Organizing records for your executor

[iris lilies]

Several of you have recently closed out your parents’ estates.

Tell me how you would have liked to see the important information organized and accessible to you.


My father-in-law died last week so DH and his siblings will be going through some of this but I think that is pretty well in hand since it is all in a trust and the other sibling has been handling his finances for a while now.

My purpose in asking this question is that I want to organize my own household financial records in one place for our executor.

[Simplemind]

We are currently getting our trust drawn up so I'm not sure how it will look when completed but my dad's was huge (according to current attorney, unnecessarily so) and in a three ring binder. There were only a couple of times (real estate transactions) where I needed to show sections of the trust for clarification. I think that was mostly because although my dad was still alive he had dementia and I was making the decisions and signing documents. POA was used the most AND since my mom had passed but had been a "Trust maker" I needed copies of her death certificate anytime I was selling anything her name was on such as vehicles and real estate.
I kept another binder with all financial information and updated each month with the new monthly statement for each. It also contained my dad's military discharge papers and life insurance companies. I did make a mistake in not double checking beneficiaries while he was still alive. One of them actually had his mom as beneficiary from back in the early 50's. He never changed it when he got married to my mom. In all cases I needed a death certificate for the beneficiary that had passed before I could have the benefits paid to his heirs. Made the process a bit longer.
The binders are in our office/bedroom on a shelf above the desk. Both our kids who are going to be trustees know where it is. One kid works in the death industry so he knows the ropes on a lot of who to call, when to call, what they need and how they need it. He was also there for a lot of what went down with my folks so he knows how we are doing our best to plug those holes. We also have all of our accounts and passwords in a hidden file in the computer and he knows how to get to that if need be.
I would also say that it is never a one and done scenario. I would revisit paperwork yearly, make sure to update what needs to be updated and let your executor know of any changes. We also have a list of personal items that we want to go to certain people should we still have them at the time of our demise. We have also talked to the people prior to make sure that it is something they want (as with our folks.... not all "gifts" are wanted and can be a burden) and they know our intentions and it is written down and discussed with the trustees.
If you want an obit... write down the particulars for the person who will write it because it is often difficult to remember particulars when you are grieving.

[jp1]

Personally my sister and I were just glad that dad was organized. He had shared with us both lists of his various accounts and such roughly once every six or seven years. Once he was in the hospital for what looked like it would be the final time my sister was able to get several of the accounts into joint tenancy with right of survivorship of dad and her so that they didn't have to go through probate.

[herbgeek]

My husband has our accounts and balances on a spreadsheet. We don't have the rest of our financial affairs in any kind of order for others to just jump in - but at least all the paper records are in one room (insurance coverage etc).

[iris lilies]

We dont have life insurance, but if we did, I would list that on our document.

My father in law had life insurance which surprises me, but anyway, DH says life insurance payout isnt taxable. I didnt know that about life insurance.

I have learned two reasons to have life insurance now as a way to pass on some money to children:
1) Payout is not subject to Medicaid clawback for nursing home costs
2) Payout is not taxable to those who get the payout

For a long time I thought life insurance was a stupid waste of money for adults who can support themselves, but now I see some utility for people of modest means who truly want to leave a bit of money to their children.

[razz]

DH and I consolidated all our financial affairs so upon his death, transfer was simple. We have used the same legal office for decades so all transactions and wills etc are in one place. We made a point of using an accounting office to establish a history and I continue to do so. Our children are both heirs, have a list of accounts and sources for any info. I will continue to keep my records simple and straight forward.

[bae]

Well, things *not* to do:

- Don't have half a dozen safe deposit boxes strewn around town. If you do, have keys for them all in a sensible place. Ideally with a list of the contents. We tracked down one box that had been moved to several different physical locations as bank branches were closed, or banks merged, and finally found the key for it and opened it in a scene nearly identical to Geraldo Rivera opening up Al Capone's vault...

- Don't have physical stock certificates and bonds stuffed between the pages of random books in your library "because you don't trust stockbrokers". And if they are Czarist War Bonds that you bought from the Czar himself, frame those suckers, don't stash them hoping for the return of Empire...

-Also, don't do the stash-in-books thing with cash either.

- Make a nice list of all annuities, pensions, life insurance policies, various death benefits, and so on. Don't let your executor discover this stuff when phone calls or checks start rolling in.

