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Ultralight
8-4-18, 12:18am
The father of a good friend of mine from the old neighborhood passed away a couple days ago. He was 64, a type 2 diabetic, a heavy smoker, a daily pot smoker, and he led a largely sedentary lifestyle.

He lived his life his way though, despite being fully aware of the risks.

He loved motorcycles and took numerous long trips -- crossed the country every which way with his friends and with his sons when they grew up.

He loved Mary Jane and smoked it daily. He loved his cancer sticks too. He also loved car racing, his wife, his four sons, and his four grandsons.

He also loved junk food!

He had a major heart attack and passed away though.

But everyone said the same things:
"He died at home surrounded by his loved ones, and it was fast."
"He lived life the way he wanted."
"He knew how to make himself happy."

No one seemed all that sad. No one was haunted by regrets about him.

Teacher Terry
8-4-18, 1:18am
I am that age and hopefully I have 20 more years. Some are choices and some are genetic.

catherine
8-4-18, 7:35am
Wow. This hits home.

You could be describing my husband, although in place of "daily pot smoker" substitute "heavy drinker". As a wife, I used to try to "suggest" lifestyle improvements (like, "honey, instead of using the riding mower to go talk to our next door neighbor, why not walk?") or even "control" how he lives his life but after 42 years, I've realized it's his life.

He has an old antique engraving of a 17th century guy sitting under a tree, fat as the tree stump, with a pipe and a jug and a big smile on his face. It's his favorite piece of art, because he's looking in the mirror, 21st century style.

He depends on his doctors to keep him alive. He takes two blood pressure medications, a statin, a proton pump inhibitor for his Barrett's esophagus, folic acid and Omega 3 to keep his triglycerides in check. He eats nothing but animal protein and often in the form of cured deli meats and hot dogs.

And, like your friend, he adores his wife, his four kids, and his three grandkids. And we love him.

He is also 64, and is living his life his way. My way is different to be sure. If I tried to change him, I wouldn't be living my life, I'd be trying to live his life. I have to stay on my side of the street, love him for who he is, and let him be.

razz
8-4-18, 8:41am
Are you asking if I am living my life in my way? Absolutely!

I don't smoke anything, drink tea, occasional coffee, water and milk, eat good food but not too much and exercise by walking, gardening, and doing my own chores.

I love my family, friends and visit with everyone as I go about my life which is rich in arts and joy. I feel and am so grateful to feel so blessed.

I aim to greet everyone and see them with value and worth, correcting my thought if I see anything less than. I do believe that what one sees is reflected back.

I really don't care what is said at my passing. I feel that is totally irrelevant. It is how one conducts oneself now that gives one's joy or sorrow.

oldhat
8-4-18, 10:01am
There's certainly something to be said for that approach--do what you want to do, and when you die, you die.

My reasons for doing things like quitting smoking, dieting and exercising are more pragmatic than idealistic. After a dozen or so years of pack-a-day smoking, I quit at 30 not so much because of the long-term fear of disease--at that age the possibility of getting cancer or heart disease in your 50s still seems pretty remote--but because of the immediate effect it was having on my overall quality of life. I try to watch my diet because I feel better when I'm less fat. Same thing with exercise, which is good not just for weight control and overall health, but also helps ameliorate my chronic dysthymia.

Zoe Girl
8-4-18, 10:44am
A lot of my life I do, I eat super tasty food that I like, I don't worry about drinking whatever I like, I love a lot of my work (kids are better than grownups), I live in the best state ever (but please don't move here, just legalize pot in your own state), I have my kids close by,

The only difference is mine is a vegetarian, healthy, never alcohol or smoking, lots of meditation life. I can relate because not everyone loves my life and often people think I do these things out of some type of sacrifice rather than I just really love living this way. If I died hiking or meditating then at least people will knownI did what I loved :)

JaneV2.0
8-4-18, 10:52am
"He eats nothing but animal protein and often in the form of cured deli meats and hot dogs."

I couldn't let that one go by...:D
Here's a kindred spirit--the daughter of a physician--who healed a lifetime of ailments by going full carnivore:
Xhttp://foodmed.net/2018/05/mikhaila-peterson-poster-girl-carnivore/

“There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way--and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it.” Christopher Morley

I saved this quotation years ago--and it still speaks to me--but it's damned hard to live by. Good for your old neighbor for pulling it off.

catherine
8-4-18, 10:58am
[I]
Good for your old neighbor for pulling it off.

