View Full Version : Going through photos - hard choices
I am going through a large box of family photos and have run into an emotional brick wall. My intent is get rid of bad shots, duplicates and those photos that would have little meaning for DD and her family. Just a nice representation of family members but not an excess, ie every birthday or other celebration. Luckily, I am able to send quite a few to my older brother, the family historian. My sticky point now are those of my little brother who died at 31 of AIDS. Painful memories as I was his caretaker until the end when no one else was there to help. I have all his baby pictures on up through his death - perhaps 100 photos. I want to save some of course at different stages of life but it feels horrible to toss so many of them and I know my older brother doesn't want them. Looking at them just makes me sad. What would you do?
Maybe scan them so they're not totally gone?
Well, I'm the wrong person to answer because I'm a sentimental slob. But it seems that 100 photos would be the size of a shoe box. Do you have room in your house for a shoebox? I feel that if you don't feel emotionally ready to let go of those particular pictures, I would just cut myself some slack and keep them for a while.
Your little brother was part of the family history, and his memory shouldn't be erased.
I really wish there was some kind of national repository for genealogical data; I hate to see it destroyed.
What about having the photos made into a book and you can include some memories and stories of his life? It would take up less space but be available.
I've always wondered if crematoriums allow you to have something with you, could photos be burned if you are the last to know those people?
iris lilies
4-22-19, 5:42pm
Your little brother was part of the family history, and his memory shouldn't be erased.
I really wish there was some kind of national repository for genealogical data; I hate to see it destroyed.
How do you think your memory will live on since you don’t have children?
I do not worry about my memory living on. I know that my photographs in hardcopy will end up in someone’s dumpster at some point. That’s fine.p, I only want them with me so the nursing home then they can go bye-bye. My online photos will Likely disappear because someone will stop paying for cloud rental space and they will go poof. And that is OK. We are here temporarily.
For the OP I would choose 3 to 5 of the best ones of the brother, and put them in Whatever container she is using to pass on photograph to her daughter. This is her uncle she should have some remembrance of him.
It is true that I probably will pass on a photograph or two of my parents and myself to my cousin’s child since that is the only blood relative I have but I do not expect she will keep them or nor do I care if she keep ps them it’s entirely up to her.
Teacher Terry
4-22-19, 6:17pm
Most people’s photos end up in the dumpster eventually. I would just keep your favorite ones. Now with cell phones I doubt most young people even have albums anymore. Another thing that is no longer relevant.
Your daughter doesn't want them? I've always felt it was extra important to hang on to pictures and stories of my non-direct ancestors who died young without leaving children of their own, even more so than of my own direct ancestors, since the memories are in a sense all those individuals left behind in this world.
After picking out what you want to keep, and making sure no one in the family wants the others, I would:
1. Consider whether he had any close friends who may want a few of the photos as keepsakes.
2. Consider whether they would be of any interest to the "local history" branch of your local library, or any similar institution, especially if you live in a small town. Places such as these sometimes archive materials that are only somewhat old, because they know it gains interest over time. On a similar track, some sort of AIDS memorial might be interested in the material, since it chronicles his entire life from infancy, which could make for a moving exhibit.
3. If the photos are to be disposed of, consider doing so more ceremoniously than tossing them in the trash. For example, by burning them and then burying the ashes in your garden, or scattering the ashes in a place he loved.
Good ideas, all. Still working on them...yes, they would fit in a shoe box but I hate the idea of DD getting a bunch of photos someday that she then doesn't know what to do with. Been given too many family member's old photos that I feel overwhelmed by. I have pretty much decided that I will pick the best of his - the ones that portray his silly, charming personality and let the rest go. School pictures - no. I have this peculiar thought that when I finally exit the planet, I want to do so clean and lean. Somehow all these photos amplify those sentiments.
Teacher Terry
4-22-19, 7:33pm
I know I have mentioned it before but after we took what we wanted of my mom’s pictures she took them outside and threw them in the dumpster. She didn’t leave us a burden.
The nicest thing my Dad left us where numbered photos and numbered lists of what the photos contained. My brother is the keeper of ancestor records and has them. Please name and date photos.
Simplemind
4-22-19, 7:45pm
When I was going through photos at my folks before the estate sale I knew a lot would be wanted by more than one person and a few none at all. So I put them in piles. Anything with my brother in it, hard copy was for him. Sister for her. There was a pile for photos that had more than one of us in it or our folks before we were born. Then I scanned them all. Everybody got a CD with all the photos and a pile of actual photos with just them. Then I put everything else in a basket and if they wanted the actual photos from the basket they could have them. After that, although we all did a big gulp...… we burned them.
My family of origin photos were all ruined via fire and flood, so maybe that's why I err on the side of keeping as many as I want. I have one family picture
I have old pictures from my husband's family and I don't consider them a burden yet, and my DD goes gaga over ALL old pictures. She has a Super8 projector and she pores over all our old stuff as if each photo was a winning lottery ticket. She digitized several reels of old home movies at Christmas.
That said, I did go through a purge last year--mainly of pictures that I took of my feet by mistake or those that were blurry beyond recognition.
Teacher Terry
4-22-19, 9:06pm
No way am I wasting my time numbering or dating photos, etc.
I try to put an approximate date, place and name of person on the back of each photo or at least group together by family/person in an envelope. All our photos are digital now so makes me wonder what I will do with all of them (thousands) if DH passes before me since he takes all the photos.
Re photos you may not want to keep, but might want access to? My Dad worked for a college. They have an archive. He was one of the first professors of one of their schools, they've taken everything I've sent them. Much of it has ended up online, and I get free access. Works great.
The rest of the family (I don't talk to or interact with them) I have a cousin who's really into genealogy and the family stuff - - I send them to her or to the family member in the pic or their decedents. I've also sold some believe it or not. I had an oil painting of my grandfather, sent it to a sibling. Sent them their wedding photos too. I have a photo album, in it I have kept 1 or 2 photos of my parents, my childhood home, our wedding, DH's family who're my family now.
Lastly, who'll remember? I have a friend who said a few years ago if I had fatal cancer (there was a possiblity) that he'd put up a memorial website for me. You could maybe do a family website? If your family belongs to a larger family with specific family trees, online, they may take the photos?
A few years ago, I found a book someone had spent a lot of time on, documenting the history of their house and neighborhood, it was a handwritten book. I sold it to the town's historical society, basically for shipping. No one else would want it, and it will be used and cared for properly.
If you belong to an ethnic group (there's an Armenian group I know of) that's been in your area for a while, they may want family photos.
That's all I can think of.
I did a major purge of film photos a few years ago. I went through mostly vacation photos and got rid of duplicates, bad shots, plus organized them. It turned out that DH's penchant for taking multiple shots "just in case" gave a lot of shots of the same thing so when I pared them down, well we didn't have a lot. However, we have visited some places more than once, so I combined those photos into one file so we have pictures from various spots.
I still have to go through family photos. When initially organizing, I put photos into 2 groups: places and family. In the family bucket, the photos are grouped by person or family group. I am still sorting my one box of mixed up family photos plus photos from my parents' house into their respective "groups' before going through and purging them.
One thing, I toss our photos of places but for family photos I don't want, I shred them for privacy reasons.
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