Other People’s stuff

[iris lilies]

Ugh.

[Float On]

Someone dump stuff on you again?

[iris lilies]

Someone dump stuff on you again?

Long story, short version: our friend left her 3,000 sq ft house for vacation, sold it immediately prior to vacation. She got movers in to take the 25% of stuff she wanted in her new place. She would be back to organize all the shit tons of crap left after a 30 year accumulation.

But now she has decided not to come back.

Someone will be required to manage the clearing out of her house. DH and I have already spent 3-4 hours on the super important stuff she wanted packed up, such as tax papers, expensive shoes, and boxes of dog ashes. I cleaned out her refrigerator because it was brand new and I didnt want foodstuff rotting and mucking up that $$$ appliance. I cleaned out her cupboards to keep the mice out.

That is my limit, 4 hours. No more.

Less than a year ago we took in several bags of grocery items from friends who were moving, but that was useful and no work was required on our end.

Even less time ago than that, both th of us together invested about 8 hours helping a friend unload his crap after an estate sale failed to move the bulk of it out of his house and he had to give ip possession in 3 days.

I am dreading the sale of DH’s dad’s place. I fear endless amounts of crap will come here.

[KayLR]

I may not be up on the whole story, but curious why she's made you responsible for any of her packing/cleanup.

[Teacher Terry]

She decided not to come back so you did the work. Unless she suddenly got sick the answer would be no.

[Float On]

Ugh! What a manipulator!

[iris lilies]

Ugh! What a manipulator!
Not unless I participate in the manipulation. We did the core work that a friend does for another froend.

Now, you all know me. I dont get pushed around, I know how to draw boundaries. And my friend is VERY generous and wants to give away her remaining stuff. She gave us lots of little stuff and food stuff, but so much of it is useless.

She is unorganized and impractical. She wants the stuff to go to people who will use it. She wants the bulk of stuff to go to “charity.” But she threw up her hands and said “this is too much! I will come back to deal with it later!” And to no one’s real surprise, she isnt coming back.

In summary she “wants” a lot of stuff to happen but will not put in her own elbow grease to make it happen. I repeated to DH at least five times ” this is not your circus. She is a grown woman and she can figure out how to deal with all of this” while he moved stuff around her house to better organize it for the rounds of people coming through.


She has a handyman who is shredding her 30 years accumulation of papers. He has his own key to her house. But he is limited in what he can do, he doesnt drive, he doesnt have a cell phone, and he is an alcoholic (and she had a ridiculous meltdown about him taking all of the bottles of opened alcohol that she wanted to give away. ) jesus, why does it matter at this point.

Anyway, She is willing to pay people to do things except that she needs someone on site to manage the process. The salvation army, the pick up of cable equipment, the cleansing of computer hard drives, etc. etc. needs management. Her handyman cannot do that. DH and I will not do that.

Actually, there is a young woman who helped her drive with dogs to the
east Coast and this young woman is probably available to manage the clean-out of this big house. I’m hoping my friend hires her because that seems the most practical plan at this point.

[catherine]

Are you kidding? Reminds me of the Dr. Seuss book Horton Hatches an Egg. "Maizie" has run off to have fun and left "Horton" (IL) to sit on this big 3,000 sq ft egg.

Really???

Why can't she come back to supervise?

What a terrible burden to put on someone.

[iris lilies]

But even though this isnt my circus, ya’ll notice I am worrying about it. Haha.

well, people’s crap weighs on me but that is really MY problem, isnt it? As DH said “we have spent more mental energy on this house cleanout than she has.” That is truth.

[ToomuchStuff]

I know a couple of people who have concierge services, that do that kind of stuff. Pretty sure it is all set up through Uber.
When does it have to be done byyu or is she open to adjusting the price on the house (cover the cost of the buyers hiring got junk or some group).

[iris lilies]

I know a couple of people who have concierge services, that do that kind of stuff. Pretty sure it is all set up through Uber.
When does it have to be done byyu or is she open to adjusting the price on the house (cover the cost of the buyers hiring got junk or some group).

Yes, she could pay Handyman to deliver cable equipment and computers to appropriate places. But he doesnt have smart phone and wouldnt he have to have that to Uber? She most likely will balk at paying concierge service, but that IS an option. Even then, a warm body with a key has to be at her house to open it up and point to the stuff. The Handyman is only available on Mondays for the most part, he works other days at a regular job.

I say, hire the college girl to manage this. College girl doesnt have a car, but she has a working smart phone.College girl can have our spare key to friend’s house and manage the whole damn process and can Uber where she needs to go.

And I just learned that my friend promised the buyers a deep cleaning of this house. Aye, carumba! I saved all cleaning supplies just in case when cleaning out her kitchen cupboards but I honestly thought the new buyers were going to do major construction right away, so cleanliness didnt matter. The house is filthy. That is one reason I wanted to get into that kitchen and clear out cabinets because the cabinets are new-ish and they’re pretty nice and the refrigerator is brand new and I just wanted food scraps out of there because there have been mice and once I saw a rat there. yeah.

