Feeling sorry for DD during the holidays

[pinkytoe]

I spent a lifetime conceding to the wishes of in-laws at every holiday. To this day, I regret it. I wanted to have our own little family traditions but their expectations and traditions always ruled. Now DD has married into the same family dynamic and is expected to concede to her husband's family wishes even if it means driving three hours in horrid weather to be with them at every holiday. I want to tell her - make your own lives - but I know how difficult that is when the in-laws don't even consider that an option. It just plain sucks...that this is happening again to her. I guess it's good we're so far away so she only has to deal with his side of the family.

[razz]

Perhaps, her DH will want to create individual family memories at some point. I promised my kids the gift of the freedom to choose whatever they wish to do for holidays except for our October Thanksgiving. I really value them being with me when the weather is great for driving, the harvests are in full production and lots of activities to enjoy locally. There is so much for which to be grateful.

[pinkytoe]

I think one holiday is perfectly reasonable but all of them with in-laws - NO. My experience was that if it goes on too long, you can't really break away and do your own thing.

[SteveinMN]

I think one holiday is perfectly reasonable but all of them with in-laws - NO.
Ditto. Everyone who's married into DW's family is informed that Christmas Eve belongs to that family. That's their tradition and they're sticking to it. Not like they take attendance or anything. But there's no discussion about moving the family celebration to Christmas Day, etc. and there is an implied expectation that everyone be there, weather and health permitting. My family really doesn't celebrate Christmas so I'm fine with the arrangement.

On the other hand, the family is not hidebound about celebrating Thanksgiving or Easter or other holidays; those who can make it can choose to join in -- or not. No judgment.

[catherine]

I spent a lifetime conceding to the wishes of in-laws at every holiday. To this day, I regret it. I wanted to have our own little family traditions but their expectations and traditions always ruled. Now DD has married into the same family dynamic and is expected to concede to her husband's family wishes even if it means driving three hours in horrid weather to be with them at every holiday. I want to tell her - make your own lives - but I know how difficult that is when the in-laws don't even consider that an option. It just plain sucks...that this is happening again to her. I guess it's good we're so far away so she only has to deal with his side of the family.

I truly relate, pinkytoe. Same thing happened to me--my MIL was a domineering woman, and every holiday and every vacation was spent with her. I loved her, but looking back, I see exactly what you described--my constant concessions to the in-laws at the expense of time with my mother and brothers. It's one of my life regrets, actually. My mother was very non-complaining and accepting of everything, so she never expressed any disappointment that she wasn't getting equal treatment, but I wish I had had the wisdom and courage to push back and realize that I was being "too nice" to the people it was harder to argue with.

I think you're right--you have to let it go.

Interestingly, after growing up with 3 brothers in an alcoholic home, we all wound up in the same situation. My oldest brother moved out to MN and never looked back and he actually even has that great accent now.. My middle brother married into a very strong family and absorbed into them. My youngest brother never married. It's probably an ACOA thing, somehow, in my case.

[iris lilies]

Neither my parents or my in-laws were insistent that THE Holiday would be spent with them. Certainly DH’s side of the family was stronger in the celebratory mode and there was, every year, the same ritual. But you weren’t looked down on for not attending. My MIL was understanding of different family obligations. DH’s side had lots of children and my side was barren, so the Xmas thing was a bigger deal for them.

I dislike the question “ what are you doing for the holidays? “ I know it’s weird. But every year that question takes me by surprise because it makes me think “wait, what? I have to have a PLAN?”

[Tammy]

Yes! I hate that question too. I even hate when on Monday mornings people at work say “what did you do this weekend?” I lived my life and I don’t really want to repeat it to people because it’s just a pissing contest for who had the most actively and socially amazing weekend. But I’ve learned to have a short simple friendly answer to those types of questions because it makes social interactions go smoother. I say things like “I slept 10 hours a night!“ And then they go off talking about how they get by on less sleep and they can all argue about how little sleep they can get by on ... again a pissing contest for the least sleep ... and I have successfully exited the conversation. 😄

[Teacher Terry]

Thankfully both sad sides of my family were flexible and so are we.

[Gardnr]

Pinky: what happens if you ask your daughter if you can come to her home to celebrate the holiday?

