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View Full Version : "Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?"


Tybee
11-10-20, 3:20pm
I was thinking about this saying as I was reading on our forum of late, and I had heard this saying before at Al Anon meetings and liked it. So I looked it up, and lo and behold, it is from Rumi! I did not know this, and thought it was a neat find. (If it's true, haha!)

https://pics.me.me/before-you-speak-let-your-words-pass-through-three-gates-34071698.png
rosarugosa
11-10-20, 4:15pm
I like that Tybee. I try to live up to a similar personal rule that if I'm going to say something that will make someone feel bad, I need to have a damned good reason for doing so.
Tybee
11-10-20, 4:16pm
Yeah, Rosa, and so often, for me, I can't find a damned good reason when I look!
razz
11-10-20, 5:17pm
So that's where it came from! I had seen this expressed as
T - is it true
H - is it helpful
I - is it inspiring
N - is it necessary
K - is it kind.
Someone modified the original, I bet.
pinkytoe
11-10-20, 6:51pm
Lately, I have been following "is it necessary" mode. There is way too much blather of late.
KayLR
11-10-20, 7:03pm
Especially "is it helpful (necessary)?" Usually not. Most people don't care really what you think, especially when heated.

I tell ya, since I've taken this on, my life has been much more calm and much less stressful. Sometimes just keeping your mouth shut is the best way to go.
Chicken lady
11-10-20, 9:09pm
I wrote the think (except the I was informative) on my board on the 3rd.
catherine
11-11-20, 12:13am
Such great advice.
happystuff
11-11-20, 10:53am
Good advice. Thanks for posting.
LDAHL
11-11-20, 11:40am
This would certainly be a quieter world if this rule was observed.
JaneV2.0
11-11-20, 12:42pm
This would certainly be a quieter world if this rule was observed.

I agree--and who gets to decide what is necessary?
Should we be limited to "Watch out for the car!"
Talk about the end of discourse.
KayLR
11-11-20, 12:54pm
I agree--and who gets to decide what is necessary?
Should we be limited to "Watch out for the car!"
Talk about the end of discourse.

Maybe add "Is it worth my energy?"
ApatheticNoMore
11-11-20, 1:00pm
I agree--and who gets to decide what is necessary?
Should we be limited to "Watch out for the car!"
Talk about the end of discourse.

yea by those rules taken literally, it seems to me almost nothing is worth saying, lots of silence I suppose.
catherine
11-11-20, 2:45pm
yea by those rules taken literally, it seems to me almost nothing is worth saying, lots of silence I suppose.

A little more silence would probably serve us all well.
rosarugosa
11-11-20, 5:38pm
I think "necessary" is too high of a bar. Pleasant conversation is seldom exactly necessary, but I think it helps to make the world a better place.
catherine
11-11-20, 6:09pm
I've always taken this Rumi advice to mean that if you are going to comment to someone, before you open your big mouth, ask yourself "is it necessary, is it true, is it kind."

I don't think it's about discourse in general. I think it's like:

Saying to someone when you both are going into a party together, "You should have brought another type of dish" (not necessary: it's too late for that) Or "that dress is not very flattering on you (not kind, unless the person asked for feedback) Or "I've heard that Bob and Marie are involved" (possibly gossip and not true).
Tybee
11-11-20, 7:57pm
I've always taken this Rumi advice to mean that if you are going to comment to someone, before you open your big mouth, ask yourself "is it necessary, is it true, is it kind."

I don't think it's about discourse in general. I think it's like:

Saying to someone when you both are going into a party together, "You should have brought another type of dish" (not necessary: it's too late for that) Or "that dress is not very flattering on you (not kind, unless the person asked for feedback) Or "I've heard that Bob and Marie are involved" (possibly gossip and not true).

I like that explanation, Catherine. Another way I try to think of necessary is, will it do any good? And kind, would I want someone to say it to me? If it would embarrass or hurt someone or make them look less than, then no, I would not want someone to do that to me.
JaneV2.0
11-12-20, 10:21am
I've always taken this Rumi advice to mean that if you are going to comment to someone, before you open your big mouth, ask yourself "is it necessary, is it true, is it kind."

I don't think it's about discourse in general. I think it's like:

Saying to someone when you both are going into a party together, "You should have brought another type of dish" (not necessary: it's too late for that) Or "that dress is not very flattering on you (not kind, unless the person asked for feedback) Or "I've heard that Bob and Marie are involved" (possibly gossip and not true).

Bob and Marie were my uncle and aunt. Tell me more...:~)
catherine
11-12-20, 11:00am
Bob and Marie were my uncle and aunt. Tell me more...:~)

Haha!!! I'll never tell!
ToomuchStuff
11-13-20, 11:32am
I much prefer to be like Walter.

https://youtu.be/6TjvDb-vN7A
iris lilies
11-13-20, 12:34pm
I much prefer to be like Walter.

https://youtu.be/6TjvDb-vN7A

The niece of our friends managed Jeff Dunham for a while. When he came to St. Louis they took us to a show. I had never heard of him at the time but I think he’s better known now. The terrorist puppet is funny, too.
Tybee
11-13-20, 2:24pm
The niece of our friends managed Jeff Dunham for a while. When he came to St. Louis they took us to a show. I had never heard of him at the time but I think he’s better known now. The terrorist puppet is funny, too.

I remember him from Thirty Rock now, at the Chuckle Hut! Great episode with some great themes--always liked the social satire on 30 Rock.
iris lilies
11-13-20, 2:54pm
I did enjoy 30 Rock. Kenneth was my favorite character. And poor sincere and hapless Liz lemon. Her self centered boss was a scream.