View Full Version : Chronic lateness
frugalone
10-30-18, 12:20pm
I have a problem with chronic lateness to work. I've had it for years. Like, two decades or longer. I don't know when it started, exactly. But no matter what time I set my alarm, no matter how I get prepared the night before, I'm always getting to work just under the wire.
It's no secret that I've never liked most of my jobs--but I was even late to the ones I DID like. I don't have a huge beauty routine or anything I have to do in the morning. Maybe it's sitting and talking with Spouse that does it. Or sometimes I'll take a few minutes and look at birds on the Cornell Cams. I'll confess I sometimes have "potty issues" (without going into TMI) that interrupt my routine.
But, like, how early do I have to get up before work in order to get there on time? I get up 3 hours before start time. Is this some deep psych issue, do you think? How early do you get up? Any thoughts/advice on breaking a decades-long habit?
Can you continue to get up when you normally do, but set your alarm/timer for times at which you have to have accomplished certain things?
Was lateness an issue in your childhood? There's several reasons this could be happening...but it might just be that you need to be reminded during those before-work times, if you're running behind early enough that you still have time to speed up.
If you want to get psychological.......it might be your way of rebelling against work?
Do you have trouble judging times in other areas of your life, or is it just making it to work?
Are you getting enough sleep?
Sometimes I wonder if people who are late all the time, are getting something from the adrenalin rush that accompanies being late.??
I, on the other hand, am neurotically early to everything. haha
frugalone
10-30-18, 1:01pm
CathyA, I do have issues getting other places on time, like, say, to my mom's for lunch. And I definitely do not want to work.
As a kid, I was never late for anything. Probably because I was being chauffeured around by my parents. In my early days of working, it wasn't a problem either.
I do keep an eye on the clock, for, say, the time by which I should have finished my coffee, etc.
I would say it's the "rebelling against work".
Are you late to movies or other fun activities you "WANT" to do?
To me, if I'm not 15 minutes early then I feel late.
I'm up at 6:30 and at work by 8:00 and it's a 17 minute drive. I don't do any on-line stuff in the morning. If I starting watching "baby goats in pj's" videos at 7 a.m.....I'd never get to work on time!
I wash my hair at night so in the morning it's a quick jump through the shower, make-up, dress, coffee, feed cat and check birdfeeders and birdbaths, and down the driveway, I keep breakfast food at work to eat when I'm hungry.
goldensmom
10-30-18, 5:18pm
I would say it's the "rebelling against work".
Are you late to movies or other fun activities you "WANT" to do?
To me, if I'm not 15 minutes early then I feel late.
I'm up at 6:30 and at work by 8:00 and it's a 17 minute drive. I don't do any on-line stuff in the morning. If I starting watching "baby goats in pj's" videos at 7 a.m.....I'd never get to work on time!
I wash my hair at night so in the morning it's a quick jump through the shower, make-up, dress, coffee, feed cat and check birdfeeders and birdbaths, and down the driveway, I keep breakfast food at work to eat when I'm hungry.
I could have written your post. I was taught that 20 minutes before is early, 10 before is on time and at the appointed time is late. Generally speaking, being consistently late is a issue of control or in this case and as you said 'rebellion against work'. Barring an unforeseen incident or planned lateness, there is really no logical reason to be late.
When I used to have to do things like this that I did not want to do on a regular basis, then I set my clocks and watches 15 minutes early, and told myself that is the real time. I could figure it out when I got there, and I wasn't late anymore.
Not worth it to psychoanalyze myself, as that did not help. I needed a quick fix.
SteveinMN
10-30-18, 5:45pm
DW is up an hour-and-a-half before she leaves for work, which is plenty of time for her to get ready (no extensive regimen there, either) and sip some coffee while we watch a network news program. Trouble is she either gets sucked into watching the program or doing something on social media and, before she realizes it, she's 20-30 minutes later than she says she wants to leave. She has a similar problem leaving work, so it's not a latent dislike of how or where she makes her living. It's just her.
