View Full Version : DNA Testing & Surprise Sibling
Teacher Terry
5-14-18, 2:08pm
Anyone else take a DNA test from ancestry or 23 and me and find out you have a half sibling? I am 63 and totally shocked. When my Dad went off to WW II he was casually dating my Mom and she dated others while he was away. They married when he got home. While in England he conceived a child. We have no clue if he ever knew about the child. I have a half sister. She contacted me as she is doing the family tree. She said her Mom mentioned it once and said she was in love with my Dad. She seems very nice. I sent her photos and the family history that I have.
iris lilies
5-14-18, 2:18pm
Whoah, that is youuuuuuuge! Now that requires a trip to the U.K. Does she live anyplace interesting?
Teacher Terry
5-14-18, 2:29pm
WE like to go to Europe so was thinking about visiting when there. However, she moved to Australia 3 years ago to a small town in bush country. My sister could care less and not sure how my brother feels.
I was adopted. I am torn with the DNA stuff out there. I am 53, and have always known I was adopted. My brother ( not bio) located his birth family, and it was not a positive thing. I tried to get a copy of my original birth certificate, and was unable. I'm not sure how much more I am willing to push????
A half-sister? Pretty exciting. Sad story, though.
Maybe meet halfway in Hawaii?
Teacher Terry
5-14-18, 3:49pm
Jane, not that sad because if he had married her neither I or the rest of my kids, sibs would be here:))
My cousin was adopted and always wanted to know more about her father. Her birth mother has always been known to her. Her adopted mother was my dad's sister, and the birth mom was a cousin of theirs. The birth mom would never fess up to who the father was, or she wasn't sure.
Anyway, along came 23 & me....she found her father (deceased) and all his large family who live a Midwestern state. They were shocked and didn't know she existed. But they've welcomed her with open arms and are having a reunion next month.
This is new to me. I had heard of Ancestry.com but never before '23&me'. What is the story on this site?
Teacher Terry
5-14-18, 6:26pm
Same type of site.
That's an incredible discovery!
That gives me hope I may be able to track down a few missing nieces and nephews!
My husband helped a first cousin who was adopted out (family had too many kids) find his full bio siblings. Both sides knew others existed but needed the DNA to do the tracking. They had a lovely reunion and now the adoptee has a whole family of siblings, nieces, nephews and all kinds of others. All the parents in this situation and deceased and the kids are in their 60s.
rosarugosa
5-14-18, 8:35pm
Interesting! My Dad was a captain in the Merchant Marines. He married Mom when he was 28, but she had told me long ago that he had some liaisons overseas before they were married . . .
ToomuchStuff
5-15-18, 2:01am
I know of a few instances where DNA testing would be more of a curse then blessing. Also heard wondering about how many war time born people (pre baby boomers), were really due to some messing around while those were off to war. (the common ramblings were the postal carriers, milk men and ice delivery service)
There are things we know about DNA, and there are things I think we are still studying/learning. I have my own fears about certain medical traits as well as if a tendency of criminal acts has a genetic as well as environment basis.
It is out of the bag now. There will be few if any secrets in the future.
iris lilies
5-15-18, 8:21am
Meanwhile, we have been trying for years now to connect with Scottish relatives via gene testing and cannot. I suppose they are all wise enough to keep their genes out of the test pool because they know hoards of Americans, New Zealsnders, Aussies, snd Canadians will come at them when identified as family.
On the TV show "Long Lost Family" there are quite a few of these DNA-related matches. Historical records can sometimes only give a few clues, but DNA registries like ancestry.com or 23&me can confirm.
One show featured a young woman whose (estranged) bio mom said she did not know who her daughter's father was. The show compared the young woman's DNA on ancestry.com and came up with a match for a bio dad. Turns out bio dad had recently registered with ancestry and submitted his DNA almost as a lark. He also had no idea he had fathered a child as a teenager. They were happy to find each other, so in that case everything worked out.
I could see where these "reunions" could be fraught with all kinds of issues.