[ToomuchStuff]

He would for Uber, but there are other places, such as Angies list, that require a computer, but no Uber.

Let her balk, let her come to the realization she is CONTRACTED (deep cleaning in the contract?), to pay for it one way ($$$$$$) or another (HER sweat equity). No need to sell yourself into servitude.

[Teacher Terry]

IL, not your circus and not your monkeys!

[sweetana3]

I so agree. I would probably not do this for family. Heck, I would hire it out for my own house. I agree with ToomuchStuff that you dont need to sell your mental or physical self into servitude. Give her the info on the college girl and let her deal with it. You could probably be nice and give your name and number to the college girl in case she has a question.

Remember "4 hours no more".

My story is a friend asked us to help her move across the street from one apartment complex to the other. We thought sure no big issue since she had a moving company doing the furniture. Well, we got there and after about 10 loads in 3 cars, we had only moved a portion of her fabric and sewing equipment. We gave her the one day and the hard work and that was it. Down one flight of stairs, pack into cars, drive across the street, park, unload cars, and take into new apartment. Repeat 9 or more times. Not light weight stuff. Each tote was 25 pounds or more.

Learned my lesson. Now we give them the name and phone number of our favorite moving company. And at 65, we are no longer going to lift and tote for anyone.

[Simplemind]

After having been buried in this type of stuff with the parental units..... there is no way I would do it for anybody else but family WITH an inability to do it themselves. Even then I would hire it out. NEVER for a friend who didn't want to step up to their own responsibilities. I keep thinking of Cher in Moonstruck..... somebody needs a smack and a "Snap out of it !!!!".

[Teacher Terry]

We did help our friends do this along with some other friends and family that helped too because he was dying of cancer and she had Alzheimer’s. They were broke from medical bills.

[sweetana3]

Teacher Terry, that was a good deed and a blessing. I would not complain about helping someone who truly needs it. But in my case and Iris Lilies, they are completely capable of organizing the move. We are only "cheap" help.

[Teacher Terry]

Sweet, absolutely agree. My friends were so honorable that there home was paid for and homesteaded so was lien proof and they had health insurance. They sold the house and paid off debts trying to leave this world debt free. Really good people. On the other hand some people are users.

[Tammy]

I don’t think I’d do this for a friend who was perfectly capable of doing it for herself.

[Sad Eyed Lady]

I would NEVER expect a friend to do this for me. I have some wonderful friends, 40+, 50+ years. One that she & I consider each other sisters, but I would never expect a friend to take over the responsibility for stuff that I just went off and left. Unless I had died or something! If this woman can afford expensive shoes she can afford to hire a service or people willing to come in and take care of the things she left behind.

[iris lilies]

Today my friend called to ask me to meet her movers at her house a week from today because they’re going to take additional stuff from her house. I told her I didn’t know where I would be a week from today, I might be in Hermann, but more importantly I just don’t wanna make that commitment.


She Then said that maybe our mutual friend, her real estate agent who is handling only the transaction for a very limited amount of money, would let them in I told her Gee I don’t think he would do that but I can’t speak for him. She doesn’t realize that he and I have talked about her abandoning her house and we are both annoyed by that. He is not charging her a commission, he has a flat fee apecially for her because he is her friend and also, she found the buyer.

She has the best real estate agent in our neighborhood who makes well over $100,000 a year opening up her house for various piddly things the buyers want to do.


I suggested to her that she consider hiring someone to take over managing the groups who will be in and out of her house. She had not thought about that so I hope I planted the seed.

[Simplemind]

Nicely played IR ;)

[iris lilies]

Update: my friend assured me she didnt expect me to do anything on her former “must do” list because those tasks have all been thrown by the wayside. She hadnt told me that these expectations were no longer The Plan.

It seems the computer hard drives will not get cleaned, the cable equipment will not be returned, the liqour doesnt need special recipients after all, the remaining house stuff will not go to the Salvation Army, and the house itself may not be cleaned as she promised the buyers. Her handyman who has a key is now charged with removing all remaining stuff and for that he gets to keep it.

She offered us one of her giant tvs and that is nice, but I dont want a giant tv.

I think there is a 50% chance the handyman will accomplish it all. He is very hard working but he doesnt drive, he has a full time job, and he has a substance abuse problem that occasionally rises up. so —hmmm. But not my circus, I wont worry about it now.

[Chicken lady]

Erg. As the grandchild, niece, and mother of alcoholics, all I can think is “she gave the keys to an empty house to an addict and threw in free booze. Great.” Nothing like temptation....

[iris lilies]

Erg. As the grandchild, niece, and mother of alcoholics, all I can think is “she gave the keys to an empty house to an addict and threw in free booze. Great.” Nothing like temptation....
Well, there was drama about the booze.

...not my circus...not my monkies...

repeat

[Teacher Terry]

When the buyers do their walk through before closing they could refuse to close until empty and clean. She sounds like a moron or someone used to using people.

