Easing back in

[Chicken lady]

To posting, to my house, to my job, and to my life in general.

i have spent the last few days with my parents. No alarms, no schedules (no checking the clock), no food related duties of any kind, no laundry, going to bed when I was tired, getting up when I was ready, walking 2 miles every morning with my mom, staying away from the scale, eating whatever I wanted of what was put in front of me (bounty!) and cleaning out my mom’s attic.

the attic is empty except for:
two huge suitcases in case my parents go to Europe again
the original box and packaging for the sewing machine my brother got mom for christmas
old curtain rods original to the house
several small pieces of vinyl flooring in case patching is needed

i gained one pound.

i thought I would return rested and motivated, but the last night I couldn’t sleep, and then I drove ten hours and got home exhausted.

today it is pouring rain, dark, and gloomy.

i did my chores.
i am catching up on dishes and laundry
and I am going to unload my car and get together the things I need for my class tonight and go to that.

those are the things that need to be done today.

tomorrow I need to add school prep.
specifically:
i can get into my classroom, so I need to go start set up
i need to get paperwork done for our recycling program
i have ten days to open house, so I need to start on syllabi, lesson plans, and displays

i also need to buy some food.
and exercise.

[Float On]

Sounds like you had a great visit! Good to have you back.

[beckyliz]

Impressive!

[Teacher Terry]

CL, you are so very lucky to still have your parents. Glad you got to visit. Wow the summer went fast.

[iris lilies]

Does your husband take care of all your animals when you are gone?

[Chicken lady]

No,

My husband takes care of the cat. I pay someone skilled to take care of everything else. Dh could fill water buckets, open and close gates as directed, and put measured amounts of feed in buckets, but he would hate it.

The sitter is able to configure gates and adjust types of fodder based on weather. She spots any health or injury concerns and addresses them. I am able to leave instructions like “watch this guy, he’s been getting out”, and “this pen needs to be gaining weight”. One goat was halfway through daily shots for a nasty tooth abscess and not eating well when I left and is fully recovered now. I never worried for a minute.

[Mary B.]

Welcome back, Chicken Lady! I don't post often but I am glad to see you here. We're just getting ready to go away for a month -- a month! This has never happened before!! -- leaving our two dogs, one cat and one alpaca, plus garden, in the care of my brother-in-law. It is a blessing for you to have a good critter sitter! I think everything will be ok here but I know I will worry a bit.

[Chicken lady]

Thanks Mary.

a month is a long time for a garden! Hopefully your bil likes to garden.

is the alpaca happy without another herd animal?

dishes and laundry are better. Unloaded the car and went to class.

[Chicken lady]

Today was the first really hard day in a while. I don’t know, maybe this should go back in my mental health thread. I feel hot and tired and overwhelmed and discouraged and grumpy and like I want to peel my skin off - as if I am trapped in a thick rind that is prickly on the inside and too tight and if I peeled it off I would feel light and cool and flexible.

objectively my day was pretty good.

did all my chores, picked and cooked food from the garden, did more dishes and laundry, exercised, showered, took mom’s tapes to the used book store, got a few groceries, and stopped by school - where I discovered that the wax (varnish?) job on my floor doesn’t look particularly good, is spattered all over my shelves - (it’s dark brown, you can guess what it looks like) and some of my materials and equipment, some if which may have to be thrown away.

also I have to put all my rugs and furniture back myself.

but I met with an administrator who was able to answer a lot of my questions and help me advance my paperwork.

there are waves of stuff being removed from the building that I just have to try not to see - there was a copier in the dumpster that could have gone to a recycling drop 15 minutes away. I brought home the bag of batteries that was collected last year and not recycled because the woman collecting them lost her drop location. (Her dh was just in a car accident, so nobody wants to bother her) my Dd is going to take them when she borrows the truck next week because she has a place to drop them.

so anyway, I did most of the things on my list. The things I didn’t do can wait or are simply the slow grinding of bureaucracy . And I made a small positive impact on my environment. I can’t see anything in my say (except the disruption of my classroom?) to account for how I feel. I had a glass of wine with dinner, and a cookie after. but I don’t think that’s it.

[mschrisgo2]

Well, CL, as I read your post, if I were in your place, it would be the lousy wax job that was also splattered all over my shelves, materials and equipment that would be a downer for me. It would feel very disrespectful. And I would feel resentful because, hey, I consciously chose to keep those things when I cleaned up from last school year. Then add to that not having any help for placing the rugs and furniture, that would make me a little bit angry and then I would try to talk myself out of it, i.e. everybody is so busy right now, I don't want to start out angry, I will just take care of it... I think the "thick rind" is the turning ourselves inside out that we do in order to make the rest of the job work out.

Can you enlist a couple of parents to help you with the rugs and furniture?

[Chicken lady]

Thank you for the validation on the room. I don’t usually internalize things like that. Get angry, yes, but the overwhelming sense of frustration and hopelessness is out of proportion. I may be too invested in my job. That room is one of the few totally safe spaces in my life. I wasn’t expecting the level of disruption that was going on in the building. Other teachers will help me move my stuff. And I will help them. The kids will come back. The middlers will make crude jokes about the “wax”, the teens will try to help me clean it.

The wanting to peel my skin off thing is physical though. It may be psychosomatic, but it’s an actual physical sensation that started during the really bad depression in June, not a metaphor.

Today is my anniversary. Dh and I have nothing planned except that he is staying home all day. (Rare) the weather is supposed to be overcast, rainy, and hot. I just need to do regular every day things - chores, laundry, dishes, exercise, class planning.... only the classes are really pressing right now.

[Chicken lady]

So, yesterday was nice. I didn’t really “accomplish” anything, although dh took me shopping for new shoes - which I needed for school.

today I am starting to feel a lot of pressure around things I want/need to have done, but I am deliberately relaxing with my coffee and my cat at the moment.

i made my very long to do list because it helped me feel like I have captured and controlled all of the things. When they start crowding around I can say to them “yes. You are on the list. Go wait your turn.”

[Chicken lady]

I did well today. And I feel pretty good.

progress on work communication.
advance on laundry, small retreat on dishes.

cleaned a stall. Got the bunny out for a hop outside.

made mozzarella and ricotta (one if each - didn’t try to do a big production, just cheese for my pizza) and homemade pizza and custard to freeze tomorrow.

trimmed the edge on one pot.

setting up coffee and going to bed.

[nswef]

Sleep well, CL.

[happystuff]

I love the idea of making the list and having things wait their turn! Sounds like things are progressing well. Continued good luck with everything.

[Chicken lady]

Yesterday I didn’t look at my list enough and I forgot to make a doctor’s appointment. So that is near the top today.

also yesterday I worked at the food bank. Before I type this, I need to ask, if your personal position on what I am about the write is that I should leave all the unwanted food at the foodbank and let them throw it in the dumpster (whatever your reason is) and that is the only frame of reference from which you can respond, please don’t respond to this. It will not be helpful to me, and I will need to virtually ignore you in order to avoid engaging in mental behavior that is counterproductive.

so, the food bank has limited fridge space. And we often run out of milk. Also, people take very few fresh vegetables. Yesterday we had a lot of milk with a long storage life remaining, so none of the vegetables could go in the fridges. Everything that wasn’t going to last on the counter for three days was set out for the volunteers to take when we closed, and after everyone else “shopped” the rest ended up in my car. It filled the back of my suv. And I spent two hours “processing” it when I got home and didn’t finish.

I did put about half the bagged/packaged chopped lettuce and other veggies directly in my compost. I also gave my chickens as much as I think they will eat in a day or so. I flattened a couple of the cardboard boxes and used them in the garden under the bedding from the stall I cleaned out (that job was not part of the 2 hours) the bunny had a fresh, organic romaine heart as a treat. And I had a healthy yummy dinner that included rice and olive oil and spices as the only purchased items. Dinner tonight will be similar, and I have nice radishes washed and ready to snack on (prepping them was part of the 2 hours)

I have a really hard time with “waste” so my motivation is primarily keeping this stuff out of the landfill, cutting disposal costs for the food bank, and using the available food instead of buying more, or at least returning the organic material to enrich my soil. The benefit to my grocery and feed budgets are secondary.

my biggest stumbling block is that so much of this stuff is packaged in non-recyclable bags and clamshells. Yesterday when I was filling the bucket for compost, I set aside one medium sized clamshell with a crack and started filling it with plastic bags. I don’t have trash service, so I will drop that in the trash can by the cart return today when I stop at the grocery store to get a few (non vegetable) items. I have no problem returning packaging to the grocery store for disposal - they often “donate” food to the food bank that is no longer edible along with usuable items and they take a tax write-off on the total and advertise how they are contributing to “zero food waste”. By getting only the packaging back, they are still saving on disposal costs!

I get get annoyed by the existence of the packaging and how long it takes to open and dump it all. Also, I am washing the clamshells and looking for ways to reuse them. Particularly projects I can do with my students, since I now have over a dozen identical clam shells in each of several sizes.

I think about the use of my time, but I am still using chunks of my time for activities in which I see less benefit. So I should quit those first. I am trying to approach this situation more as a lever to help me than a hole to fall down.

there have been times I have brought stuff home and not addressed it fast enough, and ended up with a huge clean up task. So I am telling myself up front - if you can’t block out the time to address this properly, you can’t do it.

i tend to come home from the food bank and read on-line and eat not always healthy food. Forcing myself to unload the car and start processing yesterday after one glass of water and an e-mail check meant that I sat less and snacked on veggies.

if I keep up with my kitchen, mud room and fridge (not there yet) projects like yesterday will be easier to do, and I will have a more functional kitchen, mud room, and fridge.

i also stopped on the way home at the home of a friend who qualifies for food bank services and won’t come because she doesn’t “NEED” it. I showed her my car. She agreed to start coming.

so, I guess what I want as a response to this is support on ways I can use the situation to motivate myself to make better choices: (make a salad! Don’t eat the leftover pizza, dh will want the leftover pizza!) (stop watching art videos and clean the mud Room! Food bank is tomorrow) and maybe ideas for easy ways to use or process stuff (there is a lot of chopped salad, which is basically eat/chickens/compost?) and I just wanted to process what is going on in my head (it just occurred to me that if I take scissors in my car, I can actually come home and park next to my compost bin and sort there, so that the worst stuff goes straight car-to-compost)

and also, I am looking for positive feedback on realizing and accepting that a lot of this stuff is going to go bad and I need to dump entire containers in the compost rather than picking out the “good” greens - (unless I am making a sandwich right then and have no other greens - unlikely.) I can’t save everything and everyone and sometimes optimizing means triage and letting go - not continuing down the path of diminishing returns until you are paving the road to hell with grains of sand. It’s a mental health journey as much as an environmental one.

so yeah, ask me questions that make me think, or offer suggestions that support what i’m already doing (thoughts on time limits or process, or cutoff guidelines)

or just shake your head or post tldr and move on.... ;)

[iris lilies]

Because DH grows a huge garden, well, multiple gardens actually, there is always produce on my counter that will go to rot.But we compost it all, so it doesn't bother me. It did, at one time years ago bother me, but no longer. Zuchhini and okra and cukes are this week’s excess produce. We give some away when possible.

CL I thought of you in a recent issue with our garden club. It’s about ribbons awarded. We had a big flower show and gave out lots of ribbon, hundreds.

Two weeks after the show, the treasurer sent out a plea to return any ribbons we dont want because they are expensive and the clubs will recycle ribbons.

I harrumphed and rolled my eyes because I had already thrown away the stupid ribbons I didnt want. Very annoying that the organization couldnt have collected them at the show, I would have gladly turned all mine over to them but for my Best in Show rosette which I will keep. Also, clerks stapled ribbons to entry cards, so it was difficult to separate the two without a staple remover. Poor planning! And now, yesterday, I got another message reminding people to bring back ribbons to a meeting today, so more yapping about it, more obsessing, more energy devoted to the ribbns. I think it was a big issue because this was a very big district show where lots of ribbons were handed out.

None of this really addresses your issue, I think, but it continues the conversation about recycling.

[Lainey]

I wonder if your friend can be your partner-in-crime and help process some of these leftovers? I think it's worthy of your time but I can see how it could crowd out your other priorities, so if you have at least one other person as motivated as you it should make it much easier.

[iris lilies]

The scissors in your car idea is good, it is supportive of getting the job done faster.
I always carry scissors in my car because I am always snipping off flowers here and there.

[SteveinMN]

I occasionally work at our food bank's "produce drops", which are incompletely-named mobile supermarkets which pop up in local food deserts. The foods there (not just produce, but meat, dairy, bakery, and canned goods) is fairly predictable but the quantities widely varied. After all clients have been served, volunteers and the staff at the venue are encouraged to take home anything left over. What can be composted is; the rest of it goes to the dumpster. I'm not sure if the reason is legal (can't take it back once offered there) or financial (does not make economic sense to roll a truck, driver, and pallet mover to retrieve food and inventory it once again).

I take food home quite mindfully. It's tempting to cart home big bags of romaine or several clamshells of strawberries (for free!) but we cannot go through that much produce and sometimes my time/ability to process and freeze/dehydrate is minimal because of space other commitments. I don't can; nor do I want to at this time. We also have several months out of the year when the compost heap is in a state of suspended animation, so it does not serve me to take home produce which will see the compost bin before it sees the kitchen.

