View Full Version : Ageing & Identity
After reading the other thread about ageing, I realized a few things in the past few days when I went on a little camping trip down to Silver City. As some of you long-timers know, for all these years I literally LIVED for the escape my camping road trips gave me. I'd escape Michigan, escape the problems with my daughter, I'd get to be athletic and kick-ass cool and hike and be adventurous.
Now that I live out west, I don't get quite the same feeling of "escaping my life" because I can escape on any given day I want practically because I am living the life I always dreamed about when I was stuck in the Mid-West all those years. But as many of you know, I have had a helluva a year with grief and a bunch of medical problems. I am more out of shape than ever, have gained weight, have daily pain, etc, etc and it makes me feel OLD (I am inching closer to 58).
Anyway, I took a camping trip down to Silver City because I am performing a "ritual quest" in spreading my daughter's ashes in particular places that had meaning for both of us, or meaningful to me right now. I have always, ALWAYS been a tent camper, prided myself on it and built a whole identity about being a strong, capable woman who goes off on her own, driving where ever I fee like, doing whatever I feel like, etc. Well, I am having a hard time admitting to myself that tent camping is, hmmmmmm, just not as enjoyable as it used to be. My knees, hips and pelvis give me trouble crawling in and out of my little tent, it was hard to pound in the tent stakes due to my wrist problems, the Thermarest sleeping pad is absolutely NOT going to work for me anymore going forward; I couldn't sleep I was so uncomfortable. I couldn't sleep on either side due to this chronic gluteus medius and IT band pain I have had all year which no medical professional seems to be able to help me with. I am still having problems with my surgery from last January, so taking care of myself while on the road was a bit harder than being at home. Hiking through and among the rock formations at City of Rocks State Park wore me out!
But in spite of all that, I am glad I did the quick trip, but dismayed about how much work it was and how much it tired me out. Then I start wondering, is this unfortunate stage I am struggling through in life the beginning of the entropy we all know is going to happen, or is it a very long aberration that I will somehow, someday crawl out of given enough time? On paper I am not THAT OLD! It's just that my body feels much older than 57; it's what I would have expected feeling like at 70 or something....
This whole year is trying to teach me some lessons about massive changes and most of it is really hard to accept yet.
Teacher Terry
5-17-19, 11:59am
So glad you were able to make the trip and honor your daughter’s memory. I had to give up hiking 10 years ago at 55 due to health issues. The last time I tent camped was 5 years ago and the last. Now we take our RV. No doubt about it aging has brought change.
People who get to be old and spry are very fortunate; even if they think it was some kind of accomplishment. I can certainly commiserate with you.
I can understand the feeling of freedom when camping with a tent. I did it for years when leading Girl Guides as well. I finally decided that I had had enough scrambling around - when getting out of the tent became more effort than fun, more responsibility and planning than enjoyment . Now when I travel on long or short outings I want to be taken care of. Someone else can worry about traffic, preparing food, securing accommodation etc. Cannot remember when this change took place but once I had a taste of being catered to, I was sold on the idea.
The older Colorado women in my book club were talking about how tent camping is no longer something they have any desire to do. The two that I can remember doing were miserable - one was soaking rain and the other temps so cold I had to put campfire-heated rocks in socks to keep my feet from freezing.
I've been in test-anxiety mode the past month.
Today was our mandatory agility/fitness/stress/skills test day at the fire department.
The rule is: you can continue in your specialities if you can pass the tests, which are done twice a year, you need to pass at least once a year.
They take about a quart of blood two weeks before this, to look for any blood-results that may be problematic, of course, you don't find out until today how you did on the bloodwork.
I've been busting my ass exercising, eating healthy, practicing for about two months for this.
Today they take my vitals before the physical part of the test. My blood pressure and heart rate are high, as usual, as I have test and white coat anxiety. No worries....
Then I suit up with 80 pounds of gear, and turn on the air - for my specialties, the test is done in full firefighting gear, wearing an airpack, and done on-air, and you carry tools. This part of the test only takes 20 minutes, on average. Our air bottles are rated for 45 minutes of "normal" breathing, 22-ish minutes doing this kind of work.
The person helping me suit up dropped a mostly-empty bottle on me, and since we weren't following the normal gear-up protocols, and I was fixated on the test, I didn't check.
1 minute into the test, my low-air indicator kicked in, and the loud alarm goes off..... Which means you have 5 mins of air left doing "real work"....
Now, I've tested myself before, and I know to a moral certainty that I can get 15-ish minutes once the alarm goes off, if I use the mindful-breathing, and paced-working techniques I train in for the really hardcore rescue work, and don't do much in the way of high-exertion work.... This test is high-exertion by design.... Hmmmm......
