DNA tests

[iris lilies]

Oy.

don’t do them if you are not prepared to accept some results that may be an unwelcome surprise.


Maybe I have a half brother. I’m in the process of doing further investigation. Consensus of everyone who has seen three photos of this guy is he looks like my dad. I concur.

More to follow.

[catherine]

Holy cow, IL, yes, keep us posted! Have a glass of wine first!!

[razz]

I read and hear of so many who have taken this DNA tests with some surprises arising. Some discoveries were welcome, some not by any of the parties. Since I am part-mutt with some of mother's side foundling infants left at a church during a war, I don't want to be surprised or know.

Not knowing how accurate these tests really are, it it possible that the mystery sibling might be a cousin rather than a half-brother?

[JaneV2.0]

What do they say--one quarter of people who take a DNA test get a startling result? I forget the exact figure.
But how interesting...

[ApatheticNoMore]

I found out recently through mere family history tracing on Ancestry (not DNA) that my aunt was my grandmother. I knew this person and saw them fairly regularly growing up as they were local, but never knew them as grandmother. They took it to THEIR grave. My dad took it to HIS grave. And this in a family where I knew my history (though not going back forever, with immigrants from many places you CAN'T trace that far back) and was raised deeply in what I thought was my history. Who knows and when did they know? Not always I don't think.

I always sensed secrets though, so many secrets, so many of the endless dark corners that are childhood. I'd imagine affairs and so on that probably DID NOT happen (though one never knows for sure, until they find a half brother I guess) just out of sensing a secrecy I could never penetrate. I'd get so far in asking questions and hit the wall of secrets beyond which one could not go.

I'd love to find half siblings at this point though, it would be cool to have more relatives out there (ha maybe even if I met them and didn't even like them).

I thought the problem might be DNA and finding health issues, yea that's what I'm curious about and what I would fear.

[catherine]

When I did my DNA, what struck me was who they identified as "1st cousins." One was my brother, who was orphaned at 6 y.o. when my dad's brother died (his wife/my brother's mother died in childbirth) and he was subsequently adopted by my parents. Blood-wise, he is my 1st cousin.

The other was a real 1st cousin, who doesn't have a tree on Ancestry, so I was surprised to see him pop up.

So I do think the DNA results tend to be a accurate, although I'm sure there are flaws and mistakes.

[KayLR]

ANM, so...was your aunt/grandmother your dad's mother? Maybe I'm dense, but I'm not getting it. Feel for you, getting such a shock. That would be shaking.

[ApatheticNoMore]

ANM, so...was your aunt/grandmother your dad's mother? Maybe I'm dense, but I'm not getting it. Feel for you, getting such a shock. That would be shaking.

yes his mother, out of wedlock, old b*st*rd that my dad was :). And who my dad's father was maybe noone knows or noone tells if they do, he disappeared I suppose. She had no more kids and didn't marry anyone until 40 something, and no there is no chance the man she married decades later was the father. My ethnic make up is probably not changed.

I think she might have been sent away when pregnant, it was rumored she spent time in a mental institution when young, which I've told shrinks when they asked about family history (even though it was just run of the mill anxiety or depression), but I'm thinking more like she was never mentally ill at all, she was hiding a pregnancy. :D

[catherine]

yes his mother, out of wedlock, old b*st*rd that my dad was :). And who my dad's father was maybe noone knows or noone tells if they do, he disappeared I suppose. She had no more kids and didn't marry anyone until 40 something, someone who was certainly not the father. My ethnic make up is probably not changed.

I think she might have been sent away when pregnant, it was rumored she spent time in a mental institution when young, which I've told shrinks when they asked about family history (even though it was just run of the mill anxiety or depression), but I'm thinking more like she was never mentally ill at all, she was hiding a pregnancy. :D

That's some story, ANM.. I feel so bad for the women who were sent away in shame.

[Teacher Terry]

Ann, that’s sad. IL, sounds like you might have joined the club. Hope it works out better for you than me.

[razz]

Ann, that’s sad. IL, sounds like you might have joined the club. Hope it works out better for you than me.
And the rest of this story, TT?

