View Full Version : What are you most judgey about?
This topic came up for me in a discussion with my niece about family biases and being aware of them, and making conscious decisions vs just absorbing the norms of your family of origin.
What are you most judgey about?
In my family, my mom was/is super judgey about : women she thought were "loose", and people who weren't "following the rules"/conventions of society at the time (getting married at the right time to a person of the right economic status) . She also was insecure about her lack of formal education, and projected a lot about that. Example: when I used a more than 2 syllable word, I was "putting on airs" or a "show off". She came from poverty/war zone and never had much and made a big deal about obvious displays of "wealth" (for her it was jewelry and collectibles like Hummels and LLadros).
While I am not judgey over the same topics I grew up with, I am judgey about: 1) inauthentic people. I just have a radar for when someone is trying to impress me or others or is trying to project a certain image that doesn't seem to ring true. 2) people in situations of their own making but unwilling to see their own participation and stubbornness to not change in any way and in the same situations over and over 3) people who are cheap (not just money but also time) by putting the burden on other people (example: my sisters BF who will get cheap airline tickets that require her to pick him up at midnight on a work night, because he is also too cheap to pay for airport parking). I am not judgey about people who make different decisions and choices for themselves and own it.
What about you? What do you tsk tsk in your head about?
Those who spend extravagantly and then bitch about having no money, saying they'll never be able to retire but refuse to save anything. And then have the audacity to tell me I don't understand because I don't have children. :treadmill:
Um, OK. (I think this falls into your #2.)
gimmethesimplelife
5-5-19, 9:48am
What am I most judgy about? It would be easy to say the police and leave it at that but it goes much further than that. I'm judgy of a system that keeps a good chunk of it's population down and if not living in fear, living in constant uncertainty. My take overall is that the police are unfortunately on symptom (sp?) of said system - but one of the worst part of said system. Moving beyond the police, the system that has for many years, until very recently, auto-allowed illegal and horrific behavior on the part of the police - but please notice I'm not primarily highlighting the police here as I usually do - it's more the system that has allowed this to take place and the expectation that society allows this to happen to being with.
Beyond that - people who call off at the last minute, either at work or with plans on my time off work. Schools that cost a fortune and then don't yield any better job than not having gone to said school to begin with. Something I'm very judgy about is people who look down on me for not having a car - expecting me to work longer and save less to satisfy some societal requirement in the their head. Nope, not happening. What else? People who support a system that obviously and actively works against them and not for them. And many more things, these are just at the top of my mind. Rob
gimmethesimplelife
5-5-19, 9:50am
Those who spend extravagantly and then bitch about having no money, saying they'll never be able to retire but refuse to save anything. And then have the audacity to tell me I don't understand because I don't have children. :treadmill:
Um, OK. (I think this falls into your #2.)Good one! I completely agree, Gardnr. Rob
Laziness, bigotry, being a busybody, tattling, bullying, drama, smoking, poor grammar and spelling when English is your first language.
iris lilies
5-5-19, 9:58am
I’m not sure there is enough bandwidth here for me to adequately address this question.
hahahah! Hahah!
more, later when I’ve had time to think about it.Is being annoyed/irritated the same as being judgey? Probably not.
Is being annoyed/irritated the same as being judgey?
I'd say no, but there is clearly an overlap. When I use the term "judgey" I mean the type of things, that if you were a gossiping person, that you would gossip about ie "Can you BELIEVE he/she did that?" :D
I am a feminist and I hate slut-shaming and I am a total supporter of all things LGBTQ and I think everybody should do whatever they want with their own bodies.
However, when religious save-it-for-marriage purity-ring-wearing young women dress in totally provocative ways with their boobs and asses showing, I become a total judgmental fool in my own mind.
I think it’s the hypocrisy that bugs me. But then that means I think men can’t control themselves around beautiful women. Which I also don’t believe. Ugh!!!!!!
ApatheticNoMore
5-5-19, 11:50am
not thinking and caring about the environment or the planet we live on, also arrogance, interpersonal meanness
gimmethesimplelife
5-5-19, 2:06pm
Mean people, mostly.Agreed 100%, Jane. Rob
Really striving to be non-judgey but those car drivers who:
- race and weave between lanes forcing other drivers to veer to avoid being hit`,
- follow other cars so closely and it is easy to see how a car pileup can occur,
- don't clear their windshield of frost or layer of snow except for a tiny hole,
- don't tie down their loads properly and it flaps and blows around or off onto an unsuspecting driver.
That said, for the number of drivers on the road, the obnoxious drivers are quite limited in number.