Streamlining the task is good (scissors in the car; can you take empty containers to the food bank that you then fill up with "good" produce, immediate compostables, and wrapping to be upcycled/recycled/tossed?). Lamenting all the packaging is understandable, but I look at handling it as the price of free produce, and -- if nothing else -- you should congratulate yourself that you are removing at least some of it from the wastestream (many other people are nowhere near as diligent).

For me, though, doing this comes down to how much you value this task this relative to other tasks that take your time/energy/space. In my case, it's maybe four times a year. It's worth the push to get it done. If it were an opportunity every week I would feel differently about the effort. Perhaps enlisting others is a worthwhile goal (neighbors? DH?). Perhaps effort should be put into finding ways to make the produce more attractive to the people it's meant for: offering it cut-up/seeded/ready to cook? Providing quick easy recipes for it or ways to incorporate it easily into family favorite meals? Offering storage tips? -- reuse instead of recycle the food.

[Teacher Terry]

When I was a kid my dad could get bread that was a day old cheap. This only happened occasionally. He would fill our freezer and a friends and then go to a poor neighborhood and give it away. His huge station wagon would be full of bread.

[Tammy]

It’s inportant to remember that you can’t save the whole world.

The whole food bank is not your problem.

You do what you can and go home.

How many other food banks are in your city? Where does one draw the line?

[Teacher Terry]

I went through that with dog rescue kept taking them but my mom said the same type of thing and it brought me to my senses.

[iris lilies]

Tammy and TT, the OP DID ask that we not respond with the sentiment “you cant worry about food at the Food bank.” Just sayin’.

[iris lilies]

Ooo, Steve’s idea about offering the veggies cut and bagged is good. That is what they are doing in the grocery stores, Theses cut up pieces go bad faster, of course. But would they be more attractive to your clientale?

[Teacher Terry]

Thanks IL I am old and forgotten already.

[iris lilies]

Thanks IL I am old and forgotten already.
You know what I say these days to people when I commit memory lapse or hearing problem or etc? I say “I have O.L.D. so please forgive me.” They start to say “what is old? “ and then they get it and laugh.

[Teacher Terry]

Good one! I might steal it.

[Tammy]

Ok - then for my own mental health I will have to leave this thread because I can’t stand watching how all these little details about the food bank consume her life. It makes me sad.

[Teacher Terry]

Tammy, I have had to leave many of these threads because it seems that like we want to help but in the end no changes are really made.

[mschrisgo2]

Is there a community compost pile, perhaps to supply a community garden? Or other people who would be happy to have additions to their compost piles? How about someone who keeps chickens or ducks? All of my green veggie trims go to a neighbor who has a dozen chickens, she gives me a few eggs every couple of weeks. How about high school kids who need community service hours? Could their help be enlisted to process and distribute?

[mschrisgo2]

Are the clam shells styro or clear plastic? I know a K-1 teacher who uses them in her classroom for various storage, i.e. games , puzzles, flash cards, math manipulatives. She used pegboard and dowels to make a rack so they don't slide all over the place. (pegboard laying flat, dowels standing up, spaced for clamshells to fit and not slide) The kids also get to decorate a styro clamshell with markers and those are their pencil boxes, in lieu of store bought pencil boxes.

[Yppej]

Tammy, I have had to leave many of these threads because it seems that like we want to help but in the end no changes are really made.

If I remember correctly in the past CL said she and her DH are doing well enough that she never has to work outside the home again if she doesn't want to. CL have you thought of quitting your job so you have time for all these other things?

[Chicken lady]

Hi,

i’m not Ignoring people - my friend is here. She is going to take home some of the food and she is going to help me unpack and compost some.

i made my doctors appointment.

teacher terry and Tammy, thank you. Sometimes people just see the world differently (I would stay out of a thread where someone was trying to improve their diet by going paleo and raising their own meat - even if I thought I had helpful advice about their chickens, because it would make me too sad.) I would rather lose the help you can give me than worry about filtering myself because I was driving you nuts. So really, thank you.

and Steve, thank you for the ideas. Unfortunately the law does not allow us to process the food in any way before distributing it. We have tried recipes, and no one wants them.

i can’t really sort the food at the food bank because it is the end of the day and everyone wants to go home and several people are helpfully loading my car. They are not invested in what happens to the food and it would be unreasonable to slow them down.

i don’t need to take containers, because everything is put into cardboard boxes - which I use in the garden and which are easy to recycle if I don’t. It’s the existing packaging that is a problem, and again - unpacking it there would inconvenience a bunch of other people. (People who lock everything when they leave - which is above my “pay grade”)

my stop at my my friends house was an attempt to enlist other people in using the food. I don’t know very many people.

we do have a community garden, and we do put the non-packaged food that has already gone bad in the compost there - but only because I walk it out. The garden and food bank are not fully integrated. I think because of personalities. I am not really a leadership type of person there, just a small bridge.

there are other volunteers who sometimes take some or all of the food remains for farm animals - their own or those of people who bring us eggs. I generally do not take anything unless it is me or the dumpster, or it is “vegetarian/weird food” that the coordinator is insisting we throw out because “nobody eats this” (a box of matzo, two bricks of tofu....)

yppej, that is an interesting idea, but I love my job, I am actually going to get to have more of an environmental impact at work this year in an official capacity (I love that my boss supports this, and it will have more impact than anything I could do in my role at the food bank) and “have to” is relative. There are things I would have to give up along with my job that I would also miss. I couldn’t keep the same lifestyle. I appreciate you helping me think about my priorities.

mschrisgo2, they are clear plastic. Most of them are not very sturdy. I will use some of them for sorting and storage of infrequently used items, but heavy use is probably not practical. I am still researching reuse ideas for my class.

in other news, I went to my classroom yesterday, and I got some other teachers to help me with furniture. I was also able to trade some of my furniture from last year for new/different furniture that I think will work better and am now feeling excited about my new room layout. I also got some new materials that other teachers were discarding and started organizing my supplies. A few things I was done with found new homes with new teachers.

my boss helped me fill out the last of the paperwork for our recycling program start up, and another teacher tipped me off to a marker recycling project and offered to do the physical collecting if I would handle the administrating (sign up, publicizing, print free mailing labels) so that is under way. We are discussing some parent programs.

The class I was taking ended last week, but I have signed up for the next session moving to a morning class (I don’t teach Tu/Th mornings.) Because once again I realized that evening classes don’t work well for my schedule or biorhythm. And I am hoping to have a more productive session this time (the last one was fine, i’d Just give myself a C, and while that is better than not doing the class at all, I don’t want to be C student.)

so, yeah, pretty good place right now. Feeling positive and not dropping any major balls.

i am holding off on breeding the goats this year until I get some pasture and management issues completely solved. This is the practical, responsible thing to do rather than improvising and juggling and compensating later, and I know it will pay off in the spring. But right now, I don’t like it, but i’m doing it. (I may have to drink almond milk and go without cheese and ice cream for a bit next year.)

[Chicken lady]

Oh, I meant to add for iris lilies, I would thank the the person for trying to collect and reuse the ribbons and let her know that unfortunately I had thrown mine out before I got the message. “I wonder if there’s a way we can let people know ahead of time that they can return the ribbons?” (Or, if I were willing to invest the time in doing it, make specific suggestions for joe that could be done - a note in the registration information? paperclips to make them more easily removed undamaged? A “return station”?)

[SteveinMN]

“I wonder if there’s a way we can let people know ahead of time that they can return the ribbons?”
When I read IL's post about this, my sense was that the idea for retrieving the ribbons came to that person too late to do much of anything about it. Something provided alongside the ribbon or a general statement in the event program or whatever might be a way to publicize that awarded ribbons can be returned.

[iris lilies]

When I read IL's post about this, my sense was that the idea for retrieving the ribbons came to that person too late to do much of anything about it. Something provided alongside the ribbon or a general statement in the event program or whatever might be a way to publicize that awarded ribbons can be returned.
Yes, and heres what really makes me mad: yesterday’s meeting revealed two people who had entered this flower show for the first time, much coveted newbies, had been sad to have to turn in their ribbons. They interpretted the command to be absolute rather than suggestive.

This is ridiculous. Here we spend so much time and effort getting people to enter, we beg and plead. And then, look how we treat them! All for a ribbon that costs a few cents.

In the lily society I remember one of our new members lamented sadly at a meeting “I wish we could keep the ribbons” because he assumed, after seeing all of the old timers return their ribbons to the ribbon box after the show, that we had to return them. I felt bad about that instance because I know all new exhibitors want their ribbons. I assured him that in the future he can keep all of his ribbons. Experienced exhibitors simply don’t care about ribbons and if we are forced to take them home then we pitch them.

When we closed the lily society we tossed hundreds of ribbons, and this was after contacting the national organization to see if it would use our imprinted ribbons. I have all of the society’s unused rosettes here at home and I hope to use them up in various projects. I also have about 100 of the flat ribbons, justin case I can find a use. And no, the garden club will not use them because they have lily society imprint.

The solution is to, when tearing down the show, tell eveyone to turn in their ribbons if they don't want them. Collect the ribbons then. And tell clerks not to staple. But this stapling thing is, I think a standard procedure in garden club shows so I probably dont have the power to change it. We never do that in plant society shows.

enough about show ribbons! Haha

[Tybee]

Could you just promote a paper clip in lieu of staple rule? You could even use gold paperclips for bling!

[iris lilies]

Could you just promote a paper clip in lieu of staple rule? You could even use gold paperclips for bling!
I think paper clips are the best solution, and I will bring it up in Judges’Council. Yes, there is a
council of judges (!j) and these important matters are discussed there. The ribbon issue is already on the agenda (where is that eye roll emoji when I need it)

[Chicken lady]

Iris lilies, in general, the stuff happens that people care about. (Which is how I end up with a carload of produce...) just don’t invest your energy in things you don’t care about, and other people can do them or not. I have always found knitting nice for meetings that are going to have significant parts I don’t feel a need to be part of. Perhaps you can find your version of knitting to get through the eyerolling parts.

my friend just left and I am tired, but I need to get outside and do some things because it is a nice day.

my brain is bouncing around about priorities where to start - fall greens, stall, weed squash, vet follow up, mail to send out, email to send out, phone call to make, haven’t exercised today, lesson plan prep, dishes, more produce, laundry - importance and urgency and weather and time restrictions all jockeying for my attention. I may just act first and think later.

[iris lilies]

It is a gorgeous day here, sunny and cool!

You are so right about the important stuff getting done and the rest can go by the wayside unless someone wishes to take it on.

Our district garden club group has only three regular meetings a year. I respect the organization (because there has to be one to carry out the flower shows I live for!) and I respect all of the women who are officers, sure, some more than others, but none of them are divas.

I do not respect about 50% of the agenda items, so I so space out when we focuse on them. Yesterday I was sble to space out looking at rhe billion dollar custom-made carpet at National Garden Club Headquarters, the carpet that can never ever get dirty, therefore the place is seldom used. Carpet sure is pretty, though! That building is a shrine to Ladies Who Lunch.

[Chicken lady]

Very tired, but need to check in. Today was a very full day (willing to take feedback on that assessment)

got dh fed and off to work with a packed lunch
did my chores
started laundry
loaded car
stopped for gas and dropped a baggie of trash
Had my first day of my new class which I really liked (I think it’s a better fit than last class - stayed late but brought home homework)
2:15 - remembered to eat. Blackberries and tomatoes from the studio garden and a banana I had along
stopped at the reuse store on my way home and dropped off items and bought a few things for my classroom
talked to the vet about my goat issues - (picking up a new drug for the goats and a flea treatment for my rabbit tomorrow)
stopped at school as I continued homeward and dropped the class items off and met with the guy who is building us a wedging table
decided to put feed store off to tomorrow and came home.
snack of nuts and a little piece of cheese
scheduled to meet tomorrow with electrician about kiln at school
made vegetable stir fry
ate with dh, put leftovers away
did evening chores
switched laundry to dryer, started dishwasher, set up coffee.
carried my homework in and decided not to do it tonight.

Bedtime.

[nswef]

Much more than a full day. Rest well.

[Yppej]

My feedback is you got a lot accomplished, congrats. Is this sustainable?

I am surprised you feed and pack lunches for your husband. Laundry - is that his as well as yours? Animal chores and errands - shared or all yours? Home improvements (wedge table) - split and if so how?

Again in the evening you cooked.

