Thoughts on missing one's family [Archive]

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pinkytoe

4-23-20, 12:41pm

This morning, I made the mistake of making my weekly Facebook look see and kind of lost it. There was the other grandparents holding our grand-twins all with big smiles on their faces as if on vacation. They live close by to them. First I am thinking will I even live to see my grandchildren again and second, isn't there supposed to be some distancing going on? And then I am thinking, how lucky are those kids to be so loved and cherished. In any case, lots of mixed emotions during this time but I know I am not alone having desperate thoughts.

catherine

4-23-20, 12:58pm

So sorry, pinkytoe.

If it's any consolation, I have not seen my grandkids either, and they're only 35 minutes away. We are sticking to social distancing and we're taking it all a day at a time. I feel bad that my sons/DILs are trying to work full time and parent simultaneously at home, and I can't help them! So frustrating.

FWIW, regarding FB pictures of grandkids, my DIL, the cybersecurity expert, has trained me well that it is not necessarily a good idea to put pictures of your kids/grandkids on Facebook. So I can ignore feelings of envy when I see pics of grandparents/kids by diverting my thoughts to "You shouldn't be invading your grandchildren's privacy like this!" Maybe not the most mature coping strategy... :)

You will see them eventually, I'm sure of it. This whole thing seems like a long slog into the unknown, but I think it won't be long before we're back to normal.

Teacher Terry

4-23-20, 1:22pm

So sorry PT. After a month we are getting together with my kids because none of us is going anywhere so decided it’s safe. If they are all working from home they might think the same.

Tybee

4-23-20, 2:33pm

razz

4-23-20, 2:42pm

The grandkids are so special when they are little but you will get to see them and share. Facetime can always be a special time with them so savour it.

JaneV2.0

4-23-20, 2:55pm

Is that house still up for sale?

Tybee

4-23-20, 3:08pm

Is that house still up for sale?
+1

saguaro

4-23-20, 3:22pm

Talked a friend the other day who is missing her grands, she was so hoping to travel to see them all next month. She just does Facetime and says that she will cover them with kisses when she sees them.

And to echo @Catherine's post about privacy concerns putting kids/grandkids photos on Facebook, yes, it is not a good idea. I honestly cringe when I see my niece posting everything about her kids on FB. I actually agree with her coping strategy btw.

SteveinMN

4-23-20, 4:30pm

If it's any consolation, I have not seen my grandkids either, and they're only 35 minutes away. We are sticking to social distancing and we're taking it all a day at a time. I feel bad that my sons/DILs are trying to work full time and parent simultaneously at home, and I can't help them! So frustrating.
We also have not been to our daughter's/grandkids place since stay-at-home started -- and we live closer than any of the other grandparents. DSiL's mother has been at their house one or two days each week since she was furloughed from her job. But DD and DSiL have just too many people trooping in and out of their house for our comfort level and pre-existing conditions. Still, it hurts to miss out on the grandkids and they have only the fuzziest idea of why we're social distancing and the other grandma is not.

I did ask DD last week if the kids would be interested in singing "Happy Birthday" to Grandma on her birthday; I thought it would be a video chat. But DD suggested she bring them over and they could stand on our lawn and sing from an appropriate distance. OK. I told DW. She had purchased a bunch of plastic eggs for the kids for Easter, so we filled those before the grandkids came over and set them on the front lawn for a post-Easter hunt. The kids loved it. They played with sidewalk chalk while we looked on from a distance and chatted with DD. Then they sang "Happy Birthday". It was a nice outing. Nothing like interacting with them fully but much better than another attempt at video. Fortunately, we're close enough to make that work. But unless we think of something like that again, it may be a while until we see them in person again. I'm sure it's rough on the kids, too. My heart goes out to you all missing your kids and grandkids.

Damn virus....

