View Full Version : You are as old as you feel -
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20180712-the-age-you-feel-means-more-than-your-actual-birthdate
"Like your height or shoe size, the number of years that have passed since you first entered the world is an unchangeable fact. But everyday experience suggests that we often don’t experience ageing the same way, with many people feeling older or younger than they really are.
Scientists are increasingly interested in this quality. They are finding that your ‘subjective age’ may be essential for understanding the reasons that some people appear to flourish as they age – while others fade. “The extent to which older adults feel much younger than they are may determine important daily or life decisions for what they will do next,” says Brian Nosek at the University of Virginia...
Its importance doesn’t end there. Various studies have even shown that your subjective age also can predict various important health outcomes, including your risk of death. In some very real ways, you really are ‘only as old as you feel’...
Feeling younger than your years also seems to come with a lower risk of depression and greater mental wellbeing as we age. It also means better physical health, including your risk of dementia, and less of a chance that you will be hospitalised for illness...
Working with Nicole Lindner (also at the University of Virginia), Nosek has investigated the ways the discrepancy between subjective and chronological age evolves across the lifetime. As you might expect, most children and adolescents feel older than they really are. But this switches at around 25, when the felt age drops behind the chronological age. By age 30, around 70% of people feel younger than they really are. And this discrepancy only grows over time...
And given its predictive power – beyond our actual chronological age – Stephan believes that doctors should be asking all their patients about their subjective age to identify the people who are most at risk of future health problems to plan their existing health care more effectively."
How old do you feel? i am struggling with the question as I never felt that I was any particular age ever. I love my life now but never didn't like it. I have had my challenges along the way as life happens but they worked out. I have a neighbour who is still driving herself to church each Sunday, going to play cards with me at age 96 and attending the local Seniors Centre. She is busy and happy. I think that is normal. How old is a 96 year old supposed to feel?
Hmm...I feel sort of ageless when not having minor "issues." I actually feel better at 63 than I did at 40. Appearance wise, I don't have a clue 'cept for people who act surprised when they hear my age. No gray hair certainly helps as well as being petite. I know several really old (chronologically) people who I consider "ageless". One of the things that is different about them is that they never discuss any health issues if they have them. They only talk about positive things and the world outside themselves.
I know several really old (chronologically) people who I consider "ageless". One of the things that is different about them is that they never discuss any health issues if they have them. They only talk about positive things and the world outside themselves.
I have some great elder role models. My great-aunt was ageless--I'm starting to appreciate just how ageless. She wore 1" heels every day and navigated the steep steps to her bedroom as well as down from the porch to the front lawn every day until she died at 92. I never heard her talk about any physical ailment--ever. She took pride in her appearance and she was engaged in the world. It was with my great-aunt that I watched the coverage of man on the moon, as well as Watergate.
I have no complaints, and I feel the same age-wise as I always have, and I hope to age like my great-aunt.
I feel about 15 years younger than I really am. Well, most days, anyway. lol
DW's mother is on the other end of the spectrum. DW claims her mother was always "an old lady", dating back to primary-school days. DW defines it by her mom's reactions (then and now) to how "younger" people behave (how they dress, what TV shows they watch, etc.) and her mom's stamina (never high despite a lack of chronic illnesses). My mom -- only two years younger than DW's 85-year-old mom -- is a dynamo compared to DW's mom.
Ultralight
7-21-18, 11:27pm
I would guess I feel about 55.
One thing I have noticed is that as I have gotten older my emotional range has narrowed.
I feel happy-ish sometimes, but never ecstatic anymore. I giggle or laugh, I even laugh hard once in a blue moon. But the wild laughter of my youth seems like a relic of the past. I can romantically love a woman, but I don't really get that "I am so in love!" feeling anymore.
And so on.
ToomuchStuff
7-22-18, 4:05am
There are certainly various ways this tends to be tested. From taking some of the tests (which tend to be knowledge based), I test out an average of 20 years older then my mom. (I test 60's, and she 40's)
In the last 7 years, I have had attempts of people to set me up with girls 18-26, because they think I appear younger then I am. (in the one case I am within four years of her mother/aka the one trying to set me up) These last couple years (and especially the last few months of 80 hour work weeks), have been less kind (hair greying more, walking funnier, etc), from lack of rest. (working more while bosses have been fighting diabetes issues.)
