Positive reframe

[Zoe Girl]

Okay mid day i saw an opportunity to positively reframe. I think there is a tendency to look at what we don't have or do rather than the positive side. So here is my reframe, i would love to hear from others as well, even if you are opposite of me!

Not eating meat = i eat according to my values and have no regrets, plus my food is super tasty

No drinking/smoking = i choose health and
Being clear headed, and less behavior to regret

[Gardnr]

Good job ZG. As Mom was reaching her final year (not yet known to her), she said "Don't ever be angry about what you can't do. Be grateful for what you CAN do". Wise wise words.

I can, I can, I can:cool:

[Teacher Terry]

G, I love your mom’s attitude!

[Chicken lady]

I’m not sure I really understand this.

Is it simply a semantics exercise - as in saying “I am honest” rather than “I don’t lie, cheat, or steal”

or or do you actually feel that not eating meat is a sacrifice or chafes at you in some way?

or do you feel that telling people that you don’t eat meat is a more negative thing than “I eat according to my values...”?
as a listener, the second one actually sounds more judgey/preachy to me.

[Gardnr]

G, I love your mom’s attitude! She was still walking as she was dying of her cancer. 2 days before her last breath she walked across her home with her walker and said "that is enough for now". ;) She lived it until she lost consciousness. Truly a wonderful role model.

[Teacher Terry]

My mom was tough too. She died just short of 90. 3 different bouts of cancer between 78-89. Us 3 kids took turns going home to help her. A week before she died she lived alone and fell. She was in a home for a week.

[ToomuchStuff]

Who are you reframing for? Some people are positive (glass half full), some are negative (glass half empty), others realize the glass is completely full, half water, half air.

[JaneV2.0]

As usual, I'm confused. What, exactly is reframing? Who are you reframing for? What is the reason for it?

I thought "reframing" meant changing your view of potentially negative actions/situations to look at them in a healthier/more positive way. I'm guessing you've been positive about your avoidance of smoking, drinking, and meat-eating for some time. What has changed?

(For some reason, this thread has made me want to pour a slug of brandy into my coffee; I'll restrain myself. :devil: )

[iris lilies]

I assume the OP is reframing for herself.

Rather than “ugh, I am jonesing for a smoke” and feeling deprived, she is turning her thinking around to give herself rah rahs as in “ I am actively living a healthful life” to engender positive feelings.

[JaneV2.0]

I assume the OP is reframing for herself.

Rather than “ugh, I am jonesing for a smoke” and feeling deprived, she is turning her thinking around to give herself rah rahs as in “ I am actively living a healthful life” to engender positive feelings.

I didn't realize she was feeling deprived of any of those things, but maybe the attachment lingered. Thanks for your viewpoint.

[iris lilies]

I didn't realize she was feeling deprived of any of those things, but maybe the attachment lingered. Thanks for your viewpoint.
I “quit” smoking 30 years ago. Hand me a cigarette and I will smoke it.yeah, I occasionally smoke, it is still fun.

[Tybee]

My mom is 92 and used to smoke occasionally with my husband, 20 years ago. She is still trying to bum a smoke from him, from the nursing home.

[JaneV2.0]

I “quit” smoking 30 years ago. Hand me a cigarette and I will smoke it.yeah, I occasionally smoke, it is still fun.

I quit about forty years ago--it took multiple tries--and never looked back. My SO used to insist I must miss it (he was smoking/vaping until the last), but I didn't. I'm famous for being all gung ho about something, and then suddenly, not.

[Zoe Girl]

Oh no, i guess i didnt explain very well. I dont miss any of these things, i just hear negatives which to me intereupts making connections with people. Vegetarians are apparently more hated than athiests. Some is external, and i realize that self talk and talk with others are based on lack and potential deprivation, which i dont feel.

