new job possibility second thoughts

[Tybee]

Okay, on Friday I got the call about the interview for a new job, and I was thrilled. On Saturday the cold light of reality struck looking at the job, so help me to think this through-- pros:

It is really suited to my skill set and would be fun
I love the office and the people already
It's a wonderful laid back place to work and live
Very familiar with area and have ties to larger area
Would make clear to my extended family that I cannot just drop everything and go to help my parents or move into their house or buy something nearer them on East Coast, all the plans they have come up with in the last 6 months
Would not have to move closer to one set of grandchildren and exclude the other grandchild--the Sophie's Choice conundrum
It's a govt job with a tiny pension at the end
More social life down there


Cons:

Husband not as happy in that area and is willing to relocate but he is bothered by the heat and bugs--I mean really bothered, has massive allergic reactions to the bugs which led to the meat allergy and a couple of ER visits for swelling/hives/blood poisoning ?-- red streaks on arm going up to heart?? He does not like the soil and we both want to be market gardening. It is very sandy and the growing season is weird--there are actually kind of two growing seasons, but to give you an idea, the last island we lived on grew grapefruit. He is a Midwestern boy and can't get his head around it.
Pay for job is very, very low. Low enough that will be funding move out of retirement funds, and we will both need to be working full time to make it work.
Housing prices have risen there and I could not find anything we could comfortably afford nearby. Could buy a foreclosure about an hour away but it would be an hour away and then there is commute
Very expensive to move again, and would be moving away from all family, although closer to aging parents, but still a day's drive
Very hard to make the transition because renting difficult with the two big dogs, so lots of stress and possible separation for a few months from husband
Husband is having some health issues lately and is getting sleep study done, but he is having panic attacks for first time
Children on East Coast sad because still far away from them
I am sad because still far away from all three grandchildren
Wanted to be near two out of three of the grandchildren if i could do that
It's a grant job, which means may not be permanent
I'm not sure I will be good at the job, and that's a lot of money to pay to move to then lose the job or not have the grant renewed
I'm not doing so well with the heat lately--it's been in the 90's this week and I don't feel I can catch a breath, and that is how it was last time I lived in a south Carolina summer--constantly struggling to breathe. Only now I would be working full time and constantly struggling to breathe.



Okay, any thoughts about the decision? If I know I could not make the job work, I don;t think I should go down to interview--I am paying my own way to the interview, and it's expensive to make a trip. I'll drive.

[catherine]

Boy, Tybee, that is a tough choice. Seems so perfect for you on one end, but there are so many serious things to take into consideration.

A lot of the Pros and Cons revolve around your current family situation. It would almost be worth a trip to a therapist or good life coach to peel back your feelings on the "fight or flight" response you seem to be engaged in emotionally. The move does seem to take you away from EVERYONE--your parents being a day away and you locked into a full time, low-paying job--to me it spells disconnection all around. No sons, no grandkids, no parents. And a DH who could be physically sick just by being there.

If you were in love with the job and it would add significantly to the quality of your life, your obligation to yourself would be to pursue it. But if it is getting in the way of what YOU want for yourself and DH, is it worth locking yourself into a full time job, not assured of security, and low pay? There may be better, less draconian ways to establish boundaries with your family. And I'm sure if you made it your job to find something like this one (great co-workers, laid back) that is nearer one family member or another, you could do it.

The only "con" I would dismiss is the soil thing. That's what raised beds are for.

Hmm.. I think my bias came through on this, although I didn't mean for it to. I was trying to stay neutral.

[Yppej]

Pro #7 - Have you worked most of your life in the private sector? I have and to maximize my Social Security down the road I did not consider public sector jobs the last time I was looking.

[Float On]

When you mention you'll have to pay for things out of pocket and the pay is low then I would probably decline unless there were more positivists in it for you. I'd hate for you to be stressed by moving to an area you aren't sure you'd want to stay in.

[Zoe Girl]

I am concerned about the pay mostly, do you need a job and can't find one where you are at all? Lots of lovely, fun, grant based jobs cause some burn out when you can't pay bills reasonably. If you can afford it then at least go to the interview

I am not so concerned about weather or soil, those are things you can adapt to. And family moves, changes needs, etc.

[Tybee]

Float, that is a good point about the out of pocket thing--I don't like to spend my savings on just getting to a job that will not replace the savings, will just be enough to get by. Yppej, I have low social security benefits and unlikely they are going to get much higher now as I am 62.
Catherine, such good things to think about--particularly this:
"It would almost be worth a trip to a therapist or good life coach to peel back your feelings on the "fight or flight" response you seem to be engaged in emotionally."
It is definitely a flight response, I think, since I feel really threatened by them and this is kind of a safe place for me, but will it continue to be a safe place if I eat up my savings and we can't move forward with our plans as a couple.
"but if it is getting in the way of what YOU want for yourself and DH, is it worth locking yourself into a full time job, not assured of security, and low pay? "
Yeah, this is definitely what I need to think about before deciding.