That "old neighbor" is my husband. He's the one I'm writing about in that post. He eats nothing but animal protein (and I forgot to add a lot of white bread and pastries). But you must admit that nitrates in large doses can't be good for you. Neither are all those processed wheat products.

Gardenarian
8-4-18, 11:29am
I have a hard time understanding choosing to live in a way that would likely leave me sick and feeble and unable to care for myself.

UL, your friend had a quick death, but a lot of hard drinking, hard smoking, sedentary, junk-food people end up on dialysys, losing mobility, carting around oxygen, and being dependent on family and health care systems for years before they die.

And despite his tough facade, I bet he felt like crap a lot of the time.

That's not how I choose to live.

JaneV2.0
8-4-18, 11:50am
The "old neighbor" I mentioned was UL's.

I knew you were writing about your husband--I kind of suspected his wasn't a carnivore diet like the woman cited follows--a lot of people can't handle wheat products. I don't think nitrates--your saliva and celery, for two, are full of them--are particularly worrisome, personally. (She types. eating a Reuben sandwich on rye...)

bae
8-4-18, 11:54am
Apparently 100% now.

JaneV2.0
8-4-18, 12:11pm
As the t-shirt says "Eat right, exercise, die anyway."

Life's a crapshoot whether you're a paragon of whatever health fad is ascendant or not.

Teacher Terry
8-4-18, 12:29pm
A good friend of mine ate super healthy, exercised daily her entire life and got cancer and was dead by 60. Life is a crap shoot.

iris lilies
8-4-18, 2:45pm
Apparently 100% now.
That will be an adjustment. Will your daughter be hanging around the island for a while?

pinkytoe
8-4-18, 6:16pm
I guess that's true love to let your spouse eat whatever they wish. We have neighbors like that - the wife is trim, healthy and active. Her husband of 25 years is obese, diabetic and can barely get around. The thing about lifestyle choices that may affect health is that one is rarely lucky enough to go quickly. It is usually a long drawn out affair.

Teacher Terry
8-4-18, 6:40pm
I never nag my husband about life style choices. We are all adults and get to make our own choices. My husband exercises a lot and slightly overweight. He has always ate too much candy. His mom used to remind him that Type 2 diabetes runs in the family. A year ago he was diagnosed. First all he ate was diabetic candy but now eats some regular candy too.

iris lilies
8-4-18, 7:01pm
I never nag my husband about life style choices. We are all adults and get to make our own choices. My husband exercises a lot and slightly overweight. He has always ate too much candy. His mom used to remind him that Type 2 diabetes runs in the family. A year ago he was diagnosed. First all he ate was diabetic candy but now eats some regular candy too.
Agreed. i dont know how one “lets” one’s spouse do anything.

My DH, who has practically perfect health habits, had better not try to control my less than perfect eating and drinking and very occasional smoking. Nope!

Gardnr
8-4-18, 7:22pm
Apparently 100% now.

good to hear from you Bae. I've been wondering how you're getting along. If you'd decided to use that passport and leave!

JaneV2.0
8-4-18, 7:33pm
Agreed. i dont know how one “lets” one’s spouse do anything.

My DH, who has practically perfect health habits, had better not try to control my less than perfect eating and drinking and very occasional smoking. Nope!

Agreed. I suppose if you want to assume the stern parent role, you can try. And even being a smug paragon of perfect health habits is unlikely to provide you with a sunshine and unicorns version of death.

Ultralight
8-4-18, 7:38pm
Apparently 100% now.

Dude. That is kind of bad ass!

Ultralight
8-4-18, 7:38pm
Life's a crapshoot whether you're a paragon of whatever health fad is ascendant or not.

I would say life is part crap shoot and part strategy game.

bae
8-4-18, 8:39pm
That will be an adjustment. Will your daughter be hanging around the island for a while?

I just picked her up in Salt Lake City where she had done an intensive course in Classical Nahuatl, and we are now in Santa Fe for several weeks attending operas, eating food, hiking, and buying hats. This was supposed to be a whole family trip, long-planned, recent events put the kabosh on that, daughter and I decided to do it anyways.

