Brain healing

[Zoe Girl]

So this brain healing is an interesting process. First of all my first day back pretty much made me useless the rest of that day. So then I had the list they made before they even talked to me, including learning the new payroll system and finishing payroll by 4 on a field trip day when i was supposed to be part time. When they wrote the list they did not have any information about how i was doing

I actually learned the system and payroll is caught up, and it makes sense! However i didn't print something and am getting chewed out for that. I am just telling them i have a hard time with knowing how the healing is going.

So I am doing okay as long as I don't deal with too many complications, so creative problem solving is down. I did great on the field trip with kids once i got over anxiety. My natural skills take over. I can read and process as long as i am not too tired. Planning is hard, like meals or remembering what i do next. Oh yeah, sense of direction is gone, using gps to go common places.

I think my healing will accelerate once i am out of the job, and this culture

[Teacher Terry]

Why are they chewing you out when you are leaving? I hope your new job is awesome because that is what you deserve. You are dedicated to your families. Looking forward to hearing about your new job. Good things are waiting for you.

[Yppej]

I would be tempted to say, "I am an employee at will. I gave you two weeks' notice as a courtesy. I did not have to. Please treat me with respect."

[rosarugosa]

I would be tempted to say, "I am an employee at will. I gave you two weeks' notice as a courtesy. I did not have to. Please treat me with respect."

Great point and well said.
At my former employer, when someone returns from some type of leave, they are given the first day just to catch up on reading e-mails (it was an e-mail intensive environment).

[sweetana3]

They have learned nothing. Now it is just retaliation. I agree with yppej's comment.

[Zoe Girl]

Good point, I am not sure what I am going to do with that.

Meanwhile it is interesting to track the progress. I have grandbaby time today and going to do yard work. Touching earth, working with hands, etc. Is very healing

[Gardnr]

ZG, focus on you. Is the job exempt? If not, work your designated hours and not a minute extra. If you're not doing well, go home sick. Their failure is not your personal emergency.

YOU ARE TOP PRIORITY! Wishing you a wonderful Grandma day!

[JaneV2.0]

So someone just comes back from a job-induced nervous breakdown and is given a barrage of new tasks and deadlines and a harangue about performance? I would just claim relapse and go home--or go home to prevent a relapse. I hope you have a fun exit interview.

[iris lilies]

Its not even practical to ask you to learn a new system after a breakdown. But this is where your healthcare professionals failed you, I think. That could have been one of the accomodations requested, that you be limited to familiar work tasks, no taking on new tasks for a time.

Payroll has to be completed by a deadline but I would not have assigned that task to an employee who newly returned from an illness.

Also, why are you working more hours than given on your dr’s orders? Ah well, this week is over and that issue is over at this point.

For the new job, I do so hope you can take time off between jobs to help heal. Taking on a new job is full of stressful learning situations that will be hard on you.

[Zoe Girl]

Ah well, let the A-holes go. I could ruminate on them forever.

On to healing! I have my last day on the 30th, after a week retreat. I will turn in my laptop, phone, etc and make sure all the materials are returned to my (old) site since the items borrowed are over $1K. (6 walkie talkies). I am supposed to have a plan to close down the camp site since camp ends the day before I go on retreat, which I have done freakin' 8 times or more before. I also want to email all my providers and regular teachers and inform them that I am leaving and give them sup's contact info. I am NOT going to do any more of the prep for next year (don't worry I haven't done extra, I make notes in May for the next year). This plan makes my head free to move on, they can f** the rest.

I am debating on how to navigate an exit interview or process (my friend had an online option) without triggering more obsessive thoughts about the situation. It is not up to me to fix this department anymore, or even leave it with effective feedback. If it messes with my head then I just leave.

So next step are that I have my good friend and Buddhist teacher speaking at our sangha that Monday night, I am going to drive her back to Colorado Springs and spend the night and then we will go hiking. I have 2 days to take care of things and start the 2nd of August. I already have the email and the steps for onboarding. I am emailing my department right now for my verification of hours I have worked with youth, do you think they are enough? I need to get a car repair, I don't get my final paycheck with vacation hours until the 7th however, I have savings I can float from in order to get it done and not affect my new job with time off.

I want to do a little more in the yard here, it is looking good but the compost needs to be worked at least. Start eating more real food, babybel cheese and crackers is not a permanent meal plan but is my summer go-to. Just adding raw veggies will be good. Walk, I need to get out and walk soon today. Take meds, don't even think about changing for awhile, and get stocked up on refills before insurance changes.

[iris lilies]

ZG, you sound so centered. Working in the earth, spending time with babies, Lovely!

I dont know what you mean by asking about verification of hours, and I wouldnt be of any help anyway.

Ugh, changing insurance! Good idea to stock up on meda.
Carry on along this path!

[Zoe Girl]

Thank you! I am starting to feel like myself again! I have to again shout out my Buddhist teachers, they are the best ever for dealing with this without bitterness or being that person who talks about it 5 years later. I had a great message from one of them (she has brain issues so she records spoken messages and sends us those while she heals) and she talked about forgiveness being the way of cutting the connection, not excusing their behavior. She is different than some Buddhist teachers because she does see anger as a healthy response to having our boundaries crossed many times. My other teacher was just as wise and they really complemented each other.

Both have lived in the same place at the base of Garden of the Gods. My favorite retreat of all time was there, 10 days. each day we walked up and spent 4-5 hours finding places to meditate sitting and walking. I think about that also because I was kitchen manager and got great feedback on everything, how the meals were planned and organized, how I managed different meal preppers in silence, that the food was simply good, .. Which gives me confidence as I go forward.

The verification of hours is just a childcare licensing thing, a transition paperwork thing like transcripts or I9 stuff.