View Full Version : Self-confidence in a shaming culture
The Fat Acceptance/Pride thread had several responses suggesting that shaming isn’t an issue for people with self-confidence. So I’ve been wondering: how does a person develop self-confidence when they’re put down at every turn?
People with healthy self-esteem can be, often are, reduced to tatters when living or working in abusive situations. Intelligent, attractive, successful women end up in battered women’s shelters after months or years with somebody who shamed them at every turn and makes them believe that the abuse is all their own fault.
How does a plump person develop self esteem if their entire culture shames them at every turn? If nothing they do is ever good enough - that math award/Emmy/Job promotion is invisible in comparison to their weight? If they’re sneered at for starting a gym programme? Get the eye-roll and martyred sigh if they skip a gym day when they’re not feeling well? Verbally abused by strangers if they go running or swimming? If their achievements are put down - so what if you lost 20lb, you need to take off 50 more? Subjected to constant negative prophecy?
This is hard to cope with whatever the cause. Wrong nationality, wrong height, wrong language, etc. I think lack of confidence starts in childhood for most people. They then don't set a standard of respect that will protect themselves when in abusive situations - marital, work, and so on.
I believe that it is the child that was never taught how to cope with unkindness of whatever severity and sort, to neutralize the message attacking their emerging beliefs about themselves.
I found that when I did some mental housecleaning a few years ago, negative memories of the past came to thought. I examined them and slowly taught myself what to do to counteract the messages with positive assertions of strength, worth, and constant counting of the blessings in each day - the sun, water in the tap, beauty of nature, smile of the kind stranger walking by, and honour each precious gift of thoughtfulness of family and friends responding in kind.
Change the message you are hearing, discard the negative and replace with good. You have the power and wherewithal to do so.
I was one of the ones in the other thread that advocated a "refuse to be shamed" approach, but it has taken me 66 years to get here. I think when kids are shamed, it's a whole different thing. Those wounds can last forever.
I remember when I was in 5th or 6th grade my friend and I each created a "slam book"--it was a print version of social media. We made booklets with the name of each person in the class on a different page, and then we passed the books around and had people write what they thought about that person on the pages. (Right away.. terrible idea.). So when our books came back to us, I asked my friend if I could see her book, and on my page in her book, some of my classmates had written "Nice kid, but her clothes are wrinkled and dirty."). My mother was dealing with my alcoholic father at that time and wasn't keeping up some of the family needs at that time.
I still remember how I felt. And the comment wasn't even cruelly stated--it was just an observation. They could have called me a slob.
It's every parent's job to teach kindness and compassion to their children, and also to teach their children the skills that razz mentioned. I also think the more one teaches their children exclusivity (my neighborhood is nicer, my country is better, my religion is superior) the more likely compassion will be limited to one's own inner circle.
SteveinMN
6-26-18, 11:12am
The Fat Acceptance/Pride thread had several responses suggesting that shaming isn’t an issue for people with self-confidence. So I’ve been wondering: how does a person develop self-confidence when they’re put down at every turn?
"Put down at every turn"? So there's absolutely nothing that the person does well or at which they are even examplary?
As a kid, I was always overweight and underactive (genes and severe asthma). My family also moved around a lot. A lot. Add in a high level of introversion and I didn't have tons of friends but I had some. And I was smart and funny (even back then). And my parents always held us kids up and supported us. Maybe I wasn't the middle-school athletic star or the guy the girls in high school swooned over. But I got excellent grades and won academic awards and spoke in complete sentences and had my school buddies.
I won't claim for a moment that, for example, being called "Porky" as a kid didn't bother me. I will never say "I had a great childhood". But the shaming was never enough to make me depressed or to make me think about abusing drugs or alcohol or killing myself. And then a weird thing happened: most of us grew up. The guy who didn't date once in high school turned out to be an attractive potential mate, not because I had grown so much taller or lost so much weight or even ditched the eyeglasses, but because I was emotionally and financially stable and I was truly interested in women who didn't look like Heidi Klum.