Had to chuckle; drivers thought that they could speed on the county roads early in the morning and had been doing so for some time. One day, the police decided on certain well-used roads and set up speed traps very early. Wow, did they catch a goodly number in the first couple of days!
A strong second to idiot drivers. I’m also more judgmental than I should be toward people who make politics personal, anti-vaxxers, food snobs, people who lie about their military service, what Hollywood did to Marvel Comics, amateur psychoanalysis, folk music and certain coastal cities.
Re drivers: We had a great local NJ radio host who used to call the people who drive below the speed limit in the passing lane "left lane d**ks" and I have to say, those people drive me crazy.
Re the judge-y thing--interesting topic, BTW--I once wrote in my diary (I was about 16 at the time) that "The only people I can't tolerate are the people who can't tolerate other people."
I realize the irony in that, when I say that it's hard for me to tolerate people whose greed and selfishness negatively impacts those around them and they don't even care.
Also, like, ANM, people who don't seem to appreciate the incredible loss of the natural world due to people whose greed and selfishness negatively impacts those around them (humans, animals, and vegetation) and they don't even care.
Laziness, bigotry, being a busybody, tattling, bullying, drama, smoking, poor grammar and spelling when English is your first language.
+1 on all this...
iris lilies
5-9-19, 1:13pm
It took an actual judge in a court of law this morning to remind me what I am most judgey about.
We spent three hours in housing court this morning supporting our Alderman and city attorney and staff in bringing two of our neighbors to task to fix up their mf houses. These neighbors have 20-30 violations and it has been going on for decades.
One of them is a crazy lady. I’ve known her for 30 years. She’s been delusional and irritating for 30 years because she considers herself to have such “good taste “when she is letting her amazing Victorian house fall down around her ears. She is an idiot. Fortunately the judge got her number immediately when the neighbor started yakking about how she already has spent millions and she has priceless antiques and etc ...and how she has done so much work on it.
The other neighbor is next-door to me. He has not done work on his house in 20 years ; it is falling down around him it’s a tiny house and it’s cute and it’s easy to fix because it’s so plain. And he is in the construction biz.
Our own delusion about our leaking roof, now apparently fixed, is in that realm of irresponsibility, but still not nearly that bad. We had no violations! These neighbors are a cautionary tale that I take note of. We are bad but not THAT bad. Haha.
they both need to sell their Victorian piles, they are too old and crazy to maintain them.
Teacher Terry
5-9-19, 1:58pm
Glad that worked out.
iris lilies
5-9-19, 2:13pm
Glad that worked out.
Oh, make no mistake – nothing is worked out. There was yet another continuance for the delusional idiot to get her family trust attorney into court in front of the judge. The judge will want to know if she truly has the financial resources to do this work on her huge old house. I no longer know about her financial resources but decades ago she had millions, then her family took over the millions.
As for my next-door neighbor, he did not show up in court for the second time. At some point he would get a warrant for his arrest, I assume. Housing court has pretty limited authority, they can’t make anyone sell their house, all they can do is levy a large fine.
Even then the most the crazy woman can be fined is $500 per violation which is something like $15-$20,000. And then she won’t pay the fines anyway. And she told the judge she would rather commit suicide than sell her house. this is just a whole Lotta crazy going on.
Okay, I have serious things but I have to say the thing I am judgey about that I am also not really proud of is how people dress sometimes. And it is none of my business. And it does not affect my life at all. And I will probably get someone telling me that, so I wanted to say I know that I am judgey in a bad way.
I really get irritated when people are wearing clothes way out of size for their body as it is. There is one guy at meditation who wears pants like he lost 50 pounds. I have known him for 5 years, he has never weighed more than he does now.
My assistant wears sweat pants, literally sweat pants, to work. He says he works in childcare just so he can dress this way. I didn't hire him and it was never addressed before me. I make suggestions but let it go (he is leaving in 2 weeks).
And leggings are not actually pants,
I am quietly judgey about people who I believe are doing ignorant things or who have total lack of concern/respect for others and themselves. Drive recklessly, over use booze and drugs, litter, raise horrible children, ignore their health, let their dogs run loose and on and on in that realm. It irks me because these are mostly choices that if turned in the other direction would improve life for all of us.
