Borderline Personality Disorder

[Ultralight]

Any experiences in dealing with folks who have BPD?

[Teacher Terry]

Yes and you might as well just hit your head with a hammer instead. Same result.

[Chicken lady]

Nope, but i’m Really glad to see you back!

[mschrisgo2]

Yes. And what TT said.

[Teacher Terry]

I hope your boss doesn’t have it.

[Ultralight]

I learned about BPD in a social work class I took. Horrible mental illness.

But I have recently talked to some women on dating sites who exhibit the symptoms. One actually told me she had it!

I was like: "Deal breaker!"

Apparently 75%+ of people with BPD are women.

I had a room mate once, who I think had it. And a coworker too -- totally wacky.

[Teacher Terry]

Yes more women have it and don’t date anyone with it. Relationships are hard enough.

[Tammy]

All the time in my 22 years of psych nursing.

It is treatable but takes lot of therapy over many years.

Welcome back ultralite! I missed you.

Watch “Crazy ex-girlfriend” on Netflix. By the end of the 4th season you have a full understanding of BPD.

[Ultralight]

I thought "Crazy Ex-girlfriend" was about female empowerment, at least that is what my professor said last semester in the Women's Studies class I took.

[bae]

BPD - best to avoid. It's one of the several items on my no-fly checklist.

[Ultralight]

BPD - best to avoid. It's one of the several items on my no-fly checklist.

Yeah, deal breaker for me too. I am interested in learning to rapidly clock someone who has it by various visual indicators or by things they say.

[bae]

Yeah, deal breaker for me too. I am interested in learning to rapidly clock someone who has it by various visual indicators or by things they say.

Visual indicators? What do you look for?

[Ultralight]

Visual indicators? What do you look for?

I watch their behavior. Do they react super emotionally to things that most folks would just dust off their shoulder? Do they tell you about experiences they have had where they felt abandoned or feared abandonment? Do they shift their personalities around a lot?

I mean observable things.

[cindycindy]

It’s terrible when you have to have a relationship with someone with BPD as in a family member. In my case, a daughter in law. Scary and hopeless especially with grandchildren involved.

[Ultralight]

It’s terrible when you have to have a relationship with someone with BPD as in a family member. In my case, a daughter in law. Scary and hopeless especially with grandchildren involved.
What happened?

[henrysmom]

Rarely post but this is a subject close to me. My mother is borderline with bipolar disorder as well. Untreated and unrecognized by her, it’s been miserable for me and others close to her. Personally I would steer clear of having anyone with this in my life, but difficult when it’s your mother. I’ve read some great books on it, especially “Walking on Eggshells “. I try and cut her some slack as I know many of her behaviors aren’t controllable or even unusual to her. It’s always everyone else at fault. Needless to say,I’ve never had a normal mother daughter relationship and it’s been extremely difficult...I’m 60 now and still wish I’d had a “mommy”

[JaneV2.0]

"All drama, all the time" is exhausting. Maybe it's de rigueur for teenagers, but I don't know how or why adults involve themselves with BPD people if they can help it.

[gimmethesimplelife]

BPD - best to avoid. It's one of the several items on my no-fly checklist.I'm intrigued and I mean this with no snark. Can I ask what else is on your no-fly checklist? Cool way of phrasing that, btw. (assuming no-fly checklist equals dealbreakers). Rob

[Tammy]

It is about female empowerment - and many other things too.

[Tammy]

Cluster B personality disorders are similar to one another in several ways. Cluster B includes borderline, narcissistic, and antisocial. Some people think that there’s more females with BPD and more males with the other two, because they are more alike than they are different, and traditional gender roles cause the gender differences in diagnosis.

Some people don’t believe BPD is a real thing. Some countries don’t recognize nor treat it.

[Tammy]

While your method ultralite works for you - with visual/behavioral health indicators - it doesn’t mean they necessarily have BPD. It could be histrionic personality disorder, or paranoid personality disorder, or actual paranoia, or anxiety, or PTSD ...

