Home alone...

[mira]

As my partner works/lives away most days, I have the apartment to myself three evenings a week. At first (8 months ago...) I thought it would be a good opportunity to do things like have my friends over for dinner, take evening classes, watch films that only I would enjoy and generally just do my own thing.

However, despite doing those things occassionally (there's no way I have the energy to do an activity every single night!), I find it quite difficult coming home to nobody after work. I lack the motivation to cook when I get home - it's no fun if I'm only making it for myself! As a result, I eat poorly during the week, despite the fact that I love to cook. I slump in front of the TV and often feel sorry for myself. I don't want to feel like this!

I'm a very independent person and love going out and getting involved in stuff on my own, so it feels very alien to suddenly feel this dependence.

Any ideas on what I could do to make the situation a little more positive? Thanks very much!

[poetry_writer]

I live alone. I find its the little things....a ritual of a cup of tea before bed, reading, candles....that make it nice!. I dont have a pet but plan to get one when I move next month. I love to write poetry (obviously...:o) and I am going to try some painting. Its difficult to adjust to being alone if you have been used to being with someone every evening. I like calm peaceful activities .

[kally]

I used to be like this and over the years I came to value my time alone. I agree with the above post - make it a nice night for yourself - buy good food, get a video, plan a long phone call and have a bubble bath. Celebrate those evenings alone.

[redfox]

Have friends over for dinner regularly - make it known that Wednesday nights are potluck at your house. Cook something on the weekends to save for those nights, and take it to the park to eat outside, then go for a walk. Forgive yourself for slumping every so often!

[Selah]

Or just take one of those nights and attend a class or other routine gathering. The other nights, structure it in ways that work for you, as the OP's have suggested. That way, you've only got TWO possible nights that MIGHT be wrecked by sloth and depression! :)

[catherine]

I am not a big TV watcher at all, but if I travel, or if I'm home alone, I turn on the TV when I enter the room, just because sometimes having a "voice" coming out of the box/panel/whatever it is these days seems a bit comforting, even if I'm not really paying attention.

[Mrs-M]

Oh Mira, embrace it. Plan a trip (out) and buy some nice potpourri you can simmer while at home, then settle in with a good book. How about crafts and things? If you have interests that pertain to that sort of thing capitalize on it, if you don't, maybe you could start. How about a special class of sorts? How about baking and cooking. If the days when you are alone fall on off days (non-work days), you could offer to babysit for people. And of course if all else fails, there's always the option of getting out to do a little window shopping and while out and about, hook-up with a friend for a cup of coffee and/or an afternoon matinee.

[Oceanic]

Get a dog! :D
Seriously, my sweetie is on a business trip this week, but when I get home to two wriggling happy Schnauzers, it's all good. Plus, looking after them means that I need to get out of the house for a walk, which is good for all of us.

[mira]

Thanks all for your comments and advice. Normally I am fine on my own, but occasionally I'll have a little dip in my mood and I feel quite lonely!

I will definitely start being a bit more conscious about it and relishing the time to do activities I enjoy, having my environment just the way I want. When other people ARE around, I do find myself getting a little annoyed that there is always some compromise to be made...! I really should make the most of this time alone, huh??

Also LOVE the potluck idea and saving one night to be an "activity" night. I'm going to suggest that to my friends right now...

I WISH I had the motivation to look after a dog! :)

[ApatheticNoMore]

As my partner works/lives away most days, I have the apartment to myself three evenings a week. At first (8 months ago...) I thought it would be a good opportunity to do things like have my friends over for dinner, take evening classes, watch films that only I would enjoy and generally just do my own thing.

However, despite doing those things occassionally (there's no way I have the energy to do an activity every single night!), I find it quite difficult coming home to nobody after work.

How about phoning your partner after work? Maybe you could talk on the phone for awhile before you begin the rest of the evening?


I lack the motivation to cook when I get home - it's no fun if I'm only making it for myself! As a result, I eat poorly during the week, despite the fact that I love to cook.

learn how to cook SIMPLE healthy meals. That way maybe you are not making a gourmet dinner but you're not eating poorly, you're well nourished. Also of course the strategy of cooking before hand and freezing it for the week.

How about exercise before you come home? Yes hit the gym OR exercise outdoors in nature if it is an option. To improve mood basically, it will tend to start the evening out in a better mood.

It's probably not depression, it's just loneliness (combined with the exhaustion of having given so much to the working day. You probably wouldn't feel this way on a day off even if alone - but work you know ... :)).

[mira]

^ Thanks for that!

We phone eachother once a week. I wouldn't be able to phone him right after work since he always works late (only because there is nothing else for him to do in the town he works in!)

Most of the meals I do cook are simple and healthy. Even cutting up chicken and vegetables seems like too much effort when it's only me who's going to be eating it. It's an odd feeling!

Yes, I should really try and at least fit in some yoga in the evenings. I don't do gyms or strenuous exercise, hehe ;)

[Miss Cellane]

I live alone and over the years have struggled with some of the same issues.

I find I have to plan my time, or nothing gets done. So every week, there's one weeknight where I've planned to do something--go to a talk at the library, get together with a friend, just go to the library to get new books, that sort of thing. I also have a plan for weekends, so that the chores get done and then I get to relax and do something fun. It took me a while to realize that I couldn't be spontaneous about this--I had to do some planning and work to make sure that things happened.