Sad Eyed Lady
5-15-18, 10:20am
I have done the DNA but so far no surprises for me, but my cousin in MN found she had a 1/2 sister through the test. My cousin in white (her mom was Finnish), and the 1/2 sister turns out to be black. Or, actually 1/2 black and 1/2 Finnish. The thing is, despite the race difference, they look soooo much alike and both look like their mom. My cousin said her mom told her not long before she died that she had had a baby when she was 15 years old and was given her up for adoption. She also told her the baby's father was a black man. So my cousin was not totally shocked. But the neat thing is, the discovered sister had only known her adoptive family and was elated to then finally know some biological family and find out who her mom was. She had no info whatsoever. They have met, keep in touch etc. So in their case it was a good thing. I don't think the stories for some will always be happy ever after however.
freshstart
5-15-18, 11:02am
I had no idea those kits could tell you such details, wow.
goldensmom
5-15-18, 12:54pm
I also didn’t know DNA tests could find heretofore unknown siblings. I wouldn’t mind finding a long lost sibling but my parents were married at 16 and were married for 58 years until my father’s death at age 74. Most likely a sibling would come from my father being unfaithful to my mother and I would not be too good with that.
goldensmom: My parents were married for 61 years. After my mom's death, we found out Dad was her third husband. Yes, third. Total surprise to all the kids. She was only step mom to one child who is now 74 and we found him and he remembered my mom. Have a picture of first husband and both divorce decrees.
Apparently the 1940s were pretty wild.
Teacher Terry
5-15-18, 4:34pm
Bae, I hope you find some relatives! We have been emailing every night back and forth. It is fun. I am giving her all the information I have on my DAd's side of the family since she is doing the family tree and then she will share what she finds out with me.
goldensmom
5-16-18, 6:06am
goldensmom: My parents were married for 61 years. After my mom's death, we found out Dad was her third husband. Yes, third. Total surprise to all the kids. She was only step mom to one child who is now 74 and we found him and he remembered my mom. Have a picture of first husband and both divorce decrees.
Apparently the 1940s were pretty wild.
Wow, that is quite a secret to keep for so many years but she must have had a good reason for keeping it from you. Knowing them our whole lives, it’s hard to believe that we do not know everything there is to know about our parents, especially big things like previous marriages.
She married a "good catch" whose family was rabidly Catholic from a long time military officer family. Imagine a college educated only son marrying a twice divorced woman in the 1940s. His parents were horrified (and we did not even know about the divorces). Everyone kept that secret.
We think they moved to Alaska and stayed there to get away from family. Mom was from a very poor family who moved from the depression era Missouri to Arizona. Regardless of the marriages, she did very well in work and had a huge sum saved when she married. As I said, the 1940s were crazy. The family all wish there were not so many secrets since we all thought we could have learned from her life and experiences.
We all wonder what other secrets were kept by my parents.
Does the company get your permission to let others know that you are probably related?
Teacher Terry
5-16-18, 5:57pm
23 and me does but ancestry does not. It is probably in their fine print when you sign up.
You have a choice of keeping your Ancestory DNA private but you are not going to be allowed to get matches. One way disclosure is not allowed. You can always ignore any requests for contact.
Teacher Terry
10-20-20, 12:03am
I went to bump this thread for Razz and realized I never told the ending. By July, 2018 after I sent her a bunch of pictures and gave her all the information to finish her ancestry that she had worked on for years she dumped me. Although she lived in Australia and was English she loved Trump and I told her I didn’t but my husband is Republican as are a few good friends. She insisted on communicating through messenger on Facebook versus email. She also became friends with my cousin. We never discussed politics but my cousin posts a lot. She unfriended my cousin and I saying that my cousin was unstable and she was also done with me. I was hurt and felt used. My 2 siblings refused to communicate with her and I guess were smarter than me.
Really sorry that it turned out this way for you, TT. Sad when you make the effort to help another and it is so disappointing. At least you have the comfort of knowing that the facts you shared are accurate.
I had forgotten this thread with multiple posts of discoveries so appreciate hearing "the rest of the story".
That's too bad, Terry. I never understand people who take advantage then turn on the giver. Thanks for sharing that.
iris lilies
10-20-20, 8:28am
TT you did talk about your Aussie sister and how she dropped you over politics. That is silly.
Teacher Terry
10-20-20, 9:38am
It’s been over 2 years so over it now. She had a rough childhood abused by her mom and one of her 3 kids doesn’t speak to her and one is dead. I decided if she changed her mind in the future I didn’t want any part of it.
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