mschrisgo2
7-30-18, 1:38pm
My brother owns 5 acres in Old Shasta, Calif where he had a large home. 10 years ago he build a 1400 sq ft house on the property and Mom moved in. This past Thursday they were evacuated at 3:30 am and both their homes burned to the ground less than 4 hours later. (Carr Fire, Shasta/Redding CA) They left with little more than 2 cars, and the pets, 3 cats and a macaw. Fortunately, they have a vacation home in Gold Beach Oregon and went directly there.
Of course it is a devastating loss. My mother is 88, and her whole lifetime of collections are gone. But more crucial, I think, is that her independence has been taken away overnight. She now as nothing of her own, not even access to a phone. I asked my brother if I could talk with Mom, he said his phone was "for important calls." This morning I texted and asked if he got mom a phone, and he said yes, but she doesn't want him to give anyone the number, she doesn't wanted to talk to anybody.
I know my brother and my mom process grief very differently. He does major Anger and Control, and spends a Lot of Money. After the spending subsides, no one is never to mention the event again. (major temper tantrum and extreme verbal abuse ensue).
Mom needs to talk enough to clear some of the initial denial, then she moves into a very philosophical space, as she processes and moves forward. But at the moment he is denying her access to talk- not just to me, but to my daughter and my cousin as well, i.e. all the "girls" in the family that she usually talks to. My daughter (41) says that this is elder abuse, as he is controlling and denying her access to outside help. I am, of course, very concerned, but not sure of a good course of action here.
I am open to suggestions.
Of course it is a devastating loss. My mother is 88, and her whole lifetime of collections are gone. But more crucial, I think, is that her independence has been taken away overnight. She now as nothing of her own, not even access to a phone. I asked my brother if I could talk with Mom, he said his phone was "for important calls." This morning I texted and asked if he got mom a phone, and he said yes, but she doesn't want him to give anyone the number, she doesn't wanted to talk to anybody.
I know my brother and my mom process grief very differently. He does major Anger and Control, and spends a Lot of Money. After the spending subsides, no one is never to mention the event again. (major temper tantrum and extreme verbal abuse ensue).
Mom needs to talk enough to clear some of the initial denial, then she moves into a very philosophical space, as she processes and moves forward. But at the moment he is denying her access to talk- not just to me, but to my daughter and my cousin as well, i.e. all the "girls" in the family that she usually talks to. My daughter (41) says that this is elder abuse, as he is controlling and denying her access to outside help. I am, of course, very concerned, but not sure of a good course of action here.
I am open to suggestions.