[Tybee]

Zoe, thanks for weighing in on the grant thing. I kind of bolded it hoping you would read it, because you have experience with grant based jobs. I would think it might go away unexpectedly, and not be something to count on.

I can adapt to the weather and soil fine, dh not so much. We've tried--lived their six years. If I were solo, I think I would go for it. But that's not the case.

[Teacher Terry]

Your husband may not be able to get a full time job there if he is having panic attacks. It is difficult to rent with big dogs. It sounds like the cons outweigh the benefits. Can you find a similar job where you are?

[nswef]

The low pay and tapping into savings would make me say NO. Add in the bugs...again NO.

[Tybee]

Terry, that is a good idea, and one that occurred to me yesterday--i honestly have not been looking for a full time job, but it would be easier to stay here with a full time job than go through the stress of a move.
He works at home and he does have a full time job now. The panic attacks are new--about two weeks old. He had the first when we were under contract for the mold house. He is seeing a therapist who thinks it's the stress. But we let that house go and he is still having them.
He actually had one yesterday while we were out in the bay on our new raft. He had to immediately row to shore and we had to sit in the shade and then leave.
I am wondering if he has mitral valve prolapse. His sister and mom did, and he has weird sleep symptoms. Goes in for a sleep study in two weeks.

[SteveinMN]

Doesn't sound like a good move to me. Maybe it's just my experience in the work force, but to me unstable jobs almost demand more pay to compensate for the risk that you may have to live for a while on the extra you're being paid. Not the case here -- especially if the pay is so low that you can't move there without dipping into retirement funds. What are the chances that, if the grant funding this job goes away, there will be another job for you with this organization or elsewhere nearby?

It sounds like there will be plenty of stress all around at first, only some of which goes away. So work is enjoyable? There's still another 120+ hours a week when you're not at work. Even your description of the workarounds doesn't show tons of enthusiasm:

Could buy a foreclosure about an hour away but it would be an hour away and then there is commute
Now you're spending two hours a day on the road (or bus or whatever) and coming back to a house that may require major work (and/or money spent) on your off hours.

Unless your skill set and interests are so narrow there are only a few jobs in the country which will take advantage of them or unless you've been looking for a new job for a long time fruitlessly (I'm sorry; I haven't kept up if that's the case), I'd either try to negotiate a higher salary or a different position/higher grade or I would pass this one by.

[iris lilies]

What is driving your idea to move?
I mean, I realize there is a generalized desire to move near grandchildren, but that hasnt panned out, so why move?

[Teacher Terry]

Every time you move it is expensive. I know from personal experience. If your husband doesn’t have the heart issue he may need a low dose medication for the attacks. I take the lowest dose of Effexor daily and it works great. I developed anxiety and panic attacks when I developed a heart problem and was told it was caused by the heart condition.

[sweetana3]

My hubby experiences panic attacks and they are truly scary for both of us. Would do anything to keep them from happening. His started during a plane flight when they burned something in the galley and he had an asthma attack.

My take on your pros and cons (and it is worth only a penny) is that the pros are emotionally based and the cons are all either very practical or financially based. I am a very practical person and the emotional pros dont overcome the cons.

I lived in NC for a couple of years when hubby was transferred and suffered from daily hives due to something in the environment. Suffered for the hubby's job. I felt bad, he felt bad and we were so happy to return to IN where the hives disappeared. It really messed with any of the enjoyment I could have experienced.

[Tybee]

Nswef, thank you for the clarity there--taking money out of savings really shakes me up, as it is not in our plan for this--maybe a forever house closer to the kids in a climate my husband can deal with better. Steve, good point about thinking through the workarounds--it sounds like an awful lot of work and I am in essence paying for the privilege by relocating and taking that hit. Terry, moving is horribly expensive and we are running out of years where I want to keep starting over. Sweetana, thank you for the pros/cons read--you are right, the pros are very emotional, and I think are coming out of what Catherine called the fight or flight response from dealing with my family over the past 6 months and feeling very pushed around and disrespected by my brothers/father.

[nswef]

Have you told the family yet that no moves are possible unless they do not cost you anything? Your security is more important than many of the emotional pulls. It's like filling the well before you can give water.....You are the well and must be FULL!

[razz]

If a new location or job will increase the peace of mind, go for it. If not, decline. Sorry but life is too short to sway back and forth.

[mschrisgo2]

Gosh, I hear your need for a change in your life, but it doesn't sound like this job prospect would be a good one, since the cons so far outweigh the pros.