meeting the mother, eeek

[Zoe Girl]

My son and his girlfriend (P) have been together like 5 years! I have not meant P's mom or parents yet. Sounds kinda weird since we lived a mile apart for awhile. Just nothing has brought us together so far. Apparently she would like to meet me, and I am so nervous! I almost kinda met her once, she was talking to P outside our apartment and she was intense, capital I. She was lecturing P about getting a job and just repeating herself until P was super stressed. It is also significant that I have a background of losing a house, having a bankruptcy and most recently a mental break down and renting a small room from someone.

On the other hand I am pretty good with it all, I haven't had a lot of thoughts about comparing myself to others. I don't focus on it, and I am not avoiding it either. I made a choice to live like this really years ago when I didn't worry about money as much as spiritual and relationship focus.

We are meeting for dinner at an Indian restaurant and it is a buffet, so already good that I am not in a position to bring attention to my vegetarianism, lack of drinking, etc. My son and P are coming too, that is much easier. The place is rather casual, and Colorado is casual in general. But still what to wear! I figured jeans, if it is warmer then with my converse, if it is colder then Doc Martins. No clue about what top, something nicer than a Rancid t-shirt or a plain sweatshirt. I am sure I can figure this out.

My mom told me that she may be intimidated by me since my son and P lived with me for years, spent a lot of time with me, and are comfortable with me.

[sweetana3]

Honey, you are a creative, spiritual, and caring person. That is all that anyone needs to know. She does not need to know anything about your financial past, mental health or really how you choose to live your life. It is purely your choice to share anything but also your choice to not share. She is a parent and you have loads of experience with those so let that apply until you feel safe and accepted.

[Gardnr]

Be who you are. Wear whatever feels comfortable that day. You do not have to change for another adult.

[Tradd]

Zoe, meet for coffee. Nothing more. Less stress that way.

[Zoe Girl]

I actually think coffee is more stressful if you do not know the person. At least with Indian food you can go back to the buffet or talk about the food or something.

As a meditation practice I am just watching this nervousness and where it is coming from and where it is going. Interesting process, but now I need a run.

[Tammy]

Here’s your inner mantra for that day: “this is not high school. I am 50 yrs old. We are not going to be best friends. She will be an acquaintance. We don’t need to know any details about each other.”

[Tammy]

And “I don’t need her approval and she also does not need mine. We are completely different people. And that’s great!”

[Teacher Terry]

With your kids there it will be fine.

[Zoe Girl]

Okay it was fine, we all went (my son, GF, mom and dad) to my favorite Indian place. That helped me feel more comfortable. It was pretty much chatty small talk but fine. My son wasn't grumpy even, he has been working major overtime in a shortstaffed department. He was able to change clothes instead of coming in work clothes.

I ended up wearing short lace up boots in case you were wondering :)

[Float On]

I ended up wearing short lace up boots in case you were wondering :)

That was all???? HAHAHA!!:0!:laff: Glad it went well. I was going to say boots and a sweater with jeans.

[Zoe Girl]

Well i wore soft pink jeans and a fuzzy sweater with the boots. This is different because it wasnt black, dark purple, and doc Martin's. I purposefully went with a more soft and friendly outfit. I think boots only would have been too friendly.

Pretty surface level chit chat, good for first meeting. My subculture is people who are meditatora so we temd to go deep into things, but i didnt expect that

[Zoe Girl]

I just talked to my son and told him I felt silly about being so nervous. Apparently girlfriend's mom found me nice and 'interesting'. I was about as close to normal as I ever am, there were so many things I didn't talk about. I even wore softer colors than mostly black.

I am fine with being interesting, apparently I wasn't off in thinking that they were very normal (and very nice) people.

[Teacher Terry]

That’s great

[Tradd]

Good to hear!

[danna]

Float on that was my first thought too...Zoe Girl of course it went well.
What can go wrong at an Indian Buffet, my fave.