I'm sorry for her. Establishing rules is needed right up front! My Mom asked if we could alternate years for Thanksgiving/Christmas, 1 yr with my family, next year with In-laws. My sister and I do that to this day and both our parents are gone. It was a great tradition to start. The only thing that changes this routine is exhaustion or horrid roads-and we will drive through snowstorms-but not ice.

[Teacher Terry]

My parents were big believers that little kids should be home for Xmas so if anybody was traveling it was them.

[iris lilies]

I think one holiday is perfectly reasonable but all of them with in-laws - NO. My experience was that if it goes on too long, you can't really break away and do your own thing.
If you (the generic you) dont have the balls to change plans, then it is best to start out these married lifestyles floating the idea “each year we will decide what to do for each holiday. This year I decide to spend it with you, dear MIL.”

The notion that each year is a separate plan sets the groundwork for a future change.

pinkytoe, did you ever consider spending a holiday separately from your husband? If he wanted to go to your inlaws but you did not, did the two of you ever carry out separate plans?

We did that for years and are fine with it. Xmas is just another day for me,and DH being there or not being there isnt all that important. To have *A* Christmas experience might be important to me depending on the year, but it doesnt have to be on the actual day. In some years when the mood struck, We took an afternoon or a day to drive around looking at lights, or visiting a holiday decorated historic site, or etc. then had a nice dinner. Over and done. Then he could drive off thru the shitty westher, spending 8 hours on the road, to arrive at the hugely hot overly crowded and noisy farmhouse in the middle of nowhere to escape, and he could spend that time with his family who are all nice people.

Meanwhile, I stayed home and had a peaceful quiet time. Win-win.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I don't think I have much say over holidays. I don't enjoy them. They aren't mine anyway. Maybe I'd rather just work. No ahem MY family is not demanding, they don't ask anything. But other people expect to go out for chinese food on xmas and so on ..

[Simplemind]

Back when I was growing up certain Aunts had each of the holidays. They were fabulous entertainers and we wouldn't have missed a one of them. Then modern life came in and many of us (all of us actually) ended up getting divorced which meant our kids went to different sides of the family back and forth on holidays. Then remarriages etc.
It was always nuts to me that people ran around trying to spend a little time with everybody. Current DH was always of the mind that children have the holidays in their own home - no traveling. Now that all the kids are adults sometimes they want to come home and sometimes they want to host their own thing for their own friends.
So years ago we took the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, All the December birthdays) off the calendar day and chose a day where nobody had any other conflicts. It is generally the first Saturday of December but this year it is today. We have a huge potluck and play card and board games. It is very laid back in that we don't exchange gifts anymore either. So it is all about food (which is a shared responsibility) and fun. Everybody is happy.

[Yppej]

My mother is like this the only exception being if you are legally married you get to alternate the holidays. I had a boyfriend once who went with me to my parents for Thanksgiving. His family had a big reunion in Texas but he could not attend. He called there and my mother got all upset saying he was being rude and the holiday should have been all our family and not even a call to his.

My DB and SIL are out and got a real good deal on tickets, less than $100 for both of them, and she is insisting on giving them hundreds of dollars for travel expenses that they never asked for. Her mother did the same thing - pressure to come see her and bribe/reward money when you do. My son will no longer go to his grandmother's or take gifts from her due to this dynamic.

[iris lilies]

Simplemind, that sounds like a perfect family celebration!

[iris lilies]

All of my blathering on this thread doesnt recognize that DH and I had one of the CHRISTMAS DOYENNES as a friend, someone who was as bad as a Mother in Law with her outsize expectations of when the holiday must be experienced and how it must be experienced. It was really too much some years.

But other years it was fine. And we never had to drive through snow to get there, just trudge four doorsteps away.

It yes, the expectations of obligatory behavior ramp up this time of year.

[Tybee]

Back when I was growing up certain Aunts had each of the holidays. They were fabulous entertainers and we wouldn't have missed a one of them. Then modern life came in and many of us (all of us actually) ended up getting divorced which meant our kids went to different sides of the family back and forth on holidays. Then remarriages etc.
It was always nuts to me that people ran around trying to spend a little time with everybody. Current DH was always of the mind that children have the holidays in their own home - no traveling. Now that all the kids are adults sometimes they want to come home and sometimes they want to host their own thing for their own friends.
So years ago we took the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, All the December birthdays) off the calendar day and chose a day where nobody had any other conflicts. It is generally the first Saturday of December but this year it is today. We have a huge potluck and play card and board games. It is very laid back in that we don't exchange gifts anymore either. So it is all about food (which is a shared responsibility) and fun. Everybody is happy.

