Birth order of kids?

[jp1]

I'm not especially concerned about this topic, but since Pocket recommended this article to me I figured I'd start a discussion somewhat less controversial than anything to do with current events just because.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/does-birth-order-affect-personality/

So what does everyone think? Does your family's experience line up with the studies? In my family I definitely perceive my 4 year older sister to be slightly smarter than I am and also more confident, driven, and focused on achievement and success. However, as we've gotten older and more mature and more willing to share our deeper thoughts about life, the universe, and everything, I question whether she's actually more smart and confident or whether I just took it for granted that she was because she was older than me and had a lot of confidence.

One of the other things that rang true to me from the article was the difference in the way parents treat their kids growing up because each kid is different. My sister was the pushy one who insisted that her way was the right way. If she wanted to do rebellious things that my parents didn't approve of she made sure they knew she was doing them and got punished accordingly. If I wanted to do the same things I tended to hide my actions from my parents and either they never knew or they were happy to look the other way because I wasn't throwing it in their face. (minor amateur hour drinking in high school (a couple of beers, which was actually legal at the time for 18 year olds in our state, but which our parents had forbidden) as an example. Or missing curfew. I'd lie and say I had to work at my restaurant job if I was going to hang out with friends and didn't want to be constrained by the curfew. My sister would just come home past curfew.) Because I didn't stir the pot, and was still getting good grades, I slid through teenagehood without a lot of parental drama even though I was doing exactly the same things my sister had done before me.

[iris lilies]

ELdest children are superior.Both DH and I agree with that.

[Alan]

I agree with Iris, both my wife and I were eldest children with me being the eldest of 5 and she the eldest of 3. My personal theory is that parents of multiple children often start out with high expectations for their children but then get worn down over time. My younger brothers got away with things I never could, and as they grew into adulthood it showed.

[catherine]

I came from a family with four children and I had four children myself, so I can compare the two.

I have a unique birth order situation because I'm technically the first born, but I'm not the oldest because when I was 1 years old, my first cousin became an orphan and my parents adopted him--he was 6 at the time. So, he's the oldest but I'm the first-born. I do have traits of the first-born, and so does he--but he was a far more rebellious child than I was (the goody-two-shoes).

In my own family, my eldest acted like my brother--high achiever with a bold dash of rebellion. He wasn't a quiet achiever by a long shot. He was a golfer, a singer, a soccer goalie. He went off on his own at 18 after dropping out of HS at 16. We have more stories of his "luck" (really meaning "pluck") that are outlandish and funny. There's no one like him. He's been arrested for minor mischievous acts and he was the valedictorian of his college. He is a wind-up toy. I get exhausted just hearing what he does each day.

As a parent, yes, I've always said each of my children had different sets of parents: Our first had anxious, clueless parents; our 2nd had more relaxed parents, our 3rd had parents who adored and revelled in the baby stage, and our 4th had surprised parents. She's the one who had to make it in life with 3 older brothers and distracted parents. I'm sure that where we were in our lives during the time they were born definitely shaped who they are.

[Tradd]

I’m the eldest, but only by 20 months. I was definitely the more responsible one. My brother was often on the edge of getting in trouble with the law. He was lazy and really something was missing upstairs. I definitely got the smarts in the family. I graduated from college. He didn’t even go to trade school when that option was offered. Brother was irresponsible.

[iris lilies]

My brother and I are nine years apart so he definitely had different parents and a different family experience. Our parents were already mature —our mother was 30 —when they had me so they were 40s when they had him. Yeah they were more tired that’s for sure.

I’m sure I am forever looming in his mind as the smart accomplished older sister merely because I was light years ahead of him for so long.

But my brother is perfectly smart and is a solid citizen. We are remarkably alike in many ways. He was politically conservative long before I saw the light.

He is a cat man. The current picture of him on his Facebook page has him standing holding an armfull of cats, three of them, all squirming and unhappy.

I am also the eldest of my cousin-group, our clique of 7.

[SteveinMN]

There certainly are a lot of first-borns here (me, too). I wonder if that holds up beyond us initial posters?

My experience across my own family, our daughter's family, and others reflects Alan's experience. DW and I often joke that, with the differences in the way granddaughters #1 and #2 have been raised, if our daughter has a third child, it will be given a lean-to outside the back door and expected to fend for itself. No wipe-warmers and "Swoosh" baby shoes for that one!

Probably should mention that my sister is much like me but was treated differently because girl; our younger brother is a totally different personality type and got the most hands-off treatment of us all.

[Teacher Terry]

I am the youngest of 3. My sister the oldest has a 165 IQ so definitely the smartest. She openly rebelled. My brother and I learned what not to do and got away with things while also doing well in school. Being the youngest I had it the easiest. My oldest is from my first marriage and was smart and easy kid. The next 2 from my second marriage were horrible teens. My youngest is smart and turned out fine.

[JaneV2.0]

My mother gave birth to me at 30, and her next child came ten years later. I grew up feeling like I was living in the wrong end of a microscope; to this day, I hate feeling watched.

[iris lilies]

My mother gave birth to me at 30, and her next child came ten years later. I grew up feeling like I was living in the wrong end of a microscope; to this day, I hate feeling watched.
hunh. Well that is weird, our birth order stories so similar.