I've suggested a couple of times that if being on time was really important, there are all kinds of ways to set timers and alarms. However, she does not set timers or alarms. So I've concluded that being on time is not important. It's not like she has to punch a clock or anything. If she's not home in time for dinner, I eat without her and she's fine with that. So -- in her case -- who really cares?
Frugalone, are you late to everything? Not just work and lunch with your mom, but medical appts, visits with friends, the movies, etc.
Iyanla said on one of her shows that people who cannot tell the truth consistently, even if it is about where they will be when, are not bad people, they just are not capable of what she needed from them, and she could not be in relationship with them.
With our cable switchover I lost OWN and her show sniffle sniffle, so I am paraphrasing from memory.
If you saw this as an issue of personal integrity, could you change?
Ideas:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thriving101/201411/the-real-reason-some-us-are-chronically-late
And done more ideas:
https://www.sciencealert.com/chronically-late-personality-type-scientists-study
I used to get up, shower, eat breakfast, and go to work. Now I get up, check facebook, check simple living, eat, look at youtube, shower, go to work. I don't understand why it takes me so long between getting up and arriving at work. I suppose part of it is that no one cares whether I show up at work on time or not.
I wake up and am out the door in under 30 minutes. I am also chronically early to everything.
ApatheticNoMore
10-31-18, 2:38am
some people just aren't morning people, this might even be genetic, and it's influenced some by age etc.. If they have a job that requires them to be there early, then yea it will have a tendency to happen, stealing the last few minutes of sleep.
But if you wake up 3 hours before work that's clearly not it. I wake up 2 - 2 1/2 hours before I get to work, of course it is an hours drive before I get to work as well. But if the job doesn't care if you don't get in early (so long as you put in the 8 hours) then this time before work is very good time to use however one wants to. Why rush to waste it on work anyway? (assuming the job doesn't care).
I am always on time, of course I am the boss and I open the doors for before school childcare. In previous jobs, even the one I hated by the end of last year, I was also on time. I think that I know if I started to be late then it would just snowball. At least last year I had some staff to close so I could leave before the program ended once a week. This job I have to be the last one out,
Now paperwork and other things are very difficult for me to do on time. I am doing it at this job because the load is lighter and it is so clearly spelled out. No last minute crisis all the time, which pretty much burned me out on trying for on time all the time. I recognize the paperwork thing as a mental issue more than a job qualifications issue.
I know people who would always walk into church exactly 30 minutes late. One guy once made a comment about his own perpetual lateness to church. I asked him if he was perpetually late to work and how his employer dealt with it. He said he was only on time for work because he’d be fired otherwise. Everything else, including medical appts, outings with friends, etc., he said he was always very late to. I asked him how his friends liked him always being late and he was confused by the question.
I don’t tolerate people being perpetually late for outings or cancelling on me. You do that repeatedly and I don’t make plans with you anymore. In the age of cell phones, there is also no reason to not notify people you will be late. Yet, a lot of people still don’t call when they will be late.
Yeah, I'm thinking too that if you are constantly late to everything, and it continues, it must not be at anything you can get fired from, or get in trouble for. ....sort of positive reinforcement for continuing to do it.
frugalone
10-31-18, 12:28pm
Frugalone, are you late to everything? Not just work and lunch with your mom, but medical appts, visits with friends, the movies, etc.
Pretty much, yes. Or if I'm not actually late, I'm there right on the dot.
frugalone
10-31-18, 12:32pm
Well, those were interesting articles. I don't hate being early, so I think it's more like the other one: I underestimate how much time it will take me to, say, eat a bowl of cereal, or take a bath.
As for the "negative consequences", at this job, there are none. At least my boss doesn't care, and there's a 7-minute window for clock-in time. After that, they dock your pay 15 minutes. So yeah, a consequence does exist. But I had a job (and I loathed it) where they were always on me about being late. Probably comes as no surprise that I was let go. At that point, I was so relieved to get out of there...
Are you a passive-aggressive person frugalone?
Haha......ever since I saw your name on this forum, I see you as "Fruga-lone". :~)
I see it as “frugal alone” - like she can’t find anyone else to be frugal with her. :)
And then there are those like my in-laws who were chronically early. If we went anywhere with them, we had to be there thirty minutes early for some reason.
frugalone
11-1-18, 12:26pm
Are you a passive-aggressive person frugalone?