- Make sure there's enough liquidity in the estate so the executor can easily handle routine and expected expenses.

- If you have artwork of significance, it is helpful to have recent appraisals, and some indication to the executor of where the market is for such things if you intend for it to be sold. Your executor is unlikely to be the world's top expert in the Stick-and-String Navigational Art of Micronesia, and may mistake it for kindling.

- Seriously, clean out your garage and attic before you die. Just do it.

- If there's Special Stuff that you want to go to a relative or friend, write it down, or it's not happening. I simply don't care who gets Aunt Nellie's Special Left Handed Gravy Spoon that she complimented you on 37 Thanksgivings Ago.

[LDAHL]

In our family we call it the “death book”. Wills, POAs, account numbers, insurance policies, pension stuff, etc. Don’t forget passwords! Also final wishes and a pre-written obituary. As Churchill once said, “History will be kind to me because I intend to write it.”

My hope is to save my survivors a lot of trouble and get the last word.

[catherine]

Dave Ramsey has the Legacy Drawer, which is pretty all encompassing:

https://www.daveramsey.com/blog/legacy-drawer-keep-your-family-prepared/

I have an envelope in one of my aunt's desk's pigeonholes, which was very awkwardly named: ITEOMD (In The Event Of My Death). My lawyer son suggested I change the name because they could look for hours for help on information on stuff, and never figure that one out. So I spelled it out and added "or in the event I can no longer make decisions for myself"

I have a will that I have never had formally executed, but I video'd myself stating that the documents presented there represent my final wishes. I do have to get around to getting DH and I to a lawyer or at least an online will and a notary.

I also have a printed out excel spreadsheet with the names of all of my accounts, credit cards, investments etc., with the log-on/passwords/usernames etc. I try to keep up with passwords, but it's not easy. I also included a few "suggestions" of music I'd like played at any ceremony they decide to go with. I also included a "goodbye" poem written by Thich Nhat Hanh.

[sbagirl]

A related suggestion: if you’re the executor of someone’s estate, keep the estate records for a number of years afterwards. Why?

My brother died in 1994 and I was the administrator of his estate. He hadn’t filed federal or state income tax returns for several years before he died, but I had an excellent estate attorney who prepared those returns using the documentation we were able to find, all returns were filed, all taxes and penalties were paid, the IRS and the state were happy. I put all of the estate records in a small file box and stuck in the attic. I thought about getting rid of it a few times but it wasn't in the way, so I just left it there.

Then, in 2008 (14 years later!), I got a notice from some collection agency claiming that they had bought delinquent tax accounts and that the state tax had not been paid for one of the years involved (1992, I think). Of course, they wanted a lot more money than was originally owed. I still had the small file box of estate records in the attic and was able to provide proof that everything was paid up in 1995. I never heard from them again, and that box is still in the attic, just in case.

[pinkytoe]

Our estate is very simple - house, car, savings, 401K, and IRA. And of course stuff. I plan on making a notebook with all info including legal docs, account info, letter of instruction regarding last wishes and notes (provenance of various valuable items, family history, who the relatives in the photos are etc...) DD is an only child so I want to make it as simple as possible. I would like her to think her parents had their "chit" together. Although not deceased yet, the lack of non-transparency among DHs siblings who are currently overseeing MILs health and financial decisions is troubling. We are too far away to be actively involved so it is easy for them to leave us in the dark and not the way the lawyer meant for it to be. There was an article in today's local newspaper about an attorney here who handles estates of those who die without heirs. She charges a minimum of $300 hr from the estate to straighten the messes out.

[frugal-one]

The thing that no one has mentioned is a copy of bills (utilities, insurances, etc) that include phone number of who to contact to cancel. When MIL died we didn't even know who to call to cancel the telephone. Each year I update and have the most recent bills in the file.

[razz]

The thing that no one has mentioned is a copy of bills (utilities, insurances, etc) that include phone number of who to contact to cancel. When MIL died we didn't even know who to call to cancel the telephone. Each year I update and have the most recent bills in the file.

good point!

[iris lilies]

The thing that no one has mentioned is a copy of bills (utilities, insurances, etc) that include phone number of who to contact to cancel. When MIL died we didn't even know who to call to cancel the telephone. Each year I update and have the most recent bills in the file.

