaned out the rest when she died. I am doing the same for my kids.
what a gift she gave you and you are passing on
I feel such guilt and burden over my parents' stuff. Probably because it's in my face everyday. I'm always saying when things calm down, we'll work on the stuff. but it never calms down and my mom has always been through too much mentally and physically to even talk about her stuff. I'd like to hit some of the collections even she is kind of done with, i.e.: Hummels. I told her since I was a kid I do not like them and I only want one, a little girl in a bright blue dress with blonde bobbed hair because it didn't look like a Hummel and I was sure I'd have a DD who looked like that Hummel. I treasure that Hummel (the head's fallen off too many times to count) and I will always keep it. I will see if my DD, who indeed looked like the Hummel, wants it when I'm gone. I hope I won't be hurt if she doesn't. I hope my mom is not hurt that I don't want the boxes of other Hummels. She wants me to keep them until they go up in value. When I leave here when they are gone it will be for a small apt. I will not have room for the Hummels, nor the desire to see if they increase in worth. So in the end, it probably just causes the least amt of trouble and pain to wait til she has passed to get rid of them. But multiply that by all of her other stuff and I will be buried by junk and things that have sentimental value just because they mattered to her when she dies. I don't know if I'll be able to purge thoroughly when I'm grieving.
I hope to die with my kids having chosen and taken want they want before I'm gone so all I leave them with is an envelope with the will and a dog.
iris lilies
5-8-18, 7:59am
The Hummels will never go up in value.
The Hummels will never go up in value.
Does she actually look at and see the Hummels? It sounds like you have clearly identified the one that has value and importance to you. Perhaps this is cold of me, but I would stick the one you love in a drawer and give the rest to the Goodwill now, as they have an auction site and their value can be bid on there, and the money go to help others in need, as well as delight some Hummel collector. I would tell her, if she asks, that I lent them to someone for safe keeping, another collector who could display them properly.
Perhaps this is cold of me, but I would stick the one you love in a drawer and give the rest to the Goodwill now, as they have an auction site and their value can be bid on there, and the money go to help others in need, as well as delight some Hummel collector.
That is great to know. Do have any idea how to track the value for tax deduction purposes?
That is great to know. Do have any idea how to track the value for tax deduction purposes?
My ex was big into Hummels. There are books out there (probably Web sites, too, now) that provide trustworthy evaluations of value for sales purposes. I would buy the book or print the Web pages for the Hummels you're donating and use that value (and documentation) for deduction purposes. You also could print out results of successful ebay auctions (or auctions at other sites). Craigslist is useless for documenting values since you don't know if the item sold (or sold at that price).
My ex was big into Hummels. There are books out there (probably Web sites, too, now) that provide trustworthy evaluations of value for sales purposes. I would buy the book or print the Web pages for the Hummels you're donating and use that value (and documentation) for deduction purposes. You also could print out results of successful ebay auctions (or auctions at other sites). Craigslist is useless for documenting values since you don't know if the item sold (or sold at that price).
this sounds like great advice--we don't itemize so I never bothered to take the tax deduction on Goodwill donations, except when my husband donated his car. They gave us a separate form for that, but I don't know what they do with the auction site.
flowerseverywhere
5-8-18, 10:50am
The Hummels will never go up in value.
So true. We have a painstakingly documented stamp collection that is worth far less than the face value of the stamps. Plus a box of coins someone saved in the family. Unless mint condition they are worth barely the face value. I know several people who watched their parents buy franklin mint type collectibles like plates and coins that are worth the price of raw materials. Way less than was spent for them. Take a look at the auctions ending soonest on eBay. Some Hummel can be had for less than $10 , and there are over 30,000 Hummel items listed, thousands of figurines. One of my sisters took a bunch of my moms stuff when she died and tried to sell it. Most of the China and silver “heirlooms” were virtually worthless.
Ask your kids now now if they want any of your stuff. Unless it’s cash or real estate the answer is likely to be no
The Hummels will never go up in value.