That sounds so nice!!

[Gardnr]

We didn't have kids. We were never "allowed" to host holidays. After 40 years, I suspect that there is an expectation that we will carry the torch with that generation approaching 80. no thanks! We are soooo OVER hosting-not interested. We shall see what happens in the coming years.

There have been times my sister/BIL/2 kids didn't feel like traveling to our family. So she'd host us (she's horribly allergic to cats and I have 2), and we would do a very low-key meal/hang out/do puzzles in their home. Wonderful leisurely day.

1 year they were so pooped, we all went to our cabin for 3 days for Thanksgiving. We had a wonderful time. Cooked a simple dinner, stayed in jammies all day. Watched some football, did some puzzling, chatted and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. I would say this is one of my most memorable family holidays since burying both parents.

[Simplemind]

I went to the grocery store this morning to buy the items for my part of the potluck tonight. So many people were shopping and looking strained. As I was going out this gal was coming in looking like her hair was on fire. There were no carts left so I offered her mine saying it was dry and had no wonky wheels. She burst into tears. I asked if she was OK and she said she wasn't. She had a terrible cold but couldn't get out of her family obligations and what they demanded she cook. She had so much to do cleaning and decorating and no help to do it. Gave her a hug a cough drop and some Purell. Oh honey...………… you are doing it wrong.
For us Thanksgiving is the Saturday after and we usually do our December dinner the first weekend in December but DH was sick with a cold so it moved to today which is also our Anniversary. BUT, if it hadn't worked we would have moved it to any other date, even into January. We are so not into stressing. If I was that poor woman I would be going on strike. No wonder so many are soooooooo crabby. I hope my wonderful Aunts from all holidays past never harbored those feelings. If they did they never said a word. My mom hated entertaining and expected us over there days and the day before doing all of the cleaning, decorating and a lot of the cooking.

[sweetana3]

Way too many people without boundaries. I always wonder what is held over their heads so they fulfill someone else's demands?

Maybe we lived too far from all our relatives. We simply told them no traveling over the holidays since it was way too stressful. We visited at other times of the year when driving was not so dangerous.

Change the "traditions". Serve a simple brunch or serve yourself something like a chili bar etc. If you have a tree, let the kids decorate and live with what they do. Stop the madness of trying to be magazine perfect. Choose alternate years to visit houses. So many options out there to simplify.

But the basic thing always seems to come down to boundaries. Once you are an adult, you truly are allowed to make your own choices.

[pinkytoe]

Every time I think about moving back so I can know my grand children a bit better, I think about how strained things would be with DD's in-laws calling the shots. They are now buying another house a few miles away from DD and family so their presence will probably be a weekly thing.

[iris lilies]

Every time I think about moving back so I can know my grand children a bit better, I think about how strained things would be with DD's in-laws calling the shots. They are now buying another house a few miles away from DD and family so their presence will probably be a weekly thing.


Thats good because that saves your daughter packing up her kids and driving 3 hours for holidays.

I will bet she could say she wants her children in their own home for christmas and birthday celebrations and etc, and Her expectation will ne honored. She Might have to out up with a mother in law in the mix, but that is far better than schlepping kids and equipment around in winter.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I was just in a bad mood when I replied to this thread. With me it's more my bf never takes time off work, but since the company he works for shuts down over the holidays he has some, but what do you know his family scheduling stuff then. And I'll what wait another year for next years holidays for him to have any time off (now that I have a full time job I have vacation time, not generous and I need to save some for sick but nontheless).

Just unfortunate we never get to take a vacation together etc.. Better for the planet anyway I suppose, doing the right thing here :~), but I wasn't even thinking I must fly around the world, I'd settle for going somewhere in state, would be perfectly fine, a two hour train trip might be nice, an extra staycation just the two of us, would be an improvement ... you get the idea, it's just work without breaks and I'll take my vacation days alone.

[iris lilies]

Way too many people without boundaries. I always wonder what is held over their heads so they fulfill someone else's demands?

Maybe we lived too far from all our relatives. We simply told them no traveling over the holidays since it was way too stressful. We visited at other times of the year when driving was not so dangerous.