[Yppej]

A former coworker just found out his ex wife was cheating on him and the child he thought was his might not be. Tests will be coming. Yes, DNA can have many surprises, and hopefully IL you like your half sibling and it turns out to be a pleasant surprise.

[Teacher Terry]

Razz, I told the story in a thread I posted 2 years ago.

[jp1]

I’ve never done a DNA test so I suppose anything’s possible but knowing my parents it would truly be shocking if I were to have a half sibling out there. More likely would be to find a treasure trove of cousins. My grandfather was orphaned fairly young and left what was left of his family as a kid and never acknowledged their existence (if they did exist) to my dad or his siblings.

A friend of ours found the 30-something son he’d long suspected existed after he did 23 and me. (When he joined the navy shortly after high school he was involved in a months long 3-way relationship with a straight couple that ended badly because the woman was not mentally stable. At the time she’d said she was pregnant but he didn’t trust her to be honest and then she had disappeared so he shipped out and went on with his life. )

[Tybee]

Oy.

don’t do them if you are not prepared to accept some results that may be an unwelcome surprise.


Maybe I have a half brother. I’m in the process of doing further investigation. Consensus of everyone who has seen three photos of this guy is he looks like my dad. I concur.

More to follow.

Whoa. That is big. So the idea is that it is from my dad, this extra sibling?
You asked about accuracy--yes, half sibling would not show up as first cousin, in my experience. My only first cousin who has taken the ancestry test shows up as my first cousin.

Are you going to get in touch with him?

[iris lilies]

Ok—here is the deal. Likely I have no half brother, “ likely” because of the following but there IS a story and my father IS likely involved in an adoption story.

definition: cousin once removed can be the child of your first cousin

23andMe DNA testing revealed For me a 1st cousin once removed named Ryan. Ryan is in his 30’s. Ryan falls in line with all of my other “cousins once removed” who have had their DNA tested, and I know who their parents are. I do not who who Ryan comes from.

I share 8% of DNA with Ryan and share around 6% of dna with other “ cousins once removed” i.e. children of first cousins that I know. So, he is someone related to me.

Because I am lazy and want only executive summary of this stuff, I emailed my cousin the genealogist asking who this Ryan chap is. I did not even know if Ryan was from my genealogist cousin’s side of the family. My genealogist cousin sent back evidence he had from another genealogist cousin who had made contact with Ryan one year ago.

Here’s where it gets interesting.

1) Ryan’s father is adopted
2) Ryan’s father, Brian, had no interest in finding his birth family and would not test his own DNA
3) Brian was adopted out of X hospital by an obstetrician and his wife. The obstetrician learned of this baby needing a family from a colleague who also worked at X hospital
4) my father worked at X hospital during this period
5) In 3 photos, Brian looks like my father (!) But he has hints of two of my uncles in his face

For context:

1) My father was married to my mother during this period and I was 18 months old when Brian was born. My father was not a philanderer. But shit happens.
2) my father looks like all of his 5 brothers, family resemblance is strong
3) My cousin, let us call him G, fathered an out of wedlock child and I have vague recollection of my mom talking about it and maybe even talking about a doctor adopting him. But that last part is very vague in my mind and maybe I just made it up who knows.
4) G would have been only 13 or 14 years old when he fathered Brian. So how likely is that? Possible.

The bottom line is that 23andMe says Ryan, the son of the adopted child, shares only 8% of his DNA with me. If Ryan was my nephew he would share around 25%. So because we are talking about pretty close relatives I don’t think the DNA is wrong here. But boy this family resemblance of Brian to my dad is really bugging me.

The end of the story is that Brian died a few months ago. That is sad that I will never meet with him but it sounds like he would nor want to meet with me anyway. He died at Y hospital. My brother works at Y hospital and might’ve taken care of him, wouldnt that have been a coincidence?


Yesterday I called my brother to relay all this and we both laughed hysterically at the idea. That’s kind of how we react to things in my family, laughing. Because it would be ridiculous and shocking if we did have a half brother, Great entertainment.

[Tybee]

I need more coffee, but I having trouble following this because of the first cousin thing--if Brian is your first cousin, then how is he your half brother? Ryan is Brian's son, I got that much.

