View Full Version : Continuing problems with pastor from previous church
Folks who’ve been here a long time may remember the issues I had with the priest (Orthodox) from my previous parish which caused me to leave the parish in early 2008. Not long after, he tried taking me down online, even going so far as to try to get me in trouble with the regional Orthodox group I was involved with. He was a women stay at home right from the beginning of marriage, have many babies, homeschool only type. I was an outspoken single woman which he didn’t like.
Anyway, I’ve been much happier at current parish. I have had no contact at all with priest from previous parish. I barely have contact with anyone who attends that church. I found out recently from a friend that used to go there that that priest is talking about how I’ve fallen and need to be reformed since I’m gone from church in the summer when I’m scuba diving. I hate gossip!
Anyway, a young woman from my current parish is marrying a guy from the old parish - where the troublesome priest still is. Wedding is this summer at my current parish. The troublesome priest will be doing the wedding with my priest. Normally, I’d be singing, but that means missing diving. I was also asked to do one of the readings at the wedding. I politely declined, saying I was taking a lot of trips this summer. When I was asked, they didn’t have a firm date.
The real reason I’m skipping this wedding is that I don’t want to be anywhere near the old priest. The family doesn’t know that and they don’t need to. I did warn the bride’s parents that when I was at the other parish, the priest had no issues getting very political (very conservative) about issues like gay marriage during wedding sermons. That has no place and a lot of guests always got upset. I don’t know if he’s like that now, but I felt I had to at least warn them, and they do what they like with the information. Sad situation, but keeping myself away from the wedding is the best thing for me to do.
ToomuchStuff
3-6-19, 10:40am
Isn't this gossip?
I understand where this is coming from. Religious abuse is rampant, and I went through it in the 80s and 90s. A simple decision like skipping a wedding can consume vast amounts of one’s thoughts leading up to the occasion. It’s all about religious guilt and cult-like control over a persons entire being.
You’re making the right decision. Stick with it.
Nature is the quickest route to the spiritual, IMO.
Send a particularly nice card/gift to the couple involved, and enjoy your dives guilt-free.
Isn't this gossip?
What - me warning the parents how the priest acted during sermons when I was in that parish? If I did nothing, and he got all political during the sermon, I would have felt bad about it. I told the parents that I don’t know how he is now, but this is what he did 10 years ago. Priest is a loose cannon and no one reins him in.
Good move, Tradd. No need to commit to going and decline it guilt free.
Teacher Terry
3-6-19, 11:48am
A minister once said he would prefer someone be on their boat thinking about church than to be in church thinking about being on their boat.
I think you handled the wedding very well. And, as for the priest, he needs to tend his OWN garden.
I remember your problems with him. I agree with your warning the bride's family and your decision to steer clear. Enjoy your dive!
ToomuchStuff
3-9-19, 10:24pm
What - me warning the parents how the priest acted during sermons when I was in that parish?
No, telling us: talk of a personal, sensational, nature The part of the definition of gossip that fits?
This was a safe place to vent about it. I've told absolutely no one else.
I dont think sharing here where we do not know each other in real life is gossip. It is a good way to get things processed out.
happystuff
3-11-19, 7:28am
I dont think sharing here where we do not know each other in real life is gossip. It is a good way to get things processed out.
I agree.
goldensmom
3-11-19, 8:44am
I dont think sharing here where we do not know each other in real life is gossip. It is a good way to get things processed out.
This was a safe place to vent about it. I've told absolutely no one else.
I agree also. The problem described here is in generalities, no specific congregations or names are mentioned just enough information have an idea of what is going on. Good place to vent and process without fear of reprisal.
A minister once said he would prefer someone be on their boat thinking about church than to be in church thinking about being on their boat.
Oh boy did I need to hear that!
Since I work for a church and attend that same church....it always feels more like work on a Sunday than a place of worship. I may just skip the next nice Sunday and go kayak.