[Chicken lady]

So, here is where I need to work on my perceptions of time and my abilities - looking back at yesterday, at 2:15, when I saw the tomatoes in the garden (it is there for snacking on) and realized I had not eaten all day, I still believed that the day was only about half over and it would be no problem to run all my errands on the way home (including the feed store), unload the feed, cook, do my homework, and even work on some planning for school that is now critical and scheduled to eat up my entire Saturday.

however - progress- the voice in my head did not try to make me feel useless or incompetent for rescheduling the feed store or putting off my homework. (It did refer my school planning to the anxiety/imposter “you are never going to survive the school year” department and castigate me for “ruining my dinner” with nuts and cheese, which are fattening and likely to make me sleepy, instead of having a nice cup of tea.)

so, this is what I think I can do today:
make breakfast and pack lunch
chores
a few dishes
Finish unloading the car
feed store/vet run
unload feed
staff meeting, room set up, meet with electrician
class planning and homework
more dishes and clean out more foodbank veggies (there are two boxes left - at least one is ready for the compost. The bunny is enjoying the romaine lettuces, good veggies made up half my stir fry)
make ice cream to put in machine tomorrow (actually, that was on yesterday’s evening list too. But I totally forgot it.)
evening chores and set up coffee
(dinner will be leftovers)

Also I am thinking I need to clean stalls again, but I guess that can be bumped to Saturday - which is really already full, and now I am panicking about how I am going to manage my life once my job starts and worrying that I haven’t heard back from someone relative to some forms I need to take care of that I really wanted done already and deciding that house of cards is just going to collapse - because what on earth made me think I could do a job that requires working with so many people and so much bureaucracy? And I can’t call them at 5:30 in the morning. I should start on lunch....

[Chicken lady]

Yppej, i’m Sorry, I didn’t see your post.

is this sustainable? - that is the big question. And is it reasonable to expect it to be sustainable?

humans can run 4 minute miles, but not a bunch of them in a row. They can also dead lift hundreds of pounds. But the humans who can run 4 minute miles are not the same ones who can dead lift hundreds of pounds....

fixing dh breakfast and lunch is one is one of the few things I do that pays off way out of proportion. Dh really appreciates it - it gives him a good start to his day, lets him eat at the office so he can come home sooner, makes his diet healthier, and saves us money. He is not a morning person and the idea of having to pack his lunch in the morning is dreadful to him. It is not that big a deal to me to pack lunch (although today he is eating out because the bread (sell by aug 27!) was moldy.)

i do all the laundry. (He does all the car maintenance, I do/he does, etc...) Anything animal related he does - helping fix a gate or filling a water bucket he sees us empty for example, is a gift to me. The animals are all mine. If I die - they go immediately.

i do most of the errands for both of us because he works long days. Sometimes he stops on the way home. Yesterday’s errands were “my” stuff though.

the wedging table is for my classroom. I am an hourly employee and putting in lots of unpaid hours the next two weeks. Dh resents this on my behalf immensely, but I love my job, and my hourly rate is very good. I do get paid for the meeting I have to attend today.

[Tybee]

I don't think the problem is how much or what you do, I think it is the thoughts that go through your head about what you are doing--kind of spinning thoughts that seem anxious. I look at what I do during the day and it seems about the same, chore wise, if that helps. Two in the afternoon seems half way to me, too.

[Teacher Terry]

Tybee I agree and the perception I have is that all this rushing and doing does not seem to make CL happy. I was super busy in my younger years because of kids, college and work. I rarely watched TV or got together with friends because I was too busy. Once my kids grew up my pace slowed down and I was able to focus on me and what I wanted to do. It slowed again once I semi-retired. Rushing through life is no way to live. Slow down and enjoy.

[Chicken lady]

Teacher Terry,

these two posts cmpletely distill the disconnect between our thought processes for me.

when I read Tybee’s post, I saw “what you are doing seems ok. It is how you are thinking about it that appears to be causing you distress.” And it is my thought processes, decision making, and approach to things I want to do in my life that I am struggling with, do not fully trust because of a history of mental illness, and am looking for outside feedback on.

then I read your list, which started “I agree” and then said something that looks like something completely different to me.

as if person A said “we need to paint the living room red” and person B said “I totally agree. The living room looks awful and I think wallpaper would be a major improvement. I’ve always found that cool colors work well.”

(that is from your first sentence. The rest of your post I presume is conversation with Tybee, as I have had this conversation with you and I believe established that while our lives have been similar, our experiences of them were completely different and your “thank goodness that’s over and I won’t have to do it again.” is generally my “is it over already? Can we do it again?” And vice versa)

[Teacher Terry]

What I find sad is that you are not happy.

[Chicken lady]

I get that part. I appreciate it. And I know you want good for me.

But when you try to make suggestions on how I can get there, they usually create in me only the impression that I am clearly failing completely to communicate my feelings, experiences, situation and goals. I am not sure exactly where the disconnect happens.

[Teacher Terry]

We definitely have a failure ito communicate:))

[Chicken lady]

It has been a hard day. I am working on framing it.

I made breakfast. Dh was very nice about the moldy bread and said he dodn’t mind going out

Did my chores and got the dirty dishes in the dishwasher (not full) also started a wash.

Finished unloading the car, went to the feed store and vet, unloaded the feed and treated the rabbit with flea meds. Have to give oral meds to every goat in tailored amounts for each goat every morning the next three days - this will take at least an hour a day, I will need a shower after, and I may sustain minor injuries (scrapes and bruises) but I can do that. (I will be late to food bank on Monday)

up to there I am doing well, coping with adversity, accepting setbacks...

Bringing us to: staff meeting, room set up, meet with electrician -
Staff meeting - where I encountered interpersonal situation that I started to discribe but then decided that with my luck, the other person will find this site, join, read this, recognize me and make my life hell. Just imagine your kid just brought home a beloved spouse who wants you to join the multilevel marketing program that is the joy and focus of their life - that’s how I feel. And the continued uncomfortableness appears just as inevitable and unavoidable.
Room set up - impossible. The disruption is still in full swing.
electrician - informed me we are in violation of code, wouldn’t touch the job with a ten foot pole. By the time I got done talking to her and spent an hour wandering around the building with the building manager brainstorming bad solutions, I just wanted to cry. Left a message for my boss and drove home.

i agreed with dh not to talk on the phone when i’m driving, but I called my mother to vent anyway. In the course of that I thought of a bad solution that is no worse than what we have now, solves the code violation, and allows me to get the new kiln. It will cost a little more money, but - code violation, school building. When my boss called I ran it by her and so we are going to do that.

then I told my mental food police to shut up, and ate a pint of ice cream and a bunch of almonds, and wrote this out. My stomach hurts, but my body and mind feel calmer.

Moving on to a cup of tea.

dh called to tell me he is stuck at work and his phone is dying. He doesn’t know when he’ll be here and I won’t be able to call him. It sounded like the kind of “stuck at work” that often becomes “see you tomorrow”

leaving me with the the rest of my list:

class planning and homework
more dishes and clean out more foodbank veggies
make ice cream to put in machine tomorrow
evening chores and set up coffee

plus a load of wet laundry.

[Yppej]

dh called to tell me he is stuck at work and his phone is dying. He doesn’t know when he’ll be here and I won’t be able to call him. It sounded like the kind of “stuck at work” that often becomes “see you tomorrow"

Sorry to say but it sounds like he is having an affair.

[Chicken lady]

Lol!

no, he works in a job that involves equipment testing and production runs. Sometimes it goes badly. Sometimes him being gone all night is followed by him being called/texted all the next night by the guy whose turn it is to be stuck there, and/or the watching of instrument reading videos that mean nothing to me but cause him to swear and call people.

Usually his his phone is charged and we can call each other.

Unless his his girlfriend likes him unshowered and uses machine oil and diesel as perfume I think he’s being honest.

[Teacher Terry]

What a terrible thing to say Yppej. My ex worked in a similar job years ago where the grease would go right through his coveralls onto his underwear. When your man has a job that involves grease you can tell if he has been working or not.

[Yppej]

Well TT I was naive in the past and would have appreciated someone clueing me in to bad boy behavior. I'm glad it doesn't apply in CL's case, but cheating is pretty common.

[Teacher Terry]

A close friend maybe but a internet stranger no way.

[Yppej]

Whatever Teacher Terry. Chicken Lady LOL'd. I wonder why in your case this is such a touchy topic, given that our anonymity here gives us the freedom to broach many personal topics.

[Teacher Terry]

Not a touchy subject at all.

[Chicken lady]

Teacher Terry, thank you for trying to protect me.

I did laugh because the idea was so absurd, but I also assumed that something like that must have happened to Yppej for her to be so confident from one data point, so Yppej, i’m sorry, I could have been kinder.

honestly I don’t need dirty laundry to be confident of dh. But I know a lot of women have felt that way and been wrong. I’d be less surprised if I woke up and discovered gravity didn’t exist though.

i did some of my homework and dried my laundry. Then he called (he borrowed a charger) and asked if I had eaten or wanted to meet him near work. He spent most of the meal on his phone, but tried to ask about my day, and then right before his dessert showed up (I had coffee) he said “ok, I can go home.” And asked half of it over again. He has to leave again at 6:30.

I did evening chores and i and I set up the coffee, so pretty successful day - Teacher Terry, do I get points for blowing off my work to go out? I don’t get ice cream....

[iris lilies]

I had exactly the same thought as jeppy as in “sounds like he is covering an affair” but I also knew that it is “sounds like” in an obvious way, and therefore, unlikely. my guess is that CL’s DH is smarter than that and cheating wouldnt be so easy to spot.

[mschrisgo2]

Well, drat, I wrote a long post and lost it. Oh well, I was going to suggest dry laundry, do evening chores, some class planning and call it a day, which it sounds pretty much like you did. Except the DH called you and you got to go out with him, he really is a good guy.

[Chicken lady]

Loading up the car to go to the open house - let the school year begin!

the rest of the day will be all about my classroom and my classes until 5. Then i’ll come home. If i’m not too tired I may clean out (a) stall(s).

i want to sit this evening and plan out an overview from now until the first day of classes, and I want to tidy up a little more.

[Teacher Terry]

When does school start?

[Chicken lady]

Sept 4.

The next week is optional Teacher work days.

[Teacher Terry]

That’s good that you have some time left to finish getting ready. I love fall. It’s my favorite time of year.

[Chicken lady]

Open house went pretty well.

i ended up staying 45 minutes late to clean up and talk to the director.

and then, as I was pulling into the driveway very tired and wondering what I was going to do about dinner, my phone rang. And dh asked “where are you?” And then without waiting for an answer “I hope you’re not cooking, because i’m on my way home with dinner. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

chores to do in about 15 minutes and then some puttering about at things.

[Teacher Terry]

Perfect timing on the dinner.

[Chicken lady]

So by the time I got done with chores, I was completely exhausted and no puttering happened.

i went to be early, slept hard, and got up tired.

this morning was the last of three mornings that I had to medicate all the goats (but it seems like it’s always something.)

i did chores, made breakfast, dh is working from home today (someone apparently woke him up in the middle of the night and he only got 5 hours of sleep) so he didn’t need a lunch, and I went to the food bank.

where I contemplated the huge stack of sticky cardboard boxes and told them to just throw the stale donuts in the dumpster. That was hard. I did bring home a small cake that hasn’t reached it’s sell by but the cover got crushed down and peeled all the icing off, two jewel boxes of tomatoes that are good on top and bad on the bottom, and two plastic grocery bags of assorted bread that is sold in a half loaf size with the heels removed.

i need to do housework and stalls. The housework has become more important than the stalls because I can see dh starting to resent the food bank and my job. Also, the heat index is over 100. I hate housework.

what concerns me most is the level of exhaustion I felt after the open house. I realize i’m not 20 anymore, but our last gym teacher was still competing In iron man competitions in her 60s when she retired (from teaching gym, not iron mans)

i need to to figure out some changes in my life to improve both my efficiency and energy level. Because right now, when I do have time with nothing pressing, I just want to snack and/or nap.

[Tybee]

I guess if I were you, I would decide which of my activities gave me the most pleasure and back away from one set of responsibilities. From your posts, I would probably select the food bank to back away from, as it seems you get much pleasure from your job, the animals, and your your household.That might free up more time for fun and relaxation, to give up food bank.

But that is just my read on your situation, and I am feeling very tired right now myself, and so am in a place where I am looking to give up some things in my life to leave more open time for fun, and also to work on my health to feel better, as I am also feeling exhausted all the time and I am older than you.

[mschrisgo2]

And I guess if I were you, I would make a doctor's appointment, and have my metabolics checked out.
(your self descriptions sound like me when my thyroid is low, the level of tiredness and slow recovery especially would push me to seek an answer).

[Chicken lady]

I made one doctor’s appointment - mid September - with my obgyn who is basically my pcp - I plan to talk to her about my energy level along with some other stuff. She will probably send me to “my” gp - a woman I saw once, two years ago, for a d/t booster as my previous gp had moved to Boston in the 8 years since I had last seen him - on which occasion, he told me (looking at my blood work) that my thyroid was fine, I was tired because I was a woman around 40 with three teenagers, a farm, and a job, taking vitamins might not help, but it wouldn’t hurt. Keep swimming.

swimming is one of the things I stopped over the summer (the pool was closed for repairs for two weeks that became 6 and I never got back) and need to get back into my schedule.

[SteveinMN]

what concerns me most is the level of exhaustion I felt after the open house. I realize i’m not 20 anymore, but our last gym teacher was still competing In iron man competitions in her 60s when she retired (from teaching gym, not iron mans)

i need to to figure out some changes in my life to improve both my efficiency and energy level. Because right now, when I do have time with nothing pressing, I just want to snack and/or nap.
When I faced a similar situation almost two years ago, I found what worked for me was simply powering through it. It took some caffeine and a lot of Tylenol but I eventually found that what would sit me down in exhaustion months earlier no longer slowed me down and didn't require as much Tylenol as it did. As my stamina improved my caffeine level went down. It helped that I was losing weight (almost a pound a week on average; activity and diet played a part) so there was less of me to move around.