I would suggest that all of us have some thing(s) we do really well; something for which others look to us, whether it's the ability to physically care for others or to figure out complex equations or to ride a mountain bike or to have an encyclopedic knowledge of movies or books. That's where the confidence comes from. If negative body images are enough to put someone down all the time, they should take a more complete inventory.
catherine
6-26-18, 11:34am
I would suggest that all of us have some thing(s) we do really well; something for which others look to us, whether it's the ability to physically care for others or to figure out complex equations or to ride a mountain bike or to have an encyclopedic knowledge of movies or books. That's where the confidence comes from. If negative body images are enough to put someone down all the time, they should take a more complete inventory.
+1
And if that person is a kid, the parent should help him/her identify and nurture those confidence-building things.
iris lilies
6-26-18, 11:37am
On the topic of “shaming” I will take a little side trip on this thread.
On Nextdoor, the social media platform for neighborhoods, we have accusations of “shaming.” I think most of the accusations are stupid and whiney pants. Here are recent incidents:
1) Neighbor posts video of a couple taking trash out of a dumpster and strewing it all over. They are dumpster diving but are not following diving etiquette which is to keep the area around the dumpster tidy. The posting neighbor says “does anyone recognize this couple? “ Accusations of shaming ensue because this couple is, apparently, known in the area and are street people. They are poor! Stop shaming them!
Fortunately, they are white people so we are spared a race lecture.
2) Neighbor posts photo of man walking dog off leash. She asks if anyone recognizes the man because dog is several feet ahead of him. She claims man “looked at her funny” and she was a bit intimidated. Her own dog is dog aggressive and she doesnt want unleashed dogs running up to him.
Big Giant Drama ensues on Nextdoor because man is well known in the neighborhood. She should know that his dog has never been a problem! He is not threatening at all! He (well, actually his partner) has a license for therapy dog that can run off leash! She should know all of this and it is shaming him! And then, the subjects of the post chime in because they are big Drama Queens themselves.
Long thread ensues about public shaming and dogs off leash. The thread was deleted after a few days.
In my view, this woman was making a request for information, reporting a possible neighborhood problem.The Queens could have come on Nextdoor and said “hey, that is us. Our dog is therapy dog foe X and we have registered dog as such. jave a nice day!” But drama and name calling is preferred.
3) Numerous posts showing video, taken by home security systems, of men stealing packages feom feont porches. While most of these posts do. Ot eran the “shaming” accusation, surprisingly, a few do. It is beyond my co prehension why anyone thnks thieves should be peotected from a simple image on social media board.
edited to add: this is just a thinly disguised vent about
nextdoor, in case you couldnt tell. :)
Chicken lady
6-26-18, 11:44am
Some of us have trouble with that inventory. Some of us need a lot more positive messaging than others. Some for whatever reason have a negative tape in their heads that grabs on to any reinforcement and rejects contradiction. For those people the put downs are simply confirmation of the truth. Telling them to refute themwith positive self assertions is like telling a deaf person to blank something out by focusing on music. The music may be there, but not to them.
My book of meditations suggested one day that I list the things “I am really good at.” That page is still blank.
iris lilies
6-26-18, 11:47am
Some of us have trouble with that inventory. Some of us need a lot more positive messaging than others. Some for whatever reason have a negative tape in their heads that grabs on to any reinforcement and rejects contradiction. For those people the put downs are simply confirmation of the truth. Telling them to refute themwith positive self assertions is like telling a deaf person to blank something out by focusing on music. The music may be there, but not to them.
My book of meditations suggested one day that I list the things “I am really good at.” That page is still blank.
I wish there was a drug, with no or minimal side effects, that quieted that negative voice.
I have a little bit of the negative voice but that is for things in my life that are “real.” The negative voice speaks up at least once daily, but not for long, it isnt loud, and it is usually “right.” It acts to keep me on track.
For iinstance, I am a terrible dog mom says the voice. i say nonsense, I am quite a decent dog mom BUT I have a problem keeping nails down and faces/tails clean. In fact, I have such a phobia of being a bad dog-mom-who-doesnt-care-for-nails that I sent DH to the vet today with our big bulldog to have his nails trimmed. My imagined shame of being in the vets’s office with super long nails was too much. So we solve that with DH who has no shame around this issue.
Our other bulldog is a retired show dog and she is very patient when we do her nails, and also, they grow and a third of the rate of our big bulldog’s nails. She is easy to trim nails at home.
sweetana3
6-26-18, 11:47am
IL, I think you live in my neighborhood. Have had exactly the same posts on Nextdoor here. #3 really hit the fan. One person complained that the image wasn't perfectly clear and assumptions could be made regarding race. A whole thread ensued.