Haha......ever since I saw your name on this forum, I see you as "Fruga-lone". :~)
Yes, in some ways I am. I would say that when it comes to work, definitely. Perhaps being late is one of the only ways I can express myself there. At this point, I'm resigned to what the job is (dead end), that very little will ever change here without a big change in administration, and that I'll probably be working the rest of my natural days.
frugalone
11-1-18, 12:27pm
I see it as “frugal alone” - like she can’t find anyone else to be frugal with her. :)
Yes, it is a lonely journey at times, isn't it?
I always read it "frug alone," and picture someone dancing gaily on to the music in her head. (Honestly, I don't even remember what the frug looked like...)
I always read it "frug alone," and picture someone dancing gaily on to the music in her head. (Honestly, I don't even remember what the frug looked like...)
LOL..........wasn't the frug something where you just wiggled your butt, and put your hands out one at a time, first palm down, then palm up, wiggling your butt all the while? Hadn't thought of that in a long time! :~)
LOL..........wasn't the frug something where you just wiggled your butt, and put your hands out one at a time, first palm down, then palm up, wiggling your butt all the while? Hadn't thought of that in a long time! :~)
If you say so...:D
ETA: Early twerking?
LOL........and also part of it was putting your fingers holding your nose closed, with the other hand in the air, and pretending to go down in the water. haha
That was about the time of the Peppermint twist.....maybe a little later. haha
This is really interesting to me because I come at it from the opposite perspective. I have an assistant who is supposed to arrive at X time every day--and for a while I had someone who was chronically late, causing me inconvenience frequently. Now I have an assistant who is on time 98% of the time, what a change for the better! And who comes from twice the distance. I don't have to stay late to cover, I have time to converse and coordinate with the assistant--it's a world of difference. That said, Frugalone, you may not be in a position that requires your arrival at a specific time. So if it doesn't matter to your co workers or your boss then enjoy the range of choice you have!
LOL........and also part of it was putting your fingers holding your nose closed, with the other hand in the air, and pretending to go down in the water. haha
That was about the time of the Peppermint twist.....maybe a little later. haha
That first part was not the Frug, it was the Swim.
Gardenarian
12-15-18, 4:38am
I don't know if it's a psychological issue, but I need a few quiet hours in the morning too. Without that I feel frazzled all day.
I learned to arrange my schedule so I didn't have to be at work before 11am. (Lucky to have that flexibily!) Made my life SO much easier (and my gut - I know what you mean!)
The most difficult part of parenting for me was having to deal with lots of stuff early in the day. I don't miss that part!
Gardenarian
12-15-18, 4:41am
Just to add, for me, it wasn't resentment about work at all. I'm retired now and treasure my leisurely mornings all the more.
catherine
12-15-18, 9:48am
This is really interesting to me because I come at it from the opposite perspective. I have an assistant who is supposed to arrive at X time every day--and for a while I had someone who was chronically late, causing me inconvenience frequently. Now I have an assistant who is on time 98% of the time, what a change for the better! And who comes from twice the distance. I don't have to stay late to cover, I have time to converse and coordinate with the assistant--it's a world of difference. That said, Frugalone, you may not be in a position that requires your arrival at a specific time. So if it doesn't matter to your co workers or your boss then enjoy the range of choice you have!
Well, I have a a colleague who is chronically EARLY. Since he pays me to do work for him, and we go on the road a lot, it causes me a great deal of stress. I'm usually on time for things and I don't have a problem with lateness, but I've found that if he says, "Meet me in the lobby at 7am," I'll go down 10 minutes early to be sure he doesn't have to wait for me, and he's usually there already!! I tease him about it, but it's like a game of one-upmanship--how early do I have to be in order to be the first one there??
I'm reminded of one of my favorite movie quotes, from Overboard, when Roddy McDowell serves Goldie Hawn her tea at exactly the right time and she whines, "Well! I almost had to wait!"
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.