The test supervisor says "you can restart, no worries..." I said, very carefully and calmly: "let's see if I can do it..."
I did the 20 minute course in 9 minutes, moving from my point of view excruciatingly carefully and slowly, and barely breathing. I ran completely out of air right as I crossed the finish line and was unsuiting. I beat 80% of the department on time...
My vitals were *lower* at the end of the test, and during the test, than they were before I started it.
The supervising doctor, looking at the heart monitor, said "were you just....sleeping....during the exercise?"
Bottom line: experience, skill, mindfullness, and treachery make up for being old :-)
Great story.
I like to think that my brain is increasingly awesome from 22 years of nursing experience and it more than makes up for lack of youthful energy.
dado potato
5-18-19, 12:52am
And then there is the love song of an old man...
James Taylor wrote "Mean Old Man":
… So who gets a second chance?
Who gets to have some fun?
Who gets to learn to dance
Before his race is run?
Who gets to shed his skin?
Who comes up born again?
Who was a mean old man,
'Til you turned him into a golden retriever puppy dog?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GVwcSYLdSs
Bae, I am in awe of what you do!!! Bravo! I never was a camper-quit girl scouts because of the camping...not even Day Camp appealed to me-smoke, outhouses, half cooked food....bugs, poison ivy, bugs. I admire people who do it and better yet, enjoy it. My friend is doing her first 2 night overnight on the Appalachian Trail next week. She's been hiking for about 5 years, has done all of PA, MD and WV- working on Virginia now, thus the overnight test. But, I notice i do NOT have the stamina to do household jobs, painting, gardening that I used to have. Luckily I'm retired so can take my time...an hour or so at a time rather than all day. Move 1/2 bag of mulch at a time, not the whole bag. It's frustrating, but I am getting calm with it!
SiouzQ, I am glad you are able to do your ritual quest. However you travel, it is good to do it. Treat yourself well! Pain is exhausting, grief is exhausting and change is difficult. Healing thoughts are coming your way from Maryland.
rosarugosa
5-18-19, 6:09pm
One of our quieter members, Gregg44, did a perfect job describing how I feel about camping. He said something along the lines that he worked really hard so his family would never have to live out of doors or in a tent, and he just didn't get the appeal of them playing at being homeless on vacation.
I have never spent a single night in a tent and if all goes well, I never will.
That said, I love the idea of silence and darkness, seeing only a million stars and hearing crickets or night peepers. But I don't quite love it enough to forego indoor plumbing. :)
Teacher Terry
5-18-19, 8:17pm
Camping with small kids sucks and I only did it once. Once they grew up did some with a group of friends for a weekend at a time. 12 years ago bought the used RV with all the conveniences except the refrigerator quit working so we use coolers.
Greg’s comments mirror my late father’s. He always said ‘i camped out for a year and a half when i was in the army. That was enough.’ When i was younger i enjoyed camping. I havent done it in probably 20 years but hiking a sizable section of the Pacific Crest Trail is something i’ve been contemplating for a while now, which would obviously involve camping out again.
My camping comfort level has improved hugely the past couple of years - I have switched from sleeping bag/pad/tent or fly to a real camping/expedition hammock, with fly, underquilt for the hammock, and a sleeping "bag" without a bottom (basically a fancy quilt).
Sleeping in the hammock is more comfortable than sleeping in my nice bed at home. The underquilt keeps you from freezing - it hangs *under* the hammock, insultating the bottom of the hammock nicely. The fly can go up if you are expecting rain or heavy winds.
The hammock I use is this:
https://www.warbonnetoutdoors.com/product-category/hammocks/blackbird-xlc-and-add-ons/
Teacher Terry
5-18-19, 10:12pm
Bae, I am now questioning your sanity:))
Bae, I am now questioning your sanity:))
Well, when they send us out for wilderness searches, we are supposed to be equipped to be self-supporting for 3 days, and I'll be darned if I'm going to sleep on the cold cold hard ground :-) And my setup, stripped down a bit, is pretty light weight and takes little space in the pack. It's also great if you have a patient and need to keep them warm and sheltered.
Teacher Terry
5-18-19, 11:43pm
Actually, I really admire the work you do. You also seem like a much kinder person since your wife left. I know it’s painful but I cannot help but wonder if you are happier. No need to answer that. Just a gut feeling.
Your deduction is correct :-)
Teacher Terry
5-19-19, 12:24am
I am happy for you. I was much happier once I left my verbally abusive ex although much poorer since he hid the 900k we had saved.