Yes, good idea. Someone up thread mention insurance, so I put that on my list because our executor will need to know how to cancel various insurance bills. We only get a paper bill a couple of times a year for auto and home. Our executor currently lives in the same city we do so I don’t think I would have to clue him in about utility bills because he knows who those providers are.

[iris lilies]

Oh, but phone service! Yeah, Our record should include the secret password, i.e. our favorite actor because that is what AT&T requires to make any inquiry or change on service.

[nswef]

This is a very useful thread. I hadn't thought of insurance bills. Now to just do it!

[razz]

This is a very useful thread. I hadn't thought of insurance bills. Now to just do it!
To do it and then to keep it updated with any changes in access info

[flowerseverywhere]

We have all the above mentioned writings in a safety deposit box we have jointly with our kids. Copies of everything are in there. When we moved to Fla one of the first things we did was establish a trust and sign all necessary legal documents with an attorney. We also have burial plans all paid for with a space for our cremated remains in a church. Our house has no attic or basement and we continually cull stuff out. When I look back at cleaning out our parents house, filled top to bottom it was an immense chore and one of us was 18 who took all the furniture and kitchen stuff and lived in the house for so year before we sold it. Still a royal pain.
Need to do my yearly update of all financial info this January, thanks for the reminder.

[iris lilies]

OK. I have sketched out my outline. Here it is:

I. Key people to contact in the event of death – I expect each person to pass the word of our death within their group


Iris’ family, Her brothers name and contact info


Mr. Iris’ family, his sisters name and contact info


Key neighbors in our neighborhood, their names and contact info

Garden club people, their names and contact info


Iris’ online community, key people and Contact info


Dog people, key people and their contact information


Herman neighbors, key people and their contact information

II. Sources of income


A list of pensions


III. Utilities

A list of utility providers af each property. Cell phone service provider.

Iv. Insurance

List the company that covers our real estate and our automobiles. List of the provider for our medical insurance. A statement that we have no life insurance policy.

V. Online accounts that you may need to access—note, I dont know what these are yet

VI. Online accounts that should be closed
Facebook???i really cant think of any account I care abput being closed after my death

VII General information such as lists of things we do NOT have to save someone time looking for them: we have no life insurance policy, no safety deposit box, no debit cards, no prepaid funeral plans or any funeral plans, we have no outstanding debt other than the current charges on our credit card. We have no cash in any of the houses.

The key to our mailbox hangs in the basement entry.

VIII. Copies of these documents: birth certificate, deeds, marriage certificates, social Security cards and numbers

VIII. Complete list of assets incuding account numbers, contact info for brokers, etc

[pony mom]

I'm the executor for my mom's cousin's estate. He's made a list of just about anything I would need, like satellite co., garbage disposal, financial planner and tax man, utilities, etc.

I'm actually hoping he dies before my mom does because I don't want to do all of this on my own. His house is LOADED with stuff, he has two John Deere tractors, lots of attachments for them.....to go through and get rid of it all will be a nightmare. In addition to his lists and instructions, I wish he'd get rid of stuff, move to a smaller place and make it all easier for everyone.

[Simplemind]

It is a thankless job Pony Mom.....

[Chicken lady]

My parents have all of their paperwork in order. My father keeps nagging my mother that she needs to go through the house and clean out and get rid of things so that I don’t have to deal with it “some day”. I keep telling her, I don’t care. I want her to have her house the way she wants it with the things in it that she enjoys and she should not be spending her life cleaning it out for other people. The only thing in that house I don’t want to have to deal with when she is gone is my dad!

[iris lilies]

I think it is important to state “lack of” things to save executor time looking for them. We have no life insurance. We have no safety deposit boxes. We dont keep cash in our house. Etc.

bae’s admonition about having enough available cash to run the estate while it is being closed is good. I dont hink it is a problem for us generally, but something to think about.

[iris lilies]

My parents have all of their paperwork in order. My father keeps nagging my mother that she needs to go through the house and clean out and get rid of things so that I don’t have to deal with it “some day”. I keep telling her, I don’t care. I want her to have her house the way she wants it with the things in it that she enjoys and she should not be spending her life cleaning it out for other people. The only thing in that house I don’t want to have to deal with when she is gone is my dad!
Will you be able to actually get rid of anything in your mother’s house? Maybe your father forsees a day when she is gone and he has to deal with the stuff, along with you. Or, he forsees the day they will downsize and the stuff will consume them or her (if he is gone) in that event.

