View Full Version : I think I may have gotten someone fired..........
I bought some groceries this morning at a certain store, because their seafood always seems so fresh. The guy in seafood is pretty ignorant and talks too much......but I tolerate it.
But today, while weighing my salmon he started in, saying "That black lady in Georgia.... (referring to Stacey Abrams who is/was running for Governor)...said that she would take all the medicare and social security money and give it to all the people in that caravan headed here." I said that couldn't be true.. He said he heard her say it, with Oprah. then he said "If I lived in Georgia, I'd take her out and shoot her!" I said "Whoa.......you can't say things like that, or you're going to lose your job!" He kept going on and on about illegals. I told him he shouldn't say things to customers who he doesn't know at all or what they might believe in. I said that it's unfortunate that both sides have gone too far, in reaction to the other side but he kept rambling. As I left the counter, he was still mumbling. I was so pissed, I went to customer service and asked for the manager. He came and I explained what this guy had said. He was very upset and said that he would definitely take care of it.....that he had no business talking like that.
So......my BP is up. While this guy was ranting, for a second I thought to myself "just smile and nod"......but I just couldn't. I hope I expressed myself well enough to him, in not liking what he was saying.
Anyhow......if he's not fired, he's going to know who told the manager, so maybe I need to find a new store with good fish? ;)
But seriously.......you just can't spout off your beliefs like that with customers you don't even know.
How would you have handled this situation?
Teacher Terry
11-7-18, 12:56pm
I think you handled it fine. You warned him but he wouldn’t stop so you reported it. The store will lose customers with that type of behavior.
Good job not accepting this sort of behaviour!
To answer "How would you have handled this situation?" Honestly, I wasnt there, so I don't know...I think just as you have, though.
But honestly, you didn't get him fired - his own actions / mouth did.
Also, it could have been any other customer in the store who brought matters to managements attention - or your incident was the last one of many. Don't worry about it.
gimmethesimplelife
11-7-18, 1:03pm
To answer "How would you have handled this situation?" Honestly, I wasnt there, so I don't know...I think just as you have, though.
But honestly, you didn't get him fired - his own actions / mouth did.
Also, it could have been any other customer in the store who brought matters to managements attention - or your incident was the last one of many. Don't worry about it.I agree with you, lmerullo. It was indeed his mouth/actions that got him fired. Rob
iris lilies
11-7-18, 1:20pm
Some months ago I reported here my experience with a worker at Goodwill who was making fun, openly, of a trans person. I reported him, the Goodwill management responded that they would address it, and
I have confidence that they did. He is still working there and that is ok with me. I didnt wish nor expect him to get fired, that is Goodwill’s call.
What would I have done with the fishmonger? Probably interupted him to ask questions about the fish. I have no problem interupting yakkers who are not on point in our business transaction.
I may or may not have reported that to the management, depends on how much I value the store. If it is highly valued in my life, I would report it because I want the store to survive and yakker fishmongers are not good for their brand. But I think that here they are Union, so good luck,with moving him along.
I would have done the same; everyone should, especially in such egregious cases. (Stacey Abrams certainly never made any such statement.)
Thanks everyone. I couldn't imagine her saying anything like that, so I'm trying to find it online. But I kept saying to him "I just can't imagine she would say anything like that!", but he was insistent that he heard it. He probably heard what he wanted to hear. And saying you want to shoot someone these days is very disturbing. I think if it had been someone local who was running for election, I probably would have told the police.
Every time I go there, he's babbling on about something, and I tolerate it. But this time it was just too much. What probably might make it worse for him is that the manager I complained to, was black. :)
I wonder if that isn't some manifestation of mental illness. One of the grocery stores I frequent used to have a bagger who babbled incessantly--though nothing incendiary--and I dreaded going through his line. Let's hear it for grocery delivery.
Ultralight
11-7-18, 4:10pm
(Deleted)
Teacher Terry
11-7-18, 4:25pm
UL, the person could be mentally ill or have a Intellectual Disability. You should know from SW grad school that using MR is derogatory. The person could just also be a jerk.
Ultralight
11-7-18, 4:30pm
(Deleted)
Our local Kroger uses mentally-challenged baggers. They vary in degree of challenge.......but one of them does babble constantly. I think he drives the cashier nuts. But what's interesting is that when I respond to him about what he is saying.....he seems fairly with-it.
But the seafood guy was just a jerk. He appears to do his work satisfactorily, and many times is the only one working there. So I think he's just obnoxious and very bigoted. It's a huge store in a busy area. I wonder if anyone else has complained. Probably not. I'm just so good at it, I like to keep my skill sharp. :~)
I'm guessing your fishmonger gets his "news" from Breitbart. 4Chan, or other crackpot sources--the ones who constantly flog tales of the Clintons and their pizza shop basement child sex trafficking ring and "deep state" machinations, etc. It would just be business as usual for them to circulate fake Abrams interviews.
There are mentally retarded people that work at the Krog's near where I live. They say wacky stuff sometimes. I ignore it mostly, or say: "It is important to be kind to everyone."