I wonder if "Big Giant Drama" happens mostly in gentrified neighborhoods? We were much more approachable and calm 15 years ago. Back then and in the 80s people here were still dealing with prostitution, drugs, and gangs around here. Now it seems to be parking, noise, packages, bike theft, and the possible homeless.
My rant for them is people please stop leaving valuables visible in a car. I am sure that today or tomorrow there will be another post about a theft from a car on Nextdoor.
I wouldn't be caught dead on Next Door, for the reasons you cited and more. The older I get, the more I avoid what my grandmother would call the Vulgar Public.
I was fortunate to have avoided bullying and shaming growing up, but I feel very sorry for those who didn't. Not everybody can miraculously grow a thicker skin, as the incidence of child suicide illustrates.
ApatheticNoMore
6-26-18, 11:57am
Certainly I don't know how one develops self-confidence when they've never had it. I think back across my entire childhood and can't remember my parents praising/complimenting/saying something nice about me a single time in the entire time (maybe one instance will come to me). That might have something to do with it (I remember the occasional praise from grandparents or teachers). It's not that my parents always criticized me either, but that I can at least recall some incidents (theirs and grandparents, teachers, etc.) and I lived in fear of their judgement.
Add to that they didn't have confidence themselves. And then add to that the occasional remark in anger "having kids worst mistake I ever made!" and ... I really did thinking having kids must have "ruined their lives". Add to that other struggles with peers growing up. So ... I don't know how one has confidence.
But I do know one should try to learn to FAKE confidence (wish that I was better at faking confidence at job interviews, things would be better, got to try to get better at this I guess), learn to act as if they are confidence, learn to perform it well enough to play the part. Because even though it might be ridiculous, we will live in a world that respects raw confidence (more than ability sometimes? well who is President again?!)
I have heard it said that helping others might increase one's confidence.
dado potato
6-26-18, 1:01pm
Recently I read in George Lakoff's book, Moral Politics, about the lingering impacts of American children being reared in a style that is authoritarian-parent-ruled versus nurturant-parent-nurtured. It got me thinking about the shaming, and how it can manifest in violence among young males.
Now I am kind of an old croc, so I am basically contented, and I just want to become an old, old croc. But I am sure there are resources aimed at a younger demographic which can be used to increase confidence. Your mileage will vary... One resource is a 6-week Coursera on-line course, "Positive Psychology", through the University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill, I will link to below. The presenter is Barbara L. Frederickson, who earned her Ph.D at Stanford. You can read the syllabus and decide if it interests you. Course starts up again July 2.
http://www.coursera.org/learn/positive-psychology
I expect the dog-eat-dog, win at all costs, uber-competitive nature of US society plays a role, contributing as it surely does to the idea that only the strong deserve to survive.
I wouldn't be caught dead on Next Door, for the reasons you cited and more. The older I get, the more I avoid what my grandmother would call the Vulgar Public.
I ditched Nextdoor in a hurry. Too much drama from all the Gladys Kravitz (http://bewitched.wikia.com/wiki/Gladys_Kravitz)es who posted ("I don't care if they're old and living on a fixed income/are trying to pay their mortgage by working three jobs/rent the place from a slumlord. Their sidewalk needs to be shoveled down to the pavement within 24 hours!"). I also ditched the neighborhood Facebook group, for the same reason. Too many people deciding that their deviation from the neighborhood norm was okay but anyone else's was a sign of moral failure or poor breeding. >8)
I ditched Nextdoor in a hurry. Too much drama from all the Gladys Kravitz (http://bewitched.wikia.com/wiki/Gladys_Kravitz)es who posted ("I don't care if they're old and living on a fixed income/are trying to pay their mortgage by working three jobs/rent the place from a slumlord. Their sidewalk needs to be shoveled down to the pavement within 24 hours!"). I also ditched the neighborhood Facebook group, for the same reason. Too many people deciding that their deviation from the neighborhood norm was okay but anyone else's was a sign of moral failure or poor breeding. >8)
You summed it up beautifully: busybodies with a bullhorn. Don't need it in my life.