This is not the friendliest of sites for people who wish to cling to their stuff. We hear plenty of stories from adult children who are exhausted from the mindless, energy draining tasks of dealing with their parents’ stuff.” But all of that said, you and a couple of other people here champion their stuff and their resolution to stay amidst all of the stuff until they die. The odds are against them in that, it is more likely that relatives will have to do the heavy lifting of cleaning out stuff against a hard dealine when the oldster is incapacitated. I guess we will all have a version of that, whether pur lives is jammed full of 20 rooms or two rooms.

But two rooms are a snap. 20 rooms—not so much.

[Chicken lady]

Actually, I am trying really hard not to “champion (my) stuff” here, as yes, I clearly got the message that it us an unwelcome position. However, my mother’s life would be much SIMPLER if she just enjoyed the things she has and her day to day life instead of stressing out about getting rid of things (I mean, clearly, if she runs across something she’s ready to get rid of, she should get rid of it, but I don’t think she needs to spend her energy searching things out)

There will be time to get rid of the stuff when it is no longer wanted or needed (and yes, I will be able to get rid of things from my mother’s house, and honestly, it is likely that she will be around to help me because the odds are that there will come a time that she is alone and all of her friends are dead and I hope that she will then come here)

if my mother goes first (unlikely unless there us an accident), my concern is less that my father will have to deal with the stuff and more that he will burn the house down with himself inside. She is literally his world.

but, I bring up my point of view because, if it makes you happy to predownsize your stuff, then by all means do so, but if you are doing it “for your children” you might want to find out if that is what they want. Because doing it for me would be an unappreciated waste of time and energy.

[catherine]

Actually, I am trying really hard not to “champion (my) stuff” here, as yes, I clearly got the message that it us an unwelcome position. However, my mother’s life would be much SIMPLER if she just enjoyed the things she has and her day to day life instead of stressing out about getting rid of things (I mean, clearly, if she runs across something she’s ready to get rid of, she should get rid of it, but I don’t think she needs to spend her energy searching things out)

There will be time to get rid of the stuff when it is no longer wanted or needed (and yes, I will be able to get rid of things from my mother’s house, and honestly, it is likely that she will be around to help me because the odds are that there will come a time that she is alone and all of her friends are dead and I hope that she will then come here)

if my mother goes first (unlikely unless there us an accident), my concern is less that my father will have to deal with the stuff and more that he will burn the house down with himself inside. She is literally his world.

but, I bring up my point of view because, if it makes you happy to predownsize your stuff, then by all means do so, but if you are doing it “for your children” you might want to find out if that is what they want. Because doing it for me would be an unappreciated waste of time and energy.

Thanks for that point of view. Even though I'm 66 and my parents are long dead, I never had to deal with divesting parental possessions. I personally was grateful to have very little to do with regard to that.

But I've heard some people say--maybe here, maybe somewhere else--that they were happy to go through the stuff for their parents. It was a labor of love and they didn't stress out about it--they simply did it.

DH and I attended a Decluttering seminar recently at a local church. It was really a sales presentation in a way because the person leading the seminar owns a "Senior Solutions" organizing/decluttering business. It sounds SO tempting. He works with older people and their adult children to strategize and plan moves out of the primary home and into either assisted living or a downsized home. He takes measurements of living spaces and then helps the customers decide what will fit and what will not. He and his team empty the unwanted stuff using junk trucks, donations, estate appraisers, craigslist--he does it all.

He sees the whole process through to the actual move, unpacking and set-up of the new home.

DH and I were thinking it would be great to hire him to help US! I've been chipping away at the house to make it presentable for sale, but it feels overwhelming. I would never want to dump those feelings of overwhelm onto my children--so maybe in my little packet of "what to do when I die" I should include this guy's card!

[Teacher Terry]

When my mom was 60 she asked me to help her go through the stuff in preparation for a house sale and moving to a apartment. We had fun doing it together and was in no rush. We had a bunch of garage sales over 2 years and took a bunch to thrift stores. Buy the time they were ready to move into a apartment they were ready. When she knew she was dying she got rid of more of her stuff at 89. I have had to get rid of a few in-laws stuff after they died and it’s not fun. We have gotten rid of a ton of stuff so our kids won’t have to deal with it. It’s a gift.

