2 possible places to move!

[Zoe Girl]

I am excited that I have 2 potential places to move to. I am on a facebook group for creative housing, lots of roommate situations. And I signed up with an online service as well. My first choice said that they had a few applications ahead of me, but just sent me a message that the room is open. It is a range of ages of women who live more cooperatively. That would be super great, people who are used to having a communal living situation. The other is a lady a few years younger with a daughter who lives there part time. Both would accept my older cat,

I have about 6 weeks, I have been rather overall unstressed but at some point I do need to take care of this!

[catherine]

I would love to hear your experiences with communal living! I've always thought that it sounds great, but the actual day-to-day could be variable depending upon the mix of people. Kind of like what I have here in VT--we don't actually live like a commune, but we do have common land we are co-responsible for, and we tend to co-exist closely with each other, whether it's noticing that Neighbor #1 is taking a shower in his outdoor shower, or Neighbor #2 has started a fire, which is an unsaid invite to hang out for the evening together.. it's been a level of closeness I haven't experienced before, esp in New Jersey, land of the bedroom community and tall fences.

[Zoe Girl]

I met with one house last night. It was interesting. I expected something really different (for some reason I thought it was all women but it is mostly men). I felt really comfortable in a lot of ways, but maybe it was just getting out and meeting people which I don't tend to do a lot of. However very busy and noisy, especially compared to where I have been living. The biggest drawback is that it is messy, and I would want to clean a lot. One of the biggest bonuses is that there are dogs, nice big ones that fell asleep in the living room. I miss dogs. They do a lot of 'making', a music studio in the basement, beer making in the kitchen, an unused green house that I could play with.

The owner of the house is a very outgoing guy a little older than me. He would like to develop a synergestic group and I would be both a female and an introvert balance to it all. I really don't know, I would share a bathroom with the other female, the jack and jill type? In any case it has a bathtub! I haven't had a bathtub in a very long time. However just walking through and looking at her room made me cringe. It is not my space however, there are always doors that can be shut. I did ask if it was okay if I organized spaces, I do check in before I do things like that (such as ask if anyone wants a say before I go through the spice cabinet).

I meet with a woman tomorrow night who is much closer to where I work, and then will think about it while they think about it (the owner is concerned about my cat).

[Tybee]

Could you take the cat over for a visit and see how they interrelate, to see if it even might work?
I would be bummed out by the messy thing, but they sound like lovely people, and an interesting situation.

[Zoe Girl]

We talked about taking the cat over, not sure it would be a good test. Honestly my cat has not had issues with other animals, never hissed at any people and has lived with a dog and other cats. So I am not worried. I would just like a place where he could leave the room since here he is really stuck inside my room and going a little bonkers of course. He likes to look out of the window, my room has a lot of light for the basement but there is not a way for him to sit at the window. If I was staying I would fix up something for him.

Yes interesting people, I think I am going to email my counselor. I don't know if it is a case where I need to join the 'land of the living' or if I need a quieter place for my practice (buddhist)

[sweetana3]

Listen to your inner voice. The communal house does not sound like it could meet your needs. A lot going on and it will probably never be "quiet". If you already are feeling the draw to clean and organize, will this be your home life? Taking care of others is a strong draw for you and not probably the best when you are caring for others the rest of the day. Just a thought. Maybe a few more visits before you make any commitment?

[Zoe Girl]

I am also concerned about being house mother type in the situation, and I also really liked having my kids at home with all of their friends over a lot. I never really got tired of having a couple extra people around. I tend to get too introverted and isolated so simply having people around is a huge benefit to me (and I clean what I want, when I want. It is very soothing for me to clean and organize). Almost all of them are meditators, I spent a lot of time around kids and teens meditating. The only thing I really recall about having my kids while trying to practice was that I couldn't leave comfortably, I always was running home for someone.


I am going to write to my counselor and then meet the other roommate situation tomorrow night, we were going to talk later in the week like Friday.

Edited to add: This feels like a 'maker house'

[JaneV2.0]

Communal living sounds like a form of hell to me, so take my opinion for what it's worth, but I agree with others about the noise and housekeeping issues. Keep looking, I say.

[Zoe Girl]

I think on this forum communal living would be hell to a lot of people, but that is okay. Many people would have considered those years with 3 teens and rotating other young people through my house was hell. I had fun, and got a few to try some tofu and quinoa!

[Teacher Terry]

I am a extrovert and that sounds like hell to me too.

[Teacher Terry]

I have let my adult kids live with me when needed and sure their friends came over . But that’s different than a bunch of messy, noisy adults that I didn’t give birth to:))

[herbgeek]

The last thing I need when I come home, is to walk into a messy unkempt house with projects everywhere, not of my own making. How are you going to get to doing your projects, if all your free time is spent cleaning up these messes?

[razz]

Sounds like a difficult situation for someone who has a strong sense of boundaries as you have presented here over the years.

BTW, loved having my kids and their friends over but now I need my private space where I set the boundaries in an open concept design. It is a different situation completely with strangers.