For me, I have always felt older then I have been told I look/physically am. Not having a lot of friends/contacts my own age, and then experiences from childhood on, that mentally aged me, makes me feel vary old. I remember when the gal I proposed to was around, people thought she was my older sister the way we could finish each others thoughts. When they found out we weren't related, there was generally some comment (she is nine years older).
Not sure how this will play an effect, since I have lost many friends to old age, since my 20's, and have nearly zero, in my age range. (those that are, are older and yet think I am older)
rosarugosa
7-22-18, 7:50am
Hmm...I feel sort of ageless when not having minor "issues." I actually feel better at 63 than I did at 40. Appearance wise, I don't have a clue 'cept for people who act surprised when they hear my age. No gray hair certainly helps as well as being petite. I know several really old (chronologically) people who I consider "ageless". One of the things that is different about them is that they never discuss any health issues if they have them. They only talk about positive things and the world outside themselves.
Pinkytoe: I almost could have written this, although I am 60 and I do color my hair. But I would say I feel about 40, and I do feel better now that when I was in my forties, which I attribute to smoking cessation.
I would feel younger if I didn't keep butting up against society viewing me as older.
goldensmom
7-22-18, 8:39am
I forget how old I am until I get senior discounts without asking, when young people hold the door open for me, when younger folk in stores call me sweetheart, dear and honey. I feel way younger than my chronological years and I see myself as younger than my years but others apparently see the older me that shows on the outside.
So you'll be judged (and found wanting) until you die. Figures.
:moon:
I forget how old I am until I get senior discounts without asking, when young people hold the door open for me, when younger folk in stores call me sweetheart, dear and honey. I feel way younger than my chronological years and I see myself as younger than my years but others apparently see the older me that shows on the outside.
Exactly this.
My first realization that I must look older than I feel was the time I was on a shuttle bus from one airline terminal to the next on an international business trip, and a 30-something offered me their seat. I don't think these young folk realize that I can still put in 14 hour work days and run to tight connections and lift my own suitcase in the overhead compartment. I don't need their seats, but I guess it was nice of them to ask.
And I HATE the "sweetheart" stuff...when restaurant servers ask, "And what can I get you, young lady?" I want to tell them that in case they hadn't noticed, I'm NOT young, and I'd appreciate being addressed with less condescension.
I used to look younger than my chronological age, but that changed since menopause. My Celtic skin with a bad history of tanning with aluminum foil and baby oil probably doesn't help, and the fact that I have made the choice to go grey.
I'm wondering if some of this is influenced by family behavior. I'm thinking of those I know whose parents and grandparents were lively and vigorous into their old age, so the younger generation just expects that is normal for them too. I have contemporaries who are in their 60s with these types of parents, and who are making decisions and plans for 1 - 2 decades in advance because that's their expectation of how life should be.
In contrast, if you grew up with family members who start complaining about life's physical and mental travails at an early age, then the younger generation thinks that's normal to start being "old" at that age.
I think it's influenced by genes, personally. If your grandparents lived into their nineties climbing mountains and chopping wood, you may as well. Most of us aren't that lucky. I used to annoy my parents by sending them articles on elderly overachievers, and now I'm on the receiving end--poetic justice--and appreciate just how tone deaf and condescending such articles are. As my parents became progressively disabled, they managed their lives without complaint, and carried on with as much dignity as they could manage. I'll be satisfied if I do as well.
Teacher Terry
7-22-18, 11:11am
My MIL’s mom lived to 89 and my MIL died at 67. My parents and grandparents never complained about physical ailments. We only talk about it with each other but not excessively.
catherine
7-22-18, 11:13am
I just finished reading yet another book by the Nearings (I've read The Good Life numerous times, and I also read The Making of a Radical and Simple Food). This one is "Loving and Leaving the Good Life"--the book Helen Nearing wrote after Scott died. She talks about her life in a very personal way and the decisions she made--to make Scott her life partner, to move to Vermont and then Maine. She spoke of their marriage and what made the relationship work. And she wrote about Scott's decision to die at age 100, self-inflicted through starvation.
But the point relevant to this thread is the part where she said that she remembers the moment she slipped into being "frail elderly"--at age 85. She spoke of it as if it were like a descent off a cliff, not a gradual downward walk. One minute she's biking through Holland and the next she can barely get on the bike. I think that maybe for some people, like her, aging is as abrupt as puberty or menopause.
I agree that genes have a lot to do with longevity, and I also believe that influence from elder family members in terms of their example is huge. But lifestyle also plays a big part to be sure. There are certain things you can't change, but other things you can.
