Some issues at work

[frugalone]

Yesterday, I was reprimanded for "being seen crying at my desk." I'm not talking about full out sobbing or even making a sound. I mean tears rolling down my face, briefly. As someone in another group once said, menopause is a never-ending fountain of tears. I also suffer from anxiety and depression. That said, I also have had one of the most stressful years of my life, and I'm the type of person who will cry when a friend loses a pet and I see it on social media, or if someone sends me a touching text. My 26-year-old (female) coworker went to our boss and said I'm "upsetting her and the students we work with." Funnily enough, not one single person reached out to ask me if I'm OK when they supposedly saw me crying. Do I just work with a bunch of cold hearted jerks or what? I seriously cannot help crying sometimes. I am considering getting an official diagnoses from a psychiatrist to put in my personnel file, so that this is recognized as a medical thing.

There were other complaints from said coworker. Apparently she just held it all inside until we got our annual reviews and then let it all out in a flood to our boss. I'm thinking of applying to another department as soon as something opens up. Some of you may recall, I haven't ever really been happy in this job. However, I *thought* I had gotten to a point of acceptance...that it was as good as I could do under the circumstances. Now I'm wondering if I've sold myself short.

[Teacher Terry]

Please get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist so you cannot be railroaded. Menopause is such a difficult time for some. Mine was horrible and I think a different department would also be helpful.

[frugalone]

Please get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist so you cannot be railroaded. Menopause is such a difficult time for some. Mine was horrible and I think a different department would also be helpful.

I always say, it could have been worse. My friend Kate had hot flashes that drenched her for years. I thought mine had stopped but the recent heat and humidity is triggering them (if that's even possible).

[Yppej]

Yes, they are cold hearted, but stay off social media at work so you don't see sad things, and tell your friends to text you after hours.

[KayLR]

So sorry you're going through this, frugalone. The co-worker sounds immature and inexperienced. No excuse, but maybe a reason. Your boss should have reached out to you in concern. Yes, I do think they're jerks, too. That being said, I hope you will see someone (gyno or your primary) for care and treatment as soon as you can. I can relate.

[Zoe Girl]

Omg are you kidding that she complained, i have teary eyes from dry eye. Much better with eye drops now. I also have medication for depression that helps. Menopause is kicking it into high gear as well. So i would try eye drops too, i was surprised at how much eye drop helped because a lot of times i wasn't upset about anything but still teary

[Ultralight]

Please get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist so you cannot be railroaded. This is solid advice. I hope you do it and I hope you get protection.

[Ultralight]

In some ways it is unfortunate that we have to robotize ourselves at work.

Crying is considered something too personal for work.

I think of my work like acting. I go in there and act mostly normative. When I clock out I go back to being myself. It is just a performance. Pretend.

[Teacher Terry]

Thankfully if someone cried where I worked people were empathetic but it was human services after all. I have seen people set up in work places just because someone didn’t like them. Best to protect yourself.

[ToomuchStuff]

Take your lunches to work. Pack onions and a knife.:D

[JaneV2.0]

I said something once that apparently set off a co-worker. I just went back to work. I figured she didn't need someone bringing attention to her meltdown. I would never in a million years have reported her.

[gimmethesimplelife]

In some ways it is unfortunate that we have to robotize ourselves at work.

Crying is considered something too personal for work.

I think of my work like acting. I go in there and act mostly normative. When I clock out I go back to being myself. It is just a performance. Pretend.Bingo! This is how I survived so many years of waiting tables as an introvert. I'd punch in and become someone else - it was like I was going for an Academy Award of Best Portrayal of an Extrovert by an Introvert....and when I punched out, bingo, that very second I went back to being who I am. My point is that it was all a performance for me - I was not that person I was portraying myself to be. Rob

[ApatheticNoMore]

I see it as more strategic than robotic, saying the right things, not saying the wrong things, knowing when it's best to joke around and not etc. Because doing the work well might not be enough to keep the job.

But am I so strategic in my non-career life? Well for most things I just don't care enough to be, people either like one or not etc. and much of the time not much hinges on it.

[Teacher Terry]

Luckily I always had jobs where I could be myself. When I retired and would go back to visit a bunch of people said they really missed my laugh.

[Simplemind]

She said it bothered her "and others" and also complained about other things during her eval. This isn't really about your tears. Something else is afoot. Interesting that she is making her performance eval about you. I would ask how you feel that you have been treated by "the others". This reminds me so much of what I hated in managing in my previous job. I would not have even brought that passive aggressive ^&&^% up to you, I would have coached the complainer on how to work around her discomfort, then I would have checked in on you to make sure you were OK.
I look at that as bully behavior and our group always seemed to need to have a scapegoat. Not on my watch!!

[iris lilies]

She said it bothered her "and others" and also complained about other things during her eval. This isn't really about your tears. Something else is afoot. Interesting that she is making her performance eval about you. I would ask how you feel that you have been treated by "the others". This reminds me so much of what I hated in managing in my previous job. I would not have even brought that passive aggressive ^&&^% up to you, I would have coached the complainer on how to work around her discomfort, then I would have checked in on you to make sure you were OK.
I look at that as bully behavior and our group always seemed to need to have a scapegoat. Not on my watch!!
great answer!

[Float On]

I cry at the drop of a hat too. Heck today I had tears streaming down my face at work. I was trying to talk in front of a group of visitors and swallowed wrong. One of those swallow, coughing fits, that turned to tears. I had to keep giving my speech though.

[bae]

Crying is considered something too personal for work.


I cry at work now-and-then. I see things that require it.

[Rachel]

Plus one to Simplemind's response. Reporting someone for getting teary at their desk is cruel, unnecessary, and the opposite of team-building. If you see someone crying at work you either ignore them and give them some space or you quietly, gently, humbly offer support. I am sorry you were treated badly.

[razz]

Based on your post, it strikes me that this is not the co-worker that is inappropriate so much but the supervisor who is handling the situation inappropriately. Lack of training is a serious concern.

[Tammy]

Like Bae - tears in our eyes happen now and then - mental health is not an easy environment and our patients have horrendous back stories at times. We aren’t surprised when it touches us, as we are human and don’t want to lose that part of our soul. But it’s not sobbing and it’s not about us. So it’s accepted.

Work is an odd duck. We need to be a cog in a machine most of the time to be considered successful, even in the helping professions. I always wonder if it’s this same way in other countries, as compared with the USA’s big focus on productivity.