[iris lilies]

The place with dogs and creative stuff going on at all times sounds intetesting. I wouldnt want you to have to clean all of the time. And I would hope you coukd get restfull sleep there. But if you arent locked in to a long lease, this might be good to try out.

[Zoe Girl]

The place with dogs and creative stuff going on at all times sounds intetesting. I wouldnt want you to have to clean all of the time. And I would hope you coukd get restfull sleep there. But if you arent locked in to a long lease, this might be good to try out.

Thank you IL, I think it could be interesting. After I meet with the other person I will check back in on the price and lease agreement and see what they think of the cat. I really liked the dogs, and the humans seemed really comfortable with each other. I honestly do a lot of what I feel like doing, if I want to clean then I will, if I don't and it bugs me then I will chill in my room. I spend a lot of time alone and in my room with my cat right now. He gets lonely so I bring my dinner down a lot (plus I love to do about everything sitting in my bed).

What I realized this afternoon is that regardless of how it turns out I am putting my principles in action. I am staying within a budget, not making excuses or being a victim, just living what I have been given. I really do hope to build up my savings and put more into retreat and study.

[Teacher Terry]

I find it sad that rents are so high that you can’t afford your own place and still be able to save money. It’s the same where we live.

[sweetana3]

I like the consideration you are giving to making a decision. You appear much more thoughtful and careful. It may be that this energetic place could be right if the residents are creative and caring. Communal living can be a very good thing for the right people with good intentions. it is done all over the world in places like London where rents are not affordable for most. We are just not used to it here in the USA.

[Zoe Girl]

There are various reasons I don't want to live alone, and a large one is that I want more connection to people. I simply don't think it is good to be alone so much. My dream would be co-housing but I really have no urge to be alone in my own apartment right now.I haven't posted about friend issues in awhile, mostly because it is something I just get used to. But it is a real issue.

[razz]

There are various reasons I don't want to live alone, and a large one is that I want more connection to people. I simply don't think it is good to be alone so much. My dream would be co-housing but I really have no urge to be alone in my own apartment right now.I haven't posted about friend issues in awhile, mostly because it is something I just get used to. But it is a real issue.
That is an aspect that is as important as any. Wise to be aware of it and take steps to address it.

[Zoe Girl]

I met the other roommate opportunity tonight and I like it even better. I am going to follow up with a background check and application part going forward.

It is a single mom who has her daughter on a 50-50 split I found through a roommate service. Based on her custody agreement we need to do the background check, and I am not concerned about that. The rent is nice and low, lots of progress possible with my financial goals. The house is very comfortable. It is a typical Denver house from the 50's but with new windows and some energy upgrades (still has the mail slot in the wall however, love that). She is prepared for roommates which is nice, there is space set aside for me in the bathroom, kitchen and an outside storage shed. It would be more than enough for my yarn but I would still need my storage unit. She has a dog and a cat but is not worried about my cat. I guess the dog can be nervous around people, he was literally coming up and leaning into me for a hug! So dog approval is very high. It is a one bathroom in the house, so we need to all share that. I did make sure she knew I take showers and dry my hair before 6 am and that was not an issue. She also was very inviting to me to come out into the living areas and hang out with her and her daughter, which feels good.

The bedroom is a little small so I am thinking about getting a twin size daybed with room to store boxes underneath. I can put my current queen size Ikea bed in storage. The mattress is ready to be replaced so if that does not fit in storage then it is okay to be recycled/disposed of. I was talking to a friend about twin size beds and she thought it would be too small for her. Honestly I am not very big, and I use a twin size bed every time I am on retreat and have plenty of room. With pillows it could be a little couch style set up.

[razz]

The main thing is to remember that whatever you decide, you will be able to move on when you are ready to do so. The latest sounds really positive.

[iris lilies]

I am watching how you are using a storage unit in this transition, and it has given me ideas for being flexible in our future moves. While I think paying for storage units on a permenant is silly, I see how they are very handy, and cheaper overall, in transitory situations.

[Zoe Girl]

Yes IL, I have used them in every big transition and I really find using a storage unit intentionally reduces a lot of stress. In under 10 years I have gone from 2500 ft2 with a full open basement to renting a kinda small room in a shared house. My dad gave me grief about having a storage unit in my last move and I gave him grief right back, he has a 4 bedroom house in Iowa with most rooms comfortably full, a storage space in the basement and a garage. I did have everything fit in my last 2 bedroom place because there were a couple big closets, I am not even trying at this point. The camping gear and kitchen gear to feed a crows would never fit in a rented room and I use them a couple times a year.

In using a storage unit for a transition I think the biggest benefits are to reduce stress and slow down the process of a major downsize so you can make careful choices. Even in the biggest downsize with the foreclosure I only rented for a couple months but it was a huge stress reliever to see what I really used. There are very few things that I regret leaving behind but definitely some. The last move I left behind a folding table when I ran out of time and then ended up buying a new one when I needed it.

[Teacher Terry]

That sounds like a much better situation.