Sonora Shepherd

4-23-20, 10:53pm

Virus is tearing our family apart because daughter and her husband aren't taking it seriously, are not distancing, still think it might be a "hoax" and think we are paying too much attention to mainstream media. They are grandparents to a five month old darling baby boy so it is hard for them. Can't seem to make them understand how the virus moves from person to person. They have told me they are living in the real world and we are living in the media world. I don't get it. Am just dumbfounded. Has anyone else had this happen and what do you do? This has us wondering if we want them to be making health decisions for us later. We are 78 and 82 and we are wondering what to do now. They are 1800 miles away and we are very healthy, so right now we are just quarantining. I can tell you this has blown a hole in us.

Teacher Terry

4-24-20, 12:58am

Sorry SS. I wouldn’t want them making health decisions. I had the talk with my husband and kids that I don’t want to be on a ventilator. All of them said I have no choice as they will choose it. Ugh!

dado potato

4-24-20, 2:11am

. We are 78 and 82 and we are wondering what to do now.

I say, take all sensible precautions. My wife and I are in our 70s, and all plans for family in-person contact are on indefinite hold. 2 people in the household, but we have a variety of ways of safely reaching out and maintaining relationships with people we know and like.

I don't expect to change the boundaries on social contact until either
-- there is a vaccine and people are taking it, or
-- the 14-day moving average number of people newly testing positive in my state declines over a 30-day interval. (I get the data daily from the website of the health department in my state, so I would not accept a suggestion that I have been duped by a media hoax.)

FWIW, there is an old song, Don't Give Up The Ship
from the film Shipmates Forever (Warren, Dubin, Beeker, 1935)

rosarugosa

4-24-20, 6:39am

Steve: On one of our recent walks, we passed a house where there were little kids inside the house/storm door which had a tic-tac-toe grid taped out on it, and what appeared to be the grandparents outside playing with them using erasable markers. That looked like kind of a neat way to play together safely. Not perfect, but something.

SteveinMN

4-24-20, 9:52am

grandparents outside playing with them using erasable markers
Oh, good idea. Thanks, rosa! One idea we had was a treasure hunt -- mostly a riff on the Easter egg idea -- the kids would have to find things on a list we gave them (the older one could have to work a little more to find her items ;)). We could do that at their house or ours.

I could ask DW to drift into Pinterest to see if others have ideas, too. For me, the reality that this will not be "just a few more weeks" compels some different thoughts about how to make life more like it was (it will never again be just like it was). That grandparent-grandchild relationship is important; we want to find some way of preserving it.

Tybee

4-24-20, 9:55am

Steve, we played Hang Man with our 7 year old grandson on Face Time. He was too good on tic tac toe and we all decided to try Hang Man. I did the drawings and he guessed the words but we could have done it the other way, with a big piece of paper on the table and then we pointed the camera at it.

Tammy

4-24-20, 11:43am

Yes I miss my grandsons a lot. It’s difficult. They’re 6 and 13. We have zoom meetings on Saturdays with them and our 3 grown kids and their spouses. Between us all we live in 4 different cities, 3 different states, and 2 different countries. This may be how we see each other for a long time into the future.

SteveinMN

4-24-20, 1:01pm

Thanks, Tybee. Don't know if the 4-1/2 yo is up to Hangman, but there must be some game like that we can play. Good idea!

And it might help to rig up a stand/holder for the phone/iPad (on both ends; one complication is having to have one of the parents involved because they [understandably] don't want to just hand their smartphone to their toddlers.)

Tybee

4-24-20, 1:04pm

With the 4 1/2 year old, you could draw something in stages and see how quickly they can guess what you are drawing.

Like start with a circle.

Then add whiskers-- keep adding ears, etc, body, tail--til they guess cat.

But if they guess early, then keep drawing cat to show them how smart they are, that they guessed with so little information.

SteveinMN

4-24-20, 1:10pm

With the 4 1/2 year old, you could draw something in stages and see how quickly they can guess what you are drawing.
Uh-oh ... now I need to take drawing lessons! :)

Kidding -- that's a good idea, too. Must think about how to set that up...