Who knows if this is the right approach. But these folks are mentally retarded.I hate that term. If you were to use it to describe my grandson I'd let you know just how much.
Ultralight
11-7-18, 4:59pm
(Deleted)
Hi Alan......what is the best term to use?
I agree--he was completely out of line talking to customers like that. It's almost incredulous that he wouldn't know better. In fact, if this took place in NJ, I would have suspected that John Quinones was around somewhere filming for "What Would You Do?" I believe his behavior should have been addressed, so don't worry about that. I admire your response.
One time I was in the elevator in a North Carolina hotel with DH and my kids, who were really young at the time. There was a white Southern man in the elevator with us. we went up one floor, door opened a black couple got in. We went up one more floor, the black couple got out. When the door closed, the man said to us, "Whew.. Glad that stench is gone. I don't just hate n----s. I DESPISE them!" I didn't know what to say, and I know I should have said something but I was shocked speechless.
Ultralight
11-7-18, 5:09pm
One time I was in the elevator in a North Carolina hotel with DH and my kids, who were really young at the time. There was a white Southern man in the elevator with us. we went up one floor, door opened a black couple got in. We went up one more floor, the black couple got out. When the door closed, the man said to us, "Whew.. Glad that stench is gone. I don't just hate n----s. I DESPISE them!" I didn't know what to say, and I know I should have said something but I was shocked speechless.
Respond this way:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBJDz4ylQO0
I agree--he was completely out of line talking to customers like that. It's almost incredulous that he wouldn't know better. In fact, if this took place in NJ, I would have suspected that John Quinones was around somewhere filming for "What Would You Do?" I believe his behavior should have been addressed, so don't worry about that. I admire your response.
One time I was in the elevator in a North Carolina hotel with DH and my kids, who were really young at the time. There was a white Southern man in the elevator with us. we went up one floor, door opened a black couple got in. We went up one more floor, the black couple got out. When the door closed, the man said to us, "Whew.. Glad that stench is gone. I don't just hate n----s. I DESPISE them!" I didn't know what to say, and I know I should have said something but I was shocked speechless.
You should have sniffed around the white guy and said "Oh! Here it is! This is where that stench is coming from!"
Hi Alan......what is the best term to use?
Anything that hasn't been co-opted by the socially retarded as an insult. I'd stick with intellectually disabled.
Why was it perfectly fine in 1998 but now it is a horrible term?
Times change, it was once socially and medically acceptable to refer to intellectually disabled persons as morons or imbeciles or idiots.
Ok. Thanks Alan. I think those of us who aren't around many people like that, don't always keep up with what the least offensive term is. I'm sure if I had a child/grandchild like that, I'd be much more sensitive to the wording. I'll try to remember that term now.
Ultralight
11-7-18, 5:28pm
(Deleted)
When I am around someone with one of these types of conditions I do not refer to their condition in any way. If you reserve it's use for when you're not around them, you're missing the point.
Ultralight
11-7-18, 6:03pm
(Deleted)
Teacher Terry
11-7-18, 8:51pm
First of all UL I don't believe that you don't know the correct term having been in SW school. One of the things I teach in my college class is correct terms and social etiquette so as not to offend people with disabilities. They are people first and their disability is second. We used to call people of many races derogatory names that are no longer acceptable. Do you do that too behind their backs?
I slipped and used the word retarded around DD recently and she lit into me. Just what we used when I was growing up but believe me, I won't use that word again. Special needs? Slow? Developmentally challenged? What is correct these days if a descriptor is needed? Cathy...I probably would have slipped away, told the management on the way out and then taken my business elsewhere.
Ultralight
11-7-18, 9:53pm
(Deleted)
Ultralight
11-7-18, 9:54pm
Special needs? Slow? Developmentally challenged? What is correct these days if a descriptor is needed?
Valid question.
Ultralight
11-7-18, 9:58pm
(Deleted)
Ultralight
11-7-18, 10:14pm
(Deleted)
I hate that term. If you were to use it to describe my grandson I'd let you know just how much.
Some others have had good comments, I work in schools and so to me everyone has some challenges and some strengths. However we do need to be honest so that we can support everyone. I am not airy-fairy about this, there are true challenges. If someone honestly is using outdated language but does not appear to know then I talk to them. We had a great training before summer by a DR who worked in the mayor's department concerning special needs (I can't recall the name of it). She really did a great job of helping us with person-first language, showing respect, and dealing with some of the natural awkwardness that can arise if you are not in a position to have much contact with people of different abilities.
I was fortunate to grow up with a cousin who has Down Syndrome. I have been able to have a comfort level going into my work in schools.
Ultralight
11-8-18, 8:12am
If someone honestly is using outdated language but does not appear to know then I talk to them.
Thank you, Zoe Girl.
The thing is I thought "MR" was okay and that the critics on here were just being overly politically correct.
Interestingly, I never say the R word as slang, as I find it to be incredibly offensive. But I thought that the whole term "MR" was acceptable still.