I don't know much about Hummels but I do know that if we were interested in making money off our Roseville pottery collection, we'd be sorely disappointed. There seemed to be a revival of interest in them in the 90's and retail prices spiked appreciably. Unfortunately, that's when we started collecting.
The sheer volume of pieces out there, plus the increasing number of counterfeits entering the market (I now think several of our pieces are counterfeit) make them a poor investment for anyone interested in more than their stunning designs and history.
Teacher Terry
5-8-18, 12:26pm
Young people do not want to collect anything. I gave my hummels to a Husky rescue to sell. They have a auction site where they sell donated items. They were happy to get them although I doubt much $ came from it. They gave me a receipt for the donation with leaving the value up to me.
We have a large collection of original Fiesta from the 30s and 40s. Really big 20+ years ago. I am thankful we sold a chunk at a specialty auction over 10 years ago and recouped some of our cost.
Thankfully we got out of stamps and coins before the market tanked decades ago. Learned a whole lot in the process regarding even highly rare and collectible items. Rule #1 - when the ordinary person thinks something is rare and "collectible" get out of the market. That includes when the discussion appears in the daily media. This rule should have been applied to housing "investments" that ordinary people thought they were making.
iris lilies
5-8-18, 12:29pm
My ex was big into Hummels. There are books out there (probably Web sites, too, now) that provide trustworthy evaluations of value for sales purposes. I would buy the book or print the Web pages for the Hummels you're donating and use that value (and documentation) for deduction purposes. You also could print out results of successful ebay auctions (or auctions at other sites). Craigslist is useless for documenting values since you don't know if the item sold (or sold at that price).
Disagree completely. Those books are notorious for listing unrealisiticly high prices. The library where I worked had all of those guides to collectibles. Their heyday was before the internet, now you can see how much the gs Ctually sell for on ebay.
Does she actually look at and see the Hummels? It sounds like you have clearly identified the one that has value and importance to you. Perhaps this is cold of me, but I would stick the one you love in a drawer and give the rest to the Goodwill now, as they have an auction site and their value can be bid on there, and the money go to help others in need, as well as delight some Hummel collector. I would tell her, if she asks, that I lent them to someone for safe keeping, another collector who could display them properly.
The Hummels are packed away except for mine. But if I got rid of them (no matter how worthy the cause) without her involvement, she would be devastated. To get rid of them while she is alive means a painstaking discussion and debate over every freaking hummel only to have her probably keep them in the end. So the easiest is to wait until she is gone. But I hope I won't be sentimental and want to keep them. I really don't like them so I hope I can easily pass them on. To her they have a story, she bought each one when my dad was stationed in Germany in the 60s. she saved and saved for each one and has a little story about why she picked that particular one.
She agreed to read The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning but that was two weeks ago and it's going to be due back at the library. The reality it she doesn't care that she is leaving me with A) all her sentimental stuff and B) all her papers and crap.
The Hummels are packed away except for mine. But if I got rid of them (no matter how worthy the cause) without her involvement, she would be devastated. To get rid of them while she is alive means a painstaking discussion and debate over every freaking hummel only to have her probably keep them in the end. So the easiest is to wait until she is gone. But I hope I won't be sentimental and want to keep them. I really don't like them so I hope I can easily pass them on. To her they have a story, she bought each one when my dad was stationed in Germany in the 60s. she saved and saved for each one and has a little story about why she picked that particular one.
She agreed to read The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning but that was two weeks ago and it's going to be due back at the library. The reality it she doesn't care that she is leaving me with A) all her sentimental stuff and B) all her papers and crap.
Sounds like Teacher Terry is right, and it would be much easier to do this after she has passed.