And here I thought my NJ neighborhood was the only one with a bunch of people with nothing better to do than b*tch about everything. The public works department broke my mailbox / OMG someone rang my doorbell and want to sell me solar power! / so-and-so didn't shovel their walkway / I saw a suspicious person walking down the street!
I didn't realize how many old cranks I was living among.
I'm blissfully unaware; they're probably all kvetching about my weedy yard. Don't care.
iris lilies
6-26-18, 4:04pm
Those of you in lily white ‘Burbs of low crime can sit back and make fun of proactive people who pay attention to their surroundings like those here in Murder Cityand who report anomolies, go ahead! I would prefer that you not move to my neighborhood, we need active people here. :cool::thankyou:
oh and
Jane, my neighborhood is debating bringing lawsuit against my next door neighbor for the sorry stste of his house. years of neglect on his property, including weeds.
I have had actual conversations with him a few times about this, so it isnt as though we havent brought it to his attention. i am sick and tired of his neglect. He has the money, the skills, and the time to fix up his house.
I wouldn't mind a Hair on Fire version of NextDoor, I guess. People could raise the alarm about active shooters or flash floods (not that there's much risk of either), but please spare me people complaining about someone's unruly dog or unfashionable paint job.
i make it a point to whack my weeds often enough to keep the pitchfork and torches gang at bay. That's why Summer isn't my favorite season.
Got out of NextDoor too. What a batch of negativity. Didn't need it. I was hopeful when I joined because I was new to the neighborhood, but when I unsubscribed, I genuinely felt a relief.
Those of you in lily white ‘Burbs of low crime can sit back and make fun of proactive people who pay attention to their surroundings like those here in Murder Cityand who report anomolies, go ahead! I would prefer that you not move to my neighborhood, we need active people here. :cool::thankyou:
I'll match my "in the 'hood" for yours. We are within the city limits of Saint Paul (not by a little) and the housing here costs nowhere near what it does in the "demand" neighborhoods. Most of the crime is petty stuff but there still are dangers such that I would not want to be on the streets of this neighborhood at 11:30 or later unless I had to be.
I still have no use for people kvetching on-line about snow removal deadlines or whether someone has a lot of boxes visible through the windows of their three-season porch. Want to do something positive? Roll your snowblower (or send your kids) over to where the people with three jobs live and just clear their sidewalk for them for once. The landlord who can't be bothered to clean up his/her property? There's a much better place to complain and get action than social media sites. Hate that Neighbor Jones doesn't bring his recycling bin in for a couple of days after collection? Pick it up once in a while and put it by his house. It obviously does not bother him.
There's nothing wrong with neighborhood vigilance. There's nothing wrong with wanting a neighborhood to look good (or cleaner or more kept up). But b!tching about it on sites like Nextdoor really only makes a self-selected group of people with free time feel better and concentrate on petty details. The old folks and the persons working rotating shifts and the slumlords -- they're not reading that forum.
iris lilies
6-26-18, 7:32pm
I'll match my "in the 'hood" for yours. We are within the city limits of Saint Paul (not by a little) and the housing here costs nowhere near what it does in the "demand" neighborhoods. Most of the crime is petty stuff but there still are dangers such that I would not want to be on the streets of this neighborhood at 11:30 or later unless I had to be.
I still have no use for people kvetching on-line about snow removal deadlines or whether someone has a lot of boxes visible through the windows of their three-season porch. Want to do something positive? Roll your snowblower (or send your kids) over to where the people with three jobs live and just clear their sidewalk for them for once. The landlord who can't be bothered to clean up his/her property? There's a much better place to complain and get action than social media sites. Hate that Neighbor Jones doesn't bring his recycling bin in for a couple of days after collection? Pick it up once in a while and put it by his house. It obviously does not bother him.
There's nothing wrong with neighborhood vigilance. There's nothing wrong with wanting a neighborhood to look good (or cleaner or more kept up). But b!tching about it on sites like Nextdoor really only makes a self-selected group of people with free time feel better and concentrate on petty details. The old folks and the persons working rotating shifts and the slumlords -- they're not reading that forum.
Well, I agree if is it just bitching, just online “activism” because that is mostly useless.
But sometimes it is a person actually thinkng he will “educate” others by posting behaviors on Nextdoor.