I usually have some sort of project going on, that I work on one or two nights a week. Currently, it's old family photos. Somehow, the family seems to think I'm the expert on identifying old relatives, so people are giving me their old photos to scan and identify. This could keep me busy for the next couple of years. I'm also crocheting a scarf, using hairpin crochet, which I've never tried before, and for fun, reading every fictional book based on the characters of Jane Austen that I can find (this is apparently a booming industry--who knew?) And at some point soon, I'm going to start a research project, trying to find out how the people who first lived in my 1920s house would have lived--where were the trolley lines, the stores, did things get delivered or did they have to lug 50 pounds of flour home (no one had cars back then, at least not in this neighborhood), what did they do for fun, how often would they have gone into the Big City, what were their occupations, did they have an ice box or an electric refrigerator?

For food, well, I have a high tolerance for eating the same thing over and over, and I'm usually too tired after work to embark on full-fledged cooking, with the resultant clean-up. So on Sunday, I cook a big meal. Could be a roast chicken with roasted veggies, or a huge pot of chili or a crockpot meal. I eat that for Sunday night supper, and then throughout the week, with maybe a change-up on the veggies or a salad or something to change things a little bit. I always have a few chicken breasts in the freezer so that if I want a change some night, I can fix something quickly. Or you could make a few big batches of a couple of things you really like to eat and freeze them all in individual servings. That way, when you get home at night, you can quickly make a salad and heat something up and you have a healthy dinner.

I do plop in front of the TV some nights, but that's also planned--my Friday nights are very boring, because I'm tired. So I pop a huge bowl of popcorn and pour a glass of wine and sit down and watch all the shows I've recorded during the week. If I start watching TV every night, that's usually a sign that either I'm starting to get sick or I'm dealing with too much stress somewhere in my life.

[AmeliaJane]

Wow, Miss Cellane, I like your project ideas. I'm single too, and have just moved to a city where the job is more demanding, and the city is not as easy to take advantage of (I used to live in a really walkable area), and I've been feeling like my nights involve too much screen time That's going to ease off naturally (I don't have extended cable, and the networks don't have much on in the summer) so this might be a good time for some new projects.

Re: the OP--for cooking, on the old boards, there was a thread about what to eat when you just don't feel like cooking. I think I'll go start one up here, but I remember that there were plenty of posters who did things like have cheese and crackers and fruit for dinner. Personally, I buy the frozen rice in bags at the grocery store. On the nights when I just can't face cooking, I defrost a bag of rice and mix it with salsa, cheese, canned beans, any compatible veggies I happen to have around the place, with a little Greek yogurt on top. Not the ultimate frugal, but boy, way easier on my wallet and hips than takeout. I also do the leftovers thing. I have become a big fan of the crockpot on Sunday afternoon--I found that if I planned to make something Sunday evening, I was usually way too tired after all the weekend fun. But with the crockpot, I would make something before I left for the day Sunday, and it was ready when I was, and leftovers for later!

[mtnlaurel]

Here's something I heard yesterday and thought of your post:
http://www.studio360.org/2010/may/21/school-of-pop/

It's an online singing class -- it sounded like so much fun ...

Another thought I had was using 1 free night a month to help a friend.
I am a stay at home mom and would LUUUUUUVVVV for a friend to offer to come over one night and doing something fun with the kids while I just get out of the house. Babysitters are so expensive where we are and we just moved here and I know no one, so it's just a fantasy.

[maribeth]

DH travels a lot for work -- the difference being that I am then stuck home in the evenings with our two year old. So activities are limited! If it is a multiple night trip we go out for dinner one night, usually to a mall food court that has a playground. Otherwise, dinners are heated up leftovers, or something easy that DD likes, like grilled cheese with veggies. After DD is in bed, I usually sew, read, or watch movies I know DH will hate. What I should do more often is catch up on housework!

[Zoebird]

online singing class *does* sound like fun. :D

[Miss Cellane]

Mira, I've been thinking about you and hoping that things are starting to look up for you.

I had a few more thoughts, for what they're worth.

About meals--you know, you don't have to eat 100% absolutely healthy every single meal, every single day. One night a week of cheese and crackers or peanut butter and crackers isn't going to have that much affect, if the other 20 or so meals that week are relatively nutritious. Why not plan dinner one night a week of food that is easy to prepare? Or one meal a week of food that you love, even if it isn't typical dinner food? My sister's favorite meal is good crusty bread with butter and an apple with bleu cheese. Not something that she eats every night, but she indulges at least once a month. It may not be the most balanced meal, but it's better than fast food. I read once about a family that skips dinner one night every summer and goes instead to a roadside ice cream stand that sells their favorite ice cream. They all get a scoop of their favorite flavor, eat it, and then go back for another scoop of a different flavor. One night a year where dinner is nothing but ice cream won't kill you. Or if cooking dinner is just out of the question, have lunch food, which is typically easier to prepare. Or go out to eat one night a week. If you are uncomfortable eating by yourself, bring a book, or go to a diner or someplace similar, where the food comes quickly and there are other singletons about.

Go ahead and spoil yourself a little on these nights that you are alone. If it helps you feel less lonely--go for it.

If all you want to do is stay home and rest and recuperate, then do so. There's no rule that you have to be involved in a lot of activities.

If you don't want to do so many activities, but you do want to see people, how about inviting just one or two friends over to your place? Maybe for a light dinner, maybe after dinner for coffee and a DVD or snacks and the latest episode of Dr. Who.

[mira]

Thank you for your kind words Miss Cellane! Yesterday I had fresh bread (there's a bakery at work that sells stuff at a huge discount!) with hoummous and tomatoes. I suppose there's no reason to think that dinner every night has to be an elaborate, cooked affair. Got a friend coming over to eat tomorrow night too, so I'm looking forward to that :)