Change the "traditions". Serve a simple brunch or serve yourself something like a chili bar etc. If you have a tree, let the kids decorate and live with what they do. Stop the madness of trying to be magazine perfect. Choose alternate years to visit houses. So many options out there to simplify.

But the basic thing always seems to come down to boundaries. Once you are an adult, you truly are allowed to make your own choices.
Oh yes! So much so.

But people will not be able to resist telling you they are “hurt.” And that is ok because setting boundaries DOES in fact “hurt” people, or they say it does. Personally, I think these people too often confuse disappointment with “hurt.”

so in pulling back from Holiday expectations we must be prepared to hear about the “hurt” of others. That is anathema for most.

[Teacher Terry]

APN, it sounds like your BF doesn’t have good boundaries because it’s ridiculous that you two never take a vacation.

[SteveinMN]

APN, it sounds like your BF doesn’t have good boundaries because it’s ridiculous that you two never take a vacation.
Yeah, boundaries or priorities. APN and BF have been together long enough that they could take at least some time (if not all of it) for their own celebration. Why should she constantly play second fiddle to his family?

[iris lilies]

Yeah, boundaries or priorities. APN and BF have been together long enough that they could take at least some time (if not all of it) for their own celebration. Why should she constantly play second fiddle to his family?
I agree that if it is true

1) the only time extended time off the bf has is at holiday time

2) he spends that time with his family

3) ANM would like the two of them to go out off town together

Then bf should compromise on point 1 or 2 now and then.APN is perfectly reasonable in her expectations.

I once had a boyfriend who started out with a warning he took all holidays to go hiking and biking and mountaineering and etc. Dont expect him to be around during holidays! Dont make plans with him!

Little did he know that I relished the idea of being off from work and being totally and blissfully, alone, responsible for no one. Not having to talk to anyone for 3 days was my jam.

it was a good match and besides, he spent a fair amount of time hanging around during holidays anyway, as it turned out. We didnt live together, that would have been too much togetherness for me.

[JaneV2.0]

Life is short, ANM; you need to have a loving conversation with your SO now, while you have a modicum of youth and health left.

As has been said many times--no one says, as they lie dying "I wish I had spent more time at the office." At least, no one sane.

Iris Lily, I couldn't agree more about time by oneself. But I don't think I've ever been attracted to a jock/rock climber/mountain biker--not, as you would say "my jam." I prefer indoor types, by far.

[catherine]

So, family dynamics are SO weird.. here's my situation for this Christmas which ties in with this thread's theme of the family holiday tug-of-war:

We WERE going to go to NJ in December, stay through Jan and Feb. Well, as it turns out, I went to Japan for 11 days of December. Came back and had serious jet lag, and just was feeling overwhelmed about getting the house in order before we left, plus getting Christmas presents, finishing up 3 projects before the end of the year, etc etc. Plus DS#3 was going to be alone, because DS#2 is spending days with his inlaws, and DD#2 is spending days with her in-laws-to-be.

So DH and I weighed the pros and cons and decided to postpone going to NJ until after Christmas. It would give me time to get everything done I have to do, DH could have a procedure he undergoes every couple of months up here at UVM, where they do a great job, and DS#3 won't be alone.

I told DS#1 (the NJ son) and he was very understanding.. he was going to his in-laws anyway, and we'll see each other for two months etc etc.

Well, today, DS#3 called DS#1 just to say hi, and DS#1 gave him the cold shoulder: "I hear Mom and Dad are staying in Vermont because of you. That just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I'll call you later." (Hangs up).

I was so surprised. Staying for DS#3 was certainly not the only reason we were staying--there were the other reasons. But I got to thinking that maybe DS#1 misses us more than he's let on?? He has sent me some very sentimental texts recently, which were so nice, but maybe--could it be?--he misses us. Or he's concerned we're being martyrs and sacrificing our wishes for DS#3, but not so. DS#3 said several times he was at peace with being alone on Christmas.

Oh, well. This is our big transitional year, and things were bound to crack a little. I guess DH and I better get through Christmas and DH's procedure and get to NJ asap.

[razz]

Coming back from Japan is a mean jet-lag. i don't usually have a problem but did for that trip.