...
But the point relevant to this thread is the part where she said that she remembers the moment she slipped into being "frail elderly"--at age 85. She spoke of it as if it were like a descent off a cliff, not a gradual downward walk. One minute she's biking through Holland and the next she can barely get on the bike. I think that maybe for some people, like her, aging is as abrupt as puberty or menopause. ...
That was similar to my experience. I could walk unaided, until one day I couldn't. I'll never be Hulda Crooks. Oh well.
Teacher Terry
7-22-18, 11:25am
My mom used to say that she fell apart at 78. Physically she wasn’t as good as before. But lived alone until a week before she died at 89.
My brain (on some days), feels like 40's. My spirit is probably 27. But.....my body is about 92. :( There's so much I want to do, but have constant pain and failing joints. I wish I had a better attitude......but it's hard with so much pain. I keep trying to do things though.
I have to admit, I'm getting horrible short-term memory, which seemed fairly suddenly. I like this saying I heard: "Of all the things I've loved and lost, I miss my mind the most." :~)
I had 2 horrible role models for making the best of bad situations, unfortunately. I can't seem to get that optimism that some people have, in spite of adversity. Any suggestions?
Yeah, there does seem to be that moment for some of sudden loss of ability......even overnight for some. I suppose it's best we don't know it's coming........
I remember when I was young and heard an older lady on a commercial say "When you have your health....you have everything." I used to think that was a silly commercial. Not any more........
iris lilies
7-22-18, 3:33pm
Exactly this.
My first realization that I must look older than I feel was the time I was on a shuttle bus from one airline terminal to the next on an international business trip, and a 30-something offered me their seat. I don't think these young folk realize that I can still put in 14 hour work days and run to tight connections and lift my own suitcase in the overhead compartment. I don't need their seats, but I guess it was nice of them to ask.
And I HATE the "sweetheart" stuff...when restaurant servers ask, "And what can I get you, young lady?" I want to tell them that in case they hadn't noticed, I'm NOT young, and I'd appreciate being addressed with less condescension.
I used to look younger than my chronological age, but that changed since menopause. My Celtic skin with a bad history of tanning with aluminum foil and baby oil probably doesn't help, and the fact that I have made the choice to go grey.
oh god, the “young lady” stuff. Hate it! They are idiots!
I'm not offended by the "young lady" stuff. I don't think they mean anything rude about it.
When I was just 41, a cashier at Kohl's asked if I qualified for the senior discount. She was very young. I said "Well, I'm only 41 and now I think I should get the discount anyhow since you thought I was so much older.".......and she gave it to me. haha
iris lilies
7-22-18, 9:59pm
I'm not offended by the "young lady" stuff. I don't think they mean anything rude about it.
When I was just 41, a cashier at Kohl's asked if I qualified for the senior discount. She was very young. I said "Well, I'm only 41 and now I think I should get the discount anyhow since you thought I was so much older.".......and she gave it to me. haha
By using “ young “ as a descriptor, which is obviously faux, the are drawing attention to my advanced age.
I dont give a shit about my age when I interact with them and why should they?
I know what you meant, I'm saying that it doesn't bother me. I don't think whoever says it to me is trying to be rude. In fact, I think they're trying to be friendly. I guess rudeness is in the eye of the beholder..........
I know what you meant, I'm saying that it doesn't bother me. I don't think whoever says it to me is trying to be rude. In fact, I think they're trying to be friendly. I guess rudeness is in the eye of the beholder..........
I don't think they're being rude, necessarily. I think they think they're being "cute" and someone ingratiating. It's the cuteness I don't like. Don't call me young when I'm not. I'm glad I'm not young, and their implication that I'm going to enjoy their overly-familiar little term of "endearment" is completely off-base, and slightly disrespectful, quite honestly.
iris lilies
7-23-18, 9:03am
I don't think they're being rude, necessarily. I think they think they're being "cute" and someone ingratiating. It's the cuteness I don't like. Don't call me young when I'm not. I'm glad I'm not young, and their implication that I'm going to enjoy their overly-familiar little term of "endearment" is completely off-base, and slightly disrespectful, quite honestly.
Yes, this.
...
I had 2 horrible role models for making the best of bad situations, unfortunately. I can't seem to get that optimism that some people have, in spite of adversity. Any suggestions?
Yeah, there does seem to be that moment for some of sudden loss of ability......even overnight for some. I suppose it's best we don't know it's coming........