Today a neighbor behind us complained that more and more neighbors are parking in our alleys, forcing him to squeeze by them and causing him to drive on the side of the alley where there are nails. He got nails in his tires.
I am not sure his idea is correct, that the alley edges are covered with nails.But, DH is one who parks for hours at a time in the alley, so I will have DH read this and take (or not) appropriate action.
Those of you in lily white ‘Burbs of low crime can sit back and make fun of proactive people who pay attention to their surroundings like those here in Murder Cityand who report anomolies, go ahead! I would prefer that you not move to my neighborhood, we need active people here. :cool::thankyou:
oh and
Jane, my neighborhood is debating bringing lawsuit against my next door neighbor for the sorry stste of his house. years of neglect on his property, including weeds.
I have had actual conversations with him a few times about this, so it isnt as though we havent brought it to his attention. i am sick and tired of his neglect. He has the money, the skills, and the time to fix up his house.
I live in a nice neighborhood but it is also in the city, more recently gentrifying. We lock, watch out and are aware of danger. Mostly I see the impact at work with our lock down drills and actual lock downs/outs. We have several a year for various reasons. It is pretty present.
So I also get annoyed, I got on Next Door in my old neighborhood to sell or give furniture. There are actual reports of potential danger there, again nice neighborhood but in the city. Things like cars parked too long and oddly, people who peeked in windows late at night, and of course what routes to take home if there is a police action in the area.
God I hated those other types in the suburbs. I was a single mom with 2 jobs, I cut down some bushes and then went to work on the weeds which took a couple weeks. In one week I had a warning on my door. My friend got snow shovel warnings when she had cancer.
rosarugosa
6-27-18, 4:42am
All I've seen on Nextdoor are lost/found pets, coyote warnings, for sale, extreme weather warnings and looking for recommendations. The area that is defined as my neighborhood doesn't seem all that local either. It is spread across 3 towns, which probably gives it a different vibe. It wouldn't seem like a logical place to complain about someone's lack of property upkeep.
Suzanne,
One suggestion: put yourself in the shoes of someone you admire, and imagine how they would respond. Whether it's a relative, or someone you know through the news or elsewhere, if that person would not allow others' opinion of their weight or other characteristics to affect them, then you can channel that same attitude. Fake it til you make it, as they say.
SteveinMN
6-27-18, 10:50am
But sometimes it is a person actually thinkng he will “educate” others by posting behaviors on Nextdoor.
Today a neighbor behind us complained that more and more neighbors are parking in our alleys, forcing him to squeeze by them and causing him to drive on the side of the alley where there are nails. He got nails in his tires.
So is it illegal to park in the alley? Or is it just inconvenient? Where do the nails come from (they don't appear in our alleys)? Without context, it's hard to know if this is "education" or "bellyachin'".
Today a neighbor behind us complained that more and more neighbors are parking in our alleys, forcing him to squeeze by them and causing him to drive on the side of the alley where there are nails. He got nails in his tires.
I am not sure his idea is correct, that the alley edges are covered with nails.But, DH is one who parks for hours at a time in the alley, so I will have DH read this and take (or not) appropriate action.
I always get tire insurance, it has saved me so many times with nails! Still if it happens a lot that is a pain.
Teacher Terry
6-27-18, 10:57pm
We love living in town in a nice neighborhood that has had burglaries, etc. We belong to next door and sometimes people act crazy but I like lost animals to go home and like to know what is going on. When our big dog dies we will get a burglar alarm. People will blame the homeless when homes get robbed and that makes me laugh. More likely it is people with cars.
ApatheticNoMore
6-28-18, 3:07am
I'll match my "in the 'hood" for yours. We are within the city limits of Saint Paul (not by a little) and the housing here costs nowhere near what it does in the "demand" neighborhoods. Most of the crime is petty stuff but there still are dangers such that I would not want to be on the streets of this neighborhood at 11:30 or later unless I had to be.
I'm having a hard time imagining Saint Paul being dangerous. Makes me laugh. But perhaps there are parts of it I don't know that are horrific, for all I know.
Living alone, I've chosen safe neighborhoods
People will blame the homeless when homes get robbed and that makes me laugh. More likely it is people with cars.
well of course some homeless have cars. They live in them! And yes that's technically homeless. I don't think most homeless in cars or out are committing robberies though.