As you work through the issues with kids and in-laws/outlaws, know that you cannot please everyone all the time. You will go nuts trying.
May I very humbly suggest that you and DH decide what is honestly important to the two of you, ask the family to work with you on this approach and help you make it happen.

If you don't know what you want, the kids et al will be confused and struggling to understand with hurt feelings very likely.

[Teacher Terry]

Catherine, wasn’t it DS 1 that said they weren’t spending Xmas with you guys? I find this very confusing.

[catherine]

Catherine, wasn’t it DS 1 that said they weren’t spending Xmas with you guys? I find this very confusing.

Yes, you're right--and then they changed their minds. But they didn't tell us that until last week. So I really don't know what's going on in DS's mind.

[Gardnr]

I always come back to this: "We teach people how to treat us". Great relationships are negotiated. Constant acquiescence to 1 partner's demands is servitude IMO. If tolerated, it is the norm. Can't complain about something we allow.

People like to say it's not that simple....but in fact, it is. Communicate communicate communicate.

[frugal-one]

I always come back to this: "We teach people how to treat us". Great relationships are negotiated. Constant acquiescence to 1 partner's demands is servitude IMO. If tolerated, it is the norm. Can't complain about something we allow.

People like to say it's not that simple....but in fact, it is. Communicate communicate communicate.

Not necessarily true. I'm sure we discussed this before.

[Teacher Terry]

Too bad too sad for them. Hopefully next year you can all pick one day to celebrate in Jersey. Frugal, yes sometimes teaching people how to treat you ends up to you being alienated. Really difficult with kids and spouses.

[sweetana3]

Kids, spouses, inlaws, parents, blended families....... Friends of ours can have 3-4 sets of parents due to remarriage to try and placate. Only works to compromise. One family we are especially close with has three boys with three spouses and 3 set of inlaws. One of the spouises has parents who have remarried and two of the sons live a long drive away with one 3 hours and one 6 hours. And they have inlaws also who do not live close.

This couple alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas each year with the inlaws. This year, the kids are spending it with the inlaws. No one gets everything and at least for the 3 sons, there are no arguments.
.

[SiouzQ.]

Since neither K or I have family anywhere nearby by, for the second year in a row we are going to go up to Ojo Caliente Hot Springs and soak all Christmas Day and eat a turkey and trimming dinner in the restaurant. Of course it is not very busy that day. We have such opposite work schedules that we rarely get days off together so this is a super win-win for both of us!

Back in Michigan when I worked at Wholefoods, it was the only day out of the year the store was closed and by then, I was cpmpletely exhausted from working. All I really wanted to do was stay home and be by myself that day but alas I was the one that usually needed to drive my mom up to Flint to have Xmas with my sister and her family. There may have been one year where I did bow out and stayed home for my sanity!

[razz]

Wishing you, SQ and K ,a wonderful time to relax and enjoy each other's company.

[Gardnr]

Not necessarily true. I'm sure we discussed this before.

It makes me super sad that you would write it off rather than have a discussion with her about communicating for a healthy relationship rather than a life of taking the backseat.

[frugal-one]

It makes me super sad that you would write it off rather than have a discussion with her about communicating for a healthy relationship rather than a life of taking the backseat.

Not sure what you mean by this. But, there are times when people are going to try and treat you whatever way they feel. You have a choice to either accept it or terminate the relationship. We don't necessarily train people how to treat us. There are times when you can bulk up all you want and it doesn't matter... ie narcissistic people are many times clueless. You obviously have not had these types of people in your life so cannot understand how to deal with them.

[Teacher Terry]

Frugal, trying to have a honest conversation with someone like this is like banging your head against the wall. My brother was married to one. Nothing works so you either get abused or terminate the relationship after lots of trying and talks. People that have never experienced this are lucky.

[iris lilies]

It makes me super sad that you would write it off rather than have a discussion with her about communicating for a healthy relationship rather than a life of taking the backseat.

In general, we can’t expect to have meaningful conversations about healthy relationships when one party has no interest in a healthy relationship.

Effective communication assumes sincere intentions. Liars aren’t sincere.

[Simone]

Since neither K or I have family anywhere nearby by, for the second year in a row we are going to go up to Ojo Caliente Hot Springs and soak all Christmas Day and eat a turkey and trimming dinner in the restaurant.