Teacher Terry
5-9-19, 5:09pm
IL: well that sounds awful.
boss mare
5-10-19, 10:17pm
People who pulled any type of as trailer ( but most especially horse and stock trailers) with under powered vehicles. People who complain on that horse showing is "political" when they come to a show with their horses with unbathed and unclipped and they
themselves look like an unmade bed with wrinkled clothes
Women who complain that their teeth that has rampant decay and blame it on pregnancy ( " the baby sucked all of the calcium from my teeth )
Parent who bring their children in to the dental office and have bottle mouth caries.... and say that they their kids scream and cries if they can't have a bottle of milk or juice to bed so they cant stand hearing them scream and cry
rosarugosa
5-11-19, 6:31am
Okay, I have serious things but I have to say the thing I am judgey about that I am also not really proud of is how people dress sometimes. And it is none of my business. And it does not affect my life at all. And I will probably get someone telling me that, so I wanted to say I know that I am judgey in a bad way.
I really get irritated when people are wearing clothes way out of size for their body as it is. There is one guy at meditation who wears pants like he lost 50 pounds. I have known him for 5 years, he has never weighed more than he does now.
My assistant wears sweat pants, literally sweat pants, to work. He says he works in childcare just so he can dress this way. I didn't hire him and it was never addressed before me. I make suggestions but let it go (he is leaving in 2 weeks).
And leggings are not actually pants,
I was thinking of this very same thing. Leggings are not pants for sure, and one should not being wearing them in public without a long tunic top, especially if one is carrying an extra 100 lbs or so. I struggle with myself sometimes, because maybe it is better to embrace one's body as it is and not worry about what others think, but I cannot really convince myself.
I think the word "judgey" implies something a bit negative about the judger, so I don't think a dislike for people who are dishonest, bad parents, etc. is being judgey; it is just our value systems at work. For me another example of being judgey would be people who do not read, or people who watch lots of TV.
For many years I’ve embraced the therapeutic concept of unconditional positive regard as my life mission. I still judge people every day. But at least I know I’m doing it. Ha.
I was talking with someone this week about a bias that affects most of us. If we see fault in ourselves, we attribute it to external causes. If we see the same fault in others, we attribute it to their character. Example - bad driving ... for me it’s because I’m lost and looking for the right street. For others it’s because they are rude.
I think the word "judgey" implies something a bit negative about the judger, so I don't think a dislike for people who are dishonest, bad parents, etc. is being judgey; it is just our value systems at work. For me another example of being judgey would be people who do not read, or people who watch lots of TV.
I agree, I was thinking that judgey was more something I am challenged by that I know is not great. I also work on it, and I think that overall I don't have a lot of bad habits but that is not an excuse to just keep going. Actually I look at what it tells me about myself.
I'm aware of my tendency to judge, and I mostly keep a lid on it. My mother could find a flaw in anything or anybody from fifty paces; growing up with her probably made me the good editor I was. It also made me sensitive to criticism, so I bite my tongue or cap my pen or take my fingers off the keys as often as not.
Funny about mothers - mine would get very upset if I ever said something negative about another human. If you can't say something nice...was her favorite saying.
Was it Alice Roosevelt who said "If you can’t say something good about someone, sit right here by me?" She would have been very popular with some I know.
iris lilies
5-11-19, 9:10pm
Was it Alice Roosevelt who said "If you can’t say something good about someone, sit right here by me?" She would have been very popular with some I know.
I think that was our girl Dorothy Parker.
happystuff
5-12-19, 8:36am
I think the word "judgey" implies something a bit negative about the judger, so I don't think a dislike for people who are dishonest, bad parents, etc. is being judgey; it is just our value systems at work.
I agree about judgey being negative. I am reminded of the saying (paraphrasing) "If you look for the bad/negative, you will see bad/negative - if you look for the good, you will see the good". I think too many people just look for the negative the majority of the time.
I also think saying it is our value systems at work is somewhat of a cop-out. As individuals, we get to choose, and again, if you look for the bad, that is what you will see.
I think that was our girl Dorothy Parker.
Yeah, has to be Dorothy Parker. In fact, I looked it up and it is:
2755
People who can’t be bothered to show up for stuff on time, especially to church. Several families always show up late to church at the exact same time in the service. We choir folk are up front and face the congregation so we see everything. One family always comes in thundering like a herd of elephants and the kids are all older. The dad was once going at me about something and I just plain out asked him if his employer would care if he came to work as late as his family always came to church (30 min into a 90 min service). He was confused with the question.
Some people get to church late because they don’t one part of the service - so they skip it and take in the rest. I knew several people who routinely made that choice when they didn’t like the music but enjoyed the sermon.
I knew several people who routinely made that choice when they didn’t like the music but enjoyed the sermon.