Folks who’ve been here a long time may remember the issues I had with the priest (Orthodox) from my previous parish which caused me to leave the parish in early 2008. Not long after, he tried taking me down online, even going so far as to try to get me in trouble with the regional Orthodox group I was involved with. He was a women stay at home right from the beginning of marriage, have many babies, homeschool only type. I was an outspoken single woman which he didn’t like.
Anyway, I’ve been much happier at current parish. I have had no contact at all with priest from previous parish. I barely have contact with anyone who attends that church. I found out recently from a friend that used to go there that that priest is talking about how I’ve fallen and need to be reformed since I’m gone from church in the summer when I’m scuba diving. I hate gossip!
Anyway, a young woman from my current parish is marrying a guy from the old parish - where the troublesome priest still is. Wedding is this summer at my current parish. The troublesome priest will be doing the wedding with my priest. Normally, I’d be singing, but that means missing diving. I was also asked to do one of the readings at the wedding. I politely declined, saying I was taking a lot of trips this summer. When I was asked, they didn’t have a firm date.
The real reason I’m skipping this wedding is that I don’t want to be anywhere near the old priest. The family doesn’t know that and they don’t need to. I did warn the bride’s parents that when I was at the other parish, the priest had no issues getting very political (very conservative) about issues like gay marriage during wedding sermons. That has no place and a lot of guests always got upset. I don’t know if he’s like that now, but I felt I had to at least warn them, and they do what they like with the information. Sad situation, but keeping myself away from the wedding is the best thing for me to do.
I remember your earlier discussions. I don't get priests who believe they are above 'the law'. And a priest who verbally uses a congregant as an example are the worst. I'd avoid him too and I think you've done the right things in declining participating in the wedding and staying far away.
goldensmom
3-12-19, 7:34am
Since I work for a church and attend that same church....it always feels more like work on a Sunday than a place of worship. I may just skip the next nice Sunday and go kayak.
If you are a church secretary or church clerk, Sunday is your busiest 'work' day as that is the day many people see you and remember something they need or forgot to tell you.
ToomuchStuff
3-12-19, 1:42pm
Most likely to be a safe place to vent, I get that. However I tend to view venting as not the same as gossip. Gossip can be both, as it involves a GROUP of people, where you can vent to someone you really trust (friend, therapist, etc) and not find out how small the world is, IMHE.
The whole situation just gets weirder.
I can’t get why the priest at the other parish has it out for me so much. My current priest told me he was in contact with the other priest about wedding stuff. Other priest started going off about me being “fallen away” due to diving. Current priest told him it was none of his business since I had been gone from that parish for 11 years. While current priest would prefer I be in church, diving was unobjectionable and I was clearly not out carousing, getting drunk or stoned, etc., and I was healthier and active. Current priest told old priest that he was going to contact old priest’s bishop about this.
Current priest is one of the respected elder (experience, not necessarily age) priests in my area, so he’s not a fly by night. Current parish is a different jurisdiction from old parish, but the old priest’s bishop should listen from all accounts I hear of him.
This is an example of emotional/spiritual abuse. It’s none of their business - you are an autonomous adult.
AlaskanGuy
8-6-19, 12:16am
tradd, if this ever happens again, you should hold your head up high and attend that wedding if you want to. if you are afraid to go because of him, then he is holding power over you. if it was me, and has been me, then you stand tall, dont be disrespectable, and walk right over to him and ask him how he has been in a kind and completely courteous respecful fashion. let him know that he has nothing over you by your actions, lack of fear, and be confident that the real important person on high has your back. he is with you. now go get em next time.. end the power he is holding over you.
gimmethesimplelife
12-7-19, 6:29am
I personally think that you are handling this very well, Tradd. I'd be enjoying your diving guilt-free....and this comes from someone who attends church regularly. Kudos! Rob
Something of a not good update.
The problem priest is retiring due to age/health problems. A priest who is a good friend seems to be in the running to replace him. I will never set foot in this church. The friend probably knows this, even though I won’t mention it. Even though the problem priest will be gone, the attitude of the people there will be the same. Cookie cutter families.
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