Oh, do I love Ojo Caliente! Have visited there three times beginning about 45 years ago. It has changed pretty dramatically, but the baths are still sublime! Hope you had a wonderful time.

[flowerseverywhere]

In general, we can’t expect to have meaningful conversations about healthy relationships when one party has no interest in a healthy relationship.

Effective communication assumes sincere intentions. Liars aren’t sincere.

”liars aren’t sincere”. Never a truer statement.

We established early on our kids were staying staying home for Christmas. They got over it.
Now that my kids are married we often spend quiet times at home. The one child with kids works around DIL family because there are lots of cousins near their age who all travel home. We have no problem with that. Who wants to spend Christmas with two old (and sometimes crabby) people instead of a bunch of kids from 3-11 who are having a blast?

This year we spent actual Christmas with a part of the family who are the biggest drinkers. We hadn’t spent a holiday with them for several years. They were constantly trying to get us to have Baileys, wine, beer and various mixed drinks. They all looked and acted like bloated alcoholics and started in the morning drinking. It held no appeal to me. I could care less what they wanted me to do. I took some lovely long walks, helped in the kitchen but only ate and drank what I wanted and was even passive-aggressively mocked because I eat nothing with sugar and no processed carbs. Too bad. It was their problem not mine. If they all want to be on BP/cholesterol/diabetes medication in part due to their habits it is their choice.

Our society makes ales way too much hoopla about holidays. Like the Norman Rockwell painting of the patriarch bringing in a perfectly cooked turkey and with everyone perfect weight, perfectly dressed and nobody drunk or misbehaving. Rarely happens.

[pinkytoe]

As it turned out, every family member who gathered at DD's house for the holiday came down with a stomach bug. Good thing we stayed home.

[kib]

Way too many people without boundaries. I always wonder what is held over their heads so they fulfill someone else's demands?

Maybe we lived too far from all our relatives. We simply told them no traveling over the holidays since it was way too stressful. We visited at other times of the year when driving was not so dangerous.

Change the "traditions". Serve a simple brunch or serve yourself something like a chili bar etc. If you have a tree, let the kids decorate and live with what they do. Stop the madness of trying to be magazine perfect. Choose alternate years to visit houses. So many options out there to simplify.

But the basic thing always seems to come down to boundaries. Once you are an adult, you truly are allowed to make your own choices.My armchair psychology >8) ... for some of us, the parental technique used for control was, "do this or I don't love you." It might even have been true, because some people don't seem capable of loving outside of performance-based approval, or their need for supporting their personal world view is so great that they are, frankly, a bit sociopathic in terms of anyone else's needs or reality.

As an adult you can and should certainly strive to develop your own boundaries, but if the person you express these boundaries toward simply doesn't evolve, then they truly believe you don't love them when you go your own way, no matter how careful you might be to reassure them that you do. "Obviously" you don't, because you no longer care about the performance they rely on enough to put them first.

So, those of us with parents like this aren't "allowed" to make our own choices, whether we're five or sixty five. I mean of course we do anyway, or at least we try, but it is with the knowledge that we are deeply disappointing the people we want to hold dear, and the fact that their hatred, despair, rage or disgust is irrational and unfair isn't that much consolation.

ETA: for people in that position, this can evolve into feeling that way about Everyone. Basically, "no one cares about me unless I do what they want" is plastered over every relationship, because that's what we understand love to be. Which makes for a lot of frustration and resentment about "demands" that may be no more than offhand comments. - and yes, therapy helps. ;)

[dado potato]

This is an interesting and many-faceted discussion.


I would chime in to agree with Gardnr that within families holiday plans are generally negotiable. Now, some tactics for negotiation may fail, and new tactics may be called for. Also, one's opening position in negotiation may elicit a response such as: "Oh, I am hurt!", or "Who do you think you are?", or some other obstinate protest. Still and all, people can negotiate changes.

[iris lilies]

As it turned out, every family member who gathered at DD's house for the holiday came down with a stomach bug. Good thing we stayed home.
A year ago I went to my father in law’s funeral and stayed some hours each day in the family’s overheated farmhouse in close proximity to 25 people including snotty nosed toddlers.

Both DH and I got sick from that event. We have been sick off and on the rest of the year. I think at some point I will go to the doctor. The viruses that keep coming up exacerbate allergies, and my respiratory situation is not improving.