Neat set-up, Bae, for camping but what do you do when the tree support is unavailable or in your neck of the woods, so to speak, that does not happen?
Neat set-up, Bae, for camping but what do you do when the tree support is unavailable or in your neck of the woods, so to speak, that does not happen?
The places where I "hang out" (hammock pun) are completely tree-infested - the Pacific NW. One of the reasons I first tried the hammock is that the ground here tends to be lumpy, with lots of pointy things laying on the ground, and tons of critters crawling around on the forest floor :-)
I used the hammock once in Wyoming, where there were no trees in sight, but it was at a highway rest stop, and I strung it between two lamp posts in the parking lot.
I used the hammock once in Wyoming, where there were no trees in sight, but it was at a highway rest stop, and I strung it between two lamp posts in the parking lot.
My mom, who grew up in western Kansas, used to joke that the state tree was the telephone pole.
I am beginning to understand though why some folks as they become more "experienced" begin "camping" with trailers, and eventually motor homes.
I keep getting this passing fancy to get a very very small motorhome, like an old VW camper, and hit the road for a year long tour of America with my hound dog.
Bae I had thought of that....then I thought about bathrooms, baths, bugs and heat.....Nope!
I keep getting this passing fancy to get a very very small motorhome, like an old VW camper, and hit the road for a year long tour of America with my hound dog.
Had this same dream about 5 years ago and then found from a number of increasingly discouraged regular campers about needing to book a site 3 months ahead, the increased cost of each site nowadays, the crowded conditions and said, "Things sure have changed from 20 years ago." The US may be very different.
DH and I used to throw an air mattress and sleeping bags in the back of the 1/2 ton truck with a high cap and go. We had a aluminum box with all the camping essentials always ready to go. He had the notion of wherever we had to fill up the gas tank, there we would stop and look for the nearest campground. Found some neat places that way. Glad that I had the experience then and simply relax now or take an organized tour where I have no responsibilities.
Teacher Terry
5-19-19, 4:46pm
We like to stay at campgrounds so we have hookups but they have gotten expensive. Some times as much as a motel. You do need reservations and the price of gas is high. We only do travel with it within a 4 hour range of home. Last year we took a 4K/mile trip and it was cheaper to use our car and stay in a motel.
I've done enough hiking to realize my knees aren't in it, and I've slept in tents and under the stars. I'm with those who like comfort and indoor plumbing. The little roughing it I've done gave me real appreciation for my pioneer ancestors... Being in nature is always restorative--maybe "glamping" would be just the thing.
Thank you for the dose of reality about the modern state of RV/camper camping. I think I was channeling my childhood with the idea, y'all may have saved me a lot of $$$ and disappointment :-)
Thank you for the dose of reality about the modern state of RV/camper camping. I think I was channeling my childhood with the idea, y'all may have saved me a lot of $$$ and disappointment :-)
Oh, I don't know about that. We still enjoy getting out and about in our motorhome. If I were you though, I'd look into the Sprinter conversions, we see a lot of those these days when we're out exploring the country.
Oh, I don't know about that. We still enjoy getting out and about in our motorhome. If I were you though, I'd look into the Sprinter conversions, we see a lot of those these days when we're out exploring the country.
Those are what have given me the hankerin' - tons have been showing up here on the island driven by tourists (and similar conversions), and they look quite appealing and relatively untroublesome.
Teacher Terry
5-20-19, 2:36pm
I am glad we only paid 14k for ours. We use it more as a second guest bedroom than camping. If you are looking at a Class B they won’t be such gas hogs.
Those are what have given me the hankerin' - tons have been showing up here on the island driven by tourists (and similar conversions), and they look quite appealing and relatively untroublesome.
My wife and I spent a cold, snowy weekend last winter watching YouTube videos of Sprinter owners showing off their digs. She still lusts after one built to our specs, I think they're a little too tight for extended travel for two but I think they'd be perfect for a solo.
Simplemind
5-20-19, 7:07pm
We got a nice deal on a 2003 Minnie Winnie. I'm giving it a year to see how we really use it. So far I have one trip (3-4 days) a month planned. Trying to make it work with two high energy dogs...…. (we don't want to be "those people" that annoy the "other people")
HappyHiker
6-26-19, 9:02pm
I still like sleeping in a tent -- glamping, that is, with a regular bed--that someone else sets up for one. Something about being outdoors with the scents and sounds moves me. I'd like to try Bae's camping hammock to see if it's comfy...well, not his, exactly, but one like it.
Our last camping trip found us with a leaky tent (should have sealed those seams, duh!) that funneled the water into our down bags which became waterlogged. It was less than delightful. We cut our trip short...