She’ll be leaving in September to go to Cambridge for her graduate studies. So she’ll be around the island for another month or so.

Ultralight
8-4-18, 8:45pm
I just picked her up in Salt Lake City where she had done an intensive course in Classical Nahuatl, and we are now in Santa Fe for several weeks attending operas, eating food, hiking, and buying hats.

Enjoy the absolute heck out of this! :)

flowerseverywhere
8-4-18, 11:07pm
All of it. As I mentioned before by the time I was 18 I was fresh out of foster care and had to work or starve or become a prostitute. My sister and I were lucky to go to nursing school and my older brothers foster parents helped us find places to live and jobs. We ended up with an old woman who was incredibly good to us. Long hours at a nursing home while going to school taught us life lessons more valuable than book lessons. All five of us earned college degrees. A true American success story.
I was lucky and found a life partner, we headed to city hall, got married and headed west. 17moves later we retired in our early 50’s. Every day it seems we find something to be thankful for. I don’t care what anyone thinks. My life is full of charity work, lots of books, great cooking, outdoor adventures and wonderful friendships

I am surprised how how many people referenced others instead of themselves to answer the question how much of your life do you live your way.

flowerseverywhere
8-4-18, 11:08pm
I just picked her up in Salt Lake City where she had done an intensive course in Classical Nahuatl, and we are now in Santa Fe for several weeks attending operas, eating food, hiking, and buying hats. This was supposed to be a whole family trip, long-planned, recent events put the kabosh on that, daughter and I decided to do it anyways.

She’ll be leaving in September to go to Cambridge for her graduate studies. So she’ll be around the island for another month or so.
i truly wish you the best of times. Sometimes no matter how well we try to live life throws us a curveball. And Cambridge. Be proud

Ultralight
8-4-18, 11:10pm
All of it. As I mentioned before by the time I was 18 I was fresh out of foster care and had to work or starve or become a prostitute.

Which did you choose?


I am surprised how how many people referenced others instead of themselves to answer the question how much of your life do you live your way.

What do you mean?

Ultralight
8-4-18, 11:13pm
To answer for myself, or begin to answer, if I had to put a percentage on it, I'd say I live maybe 25% of my life my way. The rest is work or other arguably necessary or probably unnecessary tasks and activities.

I think that reflecting on my friend's dad's life and on this question specifically shows me how much I am hemmed in by fear and worry.

ApatheticNoMore
8-5-18, 7:34am
well heroine addicts also live life their way, they often die in their 20s and 30s by one fatal overdose. But they lived life their way. That seems the logical extreme of that one.

ApatheticNoMore
8-5-18, 7:39am
I would say life is part crap shoot and part strategy game.

but winning a strategy game mostly takes a lack of moral scruples of any sort, good people don't tend to win that one. Luck bad or good at least can happen to anyone.

catherine
8-5-18, 7:46am
I am surprised how how many people referenced others instead of themselves to answer the question how much of your life do you live your way.

Haha! I mentioned someone else--my husband--only because the man who died that spurred the OP was so much like him. Or, maybe I'm more codependent than I thought (A codependent is someone who, when drowning, sees someone else's life flash before their eyes).

I am living my life my way for the most part. Barriers to living my way 100% are: compromise with SO, debt, and a little bit of laziness and life-drift (just going with the flow without making commitments to myself).

razz
8-5-18, 8:50am
Haha!

I am living my life my way for the most part. Barriers to living my way 100% are: compromise with SO, debt, and a little bit of laziness and life-drift (just going with the flow without making commitments to myself).

I can see a positive change for the better happening, C.Keep it up.

razz
8-5-18, 8:53am
Which did you choose?



What do you mean?
Her post told you what she chose, UL. This response from you is almost snarky and rude. Read her whole beautiful post about courage, blessings, kindness of strangers and life choices.

Tammy
8-5-18, 11:59am
The way I see it, everything I do is my choice. I could stop working and be homeless, but I choose to work and have a house. But whatever I choose, it’s still my choice and my life.