I remember when I was young and heard an older lady on a commercial say "When you have your health....you have everything." I used to think that was a silly commercial. Not any more........
I've read that depression and/or attitude is largely genetic, but there is some leeway one can work with. I'm fortunate in that I seem to have an underlying optimism that generally serves me well. I'm fairly content with my circumspect little life; i can still read and research and think, after all. And my sense of humor is intact, without which...well, I can't imagine.
Like your way of thinking, Jane.
Re others' (staff or anyone else) terms of endearment towards me, i accept it graciously and reflect back respect and courtesy. That is my very simple way of adding a little light to the world without reacting negatively to another whenever possible. Makes life way less stressful and enjoyable.
I think it's influenced by genes, personally. If your grandparents lived into their nineties climbing mountains and chopping wood, you may as well. Most of us aren't that lucky. ...
Absolutely - this all assumes no substantial mental or physical ailments, and those with good genes definitely have a big advantage.
Dad raised us to be young. I was born when he was 39 (5th of 6). I was likely around 5-6 when I asked him how old he was to which he replied 14! I asked how that was possible. "Well, when you hit 29 you start going backward to 0 and then you start again.
So you see, it's just a number. My poor Dad died a very young 12yo (he smoked 124 pack years:(
Once I'm fully recovered from this total knee replacement (i'm doing great BTW), I'll be feeling my age of 1:~)
Gardnr.........glad to hear you're doing well with your new knee!
Garden - I like the way your dad thinks!
Gardnr.........glad to hear you're doing well with your new knee!
Thanks! I highly recommend this procedure to get rid of knee pain. It's marvelous already! I hardly needed pain medication and didn't use narcotics at all. Ibuprofen is my friend right now.
Gardenarian
7-24-18, 4:04pm
My DD went to dance with me last night and one of the guys (my age) asked if she was my grand daughter. Uh, no. I did get a late start, though - I'm 60 and she's 18. I wasn't insulted but I was surprised. I look like a grandma? Well, maybe I do!
For many years I looked much younger than my age but sun damage caught up with me. I still am surprised by that old lady in the photos. I've actually considered plastic surgery (looking in the mirror and pulling the skin back.) But I hate all things medical.
I feel about 27, I'd say. I still feel like I have a great future to look forward to!
My body begs to disagree. Minor injuries that I used to be able to shake off become chronic. Sore muscles take weeks, not days, to heal. I'm realizing (duh) that I'm not as tough as I used to be, no matter how much I exercise and eat good stuff.
I'm starting to become a little cautious, which does not come naturally at all. I have to force myself to assess risks - is it really wise to climb that tree? Maybe I should get some help moving these heavy pots? Is it possible that I should stop doing cartwheels in the park?
I don't come from a long-lived family and my siblings are not in great health (not horrible either.) We're all stupid risk-takers, and our collective medical records would make for interesting reading.
Yeah--i get that caution thing. I was happy to install LED bulbs because it keeps me off ladders; I don't want to drive too far because I might require towing...Where did that come from? I have a couple of relatives who lived longer than average lives, but most keeled over on cue.
I am cautious because I hate the idea of bothering someone else. It would compromise my independence!
Teacher Terry
7-24-18, 4:55pm
I am more cautious now too as I age. Probably because it takes so much longer to heal than when you’re young.
I am cautious too and it irks me sometimes. I don't know if it's instinctive or something I've absorbed from media about old people falling and busting bones and brains.
Teacher Terry
7-24-18, 5:48pm
I used to walk my big dog fast until I fell and got a concussion. Then another time fell and broke my finger. Now our walks are at a slower pace.
goldensmom
7-24-18, 6:30pm
oh god, the “young lady” stuff. Hate it! They are idiots!
I perceive the 'young lady' thing as less than respectful when someone is clearly elderly. I have not encountered being addressed as ‘young lady’ yet but speaking of young, it bugs me when people refer to themselves as ‘XX-years young‘, such as I am ‘85 years young‘. No you are not you, are 85 years old. Nothing that has been around for 85 years is young, a Giant Sequoia maybe but definitely not a human being.
I perceive the 'young lady' thing as less than respectful when someone is clearly elderly. I have not encountered being addressed as ‘young lady’ yet but speaking of young, it bugs me when people refer to themselves as ‘XX-years young‘, such as I am ‘85 years young‘. No you are not you, are 85 years old. Nothing that has been around for 85 years is young, a Giant Sequoia maybe but definitely not a human being.
