The Obnoxious Uncle Myth

[LDAHL]

It’s that time of year again where the media is full of advice on how to deal with your retrograde racist climate change denying Trump supporting sexist nationalist cis-gendered homophobic deplorable bible-clinging gun-fondling uncle at Thanksgiving. My question is do such creatures really exist? And why always uncles? Certainly there must be many nasty Aunts or cousins or in-laws who would serve just as well as strawpersons to denigrate. Why is uncle-shaming the narrative prop of choice to own, destroy or eviscerate? Are our chattering classes so void of imagination?

Maybe I’m too sensitive because I’m an Uncle myself, but even a troglodyte like me knows enough to check my avuncular privilege at the table. Are there really families that hold ideological debates over the yams?

[catherine]

I say, just enjoy the holidays. If you don't want your family at the table, don't invite them, but I suggest you do.. they are your family--sometimes that transcends politics and religion and lifestyle choices--not always, so just stop whining and enjoy the day with people who are happy to be at the table with their ken, regardless of religious or political beliefs. Lighten up. Be happy you're not eating Ramen noodles alone on Thanksgiving.

[bae]

I have an Aunt like that. My Uncle used to be like that, but he achieved a certain measure of enlightenment recently.

[LDAHL]

I say, just enjoy the holidays. If you don't want your family at the table, don't invite them, but I suggest you do.. they are your family--sometimes that transcends politics and religion and lifestyle choices--not always, so just stop whining and enjoy the day with people who are happy to be at the table with their ken, regardless of religious or political beliefs. Lighten up. Be happy you're not eating Ramen noodles alone on Thanksgiving.

Fortunately in my family political discussions mainly take the form of pothole comparisons.

[JaneV2.0]

I had a drunken, racist, sexist uncle; fortunately he's long dead.

[Tybee]

I had an uncle who was literally nuts, but I have good memories of him, too. Also one who was a war hero.

[JaneV2.0]

And I had one who was the governor of a small state. He was pleasant enough.

[pinkytoe]

I guess the stereotype comes when some people (mostly older white males) get very fixed in their beliefs and refuse to budge or hear someone else's opinion whether at the dinner table or any other place they can find to vent.

[bae]

I guess the stereotype comes when some people (mostly older white males) ...

White. Really?

[Alan]

White. Really?
Well you're really not allowed to attribute undesirable traits to any other racial or gender group are you? It's white males or nothin...

[SteveinMN]

Maybe I’m too sensitive because I’m an Uncle myself, but even a troglodyte like me knows enough to check my avuncular privilege at the table. Are there really families that hold ideological debates over the yams?
Alcohol (a few beers too many or something stronger) helps. (Or hinders, depending on your point of view.) There's a reason Bobby Moynihan's Saturday Night Live representation of the obnoxious uncle was known as Drunk Uncle.

[flowerseverywhere]

I was at a girlfriends house recently and her husband had Fox News blaring in two rooms so he would not miss anything. We were working on a volunteer task for about 2.5 hours and. I Can see why people are all riled up and angry When you listen to that stuff. Lots of conspiracy theory type accusations, insinuations and very pompous attitudes. Very indignant shouting and talking over type discussions with lots of interruptions. I Rarely watch TV news so it was particularly shocking to me.
Incidently during my exposure almost every opinion commentator was a white older male, with a few whitenlarge bosom short skirted highly made up women thrown in. It might be like that on all news stations. Who knows? I thought the aura the commentators gave off were the most interesting part of the show. Certainly could be inspiring (not in a good way) to some watchers.

[bae]

... with a few whitenlarge bosom short skirted highly made up women thrown in.

"Slut shaming"

[Ultralight]

"Slut shaming"

Is prude-shaming a thing? Just wondering.

[flowerseverywhere]

"Slut shaming"

i have no idea about their sex lives. I only saw visuals that were like Barbie and ken. It was like watching a reality show instead of a news show. The men and women bore no resemblance to anyone I ever see on the street, in a store or anywhere. There is nothing wrong with people being neat and clean, dressing up, wearing makeup. Their appearance was as overdone as their false outrage and superiority. Nothing resembling a news show.

[pinkytoe]

It has been my experience that yes it is mostly white males that are most belligerent about their beliefs.

[Ultralight]

It has been my experience that yes it is mostly white males that are most belligerent about their beliefs.

I am asking this seriously: What is the percentage of white males that you interact with compared to the various other sex/gender/racial/ethnic demographics?

For instance, if 10% of the people you interact with are white males, and they are the majority of the belligerents then that tells us something particular.

But if 75% of the people you interact with are white males, and they are the majority of the belligerents, it could be that they are only the majority of the belligerents because they are the overwhelming demographic you interact with.

Something to think about.

[ToomuchStuff]

Is prude-shaming a thing? Just wondering.

They call it middle/high school.

[pinkytoe]

What is the percentage of white males that you interact with compared to the various other sex/gender/racial/ethnic demographics?
I have no way of answering that as every day and situation is different. I have moved to a neighborhood that is predominantly Anglo, retired and conservative (not knowingly by the way). Perhaps it is age more than anything that stultifies ones attitudes and beliefs. I have noted that when the males get together they rant and rave about politics, guns etc. more than any other topic. The women don't get into those topics at all. As much as we diss the legitimacy of stereotypes, they sometimes hold more than a kernel of truth.

[catherine]

I have no way of answering that as every day and situation is different. I have moved to a neighborhood that is predominantly Anglo, retired and conservative (not knowingly by the way). Perhaps it is age more than anything that stultifies ones attitudes and beliefs. I have noted that when the males get together they rant and rave about politics, guns etc. more than any other topic. The women don't get into those topics at all. As much as we diss the legitimacy of stereotypes, they sometimes hold more than a kernel of truth.

I think the protesting is from those who formerly felt entitled to particular privileges over others. My Scottish MIL was a lifelong Presbyterian. Of course, her orientation toward Presbyteriansim was driven by her experience in Scotland, where everyone went to the local Presbyterian "kirk" and of course all those people were white Anglos. So it DROVE ME CRAZY when she would go to church once a year in the US and then complain about the people who were basically keeping the church alive by their regular presence. She complained because those people happened to be Black. The demographics had changed since she move to the US, and she didn't approve. These people didn't look like "her" people. She often said "They have their own church. Why don't they go to their own church?" (I assume she meant Southern Baptist or A.M.E.) I thought that was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard and I argued with her over that constantly. But it was her culture she was defending. "Scottish Presybeterian" meant white people of Anglo-Saxon origin. African Presbyterians? That did not compute for her.

Now that I"m older I can understand. I still think she was ridiculous, but I can understand the culture that was changing under her nose. She no longer felt a sense of belonging, even though she only availed herself of that privilege once a year.

Given the appeal of Trump to people like my husband who venerates "the old days" when a white man ruled the roost, maybe when given the opportunity in a loving supportive environment (i.e., the Thanksgiving table), they feel comfortable in speaking out (right or wrong--Rage, rage, against the dying of the light)