How can people prefer the sermon over church music?? The best thing that happened when I went from going to Catholic churches to Protestant ones was that I could sing really loudly because everyone else was singing really loudly! Catholics don't sing--they kind of mumble along to the choir.
iris lilies
5-15-19, 11:47am
How can people prefer the sermon over church music?? The best thing that happened when I went from going to Catholic churches to Protestant ones was that I could sing really loudly because everyone else was singin.
People who dont like singing would prefer talkie talk over singie sing. Ask me how I know.>:(
Plodding hymns are not my jam, and they all sound alike, very few have truly hummable melodies. Of course the quality and selection of choir music varies widely, but in our small town, church hymns were dull things.
I prefer instrumental pieces.. The one time in my life Where I went to church voluntarily three times in one week was when we were staying in York, England. We went to the Minster several times that week because they had a great boys choir and of course hearing that music in the environment of a European medieval cathedral was fabulous.
Laziness, bigotry, being a busybody, tattling, bullying, drama, smoking, poor grammar and spelling when English is your first language.
I try not to be judgmental about grammar and spelling but I cringed this morning as a distant cousin posted pictures on facebook of her trip to a castle in Germany. She talked of mid evil times and displays of torcher equipment.
catherine
5-15-19, 12:16pm
I try not to be judgmental about grammar and spelling but I cringed this morning as a distant cousin posted pictures on facebook of her trip to a castle in Germany. She talked of mid evil times and displays of torcher equipment.
Yeah, I tend to be one of those annoying judgey grammarians sometimes, but I try not to be these days since my spelling has gotten worse and my writing habits sloppier as I get older---so I don't want to be a case of the pot calling the kettle black. But I have my pet peeves like when people use "less/fewer" incorrectly. These days there are so many more grammatical faux pas since people are so quick to post things. Even fairly reputable sources come out with real zingers sometimes.
I have to admit, "mid evil times" and "torcher equipment" is pretty funny.
Teacher Terry
5-15-19, 12:26pm
I have noticed that auto correct is frequently changing my words after I type and I don’t always catch it until I post. Very annoying.
I have noticed that auto correct is frequently changing my words after I type and I don’t always catch it until I post. Very annoying.
Must agree with this. I look at what is sent and cannot believe what autocorrect had substituted when I don't use the US spelling or if I had hesitated a little about the spelling. The recipients must have looked at and gone"Huh?" and then said "Autocorrect again". I am fussy with my spelling.
Sometimes I wonder, when seeing mistakes like you're all mentioning, whether the misspeller is using a voice-to-text app. I've used it a few times and get pretty funny results.
Teacher Terry
5-15-19, 1:53pm
No I am typing it.
iris lilies
5-15-19, 2:08pm
Sometimes I wonder, when seeing mistakes like you're all mentioning, whether the misspeller is using a voice-to-text app. I've used it a few times and get pretty funny results.
I use voice to text all the time, hence my erratic spelling and sometimes nonsensical writing.
iris lilies
5-15-19, 4:09pm
Today I am judging the hell out of a woman’s display of Crazy Town. She called someone in my plant society and cried for half an hour, literally sobbing for 30 minutes, abput a tiny imagined slight. In actuality, the person who committed the “slight” was completely correct in her actions.
I would like to know why there are so many crazy humans in the world.
On the bright side, Crazy Town did not call me because Crazy Town knows very well I am not a soft shoulder to cry on.
Teacher Terry
5-15-19, 4:38pm
That’s so ridiculous.
...
I would like to know why there are so many crazy humans in the world. ...
I wonder that all the time. Occasionally listening to the police scan app doesn't help. There's no shortage of people wandering around in the middle of traffic, taking their clothes off... The other day some woman was trying to set fire to a parking meter.
I too wonder about all the crazies in this city. Is it drugs, the altitude or just minimal brain activity? Never been in a place where people do such ignorant things.
Those who spend extravagantly and then bitch about having no money, saying they'll never be able to retire but refuse to save anything. (I think this falls into your #2.)
Along similar lines maybe...I have to discount people who have a gross disregard for diet and exercise and then complain about related health problems.
Dishonest people (like, say, D. Trump) who routinely tell fictitious accounts or worse. And people with disregard for basic environmental issues, like not recycling or an excessive fossil fuel lifestyle.
I try not to be judgmental about grammar and spelling but I cringed this morning as a distant cousin posted pictures on facebook of her trip to a castle in Germany. She talked of mid evil times and displays of torcher equipment.
Oh my...
Having studied several languages, I have a heightened awareness of grammar in my native language. Used to not care but once I got into languages, all of a sudden those boring English grammar lessons in elementary school became important. Same with spelling. So I really notice when people butcher their grammar or spelling.
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