Exactly.
ToomuchStuff
7-25-18, 1:03am
I perceive the 'young lady' thing as less than respectful when someone is clearly elderly. I have not encountered being addressed as ‘young lady’ yet but speaking of young, it bugs me when people refer to themselves as ‘XX-years young‘, such as I am ‘85 years young‘. No you are not you, are 85 years old. Nothing that has been around for 85 years is young, a Giant Sequoia maybe but definitely not a human being.
Without being there, I wouldn't perceive it as anything. One has no idea of tone/content/expressions, etc.
I say that after being in a restaurant where it was used on a customer, that was turning heads of the 18 year olds, as well as we found out those of her age.....60. Everyone thought 35-40 and hot.
Without being there, I wouldn't perceive it as anything. One has no idea of tone/content/expressions, etc.
I say that after being in a restaurant where it was used on a customer, that was turning heads of the 18 year olds, as well as we found out those of her age.....60. Everyone thought 35-40 and hot.
Servers generally aren't using that term for older people who look half their age.They are being patronizing. And in your example--you realize being 60 but looking 30 is unnatural, right? She probably made a huge investment in looking that young. And she's praised for looking "hot" at her age. I'd rather look like Barbara Bush at 60 than Goldie Hawn at 60. The former is authentic, the latter looks like a plastic doll (and I have friends who have seen her close up testify to that).
And why do people celebrate those who look that unnaturally young? What is so horrible about looking your age? Do we go to the Vermont mountains in October and say, "Wow, and I saw some beautiful green trees! They didn't even look like October trees!" No--we celebrate the yellow and orange and red. I'm autumn and I'm happy about it. I did spring and summer and it was fine while it lasted. But I think the colors of my season are pretty hot.
And do I even want to be "hot" at this age? One of the things I enjoy about being an older business traveler is I can go and sit at the bar by myself and I don't have to worry about the annoyance of getting hit on. The simple pleasures of getting older.
So don't call me "young lady."
I agree, Catherine. I was relieved to get to the "invisible" stage, personally. (Except now that I've joined the lame and halt club, people are jumping up to open doors, offer to carry things, etc., which--though appreciated--makes being unseen impossible.) I'm not sure why we applaud old people dyeing their hair, slathering on makeup, etc., either, as if vanity were something to celebrate for its own sake, though I guess you could make the case that at least the geezer hotties have enough juice to carry on with their beauty routines.
When I visited San Francisco last January, I was delighted that they have a law that requires giving a seat to a senior. Some of the trips were with my carry-on in hand and I enjoyed being able to sit and place it between my feet out of the way rather struggling to hold onto a strap in a crowd.
BTW, I open the door, give up my seat and smile at any and all when I can and assume that others do the same so never take offence at kindness or thoughtfulness of others.
I agree, Catherine. I was relieved to get to the "invisible" stage, personally. (Except now that I've joined the lame and halt club, people are jumping up to open doors, offer to carry things, etc., which--though appreciated--makes being unseen impossible.) I'm not sure why we applaud old people dyeing their hair, slathering on makeup, etc., either, as if vanity were something to celebrate for its own sake, though I guess you could make the case that at least the geezer hotties have enough juice to carry on with their beauty routines.
When I visited San Francisco last January, I was delighted that they have a law that requires giving a seat to a senior. Some of the trips were with my carry-on in hand and I enjoyed being able to sit and place it between my feet out of the way rather struggling to hold onto a strap in a crowd.
BTW, I open the door, give up my seat and smile at any and all when I can and assume that others do the same so never take offence at kindness or thoughtfulness of others.
Yes, while I CAN usually hoist my carry-on into the overhead compartment, I never turn down an offer for assistance from another traveler. The only time I was slightly bummed was when the offer came from someone who looked like my age! And boy, was she buff! But also several inches taller than I--and given I'm only 5'2" it makes sense for people taller to assume I'd need a bit of a hand, and I'm grateful for it.
Teacher Terry
7-25-18, 10:52am
I think it is great when people naturally look younger but not through plastic surgery. A good friend of mine looks 20 years younger and my mom did too. When my mom was 84 she called a ambulance because she was hemorrhaging. The doctor asked how old she was which was 84. When my aunt arrived at the hospital the doctor told her my mom was confused due to blood loss because he knew she couldn’t be older than 64. It was pretty funny.
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