Gender divide on minimalism?

[catherine]

Just a few random thoughts on a Saturday morning...

Since my downsize and my claiming a small seasonal cottage as my primary residence, I've made some observations about the reactions of my friends.

I'm always a little insecure about showing people my home, wherever it is, because I am a product of the upwardly mobile, acquisitive culture--very much a part of my former CT/NJ life. I've been "upwardly mobile" in terms of wanting to constantly improve myself, but I have never been acquisitive. So when my friends have asked to come visit our lake house, I get instantly anxious, because I'm sure my reality doesn't match up with my friends' expectations of "waterfront property."

Yet, I've noticed, when the couples come up here, the women are polite ("Oh, this is cute--when are you renovating it?"), but I sense in the body language of their husbands a much deeper appreciation for this "simple living." My DD's future FIL came up for a Taboo party last weekend and he said "You guys are living the life! I wish I could get my wife to do something like this but I can't." And when I had an old colleague/friend visit on their way to Canada, she was also appreciative of the nice afternoon overlooking the lake, but it was her husband who had a smile on his face when he entered the house and surveyed its simplicity.

Do you think there are more simple aspirations for men that may counter society's expectations of "providing" their families with more and more stuff? Do you think women are more likely to feel they need a bigger nest to feather?

Just curious.

[Simplemind]

I think men appreciate less fuss (decorating) and less to maintain. I think women are always wanting to feather the nest. I'm atypical in that regard and less is more in my book.

[Teacher Terry]

My husband likes bigger so don’t know about the generalization. I prefer small. I could live in 700 sq ft if I was alone but not with someone.

[herbgeek]

I'm likely atypical also. I love simple lake homes - probably stemming from our family vacations on Lake Champlain. Those simple accomodations had the happiest memories of childhood. I have more than I need here, and always trying to figure out more to discard.

[iris lilies]

Well, I like houses and constantly look at the real estate websites, so I confess to judging most houses
i enter as “love it for me” or “a big nope for me.”

What you may be seeing is not so much that the husbands like the minimalism, it may be that the husbands like the minimalism for YOU. They can easily divorce the thought of themselves living in it where perhaps their wives cannot?

We looked at a 530 sq ft condo recently and DH said it was too small. I thought it was perfect, but then,
i envisioned only one of us there most of the time. The units one size bigger in the same building are 9xx sq ft and perfect spaces for us if we would bith spend a fair amount of time there.

[iris lilies]

Our house in the city is around 1900 sq ft in a Victorian neighborhood where houses of our friends are much bigger, for the most part. Our Hermann house is a modest old bungalow. Some of the people who have seen it live in bigger better houses and probably have ideas of bigger better weekend properties for themselves, and that is ok!

[JaneV2.0]

My SO was a complete minimalist. I am far from it. My father was a minimalist in some ways--until you saw the hundreds of books piled in his corner of the house. My mother used to say of any minimalist's digs "Looks like a hotel room," which I thought wasn't necessarily a bad thing. But her decor tended toward the rococo, which I still appreciate. Just not for me, particularly. I enjoy a wide range of decorating styles, accent on the "style" part.

[Yppej]

I see both genders on "Hoarders".

[Float On]

My MIL a NY/SouthernBelle first said of our house "well I suppose it's a nice starter home". We've been here 27 years. Her husband would of loved it..

[rosarugosa]

I have always been pretty proud of our incredibly tiny and humble abode, but in recent years I find I'm a bit embarrassed by our kitchen. Of course, it looks worse than ever as a work in progress, but I think my feelings about the kitchen mean it's high time to do something about it, and a work in progress means something is happening!
As far as the sexes go in our house, DH is definitely more minimalist than I am. There is no question that most of the stuff in the house was acquired by me. It's easy to think that minimalists are super cool and unencumbered as they go through life, but then there are the times that they actually need something. The other day, DH decided he needed to wear a pair of disposable latex gloves for a project, and he got a pair from the cellar. He complained to me that they were too small. I said, "Well I bought them for me and I have small hands." He glared and said "You should probably buy some large ones." I said "Well nobody ever told you that you couldn't buy disposable gloves." (My gloves are the remainder of a two-box purchase from Costco from about 20 years ago that are almost gone. Shows you who does the dirty work around here!)