"Just do it" became my mantra: just go and do that outside chore. Or go work out. Or weed that patch of the property. I didn’t get stuck on how many steps I had to finish that day or how many hours I spent at exercise or whether my calories were tailored to my energy expenditure. I needed to form the habit and build momentum before I could run myself aground on the trivia of steps and calories.

[Chicken lady]

Steve, a couple of interesting things related to your post - the last few weeks, when I have noticed myself “wandering” out to do chores or carrying a bucket, or whatever, I have been admonishing myself “move faster.”

also, I gave up soda (except sometimes at restaurants) about the same time I started having trouble with my energy level and I am wondering if part of this is my body trying to learn how to behave when it is not awash in caffeine 18 hours a day. (Which it was for 30 years) I still have 2.5 mugs of coffee in the morning and now and then “real” tea.

dh and I had a long discussion and he dismisses the caffeine theory.

in either case, I want to pick up the caffeine again, but at a higher level of mental function I don’t want that soda habit back.

building further on the conversation with dh, he doesn’t think I am tired. He thinks I am depressed. (Although he agrees that I am not at the level of cardio health I have been and need to get my exercise routine back - both for the being winded too easily and for the depression.) We talked a lot about what he is seeing and my tendency to get overwhelmed. He said he can’t tell if I need more structure in my life or less, but I think the answer may be “both”. I need to structure the things I am going to do more, and I need some stretches of time when I don’t have to think about other people (even days when I don’t assist with his food at all) and I need to structure the things I am not going to do.

he made me come up with something I am not going to do and say it out loud. I picked the on-line training for the new class information management program at work. I had been struggling with it yesterday afternoon, I am an hourly employee, and assuming I just watch the videos once, it is seven hours - that I don’t get paid for. The first half hour left me with three questions and still not understanding how to get started. I was being angry and defiant, but dh said “great. Just jump in anywhere. When it doesn’t work, go talk to the tech guy. You like him. If you need to, go see him the first day and say “hey, can you walk me through logging into this? I watched the video, but I apparently don’t get it.” (Last year the tech guy cheered sincerely the day I told him I used air print to print from the correct printer without help. He had shown me 4 times - they had been 4 different issues - one was in fact that someone had turned the printer off.) I am a hands on learner.

Then dh asked me what I need most at that moment and I picked “order in my environment”. He helped me with dishes and then made dinner while I finished tidying the addition, ran a load of laundry, put all the remaining food bank lettuce in the compost, and picked up the tub of luffa seeds that has been sitting by the steps for two years and scattered them in the rough near the barn. Maybe the chickens and other critters will eat them all. Maybe luffas will grow in the spring. But I will not see them every time I walk into the house from the garage. And if I get to the point where growing luffas is a priority again, I can buy some new seeds. Two past projects/errors in judgement gone from my life.

after dinner and chores I had enough energy to make some custard mix (it chills overnight and goes in the ice cream maker in the morning). Then I cleaned up, and when I came down this morning, I came down into a neat, orderly space. (I won’t say “clean” - I need to vacuum. - no. Restate. The floor is dirtier than I would like. It would be better if someone vacuumed. Maybe I will discuss this with the person who insists on wearing shoes in the house. Maybe I will just feel like doing it later.)

today I am going to clean stalls first thing after chores. I am going to work as hard and as fast as I can, drink lots of water, and quit by ten even if I am not done, because the heat should be bad enough by ten that I will be into diminishing returns. The rest of my day depends on other factors and decisions I can make after I shower.

my experience with the luffa seeds and the tidy room this morning has led me to think I should work on the garage today too. It is not urgent - there are other things on my list with deadlines - but it may be important - the mental impact of pulling into the garage every time I come home. This may sound stupid, but I think my garage needs to be calm and welcoming.

[SteveinMN]

I probably ought to clarify a couple of things:

- One of the "casualties" of "Just do it" was that not everything on my to-do list was performed in priority order. It took maybe 20 minutes each morning to knock out the post-breakfast chores (washing what did not go in the dishwasher, pulling out from the freezer something to prep for dinner, taking out the garbage/composting/recycling, etc.). Maybe not the most pressing task of the day but all things which I believed had to be done and which I would not have to see many times -- not yet done -- later. By then it was late enough/dry enough to go do whatever bigger project I had on my list.

- Sometimes my preferences were sacrificed to not losing momentum. If time to prep dinner put me in a bind because of what I needed to do to accommodate weather or commitments to others, dinner either was brought in ($$ and packaging waste :() or was a reprise of what we had for lunch (zzzzzz...). Maybe I could have "moved faster" or have planned a little further ahead, but I was not willing to beat myself up about that. This way of doing things wasn't "the new normal"; it was "doing this for right now".

- I think it would be valuable for you to do a "full accounting" of everything on your list: it obviously is important for you to look at reasonably orderly surroundings. That may not seem as critical a task as feeding animals or working at the food bank. But it has a value to you that is demonstrated several times in the course of a day, so tasks which keep areas orderly probably should compete with others at a higher priority than I think you give them -- or they can be delegated on a one-time basis or if it's something you and DH agree should be done.


I need to structure the things I am going to do more, and I need some stretches of time when I don’t have to think about other people (even days when I don’t assist with his food at all) and I need to structure the things I am not going to do.

I don't know as you need structure as much as you need definition. To me, structure implies a somewhat rigid way of approaching the workflow and/or the results. Based on what you've written here (in this post and others) I suspect that is part of what you find overwhelming. Certainly there are better ways to do some things than others (sometimes very few ways overall; there probably are only so many ways to dose a goat). But maybe success lies in doing what you're doing with the stalls this morning. Instead of "I'm cleaning the stalls today" the definition should be "I'm putting in two hours cleaning stalls". It's great if you finish the task in two hours. Knowing there's a time limit might even help prioritize what gets done. But if the stalls are not completely clean, at least you can check off the "two hours" part (item off my list!) and if what is left still needs to be done, it now has a lower priority than it did when compared to other tasks awaiting your energy and time. Right now, especially, there's only so much time and energy.

- Don't book yourself solid. For now; maybe not forever. Stuff you must get done (feeding goats)? Gotta be on the list. But, right now, while you don't know if your lack of energy is physical or depression or just being out of shape, you need to rest more than you did. Do that or you'll find it all comes to a halt when your mind/body just can't take any more.

[Chicken lady]

To be clear, when I tell myself to “move faster” I don’t mean “hurry up and get this done.” I actually mean “hey! you're walking 20 yards! Speed it up and get some exercise out if it.” (Use your “teacher walk” - the walk used to get to and from the bathroom/office/etc when you have three minutes free)

one thing i have been doing is starting my morning by getting things straightened up and orderly. This causes me to lose the cool of the morning for outside work, and, it means I get up to last night’s mess. Since dh helped me clean up last night, I was able to clean up after he left and start a load of laundry all in ten minutes. AND I started my day in a clear, orderly space. So putting things back in order before bedtime is a definite priority.

but, as soon as I had the space back to ground zero, I headed out to do chores. I did not unload the dishwasher, etc. and after chores, I started right in on stalls. When I needed my first water break, I took it while wandering slowly around the house tidying up, instead of sitting at the computer (as with this water break) as a result, by the time it had consumed two glasses of water and returned to my baseline heart rate, the dishwasher was empty - along with some other stuff. I was actually almost done putting away a collection of items that had accumulated near the door, and I though “I will just...” And then I reminded myself that the only acceptable ending to that sentence was “...clean stalls until 10:00” so I added my empty glass to the collection and went straight out. This is what I mean about structure around what I will and won’t do - focus and allocation of time? Actually planning and sticking to the plan?

at 9:54 I had just finished loading a wheelbarrow and I thought “there is a nice breeze. I bet I could do another wheelbarrow.” Then I said outload “nope, dump it, put the tools away, and quit.” So I did. And by 10:10 I had neatly stored the wheelbarrow and tools in the stall I am working on, checked the animals water, and come inside.

reasonable sticking to my time goal.
got my heart rate up and sweated through my shirt, so i’d say i’ve met today’s exercise minimum.
and the three stalls and two run in areas I finished are more than was required today for good management practices.

now i’m done dripping, so it’s shower time.

[Tybee]

I'm sorry that I can't remember the answer to this but have you ever been evaluated for adult ADD?

I say this because I have a lot of problems staying on task and this reflection reminds me of what I go through.

[Chicken lady]

I don’t even have any idea how you evaluate an adult for ADD. But I work with kids, and I am quite sure I do not have kid ADD, and I did not have problems in school. I think I mostly have bad habits and “ while I’m here” syndrome “while I’m here I (will/should/can/might as well...)

just now now I wanted a cantaloupe. So I went out to the garden to see if there was a ripe cantaloupe. There was. But between me and the cantaloupe were three bushes of overgrown squash and a lot of weeds. And I had to say “stop!” “You May pick the (8) squash, but you may not pull any weeds. And you have to leave the squash right here next to the garden. You can come get it later if you want it. Or maybe the chickens will find it and eat it and save you the trouble of moving it. There is plenty of squash.” By the time I got back to the house with my cantaloupe I was sweaty again. So, outside is done for today!

and Steve, I forgot to say that the dinner thing really resonates with me. And I have the added weight of genuinely feeling like it is a character flaw of I am not able to provide a good dinner at a reasonable time. I think that is the first thing I need to fix. Like, we may need to agree that dinner is entirely dh responsibility and it’s fine if I just eat when I am hungry and skip it. At least for a while.

[Teacher Terry]

I like your dinner solution. You put dinner on the table when you were raising your kids and fulfilled your obligation. I love Steve’s suggestions too. They sound helpful.

[Tybee]

I don’t even have any idea how you evaluate an adult for ADD. But I work with kids, and I am quite sure I do not have kid ADD, and I did not have problems in school. I think I mostly have bad habits and “ while I’m here” syndrome “while I’m here I (will/should/can/might as well...)

just now now I wanted a cantaloupe. So I went out to the garden to see if there was a ripe cantaloupe. There was. But between me and the cantaloupe were three bushes of overgrown squash and a lot of weeds. And I had to say “stop!” “You May pick the (8) squash, but you may not pull any weeds. And you have to leave the squash right here next to the garden. You can come get it later if you want it. Or maybe the chickens will find it and eat it and save you the trouble of moving it. There is plenty of squash.” .


My husband has adult ADD. He did well in school, too, and in fact has a master's degree and is a college professor. He also gets frustrated with his inability to do everything at once, exhibits hyperfocus a lot, will lose track of time when he is working, can be difficult to communicate with as he interjects about ten ideas and conversational threads at once, etc.
He was diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Diagnosis has been since confirmed twice by two different psychologists.
It has caused him some real pain, living with a brain that works somewhat differently than many in the mainstream. On the other hand, his brain can do amazing things, so there is that. But it is definitely a condition that will complicate working, communication, and relationships.

[Chicken lady]

Yeah, that all sounds like me. (Minus the advanced degrees)

so are there non-drug coping solutions?

[Tybee]

Absolutely-- he has found a counselor and talk therapy is really, really, really helping him. He gets coping strategies all the time from him and counselor will interpret what DH tells him about what is going on through lens of ADD and it makes a big difference in how effective the CBT is.

The psychiatrist put him on medication and he's been on medication twice and it worked for him but he hated being on medication so went off it and now must work on non-drug coping solutions, which I respect.

I remember this book was helpful:

https://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-Stupid-Crazy/dp/0684801167/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1535481784&sr=8-6

as was this one:

https://www.amazon.com/Healing-ADD-Revised-Breakthrough-Program-ebook/dp/B00C1N97EO/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1535482377&sr=1-1&keywords=daniel+amen+add

Dr. Amen is a big believer in organic differences in the brain and uses things like nutritional therapy to help.


This one I have not read but it looks very promising:

https://www.amazon.com/Adult-ADD-Diagnosed-Harbinger-Guides-ebook/dp/B004QOAJI4/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1535481784&sr=8-7&keywords=adult+add

because it talks about immediate strategies you can use. I think I may actually order that one for me, as I have been having a lot of focus problems lately, and the strategies help me, too.

[mschrisgo2]

In my early to mid 40's, when I went to my ob/gyn and, among other things, complained of excessive tiredness and slow recovery time, and lack of focus, no get-up-and-go, wanting to sleep longer, she said I had classic symptoms of depression- and gave me a referral to psychiatrist for meds. And I tried every med that was on the market over the next 8 years, and nothing really helped, although a lot of them really turned me into a zombie.

I finally fired the psych, and turned to food, vitamins and supplements after much online research. And that research eventually lead me to a group of doctors who focus entirely on metabolic disorders. After extensive blood tests, I was diagnosed with low thyroid, and prescribed a compounded T3 supplement, along with continuing my vitamins and others supplements, most importantly D3 and chelated magnesium. The effects were immediate and very positive. I know if the lack of motivation to move and intense desire for sleep return, my supplements are out of whack, and I get everything checked and get back on track. It's been more than 10 years now and it's all good. And I've recently learned that more of the positive side effects are not developing diabetes and maintaining appropriately low cholesterol and blood pressure.