The homeless guy living in a car right outside my apartment has moved. Good, I was too kind to turn him to the apartment manager (besides I kinda suspect some people in this building know) and he was no danger to anyone, but I'm glad he's not here anymore!
I'm having a hard time imagining Saint Paul being dangerous. Makes me laugh. But perhaps there are parts of it I don't know that are horrific, for all I know.
"Dangerous" and "horrific" are relative terms. What is considered dangerous here would not make a native New Yorker bat an eye, but it is a sufficiently high level of crime exposure for here. There's a bike trail running part of the perimeter of the neighborhood that often has homeless people living along it. Not that all homeless people are dangerous, but some of them have documented "issues" and most of us would rather not disturb them. They also leave a mess. The crime blotter in the newspaper lists muggings/robberies/assaults, typically falling between around 10:30 pm and 5:00 am; while some (I'm sure) are related to local bars and, therefore, not random, some also are related to a shelter that's about a mile away; those are a little more random.
It's not a matter of risking your life every time you step out the front door. But I do think about walking three blocks from the community center carrying my laptop (in a less-than-totally-obvious case) when I meet with someone there and I walk the lit streets rather than the quieter ones close to our house.
It's not a matter of risking your life every time you step out the front door. But I do think about walking three blocks from the community center carrying my laptop (in a less-than-totally-obvious case) when I meet with someone there and I walk the lit streets rather than the quieter ones close to our house.
My family and I have had two incidents in which three computers and an iPad were stolen--in Burlington, VT. You would never expect it! But Burlington is a very diverse city in many ways. I had a computer stolen out of my car right in the middle of town, and in another incident my son was sleeping late when he thought he heard someone say "Hello?" He thought it was his brother or a friend and he was still in a twilight state so he didn't respond--until he heard the person going room by room through the house. Luckily the thief never entered my son's room, but he made off with my son's computer, which he had left downstairs, as well as my other son's and his wife's computer and iPad.
Ironic.. I've lived in NJ, with car and house doors unlocked--at least during the day, for 30 years and never had anyone rob me.
iris lilies
6-28-18, 8:31am
So is it illegal to park in the alley? Or is it just inconvenient? Where do the nails come from (they don't appear in our alleys)? Without context, it's hard to know if this is "education" or "bellyachin'".
I dont know if it is illegal to park in the alley, but I doubt it.
I talked with DH on our long car ride to Des Moines, and he said he parks evenly with the trash dumpsters, so there is no doging his car. He thinks the complaining neighbor is talking about another situation.
Recently I read in George Lakoff's book, Moral Politics, about the lingering impacts of American children being reared in a style that is authoritarian-parent-ruled versus nurturant-parent-nurtured. It got me thinking about the shaming, and how it can manifest in violence among young males.
One resource is a 6-week Coursera on-line course, "Positive Psychology", through the University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill, I will link to below. The presenter is Barbara L. Frederickson, who earned her Ph.D at Stanford. You can read the syllabus and decide if it interests you. Course starts up again July 2.
http://www.coursera.org/learn/positive-psychology
Want to recommend Coursera. I completed a free course with Robert Wright. It was worth the effort.
I thought of this thread when I saw this poem by Maya Angelou this morning.
"Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
’Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise."
I thought of this thread when I saw this poem by Maya Angelou this morning.
"Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
’Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise."
What a coincidence--I was just contemplating getting a t-shirt with "But still i rise" on it for my relative who is recovering from a stroke. I like the sentiment.
Gardenarian
7-1-18, 7:51pm
What a great poem! Thank you.
I mostly like Nextdoor, but people do get in a tizzy about little things. I posted a description of someone driving recklessly and caused a tempest. Honestly, someone putting other people's lives in danger? I'd string the license plate number on a banner across Main Street if I knew it. Some shame is earned.
The shaming we don't earn, from simply being different or born to the wrong parents or just bad luck - that doesn't belong to us. I went to therapy for a while in college and it really helped me sort those feelings out. Glad I went while I was young!
Confidence seems to be a combination of nature, nurture, good luck, grit, and experience. I'm glad my stars we're aligned to make me a confident person now - never to late to have a happy childhood ☺️
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