[iris lilies]

When the buyers do their walk through before closing they could refuse to close until empty and clean. She sounds like a moron or someone used to using people.
She is very very generous. Sometimes not practical about other people’s time. Like most Americans, she values the crap more than time although she is pretty realistic about the value of her furniture but
i thnk has weird ideas about food, foodstuffs, and electronics. A 15 year old MAC isnt of much practical value imho.not that she wants money for it, ahe wants her handyman to use it to bring him into the computer age.

i just got a text from her asking if we had changed our minds and took the giant tv after all. She offered it to us and would be fine if I took it. Except that I did not take it. So, that appears to be missing.

[iris lilies]

Well, ouch.

it turns out tha DH took the giant ass tv. He could not be bothered to tell anyone because he is so very very super dooper busy.

I care less that we will have to host this monstor than I care that his usual communication style was employed, that which he tells no one anything.


He wasted everyone’s time.

[Teacher Terry]

I hope it’s not one of the old ones because they take a lot of space. My husband office is looking crappy again. I doubt I will ever clean it again. Good that she’s a generous person.

[iris lilies]

I hope it’s not one of the old ones because they take a lot of space. My husband office is looking crappy again. I doubt I will ever clean it again. Good that she’s a generous person.
oh no! My friend has the latest technology and is very generous with it. It is, like, maybe 50” or something like that.

I am pissed at DH but my friend is laughing at us and she is absolutely right, we are ridiculous!

[JaneV2.0]

50" seems huge to me, since I watch a modest 25" model, but it seems like a standard size these days. I might go up to 32" eventually, if they even offer that size down the road.

[Teacher Terry]

We have a 50” in living room and bedroom. I would have taken it too. Men can be so annoying.

[Alan]

Based upon the responses from you ladies, I'm guessing that size really does matter.

[Tammy]

Our grandson was paid double for cleaning the garage and house just this week. Cause my husband and I are too busy to communicate clearly so husband thought it was $30 for garage and $30 for house. The 12 year old got $60.

We too are ridiculous. 😄

[iris lilies]

Based upon the responses from you ladies, I'm guessing that size really does matter.
Yeah buddy, nope.

I like my modest 32” teevee that I dont even watch anymore because I watch everything on my iPad.I think there’s something interesting and probably not healthy in the way that my brain interacts with the video that sits on my chest via the iPad.

[catherine]

Based upon the responses from you ladies, I'm guessing that size really does matter.

It's not the size of the TV that matters, it's the fit of the TV in the size of the room...

[Teacher Terry]

We couldn’t go any bigger in our living room because it’s not that big.

[sweetana3]

IL, I absolutely hate the big TV we, no my husband, has in our living room. It takes over and I am always worried someone will want to break in and steal it. So the curtains are mostly closed and I even am slightly concerned when the window is open. We live in an urban area where this has happened. Our living room is tiny and it takes up the whole end.

(TV is too loud, too big, too bright, too everything.)

OK, rant over.

[iris lilies]

IL, I absolutely hate the big TV we, no my husband, has in our living room. It takes over and I am always worried someone will want to break in and steal it. So the curtains are mostly closed and I even am slightly concerned when the window is open. We live in an urban area where this has happened. Our living room is tiny and it takes up the whole end.

(TV is too loud, too big, too bright, too everything.)

OK, rant over.

oh honey, this monsterous thing is not coming into our living room. I am sure DH took it to Hermann where it can sit for a while, I suppose.

I know exactly what you mean because our TV here in our urban neighborhood living room is backed up against the wall between two windows and cannot be seen from the street. Someone broke into our house years ago and stole the TV, and we had it exactly where the cops said we should not have it —easily visible from the street. And that wasn’t even a big TV, it was another one that was 30 inches or 32 inches.

[iris lilies]

Update on my friend’s house: several plans later to clean out her house ( still requiring multiple crews without keys) all of the stuff is gone and a simple cleaning was accomplished by a hired guy and his girlfriend, not her regular handyman.

When I went to her house late yesterday to look over the cleaning job I mistakenly opened the cabinet doors under the sink and saw quite a lot of mouse droppings. Those are fresh since I pulled out everything under that sink a few weeks ago. Sigh.

So still the mice are running around there even though there is little for them to dine on. This was bugging me so Today
i went over there and wiped out two bottom cabinets. The mice seem active only in those cabinets and that fits with where
i have seen them.

The buyers are coming for final walk through this afternoon. I did not want them presented immediately with mouse droppings in the unlikly event they checked cabinets. I will probably do one more swipe of these cabinets Sunday night. They take possession Monday morning.

One of the plans that fell thru called for the alcoholic handyman to remove everything, but he flaked on part of it, then flaked out later on the final job requiring a frantic posting to Nextdoor asking for help to lift furniture out of this house. Then there was an accident with furniture that caused a hole 12” wide in the drywall, so my friend is negotiating that now with the buyers.

But the handyman surprised all this morning by bringing a key to this house to me, So that is one thing we don’t have to worry about.

[Teacher Terry]

It’s good that you got the mouse droppings. It all came together better than I expected.

[SteveinMN]

IL, it was kind of you to keep up with removing evidence of the "visitors". It would appear you've gone above and beyond on this one. I hope your friend appreciates that.