[Chicken lady]

I understand that it is a gift, but again, some gifts (especially on this forum!) go straight to the thrift store or landfill.

a key guideline for simplifying your life is not to do things you are doing just for other people unless you are sure that is what the other people want. One way to find out is to ask them.

mil is constantly cleaning out her house so that we won’t have to, and she is constantly batch emailing the entire family photos of things that nobody wants one at a time and then nagging everyone when some people don’t respond. She honestly thinks this is helpful. This is not helpful. She asked her kids to make a list if things in the house that were important to them so that she could leave instructions or even give the thing away now if she wanted to. THAT was helpful. Dh sister is probably going to need to hire a moving van to go through the house maybe two. That is her deal. The brothers (and their wives and children) can probably sort through the rest and pull out what they want in less than a week. The auctioneers from everything but the house can handle the rest of it.

[Teacher Terry]

I have already given my kids the things they wanted. I don’t see a problem with taking things to the thrift stores for others to enjoy. My MIL was a hoarder and I took everything she gave me because I knew it would be one less thing to deal with someday. I only kept a couple of things and displayed them and everything else to the thrift store. Since my husband was a only child we had to deal with it. My kids said if we leave behind a bunch of stuff they would call one of those companies to come get it. I certainly don’t want my money wasted on getting rid of stuff that I can do myself. Plus as I shed stuff I realized how much improved my life has become. Much faster to clean and donating my collections has helped so many fundraisers that need nice silent auction items. It has felt great to help.

[Chicken lady]

So teacher terry, I would say you are doing this for yourself. Because you enjoy it, it improves your life, and it aligns with your values. And that is great!

time and money. I am perfectly content if mil chooses to use her time to get rid of stuff and it results in us getting more money. But I am not willing to “earn” that money by spending time dealing with dozens of emails. I also do not care how she spends her time and wether she enjoys it. But i want my mother to enjoy her life and be happy. And if it costs me money later because she made that choice, I will be glad to give it up. I would be sad to know that she sacrificed her time so that we could inherit more of her money. I guess if you were my mom, I would be happy knowing that it made you happy use your time to save more of your money for me. But if my actual mom wants to give me some of her time, I want the actual time with her, not money that she traded it for by doing things she did not like (which clearing out is in her case - if she got paid for, say, doing library story time with little kids and gave me the money, that would be fine - fun for her and a gift for me.)

[Teacher Terry]

I don’t know why she is sending all those emails. My kids asked me to save all the photo albums and when the time comes they will take the pictures they want. When I first started decluttering I hated it and it was hard to let go of stuff. The more you do it the easier it gets. I started when I was still working full time. Now with only working part time I have a ton of time to do it. If your mom is retired she has lots of time to handle this. I don’t want anyone’s last memory of me to be getting rid of my junk. Having done it twice it’s a burden. Thankfully my parents spared me and I will do the same for my kids. I remember Bae’s horrible stories about his in-laws. He isn’t getting those days back. In the Swedish culture it’s expected and called death cleansing. I actually started at age 50.

[Chicken lady]

Different cultures, different families, different individuals and different philosophies.

we all have the same 24 hours a day. If we are lucky, we can meet our basic needs and have some left over to use as WE wish.

”and it hurt none, do as you please”

but we we both agree that having your papers and financial information in order Is a good thing for us and those we love. And I feel like I derailed this badly.

[iris lilies]

Different cultures, different families, different individuals and different philosophies.

we all have the same 24 hours a day. If we are lucky, we can meet our basic needs and have some left over to use as WE wish.

”and it hurt none, do as you please”

but we we both agree that having your papers and financial information in order Is a good thing for us and those we love. And I feel like I derailed this badly.
I dont see derailing, it is all fine to talk about since our discussion relates to things our executor has to take care of.

[catherine]

So teacher terry, I would say you are doing this for yourself. Because you enjoy it, it improves your life, and it aligns with your values. And that is great!

time and money. I am perfectly content if mil chooses to use her time to get rid of stuff and it results in us getting more money. But I am not willing to “earn” that money by spending time dealing with dozens of emails. I also do not care how she spends her time and wether she enjoys it. But i want my mother to enjoy her life and be happy. And if it costs me money later because she made that choice, I will be glad to give it up. I would be sad to know that she sacrificed her time so that we could inherit more of her money. I guess if you were my mom, I would be happy knowing that it made you happy use your time to save more of your money for me. But if my actual mom wants to give me some of her time, I want the actual time with her, not money that she traded it for by doing things she did not like (which clearing out is in her case - if she got paid for, say, doing library story time with little kids and gave me the money, that would be fine - fun for her and a gift for me.)

