View Full Version : In Defense of Minimalism
CAVEAT: This is clearly a reactive post following weeks of angst, overwhelm and physical and emotional fatigue. I know a lot of you have gone through this, so I don't claim my feelings to be unique or noteworthy. But just in the interest of observation:
This experience has made me YEARN for having no possessions, and it also makes me ENVIOUS of my mother who lost everything in a catastrophic illness and a barn fire. And it makes UNDERSTANDING of why all the great spiritual leaders stress PURGATION as the road to enllightment. I'm not sure they were talking about the purgation of vintage 70s speakers and 19th century furniture, but it comes down to the same idea.
My DD and her boyfriend made a return trip all the way from VT to claim some of the things they earmarked and to help us move our stuff up north. Seems that in the garage sale, my overzealous DH sold stereo equipment previously owned by BIL and claimed by my son. Also, they had put a box of MIL's costume jewelry in a black bag with some clothing they wanted, but it seems DH and I thought it was a bag for Goodwill. DD was freaking out because she wasn't sure if that jewelry was valuable or not. Neither do I, but I don't care. When my DD pointed those things out, admitting she should have put labels or stickers on them, I felt bad about the speakers/system components, since they weren't ours to sell.
And then I got to feeling a little angry that I was put in this position of feeling bad. We were put in the position of housing stuff that's not ours. If we sold it by mistake, too bad. I almost feel as if my estate is already being fought over and I'm not dead yet.
I also see how unimportant stuff is. How long you keep it after it has served its purpose. How it invades your life like an rash that's hard to cure. I've become angry with myself for letting this stuff get out of hand. For being the hoardmaster for the family.
I am seeing this new move as being a chance to live a live of material simplici...
Oops, DH just called me to go pick up the rental truck.
To be continued.
NO one has the right to make you feel bad about getting rid of SHIT they left at your house! They didn't find out about your move yesterday.
Take a deep breath, let go and move on!
Teacher Terry
5-26-19, 11:15am
I totally agree with G. I guess because we moved a fair amount we never accumulated the amount of stuff you did. When I was raising the kids I gave away their toys and clothes as they outgrew them. Thankfully I have always kept things in check and enjoy the possessions I do have. I don’t think your mom was lucky. Everyone is stressing you out and that is bullshit!
People left stuff at your house. The moment they left it there they lost the right to it’s eventual destiny. Anything they got from you is a gift - they are the ones who should feel guilty.
People left stuff at your house. The moment they left it there they lost the right to it’s eventual destiny. Anything they got from you is a gift - they are the ones who should feel guilty.
I don't know about that. After a nasty breakup I was told he had a right to retrieve his belongings accompanied by a police officer. Is there a statute of limitations? Are you required to give notice you will toss something?
iris lilies
5-26-19, 3:47pm
I don't know about that. After a nasty breakup I was told he had a right to retrieve his belongings accompanied by a police officer. Is there a statute of limitations? Are you required to give notice you will toss something?
That is all about tenant’s rights.
Catherine’s kids are not her tenants.
Daughter should’ve taken her bag of jewelry with her when she put that bag of jewelry in with clothing
. if she was there with her hands on it she should’ve taken it with her. But so what if it’s worth something, isnt nice for Goodwill? Assuming that they do not pitch it, and they probably will not.
Hang in there, Cath, it will get done and life will feel freer. Each change is a challenge to get through but it is worth it.
Her kids are not her tenants, but her BIL lived there. In some states beware houseguests staying beyond 30 days. You will have to evict them, they have rights, etc.
iris lilies
5-26-19, 5:46pm
Her kids are not her tenants, but her BIL lived there. In some states beware houseguests staying beyond 30 days. You will have to evict them, they have rights, etc.
Oh I see what you mean when she talks about the brother-in-law’s abandoned clothing in “his” room and his papers. Oh yeah you are absolutely right that random squatters who pay no rent earn rights. What is this world coming to? God bless America! Get off my lawn!
So - there’s got to be a tenant law that says after so many days after leaving, they abandon their right to their stuff.
But he chose to leave. I have never moved from an apartment and left stuff there. I bet there’s no law to protect stuff after moving out voluntarily. I can’t imagine being a landlord and storing stuff that was left behind.
Teacher Terry
5-26-19, 6:14pm
Her BIL can barely function let alone sue for what he left.
Catherine, when I finished college and dumped some stuff at home before heading to Memphis for a job. I thought my stuff was safe. Mom thought I left bags of garbage since there were garbage bags in my old bedroom (college style packing). She tossed them. I got pissed because it was all my camping/backpacking gear. Then I realized my fault. I apologized. I never packed in garbage bags again. Expensive lesson but one I learned and didn't blame.
Catherine, when I finished college and dumped some stuff at home before heading to Memphis for a job. I thought my stuff was safe. Mom thought I left bags of garbage since there were garbage bags in my old bedroom (college style packing). She tossed them. I got pissed because it was all my camping/backpacking gear. Then I realized my fault. I apologized. I never packed in garbage bags again. Expensive lesson but one I learned and didn't blame.