[Chicken lady]

A lot to think about today.

good solid successes in the morning.

had to go out for flea medicine for the cat and stopped on the way back up the driveway to grab the squash. Gave 4 to the chickens tonight.

my afternoon was kind of draggy/tired. I did put away the laundry (5 loads that were sitting around), and I watched some videos, spent time online, and read a little.

then I decided to make ravioli because I have wanted to for a week and I had all the stuff. Even some mushrooms I got while I was out getting cat medicine. The ravioli was good. I don’t know if I can say it was from “scratch” because I cheated and used premade pasta. OTOH, I bottle fed the grandmother of the goat who provided the milk I made the cheese filling from....

so, that was my whole evening. Dh got home late and had the second seating of ravioli.

i feel a little bad about my afternoon because I feel like I could have done more, but my energy level was really low.

only a few things to to do have the room ready for tomorrow, and then off to bed!

[SteveinMN]

i feel a little bad about my afternoon because I feel like I could have done more, but my energy level was really low.
Tomorrow is another day...!

[Chicken lady]

So, I think making about 8 to about 10 (I ran ten minutes over again) my outside work time is good. Of course, I have a class tomorrow morning, and I volunteer on Monday mornings, and school is about to start, and the weekend schedule is driven by dh....

so, Tuesdays, 8-10, if it is not raining I will work outside.

Today i I pulled weeds, picked done squash that were a good size for dinner, cleaned one more wheelbarrow out of the stall i’m working on, and fired the burn barrel.

I have also showered and gotten my homework ready to take to the class i’m taking tomorrow.

i have done planning to do for school and light housework, so that will be my afternoon unless I hear from the woman I need to reach about picking up some materials for school. - then my afternoon will be mostly driving.

[Chicken lady]

I do not know why this box keeps changing “some” to “done” I must be hitting either the d or the n when I type and not noticing. (The n, I guess, dome is a word.)

anyway, the woman called, and all the materials for our recycling program are now in the assistant director’s office, ready to be set up (by the building manager) before school starts. I got a little bit of my housekeeping done too, but not my planning. I feel so much lighter with that job done though - it has been a rediculously long and paperwork intensive process with far too many shareholders!

today I have class in the morning, and I know there are leftovers for dinner. My barn is in routine mode, my laundry is caught up, and my house is clean enough for me. So today is feeling pretty low pressure. I still have 5 days to do these lesson plans.

[mschrisgo2]

Ah, Ease!! Enjoy!

[Chicken lady]

So, today, I am tired. I did my basics, and I went to class, and I took care of a few things at school, but I didn’t accomplish much, and I put off my homework and lesson plans, and I feel like I spent too much time reading and online and just resting and wasting time.

but I am doing well at changing the way I am THINKING about it.

I did a lot early in the week, and so it is not unreasonable to need rest.
we ate well.
the house is messy, but it won’t take an unreasonable time to catch back up.

i had an exhausting conversation with Dd2. I love her, and I am not a bad mother because she is exhausting. I am also not a bad mother because I resent being asked to make a two hour round trip to fetch her contacts because she planned poorly.

dh is working from home tomorrow, so I can sleep in and I won’t have to pack lunch, so cleaning up is less important.

[JaneV2.0]

So, today, I am tired. I did my basics, and I went to class, and I took care of a few things at school, but I didn’t accomplish much, and I put off my homework and lesson plans, and I feel like I spent too much time reading and online and just resting and wasting time...

What is this thing "too much time reading?" How can that be? :D

[Chicken lady]

“Too much time reading” is when you continue reading even though you could be using that time to do other activities that are high priorities and would improve your life more than the book currently in front of your face, but you lack the strength of character to overcome the current stimulation of your pleasure centers for a larger reward later.

[JaneV2.0]

“Too much time reading” is when you continue reading even though you could be using that time to do other activities that are high priorities and would improve your life more than the book currently in front of your face, but you lack the strength of character to overcome the current stimulation of your pleasure centers for a larger reward later.

Sounds grim...;)

[Tammy]

There is so much more to life than maximizing our time for its best use. In fact, I would argue that the necessary items should be as small a percentage as possible and the things we enjoy should be the largest percentage possible.

[nswef]

I tend to agree with Tammy,but have not yet been able to completely let go of the "shoulds" yet.

[JaneV2.0]

There is so much more to life than maximizing our time for its best use. In fact, I would argue that the necessary items should be as small a percentage as possible and the things we enjoy should be the largest percentage possible.

"Simple living" appealed to me for just this reason--minimize, minimize, minimize the chores, obligations, "must-dos" of life.

[iris lilies]

The OP is the one who chooses most all of the activities she engages in. These are her choices and we have talked about them many times. Minimizing isnt gonna happen.

[Chicken lady]

So, not reading and instead doing more yard work would have increased my enjoyment of my yard and honestly may have either increased or decreased my enjoyment of that chunk of time, but the net enjoyment would likely have been higher. The energy input would also have been higher, but I am not able to make a definitive judgement on unit of enjoyment per unit of energy expenditure.

the people who keep telling me to stop doing things are either confusing low energy expenditure with high enjoyment, or possessed of the belief that they can make a definitive judgement on net enjoyment per unit of energy expenditure for me from the other side of the internet.

my list of things I do because I have no choice is pretty darn low.

[JaneV2.0]

We all have different visions of what constitutes simplicity. It's not for me to choose for anyone else.

For me, I'll take reading, screen time, and just noodling around over origami underwear folding any day.

[Tybee]

We all have different visions of what constitutes simplicity. It's not for me to choose for anyone else.

For me, I'll take reading, screen time, and just noodling around over origami underwear folding any day.

to me, it means being able to pay my bills, live a sustainable lifestyle, and spend time enjoying things I want to do, rather than being driven to do things I do not enjoy. Low tech, lots of nature, time to read books, chance to be outside and health enough to get around. Not being burdened with caring for too much of anything, time to care for and enjoy things I have, time for my family.

[Chicken lady]

Interesting line of thought.

for me, first knee jerk stream of thought:
living according to my values
not having to act in ways that are unnatural/accommodate to the beliefs and desires of others
minimizing unwanted demands

this is probably why I have so few friends. Friends are not simple.

using my resources (time, money, energy) in ways that I feel give me a high rate of return personally (enjoyment, satisfaction, feelings of success and accomplishment... interestingly “happiness” came up as a secondary and I went back and checked it against the list - it’s a secondary effect.

minimal engagement with mainstream culture.

more to think about.

[Teacher Terry]

I find my friends simple and if they become otherwise it’s usually time to let them go. Most of my friendships are very long term. But I am a extrovert and I know it is different for introverts. My son is visiting for a month and his HS friend will be coming over for dinner so I am making a special meal. Some of my other friends want to see my son too so lots of cooking and entertaining. My son commented on how beautiful our backyard turned out and how low maintenance it is. That was planned to suit us as we age. IL, is right that CL doesn’t need simplify suggestions because she is creating the work she chooses to do. It took me a long time to get this.

[Chicken lady]

Working on lesson plans.

remembering why I don’t like lesson plans.

i have yet to find a format that easily organizes the information I need in the way I use it. I need something that incorporates a monthly/weekly/daily calendar system with a scope and sequence chart, an attendance and grade record for each class, a materials and process page for each lesson, a narrative record for each student, and a daily materials and to do list. It should be resistant to coffee, water, and dirt, and organized something like a 3D flowchart crossed with a choose your own adventure book. It would be nice if it fit in my purse.

lol!

[Chicken lady]

Oh, and about the friends - I engaged in three non-family social encounters this summer. Two involved about an hour picking blueberries and talking.

then one of my best friends came to visit from out of town. She stayed overnight. We had fun, but by the time she left I had been ready for her to leave for over an hour. The weather was nice and I wanted to work outside. She e-mailed me to see if she could stay a night this weekend again. I thought “I just saw you a week ago!” And I reminded her that we are moving Dd this weekend. I actually could have fit in both, but that is too much.

[Tammy]

The OP is the one who chooses most all of the activities she engages in. These are her choices and we have talked about them many times. Minimizing isnt gonna happen.

I stumble over knowing how to talk with her when it appears she is distressed and asking for suggestions. But sometimes she doesn’t want suggestions ... but still seems distressed! 😄

[Chicken lady]

Ok, my brain is doing well this morning, so maybe I can explain myself a little.

A lot of the time I want feedback. Which is different from suggestions. Because I am in the middle of the situation trying to look at it with a brain that may not be interpreting well. I also have a really hard time with executive function - everything can seem equally important and difficult, and I want it all most and now.

so I need to look at the things that aren’t working and see that there are reasons they aren’t working that are not failings in me. And I need those reasons to be more specific than “that is too much to do.” I need to hear stories not of “this worked for me, do this” but “yeah, I tried to do xyandz and this thing happened because it’s really hard, but I put “z” aside and came back to it later and it was ok. Z will wait.” I need help finding starting points “it sounds like this is the most important thing right now.” Or “this is the only thing that is time critical, so maybe if you get started on it you will feel less pressure.” Or, “I know it isn’t even on your list right now, but it might help your energy level if you took 15 minutes and cleared a space or took a walk.”

when i I get overwhelmed, I can’t even remember that I like tea or music or that I need to turn the lights on or that I have frozen fruit in the freezer that makes a really great quick and refreshing snack. I am like a 2 year old who is tired and muddy and has a skinned knee and has lost her toy and is just standing in the rain wailing because life is unbearable.

i need to know now that nobody else cares about a lot of the things that I am stressing out over. We are trying to order a new kiln at school. Ben at the studio has been working with us for over a year. One of the ways Ben makes a living is by selling kilns. And I feel bad that this has been such a drawn out mess. I had to get the administration on board with the idea, I had to find the money, there was fund raising, there were delays, I lost the number for the woman who does the inspection and paperwork, the woman told me we have a current code violation and also need an upgrade for the new kiln, our physical plant is in such a mess she didn’t even want the work to fix the situation. I am now trying to navigate the maze of who is responsible for what and how we get electrical work done to bring us up to code and prepare for the new kiln. So yesterday I checked with Ben that he got the information he needed in the email the woman sent him and explained that we had to schedule the work before we ordered. Ben was upbeat and pleasant and “no problem, i’m Ready when you say ‘go’.”

and i told dh that talking to Ben made me feel much better and that Ben has been really patient with me. And Dh said “honey, you are an easy sale. You wanted something standard, so Ben spent five minutes on the quote. You accepted it as is. (It was a really good quote!) He read you a phone number he uses all the time off of his phone twice, and when the electrical information came in, he put it with the quote. He knows you are going to order the kiln eventually, and when you do, he will have put in 20 minutes of work. You aren’t worrying Ben at all.” “And the electrician did what she does and got paid what she charges. Her take away is ‘sucks to be them. Glad I don’t have to worry about that mess.’.”

i just need to keep working through the next step. It is frustrating to me because there are no shortcuts, but everybody else thinks this is normal. Organizations are large and complicated and people are complex and everything takes longer than you think it will and you have to do all this rediculous political/social stuff that I think is stupid and fake and frankly a little insulting to the person you are dealing with (I hate it when my boss tells me how important I am to the organization and how much they appreciate me before she tells me I can’t have something and then tries to make me understand and buy into her priorities. Just say no. It’s your job to make those decisions. If you are open to me coming back with a better argument, tell me why you said no. But be honest about why. Because if you do, I will.) it is a linear process with unpredictable obstacles, turns, and delays, and I just gave to walk through it, and that is fine. In the end, I will have the new kiln. So far, I have actually done everything right, even though it feels like everything is a disaster. That is the process, not me. (And the fact that I hate participating in the process and it feels unnatural and frustrating not mean I am bad at it)

last year i got overwhelmed and didn’t have a garden. This year I got overwhelmed and almost didn’t have a garden again, but someone gave me some Melon plants. And I planted them. And then I bought some tomato and pepper plants - only a couple, and planted late squash, and I have a garden. It isn’t what I wanted, but it is keeping me from walking away from the whole thing in despair and it is ok. Sometimes I need help stepping away from the big picture and focusing on one piece I can do. It’s like my life is a giant 3,000 piece puzzle and I have this vision of being able to pick up every piece and put it right in place, and then I look at it scrambled in a heap and think oh my god, I have no idea where any of these pieces go! I need someone to give me strategies like, “it’s ok, just start turning pieces printed side up. When you see edges put them aside. Group pieces of similar color or pattern. This is going to take a while....” “get a simpler puzzle” doesn’t help. I want THIS puzzle.

and when I say “I will never get it done.” I need someone to say “you got the hat together. Maybe you should shift your focus over to this blue area for a while, you can work on that part after you find more stars....” not giving up on the garden, just not worrying about the garden until I see a way to make it come together, and believing that it will.

sorry this is so long.

[Lainey]

Or remember this saying: "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good." As in, it's good enough, so time to move to the next thing. Your garden is a great example - you made an effort and got a few things done, it's good enough!