I think we do owe it to parents to recognize the huge emotional burden of transitioning to another life. I saw that ambivalence between wanting to leave the long-time home vs wanting to stay with my MIL. I truly believe that the emergency medical condition she experienced when we were helping her clean out--severe gout which kept her immobilized--was completely psychosomatic. Not that she didn't feel the pain, but that crazy mind-body connection kicked in and she literally couldn't "move."

And I remember when my favorite aunt lost my uncle and we talked about how difficult it is to move. She lived in the home she raised her kids in for almost two more years, but then her kids took over and had her move in with one of them and they sold the house. I know, based on my conversations with her, that it must have been very difficult. She died six months later.

So I think, CL, you have a very compassionate view of your situation. To the extent that it is truly in the parent's best interest to enable them to do just what they feel comfortable with at the end of their lives, I think we we should.

[Teacher Terry]

I would never tell family members what to do. I knew my MIL would never be able to get rid of her stuff so never suggested it. She was a wonderful person that I loved very much. We were still working when she died and it was a big burden in our little spare time. We couldn’t procrastinate because we had to pay lot rent for her trailer. Luckily I found a young mom that wanted it so she paid us 100/month for 5 years and then she owned it.

[catherine]

I would never tell family members what to do. I knew my MIL would never be able to get rid of her stuff so never suggested it. She was a wonderful person that I loved very much. We were still working when she died and it was a big burden in our little spare time. We couldn’t procrastinate because we had to pay lot rent for her trailer. Luckily I found a young mom that wanted it so she paid us 100/month for 5 years and then she owned it.

I'm sure it was a huge burden, TT. It's great that you were able to work out a mutually beneficial arrangement with the young mom!

[Teacher Terry]

Catherine, we felt great about the mom. The trailer was actually worth more but it ended up being a win-win for everyone. Actually my MIL died unexpectedly at 67 and we were shocked. She had just retired and didn’t even get to go on a trip she planned with friends. That’s one reason we are doing everything we want while we can.

[Tybee]

I think I am like the CL mother in law, always asking the kids if they want something. I also give them things and tell them if they don't want them, please feel free to move them along in the universe for someone else--this happened with a set of buffalo china I gave them because they didn't have any good china, and then she bought some Pfaltzgraff dishes she liked and I gave her a set of those for Christmas, and I assume the Buffalo china got given away.

It truly wont hurt my feelings if they want to give something away. I guess to give them things so sometimes it hurts a little when they don't want something, although why that hurts and not them giving it away, I have no idea, except maybe in the latter, they are open to at least trying it.

The coolest thing that happened in this vein was that I found a great antique sled at a yard sale in Vermont on my way to visit them, and I asked him I could store it in their basement until we moved up there. He said fine, and then I found out they had started using it. But the best thing is that they read Calvin and Hobbes to my grandmother, and Calvin has a sled that looks just like the one I left behind, and my son told her it was the sled from the comic book, only to find that the little child in the 40's in Vermont had written his name on the underside of the sled, and guess what, his name was Calvin.

[Teacher Terry]

That’s so cool about the sled.

[Tybee]

My last post was a bit derailing, too, but back to the original topic--this thread is really helping me because my husband and are are so horrified by what we've been going through with my parents and their house and their affairs that we are getting inspired to do things in a completely different way, and to let the kids know what the hell we are doing so that if we are both suddenly wiped out, that they can just step in and follow along with everything and not have to try to figure out what is going on, the way we had to.

Along that line, we are committing to starting to work on the book of instructions-- we can only stand doing this a little at a time--and had housekeys made to send to each kid so that whoever gets here first can cope.

Whatever you do, don't appoint one sibling as conduit of all things, as mine did, as the sibling you select may be a unwilling to share information with the other siblings, and try to manipulate everyone in the family with the fact that they are the only ones with access to anything, and assume complete power over decisions about the parents.

Communicate information to ALL of your children, and do not assume that the oldest or the malest is going to help you the most.

We aren't even at the executor stage, and this has torn the family apart.

So hire a damned estate lawyer and let him or her carry out your wishes. Don't make assumptions that you know your children as adults--they are not the same people they were 50 years ago, when they were all so cute and all got along.

