Meeting the boyfriend

[Chicken lady]

We get to meet our youngest child’s boyfriend today. “Boyfriend” actually feels weird. This child didn’t date (aside from one disastrous attempt in high school) until she was a college senior. And those two were over so quickly we never met them and I forget their names.

this young man, however, sounds promising. He makes her happy. He’s been pushing to meet us for weeks (the previous “record holder” - who lasted almost four months including a Christmas break when they didn’t see each other for two weeks said “i don’t want to meet your family. That seems too serious.”) This one took her home for the weekend to meet his entire extended family and closest friends (it was his birthday) they have a lot in common.

So, it is possibly I could be meeting my next son in law today - not pushing, just not ruling it out. When I met son in law #1, he was teaching my younger daughter’s art class. She didn’t like him, and my first thought was “too skinny. Also vain.” He wasn’t dating my older daughter yet, but she had plans. (He’s still skinny and vain, but I adore him.) the weekend ds brought my future daughter in law home was a disaster. I had serious reservations. She also failed to measure up to my yardstick of the girl he dated for a year and I loved. But dil is a joy. A much better fit than that old gf (child of family friends) would have been. I almost feel like if I like this one, it will be a bad sign.

my mother has admonished me to behave myself. But I feel like I should begin as I mean to go on...

[catherine]

Cool! How exciting! I can certainly relate having 4 kids who brought home lots of potential spouses: most of them I loved and even grieved over after break-ups; there were only a couple that I really, really didn't like.

I had reservations about my oldest son's wife (not sure if you remember, but I met her at my son's graduation from law school, and 6 weeks later they told me she was pregnant and they were getting married--which they did a month later. My DH swore it would never last). But they've celebrated 5 years, and they seem to be very happy and cohesive. And I do really like her--she reminds me a lot of my MIL with her outspokenness and clean-freakiness. I actually think that's what my son loves about her as he was very close to my MIL.

My second son had a one serious relationship and was devastated when she broke it off. But eventually he married his best friend in a very "When Harry Met Sally" scenario and we adore her.

Third son had 3 very serious relationships and he has yet to to find the right one. I think his problem is he thinks certain women are right for him when they clearly aren't.

My daughter was the one who dated a guy who was so inept and clueless, and he couldn't even hold a job behind a bakery counter. She also dated a guy who was sullen and abusive. But OTOH she also dated a guy that was a real part of our family for 4 years. She broke it off. But now, I would bet the farm that she's in it for the long haul with a guy who is great for her, and they share a lot of common interests and they both work in the same field: design, and she likes the fact that he's a lot like her oldest brother--a little edgy but creative, resourceful, and stable at the same time. We have met his parents and they are really cool people. (That's the other thing about sons- and daughters-in-law--their families are part of the package.)

Have a great time today and report back!

[Chicken lady]

The families aren’t always part of the package - not even for the spouse.

after several years of trying to reach out to his fil, ds has realized the man is done and gone. His mil and her bf otoh are a huge part of the kids lives, and I would love to see them more! (So far we had one “meet the mom, one “meet the bf with the mom” a bridal shower, and a wedding - in four years.)

we met sil’s mother and her husband at the wedding rehearsal. Odds are, we may never see them again. I think it was dd who kept sil from just cutting ties. His big sister has been part of our family, but is in a serious relationship now and not around much.

Only my son son brought home other options. And only because he started dating at 14. (My future dil insisted on calling me “mrs.” When we first met, and when she refused to drop it, I christened her gf#7.) we are now on a first name basis, which is good, because wife#1 sounds ominous.

[catherine]

T(My future dil insisted on calling me “mrs.” When we first met, and when she refused to drop it, I christened her gf#7.) we are now on a first name basis, which is good, because wife#1 sounds ominous.

That's another interesting transition in relationships between DILs and SILs. I remember I had always called my MIL Mrs. B_. After I got married, I thought that was a little formal, but it was SO HARD for me to make the leap to "Mom." So I came up with a brilliant solution. My DH always called his mother "Mam," not "Mom." So it wasn't quite "mom" but it was a good compromise to simply call her what her son does.

One day, I called my MIL for something. When she picked up the phone, I said for the first time, "Hi, Mam." She said, "Oh, I think you mis-dialed. It's me. You were meaning to call your mother." So I said, "No, I want to speak with you." And she said "Oh!" She was not an emotive person, but I got a tinge of Scottish emotion in that "oh!"

My DIL's both call me by my first name, which I think is kind of mainstream now.

[pinkytoe]

This reminded me that DD's "the one" actually rang our doorbell one night, came in and asked for permission to marry our daughter. Even though they had been together a while, we had only met him a few times so obviously that took a lot of courage on his part. I realized then how important the future in-laws were to the whole relationship as they raised a son with those values and continue to provide strength and stability to all their children.

[Teacher Terry]

I adore my Dil and have met her parents many times despite them living in Poland. They are great people and lots of fun.

[Chicken lady]

Well, I like him. I hope that doesn’t mean he’s a sociopath or something.

[catherine]

Well, I like him. I hope that doesn’t mean he’s a sociopath or something.

Glad to hear it, and I'll bet HE'S relieved to have that event overwith.