When I was 10 Years old I very much resented my brother being born. But as I headed towards adulthood, I appreciated how great it was to have someone else taking our parents’ laser focus off me and directing it someplace else.

[pinkytoe]

My parents had 4 kids but in two sets. First set four years apart. Second set born starting seven years later and six years apart. So I was one girl out of three boys and my eldest brother is 11 years older than me. He went on to get a PhD in Physics and ultimately became a venture capitalist in the science world, ie he was brilliant. Youngest (my baby brother) was very spoiled and still hadn't figured out how to make a living when he died at 31. It is interesting that with my identical grand-twins that one is clearly the boss. I think there are probably many overarching things that affect children besides birth order - divorce, trauma, development during fetal stage etc. For example, I find it hard to relate to other women sometimes and I think it has to do with never having a sister. I am more comfortable with males.

[jp1]

When I was 10 Years old I very much resented my brother being born.

I wonder how common that is. My sister resented me as well. So much so that she ran away from home with the intention of going to live with our favorite aunt. Two hundred miles away in Kansas. She had gotten several blocks, in the right direction, before someone stopped her and brought her home.

[iris lilies]

I wonder how common that is. My sister resented me as well. So much so that she ran away from home with the intention of going to live with our favorite aunt. Two hundred miles away in Kansas. She had gotten several blocks, in the right direction, before someone stopped her and brought her home.
That is a cute story.:)

[Tammy]

At age 13 I was so thrilled to get my baby sister. I loved caring for her. She was a premie and required frequent feedings, didn’t sleep much, etc. I didn’t get up with her night, but I did all sorts of caring for her when I was awake. I absolutely loved it.

It’s funny how differently we react to forced change in our childhood lives.

[rosarugosa]

I am the "big sister," and 5 years older than my "little sister" (who is actually bigger than me). I was so excited when she was born. My family definitely did something right with this dynamic because I totally shared the excitement that we were having a baby! I tell my sister she is the only person I loved even before she was born! She was born with a cleft lip and palate, so there were lots of early precautions about keeping other kids and germs away, and I was completely onboard with what we needed to do to protect my baby sister. We went through our trials and tribulations as kids and grew apart at certain points in our lives, but we are the best of friends as adults.
As far as personality traits go, I am somewhat more studious, bossy/decisive, analytical. Sis is more the type who decides with her heart (and these decisions often don't go well), and would give you the shirt off her back. I was the rebel in our teen years and made no secret of any of my bad behaviors: sex & drugs & rock & roll - bring it on! Don't even THINK about trying to tell me what to do!

[JaneV2.0]

...I was the rebel in our teen years and made no secret of any of my bad behaviors: sex & drugs & rock & roll - bring it on! Don't even THINK about trying to tell me what to do!

Haha! Yeah, I share that trait in spades.

[Simplemind]

I'm the oldest. My sister came four years after me an my brother four years after her. I have all the first born traits and I'm told I was less than thrilled when my sister came. Although we get along now we didn't jell well as kids. Mom was very harsh on me and my sis was her little buddy. I always got along well with my brother both as children and as adults. We get along great and have the same sense of humor and laugh our asses off. A few years ago my sister and I had a heart to heart (which I had to really lean on her to get) and she told me how much she resented me and my brother. She said she always felt overwhelmed and shut out by us. I was shocked and knew my brother would be too. Neither of us has any negative feelings towards her and our get togethers have always been inclusive. She is a stuffer and has to be beyond miserable before she will advocate for herself.
My mom was very heavy handed with me. I joke that I spent my childhood under the eye of Sauron. I am pretty driven and consider myself the most successful. Conservative in most my decisions in life but pretty free spirited with my kid because I wanted to give him a different experience than I had. My sister and brother relied heavily on our parents in both child and adulthood for emotional and financial support. Once out of the house I made my own way and maintained my independence. I think that saved me much of the heartache when our family kind of imploded at the end of our parents lives and I ended up taking care of everything. I won't say I was less emotional, just much more capable of putting "the feels" to the side while making difficult decisions and putting them in motion.

[pinkytoe]

I think a lot of teachers must have been first borns, ie bossy.

[JaneV2.0]

I was really excited to have a sibling until they arrived. :devil:

[iris lilies]

I was really excited to have a sibling until they arrived. :devil:

The screaming toddler tantrums contributed greatly, I suppose, to my lack of interest in reproducing. Now, I think toddlers are funny as hell but only because I’ve lived with bulldogs for decades and the two of them are rather alike. They are both self-centered and manipulative in getting what they want, but they adore you and think you are God.

[JaneV2.0]

Yeah--there were many, many reasons I chose not to reproduce. Screaming toddlers being one of them (my poor sibling had an allergy to formula, so screamed for their first several months on earth. I think that set the tone.)

[jp1]

Since I went to the same schools as my sister had I routinely had the same teachers and often was told "Oh, you're AP's younger brother." Then when I was a freshman in high school the band teacher had a student teacher from the same university where my sister was also a music major. She came home from some university concert that semester annoyed because she had met him and he had said to her "Oh! You're JP's older sister!" :D