[Chicken lady]

No, it’s not good enough. It’s better than nothing. “Progress, not perfection.” ;)

[Tybee]

CL, having just read your post about the kiln and the garden, and thinking about what you say here:
"It’s like my life is a giant 3,000 piece puzzle and I have this vision of being able to pick up every piece and put it right in place, and then I look at it scrambled in a heap and think oh my god, I have no idea where any of these pieces go! I need someone to give me strategies like, “it’s ok, just start turning pieces printed side up. When you see edges put them aside. Group pieces of similar color or pattern. This is going to take a while....” “get a simpler puzzle” doesn’t help. I want THIS puzzle."

and thinking about some of the posts you have made that reflect a level of pain that is disturbing to many readers and makes us want to help by giving you suggestions, I want to reiterate my suggestion that you find a really good therapist to work with you about managing your life. You are very clear about what you want, and you are also clear on wanting support, and I think a very good therapist could help you with both of those things, to achieve what you want, to gain support, and most importantly, to alleviate much of the suffering that you seem to be experiencing. None of us want you to suffer.

I am in no way saying anything negative to you in this. I have used therapy at various points and found it extremely helpful. There is obviously nothing that I can say to you to alleviate suffering, and I want to support you, but I do not want you to feel that I am criticizing you, and I don't want to frustrate you any longer by "not getting it" and giving you ideas that make you angry or feel you have to defend yourself, which is the impression I am getting. And I could be so wrong about that, but that's the impression I am getting.

You are obviously smart, creative, and juggling a lot of plates in the air, which is how you like it. I don't think I can give you much in the way of support that will not feel to you like I am criticizing, so I will stop giving you ideas and know that I wish you all the best!

[JaneV2.0]

ChickenLady, when you describe your life, I think of the word "driven." It's never seemed like a good thing to me, but many people seem to think it's something to aspire to. I hope you find your equilibrium.

[Chicken lady]

Actually Tybee, a lot of what you have said has been really helpful. Your thoughts about ADD gave me another possible way to look at my thought processes and new information to explore, even if it turns out not to be the right path, a change in perspective is always useful. And your comment on what simplicity is to you also triggered a shift in my thinking.

I am resistant to therapy because therapy is not simple for me. Therapy is a new person. New people are always stressful. Therapy is a significant financial and time drain with no promise of any return and possible additional irritation (it is quite possible the first therapist will be a bad fit) therapy requires more driving (at least 45 minutes each way) and less doing things that make me happy (time and money loss).

[iris lilies]

Actually Tybee, a lot of what you have said has been really helpful. Your thoughts about ADD gave me another possible way to look at my thought processes and new information to explore, even if it turns out not to be the right path, a change in perspective is always useful. And your comment on what simplicity is to you also triggered a shift in my thinking.

I am resistant to therapy because therapy is not simple for me. Therapy is a new person. New people are always stressful. Therapy is a significant financial and time drain with no promise of any return and possible additional irritation (it is quite possible the first therapist will be a bad fit) therapy requires more driving (at least 45 minutes each way) and less doing things that make me happy (time and money loss).
Therapy isnt simple for anyone. If you think it is, you are wrong. Every challenge you list, with possible exception of drive time, are the same challenges for all. It may not be worth it to you in the end, who knows, I sure dont know. But dont act like you are unique in the challenges. People, some here, who have life debilitating mental health problems take a step toward self help with therapy because the alternative is no longer viable to them.

[Chicken lady]

I wasn’t claiming uniqueness. Am totally willing to accede that there are millions of people for whom therapy is not a good option. Some for less reason than I offer, some for more. Those are simply things I weigh in the balance before feeling very clear that for me, personally, at this time, my energy is better put elsewhere. You are welcome to disagree.

i felt it was more polite to offer my reasoning than to just keep saying “no.” Is it not?

is there some specific example you could give me of a way therapy would give me help with a specific problem I have faced that would be worth the drain it would place on my resources? I’m willing to be open to the possibility that I don’t fully understand how it could help me.

[iris lilies]

I wasn’t claiming uniqueness. Am totally willing to accede that there are millions of people for whom therapy is not a good option. Some for less reason than I offer, some for more. Those are simply things I weigh in the balance before feeling very clear that for me, personally, at this time, my energy is better put elsewhere. You are welcome to disagree.

i felt it was more polite to offer my reasoning than to just keep saying “no.” Is it not?

is there some specific example you could give me of a way therapy would give me help with a specific problem I have faced that would be worth the drain it would place on my resources? I’m willing to be open to the possibility that I don’t fully understand how it could help me.

I am no apologist for therapy and wont ever be. It does seem that some people here have identified some areas that you might get help with.

But I really wonder what your husband says about therapy for you? You rely on him a fair amount, it seems to me, to take care of you when depressed, confused, etc. Nothing is wrong with that. I wonder if he would see a therapist as a fellow helpmate or as an obstruction in a busy life?

[Chicken lady]

He has been in therapy. He found it very helpful. He has never suggested it for me.

[JaneV2.0]

I've never been a big booster of talk therapy either--unless it involved subject-specific strategies that a "life coach" might offer. But some people have been helped by it, and it's safer and more effective, in most cases, than psychotropic drugs. Maybe there's a book or video that could offer clues, though finding just the right one would probably just add another stressor. Some diets. like the AIP, have been cited anecdotally as helpful for anxiety, bipolar symptoms, etc. Or, as my mother would advise "Eat a nice steak, dear." :)

[Teacher Terry]

I sought therapy a few times in my life when things were very difficult and it really helped. It is painful to take a unbiased deep look at yourself. Most people don’t change until the pain of staying the same is more than the pain of changing. Cognitive behavioral therapy is great at helping people make concrete changes.

[Tammy]

So I struggle to understand the difference between feedback and suggestions. But then you wrote that you are resistant to therapy. So perhaps when I speak, from my perspective as a psych nurse, that’s too close to the world of therapy and simply annoys you.

So maybe it’s better if I just listen! 😄

[ApatheticNoMore]

I've done therapy and am not an advocate. I think it might work 1) if the therapist has knowledge you might not otherwise, I think this is very limited cases (much more limited than most admit) as in most issues they may just have the same limited human perspective as you! But if they have good training in specific things (and they won't all), they could show you about doing CBT or better communication if one is lacking in that etc.. 2) if you just need a cheerleader and strategist in very specific behavioral goals you want to work on anyway and aren't getting much otherwise. I honestly think these are mostly things one could deal with on their own anyway, but where support could make it easier and thus more likely to happen 3) if you just need someone to vent to, to talk things over with, because the act of getting it all out there adds clarity and prevents it from exploding elsewhere, and other people than a therapist are not good choices for this.

People often tend to go into therapy with more expectations than just a "sounding board" though, but I'm rather puzzled as to which ones are remotely reasonable (I think many aren't).

[mschrisgo2]

[Note, if you are not a teacher or a person interested in how people's brains work, this post is probably not for you. Please feel free to skip it.]


CL, Lesson Plans, LOL!!! I know exactly what you mean!

Before I retired, I had developed a system of two 3-ring binders. One contained my "student notes" - anecdotal, then I colored coded them for: performance, referrals, questions for kids, questions for parents, special interests/connections.

The other binder began with the school calendar, which I marked in various colors to make the holidays, grading periods, etc very noticeable for ME, next came the scope and sequence charts divided by subject- these I marked with dates/colors from the calendar, accompanied by attendance and grade printouts (from the electronic gradebook) for each class. I kept an overall Supplies List, a List of things I had gathered for special projects, and a list of things I needed/wanted to acquire.

Over the years I developed process pages for lessons that I included in this binder, that I moved from one year to the next (these were not really for me to use in class, but to have something to show an administrator if I were being evaluated). I find "lesson plans" both a great burden and a redundancy. I always said I was "teaching kids, not teaching books" - in other words, I had my objectives (for the day, week, course) in mind, plenty of materials on hand, but exercised the option of meeting the kids exactly were they were that day, not rotely walking through a Lesson Plan.

My real lesson planning took place almost entirely in my head, and sometimes involved professional reading, online research, classes or workshops, etc. I would think about my objectives for a few minutes, like 3!! then go on about my life, letting it all simmer in my brain. Sometimes I'd write out a strategy or a particular question that I wanted to use. But mostly it was in my head. For me, this part was fun, and I could include others or not, think- museum trip.

[Side note: yes, I could have written all this out, but it would take more hours than I had. And I was a Teacher, not a Curriculum Writer. Those are 2 full time jobs. That became very clear to me when I was paid one summer to write curriculum.]

The "Lesson Plans" that I wrote for admin had time blocks with subject, abbreviated objective, and assessment dates noted. These lived on my desk, and occasionally we had to turn them in. I did those for the following week whenever I had a prep period at school, I could do a whole week in less than an hour, and that task never came home.

The setting up of the calendar, matching scope and sequence to dates, printing out the attendance/grading pages, and setting up individual students' note pages, took 8-10 hours at the beginning of the year, and I preferred to do it at school using their paper and ink, though sometimes it came home if I couldn't get uninterrupted time at school.

Sometimes my Student Notes binder came home, (especially if I felt like we had had a few chaotic days in a row- noting calmed my brain and restored my sense of order), to add to it from our day, notes from phone calls with parents, etc. I also often wrote on dated sticky notes and simply stuck those in later. It was my go-to for Comments on report cards, and I would start those a couple of weeks before the official writing- wrote them up in a word doc, to copy and paste later.

So there you have it, 2 binders. Useful and reproducible, at least for me

*** "It should be resistant to coffee, water, and dirt, and organized something like a 3D flowchart crossed with a choose your own adventure book."
Absolutely! I think I got close to it. LOL

[herbgeek]

So I struggle to understand the difference between feedback and suggestions.

I understand it like this (and CL, feel free to tell me I'm completely wrong): feedback is comments on what someone has told you they intend to do, suggestions are new items that the person did not say they were doing.

Feedback could be: I don't think doing what you mentioned in that order would be best. What if you do the 3rd item on your list first, because first thing in the morning is when you've said you aren't quite awake and this 3rd task doesn't require much of your attention. Then you could do the first task that is most important to you, later when you are awake and can give it proper attention.

Suggestions would be : why are you doing those tasks? You should be doing this other set of tasks instead. Or why don't you elimate tasks 3, 4 and 5 and just focus on tasks 1 and 2. In this case, the poster has said they intend to do all 5, and this suggestion is not helpful.

[Chicken lady]

Yes herbgeek!

mschrisgo2 - two binders! I’m impressed! But yes, you get the challenge!

i currently have a daily calendar with a column for materials needed that day and an hourly schedule on each page, a master plan book with weekly double spread pages for each class topic and activity that week, a color coded hanging file folder for papers/handouts for each class, a large binder with color coded dividers to keep my pottery classes in - each day has a single page with space for topics/notes at the top and attendance and notes on each kid below, and each class has a section for a double page spread project record for each kid. And small color coded binders for each non-pottery class, but I haven’t figured out what their pages should look like besides attendance and topics/notes. All this fits in a hanging file crate.

[Chicken lady]

Yesterday my dh gave me our concert schedule for fall (we get a subscription series every year, it is something we both enjoy doing.) we have concerts on October 6th and 20th. My parents had asked if they could visit us in October, so I gave them the schedule and they asked if they could come the weekend of the 13th. We offered to get them concert tickets, but they were not interested. (My father doesn’t like classical music - I think because he associates it with his father, but that’s a whole ‘nother story)

so that is october. Something three weekends in a row is a lot for me.

september - there is an art exhibit downtown I would like to see, but it ends sept 9th, so I probably won’t. Dh would probably point out that I could easily go after work, but going downtown alone is exhausting and stressful for me and seeing this particular exhibit is not a major life goal.

also in September are two other fall activities I generally enjoy. One is the renfest and the other is a fiber arts festival. (Renfest continues through October, but...)

the only person I know who would want to go to the renfest with me is dd2, who just moved away. Dh took me to the fiber arts festival last year. I am comfortable going to either by myself, but the renfest is more fun with a friend, and the fiber arts festival is so big that sometimes I get overwhelmed. The thought of wandering around like a concussion victim unable to decide I am ready to go home is not enticing. Also, I do not need anything from the fiber arts festival except maybe more socks - which I can order on-line - having saved the website of the person who sold them to me last year. I haven’t even used most of the ideas I collected last year.

Another traditional sept/oct activity in my house is the trip to the apple orchard followed by canning applesauce. Last year I attended both festivals, but I did not make applesauce. I have missed having the applesauce this year. And my annual fall/winter pottery sale is in November, but most of the prep work needs to be done in the next eight weeks. The class I am taking runs six more weeks.

so, being realistic about my available time, my eight week plan is:
work
class
keep trying to make progress on the house/barn/yard
Volunteer at the food bank 3 weeks a month (skipping the Monday my parents visit, the September Monday I have a doctor’s appointment, and maybe one more Monday in October)
2 concerts
a visit with my parents
pottery
applesauce

in addition to this I am attempting to add a structured exercise routine in which I do yoga at home with dh two mornings a week and swim after school two nights a week. The nights I swim, I will not make dinner.

feedback?

[SteveinMN]

so, being realistic about my available time, my eight week plan is:
[list ensues]

in addition to this I am attempting to add a structured exercise routine in which I do yoga at home with dh two mornings a week and swim after school two nights a week. The nights I swim, I will not make dinner.

feedback?
I find that plans like that are quite helpful to me but that they never account for the things that creep in -- and something always creeps in. New projects at work; the scope of "homework" for the class; critter issues; etc. Will incorporating some of those be an issue? Is there anything on your list that is either expendable or can be rushed/skimped on without a great deal of regret?

