recovery update

[Zoe Girl]

I wanted to check in, update on the health side and maybe get more active again.

I am still on 2 meds, the 3rd one is for emergencies and I haven't needed it. I can pretty much meditate through issues now. I find that I get queasy in the morning many days, especially the ones that are very early. I also find myself clenching my teeth. I have not been doing as well on the sugar. I have been reading alot more on the nutrition supports for bipolar. I always knew I was sensitive to sugar so that was the encouragement I needed to really do more. I need to pack a few more snacks (I love almonds and they are on the good list but I have 2 highly allergic children in program). I do sleep a lot more, one weekend I slept over 10 hours one night. So I am doing a split shift today and not napping! I am fine without naps but I can sleep for a long time if I lay down. Between the queasiness, lower sugar and a medication side effect I think I am 5-7 lbs lighter than when I quit my job. I have had to buy almost all new clothes, at least all pants. Bras are on the edge, I have 2 that fit and if I lose more weight I will need to start special ordering for my size.I need to remember this is a serious illness, I treated it like some little annoyance for so long.

I posted before that I am liking my new job and appear to be doing well. I worry about my brain and memory at times. The tasks however are so clearly laid out that I am getting everything done. I have had a few realizations, and one was that the culture of my last job has always been one that didn't value our time or personal lives. This work is hard enough, and the care of the overall department makes a big difference. At the beginning of last school year I just didn't want to work like that anymore.

[iris lilies]

Your writings now are clear and focused. And the sense of panic and looming disaster that infused your previous writings is gone. You sound SO mUCH better.

Your illness will always be something you have to watch and treat.

[Zoe Girl]

Thank you IL, I know for awhile you have pointed out when my writing gets really disorganized. I probably argued against that observation but I can tell a difference now from the other side.

[Teacher Terry]

Yes I totally agree with IL that you are focused and coherent. I am so happy that things are turning out well. A toxic work environment really takes a toll. The one time I was in one I just walked out crying one day after packing my stuff. Fortunately we didn’t need the income.

[JaneV2.0]

You do seem to have a lot more clarity! Your old boss did you a tremendous favor by pushing you out the door.

[lhamo]

ZG, I know you have faced lots of different challenges over the years. Your last employer was TOXIC TO THE MAX! I am honestly amazed that you survived there as long as you did. It would have broken many of us much sooner. Myself included.

The new place sounds MUCH healthier and like an excellent place for you to land while you focus on getting stabilized on all fronts -- mental health-wise, energy wise, economically, socially etc.

BTW, how are things going with the new roommate situation?

[Zoe Girl]

That is all good to hear from you all. I see myself as more broken than strong many days. The 2 of us from the old job that I think had the most impressive programming both got pushed beyond our capabilities with the work load and left. Now I am building my team effectively at the new job and know the kids names!! (130 children).

The roommate is going well. A very quiet place to live. I was able to spread out in the basement where my room is to do a lot of sewing projects for awhile. My cat gets a little stuck in the room but I got a baby gate so he can roam the whole basement when I set that up. It will be time to move before January because we knew her mom was coming to visit for 2 months. So that was planned ahead and I am starting to look.

[Tradd]

Yes, you definitely sound better. You’re stringing coherent sentences together! :)

[Zoe Girl]

Overall this is really good, and I am glad I am more coherent. I can see why a few people suggested that I take a leave the last 6 months of that job (HR and a supervisor). Of course during the time leading up to and after the breakdown I was in pretty bad shape. Now I am worried that I have always been this incoherent wreck, oh dear. However in the middle of it all I did get a new job so I haven't been in bad shape everywhere.

This is rather silly, I think with any kind of brain based illness you sometimes worry you are crazy.

[Tammy]

In my 20 yrs experience - those who worry about it are not what most people think of as “crazy”. They are just anxious.

Truly “crazy” people usually don’t think they are.

[Tybee]

"However in the middle of it all I did get a new job so I haven't been in bad shape everywhere."
Absolutely!! You did what I have had much trouble doing, and I will never stop being impressed by how you took back control of your life and achieved a great resolution to a really bad situation. And you never fell into any kind of victim role, even though it would have been easier to do that.

That is why I am really impressed by how you went out in the midst of a breakdown and found yourself a great new job. Very heroic, in my book.

[Zoe Girl]

Wow, I haven't really seen myself that way.

I had dinner with a friend who actually ended up in a psych ward 3 years ago. She stayed for a week on an involuntary hold. She also said she was impressed because I did this by myself basically, and handled the leave paperwork, DR appointments, etc. She was hospitalized so she didn't need to cook or do anything which was perfect for her situation. We honestly talked about how it is a big deal to have lived,

[dado potato]

I appreciate hearing how things are going for you, ZG.


re: Brokenness...

Brokenness is where we grow in humility... more compassionate, better able to serve, better able to see things we would have missed.


There is
a crack
in everything.
That's how
the light
gets in.

--Leonard Cohen