"Be the person you needed..."

[catherine]

On Facebook, the website becoming minimalist posted this quote/picture:

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I was attracted to the idea. On the one hand, it might be an interesting direction to aspire to in one's life; OTOH, shouldn't you just be who you are? I'm sure I needed a lot of things my mother was not constitutionally able to give me--I certainly don't fault her for that.

So what do you think about that saying? And more to the point, who did you need when you were younger? A protector? A creative mentor? A listener? A fighter?

[bae]

Dr. Who?

[razz]

I lacked someone to tell me how to stand up for myself, to deal with self-doubt, to set goals. My parents certainly made the effort but our understanding is so much greater now of the importance of a mentor.
I do mentor a child at school, plus family and friends who are facing challenges reminding them of their talents and skills and then I get out of the way and remain a booster squad.
So yes, I do agree with the saying.

Am I being true to myself in doing this? Absolutely! Each of us is a unique individual with wonderful qualities that may need support to be brought to bloom.

One example - I passionately loved basketball in high school and played fiercely. One day I scared myself with actually wanting to physically attack an opposing player. I had no idea and no help in how to deal with such strong emotions so withdrew from the team and avoided competitive activities ever afterwards. It took seeing my kids go through similar emotions for me to learn coping strategies. I think school coaches are better informed today or at least, I hope so.

[rosarugosa]

Hmmm. My Mom was as good as it gets in the mothering department, although she certainly couldn't be everyone and everything I needed when I was young, but close enough. So I'll say she was the person I needed when I was young, and I'm giving it my best shot at being the person she needs now that she is old. Which I guess strays from the original point of the thread, but it's where my mind went.

[Gardnr]

I was raised to KNOW that I could accomplish anything I decided to do. Is there anything better than that? I learned to work hard and achieve. It served me well. Mom was a saver and required I save as long as I was at home. I jumped into consumerism for 7y but after that, I paid down/off debt and began saving.

I had friends who dared and I always rose to the occasion....hence the trouble....but never legal misdemeanor/felony so that's good.

Mom wasn't a discusser....that might have kept me out of a bit of trouble? Dad led by example. Worked hard/played some.

Neither were physically active so I didn't grow up an exerciser. I'm still at 58, trying to get that to be desireable.

[razz]

As I walked Benny, this thread came to mind. I realized that in so many ways, my parents were my mentors as my dad taught me that I could do/be anything that a guy could do/be. If I lacked the strength, simply study that situation and think of the alternative ways of doing things. My mother taught me the appreciation of art of all kinds. They both believed in taking action when necessary and to oppose injustice at all times. These I do now.
My self-doubt was more in social skills, handling emotions and making long-term plans. I needed a mentor for those. That said, I have had wonderful teachers/mentors over the years since I left my parents' house. I try to follow what they have shared with me and paying it forward.

[pinkytoe]

I grew up without a lot of guidance so I doubt I would be very good offering it to someone else. Makes me sad when I see so many humans making bad decisions with their lives and knowing many do so because they were never taught how to make good ones. Or did not have any good role models to be inspired by.

[ToomuchStuff]

So what do you think about that saying? And more to the point, who did you need when you were younger? A protector? A creative mentor? A listener? A fighter?
Pay it forward, at least that to me is the idea behind it.

Dr. Who?

You can't go screw around with your own timeline. Fixed points and all that.

[Teacher Terry]

I was very close to both my parents and went to them with my problems and for advice even in my teen years. They always said we could be anything we wanted if we worked for it.

[herbgeek]

I grew up with a crap ton of negative messages, and although I had a roof over my head and food, by today's standards at least, I was raised with neglect. I was told that no one would ever want to be my friend, and when I was older that boys would not be interested in me because I was smart. I was told ad nauseum to play dumb, or at least keep quiet to never attract attention. Spoiler: I didn't.

What is ironic, that my highest earning years were because I was smart, and spoke up.

My pay it forward is in things like dealing with my grand nieces: the oldest was telling me exactly what she wanted me to do. I said "wow are you bossy" followed up with "I like that!" and the 8 year old responded with " no one ever said that (I like that) before!". I told her to say when people call her bossy, to say "thank you" or "I am the boss". LOL.

[JaneV2.0]

I got that crap about "always let the boys win" or some variation. I replied that if I lost the contest--or won--I would do it honestly. I also got not-so-subtle cues to play down my intelligence, which wasn't going to happen. My mother and I had very different perspectives on life.

[Gardnr]

My pay it forward is in things like dealing with my grand nieces: the oldest was telling me exactly what she wanted me to do. I said "wow are you bossy" followed up with "I like that!" and the 8 year old responded with " no one ever said that (I like that) before!". I told her to say when people call her bossy, to say "thank you" or "I am the boss". LOL.

LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Yppej]

I am still trying to be the person my son needs me to be and not always succeeding. Life is a work in progress.