[Chicken lady]

Oh dear, that’s pretty much the bare bones part of the list.

it does not include dishes or clean clothes, emergencies, non-family social activities, surprise visits from kids, housekeeping, reading, baking, or cheese and ice cream making.

however, “progress on the house/barn/yard” I thought I left pretty flexible. It could be sorting through and reorganizing the room Dd just vacated, or it could be hanging a picture in the bare spot she left on the wall...

the He amount of work I do for my class and sale are flexible because they matter only to me- so if something else becomes more important to me I can cut there, and the unmentioned dinners I am working on. Dh will probably get tired and punt on yoga sometimes. The pool will have a crisis and close. (I lost 6 weeks last year) and I am an hourly employee at work, so I am struggling with boundaries. It is hard, because 90% of my job, I would do for free.

the woman running the new records and communications system must have realized that none of us were going to watch the 7 (unpaid) hours of training videos because she is now sending us “5 quick tasks” to do every week with very detailed instructions. She says to let her know if we need one on one help and that she will be sending these every Saturday - please try to do them before Wednesday so she has time to help us before the next one. Our workweek is tues - fri. I am processing how I feel about this, because she keeps presenting it as this great resource we are being given and I have yet to see any way in which it will help me. However, I am willing to devote the ten daily minutes I previously devoted to posting class activities that nobody ever read to doing her tasks. I will not be posting the class activities however. I often stop this, and several months later the administration notices and asks me to do it and then I do for a while. This time I will say “I know, I have been working on learning canvas so I can use that.”

Last night I checked the foodbank website and it said they were open today. So this morning I drove over, and the cardboard sign on the door said they were closed. So I drove home. I had no exercise on my plan for the day, so I spent the time working on my stalls. Two of them are now past “minimum needed” and well into “really good” (the rest are still at minimum.)

now it is the time time I would normally get home and I have finally stopped dripping, so I am going to go take a shower and work on the things (laundry, dishes, baking and lesson plans) I had planned for my afternoon.

[Teacher Terry]

I use canvas for my online class and taught myself with no instructions. It is so much easier than blackboard. It has made my life easier.

[Chicken lady]

I have no idea what blackboard is, except that it must be something like canvas.

i currently use I have no idea what but attendance is one page I pull up from a bookmarked link “check absent students” and I have another page for each class with a class list, a row of e-mails for parents and kids (I can e-mail all or selected kids and or parents) and a box at the bottom where I am supposed to summarize what we did that day, but usually don’t because I established that no one reads it. (I asked for parent feedback in the class summary. I offered prizes in the class summary. No feedback. No prizes claimed.) My administration usually checks on me in November. Then I do it until Christmas and never hear about it again.

i write assignments on the board. If they need an electronic copy, they can take a picture with their phone. I write legibly faster than I type.

my classes are all hands-on. My grades are narratives. Why do I want canvas? (Real question. Tell me what I should be excited about?)

[Teacher Terry]

It may not be useful to you. My college class is online so everything comes electronically and I grade on there. I also leave feedback on every assignment for every student. Email is our main method of communicating. It is so much faster and easier than Blackboard.

[Chicken lady]

That’s what’s making me grumpy about it. I’m pretty sure it isn’t going to be very useful for me. My best hope is that the e-mail part will work better. Currently no one can figure out why, but when I click on a person/group to email it insists on using my personal e-mail instead of my teacher email so I have to copy the address line, go to my teacher email and paste.

meanwhile, it is bright and sunny here, but hot. I am so pleased with my stall accomplishments this morning that even though my lesson plans for the week are not done, I am enjoying relaxing by my giant windows reading and snacking on frozen blueberries. I did my baking and some dishes and laundry.

we are going out to dinner with the in town kids tonight.

[Teacher Terry]

The email works great. It allows you to choose to have your messages to be sent to your canvas email only or you can also have them sent to your regular email. I chose both. That way I know immediately if I have a message and can respond. Because I only teach one class I respond 7 days a week unless I am out having fun. It doesn’t sound useful to you except for email. I hate when I worked for the state and they wanted you to learn something you would never need. But at least we got paid.

[Teacher Terry]

For the class I teach we are paid by the number of students. I have to keep the class updated and don’t get paid but I am so well compensated for the class I don’t mind. I can’t make over $24k/year working for a entity that is part of our retirement plan or I lose my pension. I looked at teaching outside of the system but most colleges pay terrible and not worth my time.

[Chicken lady]

I only get paid for time when I am in the classroom with students, plus one hour of planning time a week and two staff meetings a year. Ironically, all the stuff I don’t appreciate about my job is unpaid. (Record keeping, evaluations, parent contacts, process training, dismissal duties) so I try to keep it to a minimum.

i get my kids back tomorrow!

[mschrisgo2]

CL, I had to use a similar system and was supposed to post homework assignments. And I did, handwritten on the board. Then I took a picture with my phone and added it to the electronic system! I actually got awarded a Target gift card for having my assignments posted!

I wanted to continue to be able to say: your homework is posted on the white board. "My dad was at work so I couldn't check on his smart phone" was not an excuse I would entertain. And yes, many of my families only had a smart phone, no computer or tablet, and it was usually with the working parent.

[Chicken lady]

Oh mschrisgo2, I love you! I don’t know why I didn’t think of that, but you have just saved me so much typing and time!

Last year when we used to brainstorm together, I would take a picture of the board after classincase we needed to come back to ideas, so I don’t know why I didn’t think of it! Too busy being grumpy probably.

[Chicken lady]

Tuesday is my shortest day.

went well. So much paperwork, and the ceiling in my classroom is leaking, but still, after a day with my kids I checked my blood pressure and it was the lowest it’s been in months. (By 7 points on the top and more than 10 on the bottom). Came downstairs and told the building manager about the leak and got a spare trash can, and my returned coworker said “and yet, you’re smiling!” To which I replied “i’m happy to be home.”

Made dinner. Spent my evening on class organization stuff. (And dishes and chores)

wednesday is my long day, and I start yoga this morning.

[Chicken lady]

Well, I wouldn’t exactly call today “easing in” but it has been a good day, and I feel good about it.

regular morning routine with chores, breakfast, packing lunch, plus did yoga with dh, showered, and started a load of laundry.

drove in to work (stopped for gas and dropped trash) taught 9:30 to 3:30 with a 45 minute lunch break that was mostly spent on paperwork, clean up, set up, and orienting my classroom helper.

drove home, snack, filed papers, put laundry in the dryer, picked up and racked a load of hay. Made and ate dinner with dh, evening chores, lesson plans, set up coffee. Thinking about doing a little more lesson plan work and/or unloading dishes before shower and bed (school night - 10:00 bedtime.)

[Chicken lady]

So this morning, perhaps not surprisingly, I am tired and draggy and foggy. (I did not do dishes or ontinue lesson plans last night - I read)

i am having trouble making good decisions. Actually, that is not true - I am having trouble implementing good decisions.

i decided that dishes were more important than laundry, and yet I found myself sidetracked by the (less overwhelming) laundry. I know that I need to get out of the house in half an hour, but instead of getting things together and into the car, I was wandering around randomly moving things, reading part of my book, and getting stuck on what to wear to teach today.

so I decided to come here and try to nail down my thought process/behavior a little.

but now I am going to put things in the car.

[JaneV2.0]

M. Molly Backes on Twitter started a thread about "the impossible task." which could be something as simple as paying bills or scheduling a task. for a person with depression:

The Impossible Task is rarely actually difficult. It’s something you’ve done a thousand times. For this reason, it’s hard for outsiders to have sympathy. “Why don’t you just do it & get it over with?” “It would take you like 20 minutes & then it would be done.” OH, WE KNOW. If you’re grappling with an Impossible Task, you already have these conversations happening in your brain. Plus, there’s probably an even more helpful voice in your brain reminding you of what a screw up you are for not being able to do this seemingly very simple thing."
"

I think she nailed it.

[SteveinMN]

The Impossible Task is rarely actually difficult. It’s something you’ve done a thousand times. For this reason, it’s hard for outsiders to have sympathy. “Why don’t you just do it & get it over with?” “It would take you like 20 minutes & then it would be done.” OH, WE KNOW. If you’re grappling with an Impossible Task, you already have these conversations happening in your brain. Plus, there’s probably an even more helpful voice in your brain reminding you of what a screw up you are for not being able to do this seemingly very simple thing."
Been there; done that. Hmmm....

[Zoe Girl]

Can someone start a thread about that impossible task! It deserves a lot of attention.

[Teacher Terry]

Thankfully even when depressed I can get things done but I have lots of empathy for those that can’t.

[merince]

Chicken Lady, I've found that dishes are quite often an almost impossible task for me, too. What I usually do is instead of thinking "do the dishes", I'll think "just do the cups" or just "do the silverware." This helps me get going.

[JaneV2.0]

Chicken Lady, I've found that dishes are quite often an almost impossible task for me, too. What I usually do is instead of thinking "do the dishes", I'll think "just do the cups" or just "do the silverware." This helps me get going.

I have a five minutes or five items bogey. Wash five dishes, spend five minutes hacking away at the yard, and so on.

[Chicken lady]

Slept late this morning. I wrote a long post about how the plan was going and it disappeared. I am going to try again. End of week 1 of the 8 week plan:

work - good. On time every day, classroom coming together, blood pressure down, lesson plans partly done for next week. Need to do some work in my studio to gather some things for my classroom. Need to turn in payroll paperwork by the 18th.one student who may pose difficulty, but his mom seems cooperative.

class - forgot tools this week (at school) and just took notes. didn’t mind too much because I was tired, but now have extra “homework”. I can skip a project if I decide to.

keep trying to make progress on the house/barn/yard - house is a mess. Papers and materials all over surfaces including the floor. Many items left at point of last use. Dirty dishes in sink, clean dishes in dishwasher. Kept up with doing laundry, but it is all clean in baskets. Dd’s discards are still piled on the guest bed. The compost is full and the recycling needs to go to the drop.

barn is a little messy and stalls need work again, but not bad. Low on feed but got in hay this week. Lost another chicken to a predator.

nothing attempted on the yard this week - it has been hot and humid.

Volunteer at the food bank 3 weeks a month (skipping the Monday my parents visit, the September Monday I have a doctor’s appointment, and maybe one more Monday in October) - food bank was closed. 2 weeks in September.

2 concerts - still on schedule

a visit with my parents - still on schedule. Dh has added a visit from his parents in September which raises the pressure to clean the guest room and ruins a weekend.

pottery - haven’t found/made time for any personal work this week.

applesauce - still too early, but losing a weekend to dh parents complicates this.

in addition to this I am attempting to add a structured exercise routine in which I do yoga at home with dh two mornings a week and swim after school two nights a week. The nights I swim, I will not make dinner. - did yoga once. It was good. Dh wants to make it 3 mornings a week. Haven’t started swimming yet. Dinners have been fine.

It is raining today and Dh wants to drive up to a nearby town and get new stools for the kitchen. Once I get in a car and leave home with dh, I never know how the day will unfold, but the time I am home I need to try to return the house to ground zero.

[Chicken lady]

So, it was a very rough weekend due to the weather, but dh got donuts and I soothed myself with sugar and caffeine from an extra half pot of coffee.

we got stools, the addition space has been cleaned up and vacuumed (but we cooked dinner together and there are dishes that did not fit in the dishwasher - which is running) I put away the clean laundry and washed another load which is in the dryer.

we also watched a movie and I finished a book.

tomorrow:
regular morning routine with added yoga
food bank
feed store
groceries?
ditch (drainage has become the most important barn/yard issue)
Shower (which I will definitely need after the ditch)
prep for Tuesday class
work on my pottery
dinner?
put laundry away?
catch up with dishes?

[Chicken lady]

Yesterday I broke.

3 days with no sunlight.

I did did not get groceries. I made progress on the ditch, but it isn’t done. I was tired and discouraged, and my elbow hurt, so I quit and took a shower. And then I just couldn’t seem to get started on anything.

dh didn’t get home for dinner until 8, even though he called me three times to say he was leaving “...ok, actually I didn’t manage to leave, but i’m leaving now...” (it takes him 35-45 minutes to get home)

by the time he got home, I was in tears.

but today is another day. And I get to spend time with my class.

[Teacher Terry]

Have you tried one of those sun lamps? I have heard that they help with SAD.

[Chicken lady]

I haven’t tried the official, expensive light box. I do have pretty good lighting, which actually helps somewhat, if I remember to turn it on. One of the problems with depression is trying to use a broken tool to fix itself.

today is a very full morning routine and a full school day and I don’t know about dinner.

[Chicken lady]

Yesterday was very full. I’m still working on the “ extra” sryff at work. Having to start the year without having a chance to get my classroom set up has been difficult.

i ended up making dinner, but dropped the ball on some of the homework for my class (which is today)
dishes are better, but not caught up, laundry is falling behind. So are stalls.