[Teacher Terry]

We have named my oldest son as executor. He is the most capable of my 3 kids and extremely trustworthy. Of my husband’s 2 kids one I don’t trust at all due to things he has done. His youngest is willing to help my oldest if needed. We have spelled out distribution in our wills. Not going to hire a lawyer to do what 2 of our kids can easily do. If we live a long time the only thing left will be the house. My sister handled my mom’s and it was fine. If I had a big estate it would be different but we don’t.

[pinkytoe]

What does one call the book of instructions? The Death Book sounds a bit dreary but I would like DD to know there is such a book and that it has a name when I finally put it all together.

[sweetana3]

We call ours the Life Book.

[catherine]

I think Dave Ramsey calls it the Legacy Book

[iris lilies]

It is DONE! I have completed the Legacy bag (thanks for the name catherine and Dave Ramsey) that will guide 90% of the job of our trustees. It will also help DH or I if one of us dies. We can also grab it in an emergency and have all of our documentation in one place.

It ain’t perfect, but since perfection is the enemy of completion, I cannot care.

Now, once a year, we will review the materials in it and update. I dont mind that chore really. It was the initial work (took us nearly two years) of moving all assets into our trust that took time. That sucked majorly and there is no way I could have tackled that before retiring. That examination forced us to close and cash out some accounts just to reduce the unwieldy number of places we have parked money.

[Tybee]

Good for you! Your thread is inspiring us to start working on this; we started yesterday and today bought the notebook. We're starting with making sure all accounts have beneficiaries.

[iris lilies]

Good for you! Your thread is inspiring us to start working on this; we started yesterday and today bought the notebook. We're starting with making sure all accounts have beneficiaries.
I think that is a great place to start.

[Tybee]

We are calling ours The Domesday Book, haha.

[Teacher Terry]

I love it Tybee!

[jp1]

I'm the trustee for my best friend's (19 years older than me) trust. He recently completed his book which he just calls "The Binder." I know where it is, and knowing him I'm sure it's insanely well organized and thorough. We've had plenty of discussions of the basic contours of how he wants things distributed, so hopefully when the time comes the task won't be too onerous.

If it were up to me to name a book like this I think I'd call it "Material Me", a take on the book in Harry Potter "Magical Me".

[rosarugosa]

DH & I finally got around to drawing up a will with an attorney just this week, so this is a timely thread for me. Yay for us for finally acting like responsible adults! A Book of Death is a good next project.

[iris lilies]

DH & I finally got around to drawing up a will with an attorney just this week, so this is a timely thread for me. Yay for us for finally acting like responsible adults! A Book of Death is a good next project.

I think a good “next project” for us is to make funeral plans and pay for it. While I simply do not care what sort of memorial or etc happens and what happens to my body, I guess it would be easier if those left behind didnt have to plan it. But really, what is there to plan? I guess I will find out.

[catherine]

I think a good “next project” for us is to make funeral plans and pay for it. While I simply do not care what sort of memorial or etc happens and what happens to my body, I guess it would be easier if those left behind didnt have to plan it. But really, what is there to plan? I guess I will find out.

I was just listening to a Dave Ramsey podcast on my daily walk and interestingly, that topic came up. Pre-paying funeral expenses winds up costing more than the compound interest you would earn by just keeping the money in the bank and then having your executor withdraw it. But, I can see the advantage to having everything all set up and paid for, too. In your case, the few bucks earned maybe don't matter to you, and it's thoughtful of you to try to make things easy for those left behind.

If I were to be buried in a traditional cemetery plot, I'd be inclined to pre-pay for a plot for both DH and I. But we're both interested in cremation, with ashes scattered somewhere, so I don't anticipate that expense. The only other expense would be the cost of the services.

[pinkytoe]

In-laws had pre-paids and it does take a load off of making those decisions. FIL was old school and wanted a nice casket and police escort. Shopping for caskets and services for my mother who left no plans was not a pleasant task.

[SteveinMN]

While I simply do not care what sort of memorial or etc happens and what happens to my body, I guess it would be easier if those left behind didnt have to plan it. But really, what is there to plan? I guess I will find out.
Heh. Like planning a wedding. Venue, details of the service, cemetary plot (if not already chosen), transportation to and from the final resting place, the luncheon,...