Zoe Girl
8-5-18, 2:07pm
UL

Fear is the Mindkiller (Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear, Dune by Frank Herbert)

One for the reading list if you haven't read it alreasy

Gardnr
8-5-18, 6:15pm
The way I see it, everything I do is my choice. I could stop working and be homeless, but I choose to work and have a house. But whatever I choose, it’s still my choice and my life.

I've been pondering this question and you nailed it Tammy.

Zoe Girl
8-5-18, 11:05pm
I was talking to my brother today. He is an engineer, lives in a smaller town, is married, has a very stable life. He focused early on in sciences and on actually earning money. I earned a degree in Humanities, prefer living in areas that tend to be expensive, got divorced, a lot of change and lack of stability. However we both made choices. Because of my choices I decided to rent a room with a friend and own almost nothing. I made a lot of choices a long time ago that did not lead me to his type of stable, financially secure, life. Some things happened outside of our control, his house burned to the ground, I graduated in a recession and lost my house. However I don't want to be the pitiful relative who is a victim. He is also not a better (or worse) person for having more money and a stable life.

flowerseverywhere
8-6-18, 6:26am
Which did you choose?



What do you mean?

i assume your first line is a poor attempt to be funny.

And by the question I asked, the title is how much of your life do you live your way? So what is the true answer for each person. So SO does not meet your expectations. Work sucks. I get it. None of us live in a fairy tale. We all need to figure out how to support ourselves. But I have met poor people who just have their basic needs met and are full of purpose and joy. And I think of a thrice divorced man I know sitting on a lake in a gorgeous house, fancy cars and fine wine whose kids have little to do with him. Which way would you prefer?
If there are obstacles to overcome in life is it helped by complaining about your poor circumstances or are there small joys you can find? Most of us have access to some green spaces we can walk in, birds to spot, library books to read, the ability to cook good food and good work to help the less fortunate? Can we not find our life purpose in the simple things? Can we make changes in ourselves (not someone else) to make our lives more of our own?

Ultralight
8-6-18, 6:33am
well heroine addicts also live life their way, they often die in their 20s and 30s by one fatal overdose. But they lived life their way. That seems the logical extreme of that one.

I am okay with that. What is the old feminist slogan? "My body, my choice."

Ultralight
8-6-18, 6:34am
but winning a strategy game mostly takes a lack of moral scruples of any sort, good people don't tend to win that one. Luck bad or good at least can happen to anyone.

Even good people with moral scruples can eat veggies every day and exercise regularly.

Ultralight
8-6-18, 6:35am
life-drift (just going with the flow without making commitments to myself).

Never heard this term. Very interesting!

Ultralight
8-6-18, 6:37am
Her post told you what she chose, UL. This response from you is almost snarky and rude. Read her whole beautiful post about courage, blessings, kindness of strangers and life choices.
I thought maybe she had to choose one for awhile and then at some point the positive things started going her way. I meant no offense.

Ultralight
8-6-18, 6:40am
i assume your first line is a poor attempt to be funny.

And by the question I asked, the title is how much of your life do you live your way? So what is the true answer for each person. So SO does not meet your expectations. Work sucks. I get it. None of us live in a fairy tale. We all need to figure out how to support ourselves. But I have met poor people who just have their basic needs met and are full of purpose and joy. And I think of a thrice divorced man I know sitting on a lake in a gorgeous house, fancy cars and fine wine whose kids have little to do with him. Which way would you prefer?
If there are obstacles to overcome in life is it helped by complaining about your poor circumstances or are there small joys you can find? Most of us have access to some green spaces we can walk in, birds to spot, library books to read, the ability to cook good food and good work to help the less fortunate? Can we not find our life purpose in the simple things? Can we make changes in ourselves (not someone else) to make our lives more of our own?

I feel like, because of some circumstances outside my control or partly outside my control, and because of some bad decisions, I sort of let my life get away from me. I succumbed to fear.

So now I am thinking: How can I get back on track a little bit?

SteveinMN
8-6-18, 8:22am
Can we not find our life purpose in the simple things? Can we make changes in ourselves (not someone else) to make our lives more of our own?
Umm, isn't our belief in that idea why we all participate in a Web forum on simple living?

catherine
8-6-18, 8:24am
I feel like, because of some circumstances outside my control or partly outside my control, and because of some bad decisions, I sort of let my life get away from me. I succumbed to fear.