Picked a bunch of giant squash for the chickens yesterday and found two rotten cantaloupes in the garden. I’m trying to remind myself that this is simply a biological fact and not a personal moral failing.

my body is sore in lots of new places from yoga and I am planning to swim after school today. I went to bed half an hour earlier last night. Dh is making dinner tonight. There was some sun yesterday afternoon.

today -
regular morning routine (i’d Like to squeeze in some progress, but I am tired and moving slowly) plus pack swim bag.
go to class
teach class
swim
prep for classes tomorrow
evening chores.

hopefully some dishes/laundry at some point.

[beckyliz]

Chicken lady - I just want to applaud you on all that you do accomplish. I realize the list is long, but you make a lot of progress chipping away.

[Chicken lady]

Thanks.

once again I got less accomplished than I would like, no laundry but I did the rest of my ‘very short to me’ list, which leaves me further behind.

but I had a really good day.

i finally got to order the new kiln for school. And when I did, I reminded the staff member that there was a condition on the order in order to get an advantage, and she said “don’t worry about it. You get that because you’re you.” Which is just an amazingly huge thing for me. Most of the time I feel like the boy in ‘how to train your dragon’ whom everyone wants to be “less you”. I don’t care what part of “me” justifies the advantage - i’ll take it!

class went well. I have chosen a project to skip without regret and have only minimal homework. The teacher made us lunch (it related to the class) and it was yummy and healthy.

the class I am teaching went well and my kids told me good things about their lives.

i swam.

my blood pressure was 96/65!

dh made dinner.

and the chicken I had given up on hatched an egg (she has 2 more, i’ll check in the morning.)

[debbie]

Chicken lady, I'm glad to hear your students saying good things about their lives . I babysit my two great nephews and meet them at the bus after school; every day I ask how was school? and every day they say great. I'm so happy for them as I rarely had a great day at school. Glad to hear the chicken hatched an egg too. My niece gets eggs from her farmer friend but they are really dirty. Can I wash them or does it go through the shell?
How do they get so clean at the store?

[Chicken lady]

The store eggs go through a very regulated wash system with chemicals. Also, battery hens lay eggs onto a “clean” surface where they are mechanically transported away and can’t be stepped on.

A well maintained flocke should have clean bedding bedding and nesting areas and not be producing “really dirty” eggs.

that said, wash under running water - warm, about 90*. You can buy egg wash. I don’t know what is in it. I just use water. Sometimes a toothbrush if there is a stubborn spot. Don’t ever crack open a dirty egg to eat!

[Chicken lady]

I am taking it slow this morning, but I plan for my focus to be on my barn and my pottery because those are the areas most out of balance (well, and the garden, but it is mid September - clearly I will not be planting fall seeds after all, and what I did plant can run its course - mulching in preparation for next year goes hand in hand with barn clean out.

[debbie]

Thanks I will wash well in future instead of just avoiding the dirty eggs.

[Chicken lady]

So, I did the minimum work needed to keep up with the stalls. It took 4 hours and 15 minutes, but a lot of that (after the first hour and 45 minute block) was spent cooling off, drinking water, and resting until I felt less physically tired.

clearly I am going to need to budget about 4.5 hours a week for barn work in addition to regular chores. Also clearly, the next block will need to occur during the visit from my inlaws. Followed by a thorough shower before I am fit for company.

i need to go back, look at my 8 week plan, and make notes on a piece of paper so that I can put it in front of me and assess it weekly.

[Tammy]

Working outside while your visitors are in the house sounds like a great plan.

[mschrisgo2]

CL, good for you for timing your work in the stalls. I've found I am not very realistic about the time certain tasks take- some are far less- usually the ones I've been avoiding!- and some take longer than I thought I was spending- usually the routine ones! I think I get bored and slow down with routine, so I have been switching things up, different time, order, etc. and have gotten some of my efficiency back.

In your case, you now know you get to spend a good chunk of a day away from inlaws and can realistically plan for that. Win-Win!

[Teacher Terry]

I think it is a great plan to work in your barn to escape the evil in laws :))

[Chicken lady]

Well, the easing is definitely over.

spent a good chunk of time in the pottery studio today, and left my work surface clean - which I tend to not do.

subbing for the other art teacher three classes tomorrow, so instead of a half day off, it will be a full day at work. Planning to swim after - haven’t really looked at the 8 week plan again yet, but need to to keep focused/centered.

[nswef]

Good for you leaving the work surface clean. "m betting you usually don't leave enough time to do that....nice to have it done today. Enjoy the swim tomorrow.

[Chicken lady]

Yes, usually it’s “try to do too many things, work until the last minute, cover whatever needs to be covered, leave behind dirty tools and come back to the house with clay under my nails.”

that approach is hard on my tools, requires that I wash things before I use them, and locks me into either jumping back in to the previous project or starting with a big clean up, and sometimes I don’t have time or the energy for either.

i woke up much too early this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. I finally gave up and got up 15 minutes before my alarm.

i looked at my plan. It is much more calming than my list - nice and general.

so my status at the beginning of week 3:

work - is going well. Still doing a lot of things “just in time”, classroom not fully curated, but not feeling overwhelmed.

class - also going well. Working on being gentle with myself and having reasonable expectations.

keep trying to make progress on the house/barn/yard - house and barn are maybe a little better - about the same, so “keeping up” at least. I started to say that I was neglecting the yard, but while that is partly true, yesterday I spent over an hour walking with dh through a field we have decided to “add” trees to -marking which ones to keep. (we “planted” native trees by not mowing small areas for the last few years and dh is now clearing around the strongest tree in each patch. - elms, oaks, and maples.)

i worked in my home pottery studio yesterday.

i did yoga yesterday and have my bag packed to swim tonight.

the other things on the plan are “not yet” things.

Dh has been making dinner more. Tonight he has an event, so I will just eat something when I get home.

i am still doing a lot of processing on my approach, limits, and abilities. The tears are pretty much confined to times when I am talking things over with dh and less in the middle of trying to do something.

i found a Juul on the floor of my classroom last week. When the student who was sitting near the spot came back at lunch to “look for a lost tool” (because everyone realizes they lost a pottery tool after we clean up, put them in our lockers, and sit through another class) my first thought was “please go ahead and get expelled before the end of the month. I can’t afford to love you right now.” I let her look and leave.

[nswef]

class - also going well. Working on being gentle with myself and having reasonable expectations.​ I love this statement!

[Chicken lady]

And I called roll today. And when I called my “missing tool” student, someone said “she went to public school.” And I drew a line through her name without missing a beat.

the non reader is settling in. I was able to help the vegan participate fully in the cooking activity without feeling singled out (and yum!) the OCD/add kid has a regular sorting and straightening job he can do at his desk during “lectures”, the kid in the vicious custody dispute is happy because I don’t care what last name (if any) she puts on her work, and I didn’t really know what to say when the Buddhist kid told me the reincarnation of his cat (as a matching kitten who seems to already know all about the house and family ) came home last week - but he seemed happy with “I had a grey cat when I was your age.”

dh told my in laws not to stay extra long. He had the day off today (work is slow because of related flooding in NC) and showed up in my classroom with flowers (most of the girls were impressed, one of the boys announced that he probably did something bad.)

my boss asked me if me if I had experience in something today and seemed shocked when my response was “not recent.” The following conversation may lead to a little more work with pay for me that I would not have sought out, but which will probably be fun.

My boss is starting to understand that she does not know me AT ALL, which I have mixed feelings about - kind of fun to watch, but it involves her starting to gain knowledge and understanding that i’m Not sure how I feel about her having. OTOH, while I am (as Dh has often pointed out) completely incapable of lying, I am capable of evading or even just not answering. Come ci come ca, my boss is kind.

i talked to many family members this evening (post storm and pre in-law check ins) and had a large glass of wine with dinner, which has made me too relaxed to be useful. I will decide how I feel about that choice later.

but off to get chores done...

[Chicken lady]

Short version - physically tired, feeling stressed, wishing I had skipped the wine and gotten some work done last night.

struggling to get started this morning and already feeling anxious about class plans for tomorrow (i’m trying to pull off a lot in one day.)

[Chicken lady]

Good news - doctors office called with my results and I have significant anemia. I’m supposed to pick up a prescription iron supplement on the way home today (I could also do this over the counter, but the prescription one is only $1.63.)

[Teacher Terry]

You should have way more energy once you get that resolved

[Chicken lady]

Great day at work. House is a mess.

along with the usual mess and the additional “accumulation by Friday”, Dh has just started putting facings on the ceiling beams which involves moving furniture, tossing sheets over furniture, and creating sawdust.

started the iron this morning, but the placebo effect has worn off.

dd2 told me to just stuff the laundry baskets in the closet.

[Chicken lady]

So, it has been nearly a month. I survived the visit from my inlaws. The iron has actually kicked in and I have a lot more energy, but I am still trying to do too many things. Last night when we went to bed I bemoaned the fact that I accomplished nothing in the preceding three hours and dh said “you were relaxing.” But the thing is, i wasn’t “relaxing.” I was doing what my mom calls “sogging” I would have been happier and more rested if I had spent some of that time on task (fun things like reading or knitting, or light tasks like putting away dishes or laundry) and gone to bed an hour sooner. But I let myself slip into bad patterns.

Work is going well. I have a great group of kids this year, and we got a new kiln this week, which makes me really happy! (I’d rather have quality equipment than a raise)

my class went ok, I did not meet my goals, but they were probably unreasonable. Most of the students had more successful experiences than I did, but most of them had more free time, functional blood, and some skills I am still developing. I signed up for the new class session which starts today. The content of the class I chose should be less demanding for me.

I have had mixed success with the swimming and yoga, but i’ve done very well with the no making dinner ;)

i enjoyed the visit from my parents. The yard and barn are the same or slightly worse, but the “scullery” (old kitchen) is better, and mom and I made huge progress in my basement. I finished fixing the wall before she arrived and we put my doll shelf together and unpacked the dolls so that they are back on display! I am really enjoying that. I do still have a box of small china dolls waiting for me to figure out a safe place for their display shelf, and half a bin of baby dolls I played with as a child.

the first concert was great, the second is this weekend.

i have been managing my volunteer schedule at the food bank, but think I will have to take that additional day off if i’m going to get applesauce made this year.

i still need to allocate more time for pottery.

[beckyliz]

So glad you and your mom got to get your dolls on the shelves to display and enjoy! Big goal accomplished there and I'm sure very satisfying.

[Chicken lady]

Thanks for the encouragement.

i’m starting to feel like things are getting better in a lot of areas, but i’m a little afraid it’s because i’m not paying attention to other areas where things are about to fall apart.

[happystuff]

Thanks for the encouragement.

i’m starting to feel like things are getting better in a lot of areas, but i’m a little afraid it’s because i’m not paying attention to other areas where things are about to fall apart.

Everything in its own time. Those areas that are getting better are obviously ones that are important and need the attention. Have faith that when the time comes, you will turn your attention to those other areas. Good for you in the accomplishments so far!!

[Chicken lady]

One of the women in my hoarding support group has a volunteer position in an organization. She forgot to schedule a speaker for their monthly meeting. No reason, she just didn’t think about it. She was busy cleaning out her kitchen. That’s the sort of thing I’m afraid of.

[nswef]

CL, And did the speaker being not scheduled do any harm? Generally what we forget is not unforgivable or very important in the overall scheme of things. Try to enjoy the "getting things done" and not dwell on what might happen while you are focused on what needs doing. Easy to say, I know!

[Chicken lady]

So, I just realized the 8 weeks of my 8 week plan were over this past weekend.

so, how did i do?


work - classes are going well, just added a new one, one major project done another closing out

class - continuing to rake classes with mixed results, but enjoying them

keep trying to make progress on the house/barn/yard - mostly the house, but other areas aren’t too bad

Volunteer at the food bank 3 weeks a month (skipping the Monday my parents visit, the September Monday I have a doctor’s appointment, and maybe one more Monday in October) - done
2 concerts - plus a ballet!
a visit with my parents - enjoyed
pottery - still struggling to focus enough time on this, but doing better
applesauce - 21 quarts. Not what I wanted, but a lot more than the none I made ast year.

in addition to this I am attempting to add a structured exercise routine in which I do yoga at home with dh two mornings a week and swim after school two nights a week. The nights I swim, I will not make dinner. - doing pretty well with this.

i am thinking about a next 8 week plan to get me to Christmas. I may start a new thread. It seems like about the right amount of time. Possibly because my spiritual life revolves around the seasons of the year, so I am thinking “roughly Samhain to solstice” which feels less stressful than “Halloween to Christmas”

[nswef]

Bravo CL! Not only did you accomplish many things, you maintained others. You should be bursting with satisfaction. I love the Samhain to solstice plan. If I were you I would keep all the same goals and just get farther along. Is DH enjoying the yoga or is it a chore?

[Chicken lady]

Dh likes the yoga. Some days we skip it because one of us has too much to fit into the morning or he has to be at work too early, but he tries to get up in time to fit it in even on early days.

it is 49 nautical miles from my hometown to the mouth of the Potomac river. I’ve set a goal to virtually swim it by the end of the school year. I love my iron tablets. It is amazing to be able to swim long distances again and get out of the pool feeling good!

i won’t take any more classes in the winter, but I have 5 1/2 weeks left in this one.

i’ll be Traveling to see ds along with some other social activities

but it is too late to make more applesauce.

I also plan to cut to cut back on food bank visits because tis the season when they have a lot of volunteers and I am more busy.