It was less than 10 years ago that Ohio still had a “department of MRDD”. We always used “MR” in my work there in mental health circles from 1997-2010.
It’s hard to keep up with changes sometimes.
Miss Cellaneous
11-8-18, 3:51pm
i work in an education-adjacent field and the term I hear the most is "cognitively challenged."
Intellectual disability is used in this area here. As for my grandson, we say he's a fantastic young man who lives with autism.
Intellectual disability is used in this area here. As for my grandson, we say he's a fantastic young man who lives with autism.We say Jacob is our special young man.
Massachusetts has a state agency DMR.
Ultralight
11-8-18, 9:08pm
It was less than 10 years ago that Ohio still had a “department of MRDD”. We always used “MR” in my work there in mental health circles from 1997-2010.
It’s hard to keep up with changes sometimes.
Thank you for pointing this out.
Ultralight
11-8-18, 9:09pm
Massachusetts has a state agency DMR.
Teacher Terry better hip them to the new lingo!
President Obama signed Rosa's Law (https://www.congress.gov/111/plaws/publ256/PLAW-111publ256.pdf) in 2010 requiring the Federal Government to replace 'mentally retarded' or 'mental retardation' with 'intellectual disability' in all federal health, education and labor policy.
Massachusetts has a state agency DMR.
That was changed to DDS (https://www.masslegalservices.org/library/directory/disability-rights-and-services/developmental-disabilities/dds-formerly-dmr) nearly a decade ago.
Teacher Terry
11-8-18, 9:58pm
You can’t go wrong if you use people first language. Also never use the word suffers. Some people will say Janis suffers from multiple sclerosis. No she is a person with MS. Nobody wants to be their disability. We are all people first.
Teacher Terry
11-8-18, 10:00pm
UL, it’s not just “new lingo.” New terms show respect for people with disabilities.
Ultralight
11-8-18, 10:11pm
UL, it’s not just “new lingo.” New terms show respect for people with disabilities.
You know what I think shows respect to people with disabilities?
Providing them with healthcare, meaningful work, transportation, clean housing, opportunities for social interaction, and being polite to them in conversation.
Ultralight
11-8-18, 10:13pm
But somehow I am the a--hole here.
I dont think anyone is a problem here UL - I think our society changes quickly and it’s hard to keep up.
I heard my aunt (about 80 years old but acts young and hip like 60) say “oriental”. I cringed inside and wanted to correct her to “asian”. But then the message itself was kind and accepting so I didn’t care really. I let it go.
I think it’s all in the attitude of the person speaking. A lot can be forgiven in face to face situations, that can’t be in written places like here on these forums.
iris lilies
11-8-18, 11:19pm
But somehow I am the a--hole here.
I think you are upset because this is an instance where you arent right, not it matters all that much.this discussion had me learn the new term, too. Somehow I thought an acceptable term was “mentally challanged” untill this discussion. I can see how “intellectual disability” is more precise. People with mental illnesses are, technically I suppose, “mentally challanged.”
This link shows some of the issues in the discussions that lead to the adoption of the term “intellectual disability.” Even the American Psychiatric Associationi didnt adopt it until just 5 years ago.
https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2013/08/01/2013-18552/change-in-terminology-mental-retardation-to-intellectual-disability
Ultralight
11-8-18, 11:23pm
I think you are upset because this is an instance where you arent right, not it matters all that much.this discussion had me learn the new term, too. Somehow I thought an acceptable term was “mentally challanged” untill this discussion. I can see how “intellectual disability” is more precise. People with mental illnesses are, technically I suppose, “mentally challanged.”
This link shows some of the issues in the discussions that lead to the adoption of the term “intellectual disability.” Even the American Psychiatric Associationi didnt adopt it until just 5 years ago.
https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2013/08/01/2013-18552/change-in-terminology-mental-retardation-to-intellectual-disability
I said earlier I am open to changing my mind. And I have.
Teacher Terry
11-9-18, 1:46am
I agree UL which I have spent many years working on. But you really have been doing antagonist lately.
But somehow I am the a--hole here.
No you're not. You just didn't know, but now you do.
That was changed to DDS (https://www.masslegalservices.org/library/directory/disability-rights-and-services/developmental-disabilities/dds-formerly-dmr) nearly a decade ago.
It is still DMR in the state databases. For instance, when you bill them online the 3 digit department code you select is DMR. I know this from an A/R job I had less than 2 years ago.
Miss Cellaneous
11-9-18, 12:38pm
You can’t go wrong if you use people first language. Also never use the word suffers. Some people will say Janis suffers from multiple sclerosis. No she is a person with MS. Nobody wants to be their disability. We are all people first.
Yes. And someone who has a wheelchair is a wheelchair user, or person who uses a wheelchair. Not "wheelchair bound."
For most people with wheelchairs, the chair is freedom and independence, not something that binds them.
Ultralight
11-9-18, 1:05pm
I don't know if you all have seen this, but it is a bad ass movie that will inspire you!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpWs04Gsx-U
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.