So now I am thinking: How can I get back on track a little bit?

What decisions based on fear took you off track? What would living your life your way look like to you?

SteveinMN
8-6-18, 8:52am
I feel like, because of some circumstances outside my control or partly outside my control, and because of some bad decisions, I sort of let my life get away from me. I succumbed to fear.

So now I am thinking: How can I get back on track a little bit?
I believe everyone, at all times, makes the decisions that benefit them the most at that moment. That is not to say that every decision is a good one in the long run -- or that we are immune from the consequences of our choices. But whether the decision is to steal something because we have no money but really need that next hit of drugs, or choosing to commit to a new romantic interest, or deciding to pursue our passion rather than a more lucrative line of work, each decision reflects what we want most at that moment regardless of the consequences (which we may even know at that time are not beneficial).

Every day is full of decisions. When do I choose to wake up? Do I have a nutritious breakfast or go for the Honey-Frosted Sugar Bombs? Do I let thoughts of how much I dislike my job poison my day right away? Do I say something kind to a coworker, not knowing (s)he really needs some positive feedback? Thousands of decisions, all of them an expression of who we believe ourselves to be.

Any of us can start making different decisions, from now on. Choose to express who you are in your decisions right away. Eat lunch more happily knowing you are eating foods which improve your health. Do something nice for your SO because you value that she is in your life. Draw more pictures because that makes you happy and expresses a creative side of you that doesn't (or can't) show up at work or in other activities.

Though the consequences of earlier decisions may take time to change, you're not mired in a situation and how you feel about it. You can move away from it. It's your life. Take it back.

ApatheticNoMore
8-6-18, 10:50am
I don't even believe we make bad decisions just because we choose to make decisions that are good in the short term and bad in the long run (well the human race collectively maybe ... and anyone lost in addiction .. and maybe most of us sometimes with some things). But I think more often we have flawed understanding of things, usually think we know more than we do, get lost in false and blind certainties etc.. It's mostly that the human mind is a bad decision making device PERIOD. But what else have we got? (uh AI isn't making our life decisions right?).

As for fear the whole idea that we should be fearless is itself a pretty crazy and extreme dictate. There is plenty in life to fear. Now when fear gets outright irrational and out of hand that is usually the realm of phobias and therapy, but many of our fears are plenty rational (although we won't escape death, no matter how much we fear it, but most are in no hurry to bring it on for instance).

Float On
8-6-18, 10:57am
So now I am thinking: How can I get back on track a little bit?

I'm not really sure you can ever get back to the same track. But, you can go from here and create a new track.

pinkytoe
8-6-18, 1:28pm
Another issue that makes life directions complicated today is that we have infinitely more choices than in the past. On some days, I'm not sure that is a good thing. Not for me anyway who is easily overwhelmed by choice. Also, we are so overexposed to how other people lead their lives, that it can be hard to parse out our own reality. Envy and comparisons pop up. I sometimes wish I could float above myself and peer down objectively at the life I am living. Does it make sense? Are my fears founded? Am I enjoying my time?

SteveinMN
8-6-18, 7:05pm
I don't even believe we make bad decisions just because we choose to make decisions that are good in the short term and bad in the long run (well the human race collectively maybe ... and anyone lost in addiction .. and maybe most of us sometimes with some things). But I think more often we have flawed understanding of things, usually think we know more than we do, get lost in false and blind certainties etc.. It's mostly that the human mind is a bad decision making device PERIOD. But what else have we got?
I stand by my view of the universe. Yes, our understandings of things often are flawed. What's the old Maya Angelou line? "I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better." So you keep making decisions. You still always will make the decision that you feel is best according to what you know and how you feel at the time. When more information or additional perspective comes along, you get to address the decision again, based on what you know and how you feel. Maybe the answer is the same; maybe it's not. Maybe the consequences can be mitigated; maybe they cannot.

Saying the human mind is a "bad decision making device" implies that there is at least one "good decision making device" out there. If there isn't one, then is the mind truly a "bad" device? There's no frame of reference. There is no "cold" unless there's "hot". Maybe this is as good as decision-making ever gets.