[razz]

DH and I spent sometime in a kitchenette motel room living out of a suitcase when working on a family member's cottage. I bought the makings of a meal on the way back to the motel room each night. We did talk about the minimalist with DH commenting that we really didn't need much more. I thought about it and agreed that it was fine for a short period but not for a home. I do want to have some feathering of the nest. I have very simple wants and items last forever so rarely does much need replacing. I know that I need a bigger place than 700 sq ft at present but over time that may change.

[iris lilies]

I should say that the 530 square-foot condo I liked would only be my city place and I wouldn’t have a lot of stuff there.

[happystuff]

My house - well, it's a house. It's a very old house that usually needs more repairs than decorations. I don't like to decorate anyway, nor do I have the money to decorate, so the house is what it is. I kind of feel that I live in my house and other people live in theirs - and they shouldn't be trying to impress me with how they live and I don't need to impress them with how I live. When family and friends come over, we get together to be with each other. If there are any judgements from others, they keep them to themselves. Things always change and my house will as well - eventually. LOL.

[pinkytoe]

I sometimes think many males are not even aware of clutter or pretense. It just doesnt bother them. Maybe it is the rustic quality of your place that is pleasing. I have had several visitors say they like the minimal quality of our house but I have always liked a strong sense of order and DH has just gotten used to it by now.

[jp1]

SO and I are both males and we have very different opinions on our living environment. He's fine with stuff sitting all around. I very much prefer everything to have a place and be in it. We've managed to reach a truce where certain spaces, (our second bedroom which is my den that he rarely enters, and the living room, which we both use) are generally relatively tidy. I let the kitchen and main bedroom go for the most part because it's a losing battle. SO, on the other hand, is more bothered by dirtiness. I personally don't really care if there's cat puke on the carpet. In a few days it'll be dry and I can just vacuum it up. (thankfully the carpets in our place are all roughly cat puke colored...)

[IanC]

Wife and I have similar aspirations to simplify our life and declutter but face different challenges. For R it is about which pictures, books, and stuff from when the children were small to keep whilst for me it is about which guitars, amps, and gadgets to get rid of!

[Tybee]

In my marriage, it is my husband who is the clutterer/needs to have tons of stuff/expansive personality.

Our 20 year marriage has been a struggle, with me liking things orderly and spare, and him dragging stuff everywhere. Because of him, I left my beloved craftsman bungalow because he dragged in stuff.

Because of him, we need a bigger house now, as we both work at home. I would love another craftsman bungalow in a town; he would love 150 acres in the country on a dirt road with a million barns to stash things.

So we will probably compromise, but it will definitely be more in his direction.

But we both love gardening and farming, so it's worth it.

[Teacher Terry]

Tybee, it’s for that very reason that I confine my husband’s stuff to the shed, his office and one car garage. I need neatness and order. We moved into town from a fourth of a acre because we don’t want to keep moving as we age. We have a decent sized backyard and he has a small garden with 2 patios for entertaining and space for the dogs to play. When his junk exceeds his space he has to decide what to get rid of.

[NewGig]

We both have too much and bad habits. We’re working on it!

[Tybee]

Tybee, it’s for that very reason that I confine my husband’s stuff to the shed, his office and one car garage. I need neatness and order. We moved into town from a fourth of a acre because we don’t want to keep moving as we age. We have a decent sized backyard and he has a small garden with 2 patios for entertaining and space for the dogs to play. When his junk exceeds his space he has to decide what to get rid of.
Yeah, we have a shed and barn that he fills, but the stuff has also crept into other places, and eventually, I want a house begin enough to use everything we have, and then I want to get rid of the rest.

[happystuff]

We both have too much and bad habits. We’re working on it!

We do as well, but most of the time, I am the only one working on it. Time will tell...

[Tybee]

We do as well, but most of the time, I am the only one working on it. Time will tell...

My husband took a whole box of books to the Goodwill yesterday. He said he was inspired by me getting rid of stuff. So maybe there is a contagion effect, in both directions.

[Teacher Terry]

I think instead of getting a bigger house it’s better to downsize your stuff to fit where you live. As we age we need less stuff and I don’t want to leave a mess for my kids.

[happystuff]

My husband took a whole box of books to the Goodwill yesterday. He said he was inspired by me getting rid of stuff. So maybe there is a contagion effect, in both directions.

I agree. When he sees me prepping a box for a donation pickup, he will put a couple things in it.

[happystuff]

I think instead of getting a bigger house it’s better to downsize your stuff to fit where you live. As we age we need less stuff and I don’t want to leave a mess for my kids.

+100!!!!

I totally agree with this! Not only do I need less stuff - I want less stuff!