frugalone
1-23-19, 1:35pm
This is gonna be a long one...just sayin'. I'll start by saying that I've always had trouble making and keeping friends, whether in real life or online. I'm not sure why. Maybe, as someone pointed out on here, it's b/c I'm kind of a pessimist. Anyway. Backstory: I had this friend, Darlene, since about 1987. She had a best friend, Karla, that she met in first grade. Karla always lived away, as her spouse was in the military. The three of us took vacations together from time to time, and Karla and I became close through email. Finally, upon her husband's retirement, K moved back to our hometown.
Darlene and I used to talk on the phone every day and were very close. She was my best friend at one point. However, about 10 years ago, I got kind of fed up with some of her behavior, and while we never discussed it, or had a falling out, I just sort of cut waaay down on my communication with her. In the meantime, Karla and I became quite close. And when we'd get together, she'd tell me (over the past several years, now) how Karla was ghosting her, mistreating her, being rude on occasions, etc. etc. She would be literally weeping, saying, "What did I do wrong? I don't understand why she doesn't want to hang out with me anymore." Since I couldn't really understand either, I kind of took Karla's side.
OK, fast forward to this past fall. We all used to hang out with one of Karla's sisters. This sister was diagnosed with a fast-moving cancer and given a month to live. The last time I actually talked to Karla, she was sobbing on the phone and telling me they were putting sister in hospice. I stayed in touch via voice mail and text, letting her know I was thinking of her. She would respond every so often. Sister died in early December. Two days later, I got a phone call from Darlene, crying and telling me that Karla's 13-year-old grandson had died in a gun related incident. I later learned it was suicide. D and I kind of "made up" during that call, and agreed we would get together soon. I could not attend the boy's funeral, but my husband did. Karla and I texted back and forth for a couple of weeks. The last time I heard from her, she wished me a happy new year. I called her about 2 weeks later and both her phone lines went into voice mail, and voice mail was full. I texted her to let her know that they were full, and that I missed her, was thinking of her, etc.
Now, in the meantime, Darlene had said to me that we should take Karla out for dinner. That Karla wanted to do "fun things." I also noticed that all of a sudden, Darlene was seeing quite a lot of Karla. Now, I get it, I understand--Karla needs support. But, um, what am I to make of all the negative stuff I've heard for YEARS about Darlene? And, this Friday is Darlene's birthday. I suggested last week via text that we all go out to eat. D just happened to be a K's house. She said, "I'll have to let you know." I translate that as "maybe if nothing better comes along." Why do I think that way? Because K has mentioned that D does that. Also, since K and D were sitting right there together, could they not have discussed it and given me some sort of a reply other than "I'll let you know"?
I've made donations in both the sister's and the grandson's names to charities that the family would appreciate.
I have bought both of them birthday gifts and cards, and as of today, Wednesday, I've heard nothing.
I'm not trying to be a witch here. I understand Karla has suffered an unbelievable loss, and everyone in my women's group told me, "She'll need you when the flurry of the funeral is over and everyone has gone home." But I'm getting the distinct impression that, um, I'm not wanted.
Am I paranoid? Is Darlene being somewhat rude? What am I to make of Karla's about-face regarding Darlene?
Should I just step back?
Darlene and I used to talk on the phone every day and were very close. She was my best friend at one point. However, about 10 years ago, I got kind of fed up with some of her behavior, and while we never discussed it, or had a falling out, I just sort of cut waaay down on my communication with her. In the meantime, Karla and I became quite close. And when we'd get together, she'd tell me (over the past several years, now) how Karla was ghosting her, mistreating her, being rude on occasions, etc. etc. She would be literally weeping, saying, "What did I do wrong? I don't understand why she doesn't want to hang out with me anymore." Since I couldn't really understand either, I kind of took Karla's side.
OK, fast forward to this past fall. We all used to hang out with one of Karla's sisters. This sister was diagnosed with a fast-moving cancer and given a month to live. The last time I actually talked to Karla, she was sobbing on the phone and telling me they were putting sister in hospice. I stayed in touch via voice mail and text, letting her know I was thinking of her. She would respond every so often. Sister died in early December. Two days later, I got a phone call from Darlene, crying and telling me that Karla's 13-year-old grandson had died in a gun related incident. I later learned it was suicide. D and I kind of "made up" during that call, and agreed we would get together soon. I could not attend the boy's funeral, but my husband did. Karla and I texted back and forth for a couple of weeks. The last time I heard from her, she wished me a happy new year. I called her about 2 weeks later and both her phone lines went into voice mail, and voice mail was full. I texted her to let her know that they were full, and that I missed her, was thinking of her, etc.
Now, in the meantime, Darlene had said to me that we should take Karla out for dinner. That Karla wanted to do "fun things." I also noticed that all of a sudden, Darlene was seeing quite a lot of Karla. Now, I get it, I understand--Karla needs support. But, um, what am I to make of all the negative stuff I've heard for YEARS about Darlene? And, this Friday is Darlene's birthday. I suggested last week via text that we all go out to eat. D just happened to be a K's house. She said, "I'll have to let you know." I translate that as "maybe if nothing better comes along." Why do I think that way? Because K has mentioned that D does that. Also, since K and D were sitting right there together, could they not have discussed it and given me some sort of a reply other than "I'll let you know"?
I've made donations in both the sister's and the grandson's names to charities that the family would appreciate.
I have bought both of them birthday gifts and cards, and as of today, Wednesday, I've heard nothing.
I'm not trying to be a witch here. I understand Karla has suffered an unbelievable loss, and everyone in my women's group told me, "She'll need you when the flurry of the funeral is over and everyone has gone home." But I'm getting the distinct impression that, um, I'm not wanted.
Am I paranoid? Is Darlene being somewhat rude? What am I to make of Karla's about-face regarding Darlene?
Should I just step back?