We have same issue right now with my parents house and all of their things. It feels premature to get rid of anything, yet here we are, and it will all need to be done, and we are a thousand miles away and heading out there this weekend. Not sure what they want, and I don't want to devote next two years of my life to their stuff.
the funny thing is my parents tell everyone how they downsized because they got rid of two double wide dumpsters worth of stuff. But they bought a house with the same square feet and then added two unnecessary rooms to the basement and bought furniture for them. They upsized! The house is a blessing because of the handicapped features, it would've been a nightmare trying to care for them in the old house and we would've had to re-model while they were ill. But I have to laugh every time they tell people how they have down sized.
Disagree completely. Those books are notorious for listing unrealisiticly high prices.
*shrug* Of course, current auctions and sales are much better guides. But this was 25-30 years ago. Not many of those to be found then. (Anybody remember when ebay was called AuctionWeb?).
It sure beat valuing the piece for what something kinda like it was listed for (and collecting dust) at Annie's Antiques Amporium in the fru-fru town nearby where people go antiquing. If nothing else, it identified which pieces are a dime a dozen and which truly were limited and, therefore, of some marginally greater value.
You've all convinced me! I'm going to give away all my stuff, sit in my empty, newly minimalist house, and wait to die. Do I have permission to keep my PC, and maybe a Kindle? I certainly wouldn't want to inconvenience my heirs...:devil:
Teacher Terry
5-8-18, 7:45pm
Too funny Jane:))
I don't think you have kids so that makes a difference. I am finding a leaner look more pleasing and quicker to clean. My house is not minimalist but not cluttered anymore which I am enjoying. Now days you can just call in a company to do all the work if you want.
A big part in this societal shift is smaller families. My grandparents had 6-8 kids, and their kids had 3-5 kids. And some grandkids were married and starting families too, by the time my grandparents were in their 80s and having family auctions. There were almost 100 people there - all descendants. It was no problem selling the stuff to the descendants. It was sold in friendly bidding wars, and then in the end little money changed hands because my grandparents did some math to figure out how to distribute cash from sales to those who bought less. So everyone went home with about the same amount, either in cash or in stuff.
Now there are 1-3 kids per family and there’s not enough houses to absorb all the inheritances.
And it was also that there was much less stuff. People could own one coat, one bicycle per family, etc. There were no closets full of junk. Furniture lasted a a lifetime. Or maybe I lived in a different society? We generally shopped once a year and it was for school clothes. We wore things until they wore out. We had one car forever (remember the floor rusted out.).
Teacher Terry
5-9-18, 1:00pm
Yes that is how I was raised and how I raised my kids. A truck we owned when young had a hole on the floor from rust. I put a rug over it so dirt would not blow up on us:D. In the Midwest rust would always happen before a car was worn out.
Of all the things in my house I worry about my daughters having to see or deal with, my collections aren't among them. :|(:devil:
My grandmother passed away when I was 6, 44 years ago. I didn't know it at the time but apparently she had gone around her house and put stickers on the bottoms of a few things that she thought one of her eight children wanted. After she died the plan was to have a garage sale and then split the money 8 ways. One of my aunts was notoriously cheap so instead of just buying things at the sale that she wanted (like my mom did) she kept insisting that "mommy wanted me to have that!" and probably took home a whole car full of depression glass and other worthless crap. I certainly didn't feel that way when my parents died. I wanted the gorgeous cedar chest, my mom's hope chest, a few pieces of embroidery and lace that ancient relatives made and the adorable picture of my dad and his brother and sister when they were pre-teens in the early 30's, grimacing because they'd just been woken up from their nap because that's when the photographer had shown up at their house. Thankfully my mother was never a collector. It was super easy to just let goodwill take everything else.
We are in the process of downsizing my MIL from a 3 bedroom cape to a one bedroom apartment in a 55+ Community. We have had to help her get rid of a lot of stuff and still there is much to be sorted and gotten rid of as we move her into her new place over the next week or so.
Personally we downsized last year and are still in the process of fine tuning our possessions. I still feel as though we live in a space that is more than we need but the location is ideal and we love our new neighborhood. We are in a mobile home that is 1018 sq ft. I could have easily gone down to 700 sq ft but we couldn't beat the view from this one and decided to live with the extra space.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.