Just be careful not to diagnosis everything as BPD. you can certainly choose to avoid people based on your indicators - but it’s not a diagnosis.

[iris lilies]

While your method ultralite works for you - with visual/behavioral health indicators - it doesn’t mean they necessarily have BPD. It could be histrionic personality disorder, or paranoid personality disorder, or actual paranoia, or anxiety, or PTSD ...

Just be careful not to diagnosis everything as BPD. you can certainly choose to avoid people based on your indicators - but it’s not a diagnosis.

Agreed.


I don’t think it much matters which mental illness someone has, it’s just enough to know that they are not a stable persona and is not someone you want to have close in your life.

[JaneV2.0]

Agreed.


I don’t think it much matters which mental illness someone has, it’s just enough to know that they are not a stable persona and is not someone you want to have close in your life.

I agree. Life is challenge enough...
I'm sure we're all diagnosable.

[bae]

I don’t think it much matters which mental illness someone has, it’s just enough to know that they are not a stable persona and is not someone you want to have close in your life.

Exactly. I don't need a label, just an understanding that there's too much trouble and drama down the road.

[Ultralight]

I don't have the power to diagnose anyone. I am not a mental health professional or anything like that.

But you are not supposed to call women "crazy" anymore. Not politically correct.

[iris lilies]

I don't have the power to diagnose anyone. I am not a mental health professional or anything like that.

But you are not supposed to call women "crazy" anymore. Not politically correct.

With a recent incident in which a friend proved herself to be emotionally fragile (after several instances of similar behavior of lesser intensity) I use now the phrase “not a stable person” for her. Probably that is not acceptable either.

DH, who isnt an especially insightful guy, who is calm and placid and doesnt pass judgement on most people, warned me two years ago that she “is going to be trouble.”

There is another woman in my neighborhood who is delusional. She has always been delusional. She is flat out crazy. And she is wrecking havoc on her huge Victorian house. She is thought to be behind dog poisoning incidents. She had her own dog chained for weeks and months. She is vile , all presented in a sticky sweet package of church and god and her self declared “good taste.” Her children are estranged from her, not a surprise. I will call out this person as “crazy as f—-“ with no qualms.

[Ultralight]

With a recent incident in which a friend proved herself to be emotionally fragile (after several instances of similar behavior of lesser intensity) I use now the phrase “not a stable person” for her. Probably that is not acceptable either.

DH, who isnt an especially insightful guy, who is calm and placid and doesnt pass judgement on most people, warned me two years ago that she “is going to be trouble.”

There is another woman in my neighborhood who is delusional. She has always been delusional. She is flat out crazy. And she is wrecking havoc on her huge Victorian house. She is thought to be behind dog poisoning incidents. She had her own dog chained for weeks and months. She is vile , all presented in a sticky sweet package of church and god and her self declared “good taste.” Her children are estranged from her, not a surprise. I will call out this person as “crazy as f—-“ with no qualms.


"Not a stable person."

I am going to use the absolute F*&% out of that phrase!

[ToomuchStuff]

"Not a stable person."

I am going to use the absolute F*&% out of that phrase!

LOL, I knew someone that once used the phrase, No Horse sense, as a euphemism for the same thing.

[saguaro]

Agreed.

I don’t think it much matters which mental illness someone has, it’s just enough to know that they are not a stable persona and is not someone you want to have close in your life.

A bit late to the thread, but yeah, exactly this. Many years ago I dated someone who turned out to be "not a stable person" and while years later I realized he probably had some sort of personality disorder, whatever it was, it ultimately doesn't mean much. No matter what diagnosis/name/label you put on it, you are still dealing with an unstable person and the trouble/drama/chaos that comes from being close to such a person is not worth it.

[Ultralight]

The thing I don't understand is this: Why do people often say this? "Be careful not to diagnose someone!!!"