We got a nice deal on a 2003 Minnie Winnie. I'm giving it a year to see how we really use it. So far I have one trip (3-4 days) a month planned. Trying to make it work with two high energy dogs...…. (we don't want to be "those people" that annoy the "other people")
What do you think of the Minnie Winnie? We've been looking at them recently, considering replacing our Class 'C' motorhome with a Minnie Winnie model 2108DS and a diesel pickup or SUV to tow it. What do you use as a tow vehicle?
Ultralight
6-26-19, 10:18pm
I am turning 40 early next month. Intellectually I still feel 29. Physically I feel about 50.
But I suppose my identity is something like: "Middle aged, balding, overweight, divorced guy with a dog."
I am turning 40 early next month. Intellectually I still feel 29. Physically I feel about 50.
When I was turning 50, I physically felt like I was 75+. Didn't seem right. I got some good docs to check me out, found some underlying issues that were fortunately easily addressed. Now at 56, physically I feel like I am 30, except the day after doing Anything Really Serious. Then I feel 90 for about an hour the next day :-)
I am reconsidering the Sprinter thing now. The island is positively buried in them now that the tourist season is beginning. They must have become The Next Big Thing, and every millionaire Amazon/Microsoft employee is cluttering up our village and our roads with the BLEEEEP things.
Save us!
Ultralight
6-27-19, 6:40am
When I was turning 50, I physically felt like I was 75+. Didn't seem right. I got some good docs to check me out, found some underlying issues that were fortunately easily addressed. Now at 56, physically I feel like I am 30, except the day after doing Anything Really Serious. Then I feel 90 for about an hour the next day :-)
They inject you with T? I heard that makes you feel like a million bucks!
They inject you with T? I heard that makes you feel like a million bucks!
Sleep apnea treated with CPAP. And for a while HRT because the apnea made my endocrine system shut down, I had a t-level of 80, which is basically what a healthy 17 year old female athlete has. Or a 99 year old man in bad shape. They had to do a lot of fiddling to reboot the system. (This is when they also discovered some of the genetic oddities I have, I had other hormonal issues due to that and my age.) Also, I had essentially no vitamin-D in my system.
It took about 2 days for the CPAP to produce a huge difference, and the hormone juggling took a year or so.
So, do not go gently into that good night, there may be real, fixable, underlying issues.
Teacher Terry
6-27-19, 9:24pm
CPAP has changed my life. Coat your teeth with biotene gel or toothpaste every night. No one told me that half of all people lose their teeth within 4 years if they don’t have excellent teeth. Don’t ask me how I know.
Simplemind
6-27-19, 10:58pm
Alan we have a 24' Class C Minnie Winnie. Bought it used and we are the third owners. The first was the guy who designed it. He and the owners before us took exceptional care of it. Although a 2003 I swear it looked brand-new inside and out. We have had it out every other week for 3-4 days. Loving it so far.2845
Alan we have a 24' Class C Minnie Winnie.
Thanks, for some reason I was thinking you had one of their small travel trailers rather than the Class C. We currently have a 28' Class C with three slides. It's built on the same Ford E450 frame as yours and has a 10 cylinder gas engine. It's a 2007 model and we've had a great time with it over these past 10 years.
When my wife retires in the next year or so we plan on going on the road for half the year and have decided to transition to the smaller travel trailers, mainly because of convenience and the ability to use the tow vehicle to get around. This is along the lines of what we're considering:
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Ultralight
6-28-19, 5:55am
Alan, Simplemind, and others:
Camper living is interesting and seems really fun! Would you all be open to me creating a thread specifically on that? I would definitely like to hear more about your campers, your plans, and any travels/adventures!
Thoughts?
Coming late to this conversation. SiouzQ: You have been through the wringer in the last few years. You did your quest the way you wanted to, and that is so good. But you might need to go back to some baby steps to get back in shape, slowly recover your energy and flexibility. Yoga classes, mindful eating, daily walks...you might discover that in a year or two you are fine for tent camping or some version of that. But give yourself some TLC for a while. When your emotional energy goes up your physical energy will go up, and when your physical energy goes up you'll be able to do some good exercise program, and then both your emotional and your physical will continue to improve. You'll feel better. You seem like a nice person, you deserve that TLC.
Also coming late to this conversation. Lots of great information, ideas and experiences. Bae, amazing and congrats on your test - I know it was a while ago, but still... yah!
We used to tent camp at least once a year with the kids - from diaper age all the way to pre-teen. It was fun and we all had a good time. It's been a while now, but I still love the idea of tent camping. If the rain ever stops for more than 2 days here, I may just set the tent up in the back yard!
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