still a little sad

[Zoe Girl]

It is the first day of school, I did the morning program and am taking my mid-day break. It sounds like in this district they are really good about not working overtime. That is really cool, and a little odd still. I was trying to get my lunch together today and realized I don't need it. I also am not the one who would work an 11 hour day on dismissal days that are short staffed. If I ever needed to we would flex the time so I was still within 40.

So I will settle in, but I also am still feeling sad. Not sure if it is a meds thing or a therapy thing. My on-line counselor is going well, She says that it will just take time, probably more than I expected. I miss my old workplace, my old department and people so very much. Anything before last school year I did some grumbling but I still really loved my work. I was super invested in serving lower income families and now I am in a high income school. The parents are SUPER nice when I have been making phone calls and meeting them. It will help to keep this more of a job than something that takes over my life like when I am more socially motivated to serve.

I am looking forward to this afternoon but not the same as I have felt the last few years. I am also super looking forward to the weekend, maybe go hiking or something to get out of town.

[razz]

To be so emotionally invested in a job and then less so in a new location, it is normal to feel different. You were used to the intensity that is now missing. A mild form of PTSD maybe?

[sweetana3]

A little grief mixed in with the sadness of how it all transpired. Grief feelings are valid and everyone processes differently. Just focus on the current good and find one or more students/parents you can help with something since you are a caregiver at your core.

[ApatheticNoMore]

if might be the sadness as a result of getting something better, it reveals the loss that was involved with being in a bad situation for so long ("wow I wasted x years of my life in that miserable job WHEN BETTER EXISTED? Why didn't' anyone tell me that better existed?!?"). No I'm not implying it was a choice. Maybe it was not, one gets opportunities when one gets them, not always when one wants them.

But there is a sadness and a loss that ONLY becomes visible when things get better, to know the constant putting up with a bad situation, tests of our strength and endurance which surely we have, wasn't "how life has to be", that it could actually be better. So it's the grief for all one lost all those years. Ok it also might be missing the old job, I don't know.

[Teacher Terry]

I think it doesn’t feel right because you are used to being stressed and going at 100 mph. Higher income families will come with problems too that you can assist with. Plus you are used to being treated badly so now doesn’t feel right. I bet anything that not only will you adjust but you will end up loving your new job. Hang in there:))

[ApatheticNoMore]

There is something honorable in dealing with low income families but that job was just bad bad bad bad bad. Do more volunteering someday eventually if you absolutely think you have to be contributing more. But for now I'd just rest, have some fun.

[dado potato]

A little grief mixed in with the sadness of how it all transpired. Grief feelings are valid and everyone processes differently.

Processing grief often seems like 2 steps forward... 1 step back.

A weekend hike sounds like a fabulous idea... provided that the air quality is ok. I understand that the worst things in a smoke plume are particles of ash smaller than 2.5 microns. Wishing you fresh air and maximum visibility... and a Rocky Mountain High
…Now he walks in quiet solitude
the forests and the streams
seeking grace in every step he takes
his sight has turned inward
himself to try and understand
the serenity of a clear blue mountain lake...

-- John Denver

[catherine]

Yes, you were in your comfort zone, as UNcomfortable as it was. You will need to accept the process of grief, acceptance, and moving on. It will happen. Embrace the good things.

[Zoe Girl]

I really appreciate this from you all. It helps when I think there is a reason for me being where I am. Who knows what it is yet, but it matters to me

[Sad Eyed Lady]

Just because they are high income families doesn't mean the children don't have some of the same problems and maybe more hidden ones since they are from a more affluent/social strata. You will be needed.

[Zoe Girl]

I already talked to one mom about behavior support and I think we can do a lot there. Also my one CCAP family will need support navigating the system (child care assistance).

I made some changes with the support of my supervisor. One was to not do the every Friday movies. I am just not going to bring attention to it and put in some fun programming. Also a little more structured projects that are fun and also a choice. Some student led programming to keep those older kids engaged, however I have had kindergartners lead projects also. We are doing a positive behavior system that is being slowly introduced. So feeling better, and part of it is that I tend to feel lower the first half of the day when I get up really early. Honestly a job that started later would be best for me but I think I am settled in this career.

[Tybee]

Do you still work what is in effect a split shift? What time are you on the clock?

[Zoe Girl]

Yes I work a split shift every day now and am in ratio with kids. It is good to be working more directly with them. However my regular work includes the split shift every day. I think my body will adjust, it has previous years.

[SiouzQ.]

Any kind of change is very difficult at first, no matter how good or different it is. Allow your body and mind to catch up and make the adjustments. I bet after the first month everything will fall into place and will feel much more comfortable.

[mschrisgo2]

When I worked with "high income families" I found that consistency in staff and positive staff attitudes were VERY important, as many of the families have parents who travel for work and the kids depend on you to be their consistent, trusted adults. Also, the kids really appreciated unique activities and long-term projects that they could sink their teeth into and build relationships in the process (i.e. research and build a movie set for x time in x country). We always tried to set up activities that they wouldn't get inside the regular school day or at home. I suspect your kids will not even miss the Friday movies.