DW and I prepaid for cremation and the most basic container they offer. Our loved ones have been left with the instructions that they can do anything they need to do to "say goodbye". It will not matter to us -- and we're not funding it. So it's up to them. There will be enough to wind up (disposition of the house and savings/retirement accounts, etc.) that planning a service (especially one that is self-funded) should not be a big deal unless they want it to be (which we wouldn't have cared about anyway).

[SteveinMN]

I was just listening to a Dave Ramsey podcast on my daily walk and interestingly, that topic came up. Pre-paying funeral expenses winds up costing more than the compound interest you would earn by just keeping the money in the bank and then having your executor withdraw it.
Does Ramsey account for the inexorable increase in the cost of funeral expenses? I don't know what the rise in expenses has been over the years, but I'd be very surprised if a specific set of funeral expenses in 2044 would cost what it does in 2019.

[catherine]

Does Ramsey account for the inexorable increase in the cost of funeral expenses? I don't know what the rise in expenses has been over the years, but I'd be very surprised if a specific set of funeral expenses in 2044 would cost what it does in 2019.

The podcast came about because a caller said that her grandmother had died, and had arranged in 1999 for "funeral insurance" which had expired. I can't remember the dollar amount of this "insurance." He based his calculations on a fairly average cost for a funeral ($10,000), and how that money would have grown over 20 years (since 1999).

This isn't the same podcast, but it articulates his opinion on pre-paid funerals. https://www.daveramsey.com/askdave/posts/10041

[Teacher Terry]

When my grandparents died my parents and her sister all bought plots together. My aunt is still alive 50 years later. They also bought headstones and caskets. My mom wrote her own obituary and asked people to sing certain songs at her funeral. She told us to sell her car to buy everyone lunch at a nice restaurant afterwards. Because my husband is a veteran we applied for free cremation spots in our federal cemetery. Cremation is about 500 here. I am using the beautiful urn I bought my MIL. We only used it for the funeral as she wanted hers spread. We have also loaned it out for a few funerals:))

[catherine]

Because my husband is a veteran we applied for free cremation spots in our federal cemetery. Cremation is about 500 here. I am using the beautiful urn I bought my MIL. We only used it for the funeral as she wanted hers spread. We have also loaned it out for a few funerals:))

Eco-friendly, frugal funeral! Reduce, reuse, recycle! I love it! My DH is a vet, too. He's never collected any benefits of any kind. Maybe we should go for this one!

[iris lilies]

Heh. Like planning a wedding. Venue, details of the service, cemetary plot (if not already chosen), transportation to and from the final resting place, the luncheon,...

DW and I prepaid for cremation and the most basic container they offer. Our loved ones have been left with the instructions that they can do anything they need to do to "say goodbye". It will not matter to us -- and we're not funding it. So it's up to them. There will be enough to wind up (disposition of the house and savings/retirement accounts, etc.) that planning a service (especially one that is self-funded) should not be a big deal unless they want it to be (which we wouldn't have cared about anyway).

Haha like a wedding, Ok! Our wedding was at the courthouse with bare minimum hoopla, so I would like that treatment on death. Guess I will have to follow your lead and lay it out on paper, sounds good.

My dad always said “let those left behind do what gives them peace” and so when my mother made a big deal about buying him an expensive casket because his brother with a ton of money who had died 6 months prior had a fancy schmancy casket and why shouldnt HER husband have that! . —I silently rolled my eyes and remembered his admonition.

It would have been far more appropriate for my uber frugal father to have a pine box. But in reality,
I suppose that sort of thing is hard to find. And my mom could afford whatever funeral nonesense she wanted, so it was all fine.

[Teacher Terry]

I have a friend 10 years older than me who has also requested to borrow the urn assuming she goes first. It’s very beautiful. I just went online and filled out the form for the feds. They approve it and you are guaranteed a spot. You can choose to be buried also. The veteran is free and the spouse 400. It also includes a beautiful engraved plaque. When we were in Wisconsin we stopped to visit all the family graves and had to ask where they were in the office. The lady told us we should buy spots now to be with family. Too funny! I told her we have free spots where we live.

[rosarugosa]

OK Teacher Terry, you've just gotta post a picture of that urn for us now!

[Teacher Terry]

Rosa, I need to start renting it!

[rosarugosa]

Rosa, I need to start renting it!

That is a great idea, and then you can post about it on the Frugals thread!;)

[Teacher Terry]

Now that I think about it there have only been good people in it and that’s important . Especially since it will be my forever home.