[iris lilies]

The thing I don't understand is this: Why do people often say this? "Be careful not to diagnose someone!!!"

Well, you yourself know that you’re not diagnosing anyone, so what is the point of putting a very specific mental illness label on someone? ‘Specially since you’d likely be wrong. Why does the specific label you assign really matter anyway in general social situations?

If a person with mental illness wants to talk about it and give people some ideas on the how are the illness affects him or her, and the best way to interact with him or her, that is a different thing.

[Ultralight]

Well, you yourself know that you’re not diagnosing anyone, so what is the point of putting a very specific mental illness label on someone?

It categorizes them in my mind. Remember, saying someone is "not stable" is labeling them too.


‘Specially since you’d likely be wrong. Why does the specific label you assign really matter anyway in general social situations?

Why would I be likely to be wrong? If the person exhibits a large cluster of the symptoms, I might well be right!

I just think to myself: "This woman probably has BPD. I think I should keep away from her."

I don't post it on billboards throughout the city.

[iris lilies]

It categorizes them in my mind. Remember, saying someone is "not stable" is labeling them too.



Why would I be likely to be wrong? If the person exhibits a large cluster of the symptoms, I might well be right!

I just think to myself: "This woman probably has BPD. I think I should keep away from her."

I don't post it on billboards throughout the city.

There’s nothing wrong in my mind with putting a label on someone for the purpose of social interaction. It’s just my opinion. So to me, “not a stable person “ is my layman’s term which conveys an idea about that person. It is clearly my own idea, and it conveys that it is my own assessment when I am talking to someone about that unstable person.


Specific mental health diagnoses are not something that you, UL, can make because you arent trained. You’re just not. But if you want to think of someone as for instance Bi Polar, think in your own mind about that, fine. It would only be a problem if you shared your personal diagnosis with other people since they may not understand that this is your else unscientific untrained opinion.

That said, I am pretty disgusted with mental health professionals and how they seem to be all over the map in diagnosing the same client. I think of much of it as a joke, And frankly, you may be as right as they are.

[Teacher Terry]

IL, it’s not a hard science and you can’t administer a test to diagnose. People spend years obtaining education and experience and still can disagree. People are complex as well as what they honestly reveal. This is really insulting to mental health professionals.

[iris lilies]

IL, it’s not a hard science and you can’t administer a test to diagnose. People spend years obtaining education and experience and still can disagree. People are complex as well as what they honestly reveal. This is really insulting to mental health professionals.

Ok. I am well aware that the mental health field isnt a hard science, since that forms much of the basis of my opinion. Agreed that people as medical subjects are complex and yes there certainly is the factor of what patients choose to reveal to their therapists.

All of that results in imprecise results. But that is true for much of the medical world, just especially so for mental health treatment.

[Tammy]

This is why I like working with the court ordered severely mentally ill population. We are treating them based on their danger to themselves and others. As long as the person isn’t dangerous, we don’t get them in our system. So I avoid much of those fluffy outer edges of psychiatry that can be so annoying in the questions about whether they really have a diagnosis, what is it, do they really need meds, etc.

[iris lilies]

This is why I like working with the court ordered severely mentally ill population. We are treating them based on their danger to themselves and others. As long as the person isn’t dangerous, we don’t get them in our system. So I avoid much of those fluffy outer edges of psychiatry that can be so annoying in the questions about whether they really have a diagnosis, what is it, do they really need meds, etc.

This would be a new layman label for me to use, “dangerous to themselves and others” where danger means physical harm.

In the general sense I think many of us are dangerous to ourselves but not in major ways and not in physical ways

[Tammy]

Right - it is physical danger and imminent danger.

So someone who doesn’t take their insulin but has no other symptoms and has blood sugars in the 300s - they wouldn’t be court ordered because they might be dangerous to themselves, but it will take a decade for the danger to show up in their body.

While someone threatening to overdose on their insulin would be court ordered.