That's why I like transparent leaf bags for everything but garbage. I fill them with clothing to take to the thrifts, etc.
Well, I got through that day. My son and DD's bf packed up the furniture for VT into the truck, and they also packed a few things I hadn't been expecting: a really nice metal/wood workbench that DH got at a garage sale ages ago.. there was a moment when it seemed that DS would have liked to have kept it and he asked bf if he was really going to use it, but he didn't insist on keeping it--he just let it go. The old dresser my VT son wanted went into the truck, and the Ethan Allen fancy settee went in there, too! (That was DD's idea. I really don't want it in the house, but she said it's worth a try because it's a good, comfortable couch, and if I don't want it, she's going to put it in her studio.). They also took a modern little sofa that was DH's--we were going to Freecycle or trash it, so I'm happy it's all going to get some use in VT. All the furniture is gone from the upstairs so now I can concentrate on bagging stuff for Goodwill and packing the clothes we'll need (and boxing BIL's stuff).
Our garage has gone from looking like one of the fire-trap barns you see on American Pickers to a space that's nearly empty now. It's amazing.
As far as the inadvertent give aways and sales, we're past that. I really appreciate everyone's support on this--I guess my gut feel is that people deserve a heads-up if what they expected to be here is removed. After that, it's fair game. In this situation, DH really did mistakenly sell the audio equipment--but not a big deal. You can find used components easily online.
As far as the jewelry, it was actually DD's bf that had stashed it. Float On, you are so right--I ALWAYS label garbage bags (VVA, Goodwill, etc.) with a big piece of paper and a thick marker because it's so obvious that they can be thrown away accidentally. DD was really upset with her bf for a short time, but she didn't even know what was in that box. So I said to her, "If you don't even know what something is, how can you miss it?" As someone who has literally lost diamonds AND had some stolen and wasn't even that upset about it, I am not at all worried about what might have gone to Goodwill. IMHO, jewelry has no intrinsic value.
So I feel better this morning. Thanks again!
To go back to the original title of the post, I really, really am going to work on living the rest of my life as minimally as possible. I am still mad at myself for letting all this junk get so out of hand.
Teacher Terry
5-27-19, 11:10am
Glad things are going so well. Moving is definitely stressful and doesn’t bring out the best in people. You are making awesome progress.
mschrisgo2
5-27-19, 4:34pm
It must be a big relief to have the furniture sorted and moved. I hope you can stick to what feels and looks comfortable to you.
Now for the rest... be ruthless! If you cant remember the last time you used something, you likely don't need it. Toss it now.
It is sad how excited people get over someone else's belongings and how they dispose of them. Our local coroner told us it was sad to see folks fighting over the possessions of people who had passed on, but not wanting to take responsibility for the burial of the person! A sad commentary on our material society. I am proud to have told my parents that they should spend as much of their money as he wanted while they were able to enjoy it (traveling, etc) instead of earmarking it for us children. Even prouder that ALL my sibs told them the same thing!
None of is in need, all able to care for themselves. They had a great time before Mom passed; and I know he goes where he wants and does what he wants still. He earned it...I hope he spends every cent.
Update: We are 2 days and counting. We have filled a 10 x 20 dumpster (see picture--it will probably give Ultralight a psychic meltdown). I have brought two truckloads to Goodwill and had two visits from the Vietnam Vets. I brought 10 cartons of books to the library. I Freecycled, Craigslisted, posted on my neighborhood website to give things away, gave things to kids and SOs. We've had weekly visits from the local junk collectors, and we now are on a first name basis with them. We still have to bring a truckload of electronics to the electronics recycling place, and I still have to bring food to the Food Bank and I still probably have 3 contractor bags of clothing to go to VVA.
Who knew that I had SO MUCH CRAP???? I guess I hid it well, but every time I thought I was done, I wasn't. I've been walking around the house with a laundry basket and scooping up stuff and throwing it in the dumpster which is due to depart any minute. I still have furniture to move into the garage (antiques that I'm not ready to give up yet.)
We put a crib out on the curb (my DIL left it here years ago) and a couple of women came and took that as well as a bunch of stuff to furnish their apartment and I gave them my wedding china, too. As DH said, it's nice to put a face on the people who will be the next owners of my memories.
I am so glad I'm doing this now. Could you imagine if DH and I spent 20 more years here??? I'm already feeling like one of those Hoarder episodes.
But it truly feels cleansing, and empowering. Yet, there is still much to do.
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Teacher Terry
6-4-19, 12:07pm
Great job Catherine! I think if you never move and have space the tendency is to ignore it. Fortune we have had to move across country enough that it never got that bad.
iris lilies
6-4-19, 12:47pm
Catherine rah rah catherine rah rah!
Catherine rah rah catherine rah rah!
+1
The song "Freedom" popped into my head reading your post Catherine. Way to go!
You're inspiring, Catherine!
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