Now i am not going to tell people who eat meat or drink alcohol these things! That sounds 'veggier than thou'. I can say more if the opportunity is there but overall i am not concerned with others. I like the term plant based diet and sober that are used more. And restaurants are so much easier! Still my family awkwardly accepts this, just a few weeks ago i heard that veggies must starve to death, and i love my food.

I hope that is more clear.

[Gardnr]

Vegetarians are apparently more hated than athiests. Some is external, and i realize that self talk and talk with others are based on lack and potential deprivation, which i dont feel. I hope that is more clear.

I'm not convinced that vegetarians are more hated than athiests. I do however think that PITA makes it feel so. I've never personally met a vegetarian who spewed anger at those of us who eat animal products but I do know they are out there. Athiests, I simply don't understand. Then again, they don't understand me either so perhaps we're even.

[JaneV2.0]

I don't think anyone would mind vegetarians if there weren't a subset of angry militant vegans (the kind that assaulted Lierre Keith, for example) afoot. I was vegetarian for about six years, and I hope I never came across that way. Militant atheists are not quite as bad-but close--with their incessant disdain for any hint of faith. As an ex-smoker, ex-vegetarian, lifelong agnostic, and pint-a-year brandy drinker, I'm a firm believer in tolerance and forbearance. Which means no proselytizing.

[iris lilies]

Oh no, i guess i didnt explain very well. I dont miss any of these things, i just hear negatives which to me intereupts making connections with people. Vegetarians are apparently more hated than athiests. Some is external, and i realize that self talk and talk with others are based on lack and potential deprivation, which i dont feel.

Now i am not going to tell people who eat meat or drink alcohol these things! That sounds 'veggier than thou'. I can say more if the opportunity is there but overall i am not concerned with others. I like the term plant based diet and sober that are used more. And restaurants are so much easier! Still my family awkwardly accepts this, just a few weeks ago i heard that veggies must starve to death, and i love my food.

I hope that is more clear.

It is not more clear.

you say you “are not going to tell people who eat meat...” these things. so, circling back to the central question put out by others here, WHO is the target of your reframing thoughts? It must be you, right? If not someone else, who could it possibly besides you?

But if you are not unhappy with your non-meat eating activity, why reframe any thoughts?

[JaneV2.0]

Maybe I was lucky--or oblivious--but no one ever gave me grief for any of my choices, and I returned the favor. Maybe that's the point.
Perhaps you give off a whiff of holier-than-thou that people are responding to?

[iris lilies]

Maybe I was lucky--or oblivious--but no one ever gave me grief for any of my choices, and I returned the favor. Maybe that's the point.
Perhaps you give off a whiff of holier-than-thou that people are responding to?

Jane, we could be truth friends. I think we have the same level of self confidence and do not hear any mutterings by others about our behaviors. What is that saying, something like:

At age 20 I acted like others wanted me to act
At age 40 I acted regardless of how I thought others wanted me to act
At Age 60 I realized no one was watching me act at all

I read on various web sites about younger women who feel persecuted by those who nag them about not having children. Me—never felt that way. I never took the occasional question about our childless status as judgement. I deliberately do not not use “child-free” lingo because it is unnecessary when our language already has a perfectly good word, “childless.”

[JaneV2.0]

Yes--the freedom that comes with invisibility.

Some people seem more susceptible to herd mentality/disapproval than others.

I avoided flak for not having children by avoiding marriage. Probably, everybody thought I was doing the world a favor by not reproducing. :~) But, like you, I didn't care, and people seemingly respected my decision.

[LDAHL]

The best positive reframing I ever heard was attributed to a legendary marine named Chesty Puller. It was something like “The enemy has us completely surrounded. They can’t get away from us this time!”

[Tybee]

Coming from a Marine family, Chesty Puller and Smedley Butler were our heroes.

[Zoe Girl]

Yes, this is for myself IL. I realize my internal talk is about NOT eating meat or NOT having alcohol. So as much as I enjoy my life it is still something I could positively reframe in my own mind. I have never given another person grief for their choices so most people would not know these things about me unless we were planning a meal or something similar.