coming out of the closet in a way

[Zoe Girl]

I talked to my former staff, the one I worked with for 6 years. I have checked in with her because her life is pretty messy and I know that our team at work was a big support (my ex-sup refused to give her summer hours so she didn't have any work friends). In any case she was telling me about her mom getting hurt and work came up. Apparently I was a big topic at the training this year! No wonder, I had a pretty public breakdown. Staff at the time seemed to see the stress conditions so they are not judging, and if some of them are that is not my problem. I decided to tell her about my diagnoses of bipolar 2. I know there is a huge stigma so I am not posting this on facebook or anything but it also cannot be such a secret anymore. I also talked to that former staff (the one who went to jail) when I quit. She sometimes texted my work phone and I wanted her to know that it was now in the hands of the supervisor. I decided to tell her too.

What was interesting was the very long silence and kinda shock. Not about an illness but because apparently I was the last person they expected to have this illness. My DR says I have been one of the most stable patients he has. So when I emailed and said I was not okay he really jumped on it. It was good to tell them, I told P (the long term staff) that I deal with this every day, it is not something I just took some medication for and forget about. Her response was no wonder I broke down.

So not facebook status updates, but it feels good to not be so scared about people finding out.

[razz]

I didn't realize that bi-polar had any stigma. Why?

[iris lilies]

I think all mental illnesses carry some stigma. Probably because any of these diseases are mysterious and not viewable like a broken leg. Also, the difficulty in effectively treating them is well known. We know how to treat a broken leg. How many of us know people with mental illnesses who go thru treatment after treatment and to our naked eye, do not seem to get better or recover? I know several.

[Teacher Terry]

Bipolar in particular has a stigma. Many people automatically think the person is very unstable. Patty Duke got her mom on medication and then her mom realized that Patty had it to. They went public years ago to help others.

[razz]

Because my friend had been so open with me about her son's bipolar condition and the challenge in getting him on a stable regime, I didn't think there was a stigma. I will be more aware about it.

[Yppej]

Yes there is a stigma.

[Zoe Girl]

It is very confusing also because bipolar 1 has manic states and depression. Manic states really mess up your life. Spending all the money you don't have, sexual bad choices, not sleeping for days, overall risky behavior. Then the depression. Bipolar 2 has hypomania, actually a lot of entrepreneurs appear to have bipolar 2. In hypomania you are energetic, friendly, sleep less but are functional,full of ideas, tend to talk fast and often are super fun to be around. You don't tend to get diagnosed correctly because hypomania is fun. However the depression is very hard to treat, and typically you see a DR because the depression. Going on an anti-depressant can cause mania or hypomania and that is how you get diagnosed. A lot of experimenting with the meds, tapering up and tapering down, trying something new, hoping for things to work, and the whole time not really being able to explain why you are flakey or sad or isolating,

[Tammy]

It’s amazing to me how much stigma remains. But I still run into people who don’t think it’s real, who think all people with mental illness are dangerous, etc. Or who think it’s demon possession, literally.

[JaneV2.0]

It is very confusing also because bipolar 1 has manic states and depression. Manic states really mess up your life. Spending all the money you don't have, sexual bad choices, not sleeping for days, overall risky behavior. Then the depression. Bipolar 2 has hypomania, actually a lot of entrepreneurs appear to have bipolar 2. In hypomania you are energetic, friendly, sleep less but are functional,full of ideas, tend to talk fast and often are super fun to be around. You don't tend to get diagnosed correctly because hypomania is fun. However the depression is very hard to treat, and typically you see a DR because the depression. Going on an anti-depressant can cause mania or hypomania and that is how you get diagnosed. A lot of experimenting with the meds, tapering up and tapering down, trying something new, hoping for things to work, and the whole time not really being able to explain why you are flakey or sad or isolating,

I have an acquaintance with bipolar 2; she asserts that she enjoys hypomania and usually starts relationships when she's in that phase. i can't imagine how that would be a positive thing--because what goes up eventually comes down, and even hypomania would be too much for me. It reminds me of the time someone gave me speed to stay awake and study for finals--three days later I was still awake and babbling. I'm sure it varies by individual, but it sounds painful to me.

[Zoe Girl]

I have been told I am going to hell, a few times. Guess my sparkling personality.

Before I knew about hypomania I just thought I was very smart and people all moved too slow. It took awhile to realize that my multiple great ideas were really confusing. I still had great ideas, and I am still smart and creative, but I also can slow it down and notice when people glaze over. After learning what was going on I start to get worried when I notice hypomania so that I can even out and avoid the crash. I noticed it as soon as I got that intense work assignment. The work load was so high that it would have taken hypomanic energy. So my mind started shutting down to protect itself

[Teacher Terry]

No one could perform in your last job. The new job appears to be a decent, sane environment. I think when we are in a sick work environment we don’t always recognize it and think the problem is within ourselves instead of within the system.

[Zoe Girl]

Yes Terry, I burned all my bridges there because I kept arguing back. That was my defense against internalizing any more. I still did, more that I could have worked with people better rather than getting all of it done. The bipolar 2 symptoms have been there many years, probably some previous stress put me in a position to need medication. This put me in a position to step up to 3 now.

I realize all the little things I do to maintain my health because they all became impossible for awhile. Now I know more, I can see more subtle signs of things going bad, and

[JaneV2.0]

Recent studies show that diet (Wahl's Protocol, ketogenic, paleo--mostly grain-free, whole foods) can be helpful for bipolar (as well as for seizure disorder, MS. and possibly Parkinson's.) Not to complicate things, but now that your life is less frantic, it's something to consider.