Agh, so confused.

[Teacher Terry]

Interesting that he looks so much like your dad but can’t be his with the percentage of dna he shares with you.

[iris lilies]

Brian is the mystery man, adopted, related to us, , but who spawned him is not known. It would’ve been someone who was sexually active in the year 1955.

your question is a good one and I have to go back and think about uncles who could’ve produced this child. Because it is more likely that it was an uncle generation, not a cousin generation, that produced Brian.

I do have first cousins who are old and are long dead. I mean G died more than a decade ago he would be 80 years old today.

[pinkytoe]

My father had a lover for almost the entire time he was married to my mother. He eventually married her. I did not like her at all. At this stage in life, I would not want to know if I have half-siblings from their union. A simple living idea I guess.

[happystuff]

Yup - and this is why I really have no desire to have my DNA tested. I come from an very large family and, while some of the relationships may have started out based on blood, they are ALL now based on the heart. You can't pick and choose your DNA, but you can pick and choose your family. :)

[razz]

IL, you now have the advantage of knowing your DNA. You have the adventure of considering a mystery that cannot harm you in any way which is kind of fun as a conversation piece which can be shared causing no harm to anyone.

[iris lilies]

IL, you now have the advantage of knowing your DNA. You have the adventure of considering a mystery that cannot harm you in any way which is kind of fun as a conversation piece which can be shared causing no harm to anyone.
I think I got stuck on how this Brian guy looks like my dad because I miss my dad. I suppose he looks like all of my uncles. But I’ll spend the next few months surveying cousins who are interested in the stuff to see if they think he looks more like my dad than any of our other uncles.

[Teacher Terry]

I had my oldest son with my first husband who was extremely good looking. He went on to have 5 more kids with 3 other wives and everyone of those kids look like him. Not one looks like their mom. You can tell all 6 are related. Not only that but one of the girls and my son could be twins. All 6 kids are gorgeous. It’s funny but I found out he was dead when I was going to my 35th high school reunion and saw his name. Upon searching I found out he died at 37 so I contacted his wife because she was in the obituary. She had 3 girls with him and told me the whole story and sent me pictures of his other kids. One son could be his dad’s twin. It’s uncanny how strong his genes were.

[catherine]

TT, you found out your ex was dead at a high school reunion? Wow.. Congratulations on your detachment!

[Teacher Terry]

Catherine, it was my first ex and I found out before going because I was on my high school website and saw the in memory page. I graduated with 800 people so looked on a whim not expecting to know anyone. Then I start searching to find out the particulars. I hadn’t seen him since I was 22 and he never kept in contact with our son. He let my second husband adopt him. I felt a little bad and my son didn’t care at all because of being ignored. When he signed the adoption papers I told him he was free to see, call, etc anytime he wanted. He told his other wives that he was heartbroken that I wouldn’t allow him to contact my son which was a lie.

[catherine]

TT, hope I didn't sound too flip. I didn't realize you were so young when you divorced.I'm glad you were able to make a clean break for. you and for your son.

[Teacher Terry]

I married at 18, divorced at 21 and remarried a year later and had 2 more sons. I divorced him after 22 years once the kids were grown. When I talk about my ex on here I am referring to my second one. My first marriage we were both just too young. I guess the first was a good dad to his other kids. I wanted to know how he died in case it was something genetic but he struggled with alcohol. His last wife told him if he relapsed again they were done. He did and got a DUI. He knew he would lose his truck driving job so he killed himself. He had a horrible childhood and his parents were awful and had 4 kids they treated poorly. We met in high school.

[iris lilies]

This afternoon I solveD the mystery of who fathered this adopted person who looks like my dad. The father is my uncle. Well I’ve got a bunch of uncles so I’m not gonna reveal which one since it doesn’t matter. But let’s just say, he wasn’t on the list of likely sperm donors.

I’m still wigged out that the mystery guy does not especially look like this uncle, tho he might look a little bit like his half brother, but mainly he looks like my dad.

But I need to let go of this little project and move on to tracing relatives who may have a key to ancient ancestors. That’s really why I signed onto this DNA project, trying to match up with those who can lead me back to the auld countries.