Estate settled

[iris lilies]

DH’s father died December 2018. The estate was settled this week. 2 1/2 years it took. It is true that Covid slowed down much of the action, but a recalcitrant sibling slowed things down quite a bit and took the estate to court to get things to be “fair”. So when this sibling won the big challenge in court, that actually meant that DH got more money. A victory of sorts.

The sibling ended up with about $1700 more than if there had been no court action. Attorney fees would’ve been more than that so I cannot see this as a “win”. The sibling was operating as though my father-in-law intended to distribute everything evenly among all of his children, and those carrying out the estate thwarted his wishes.

But here’s the big secret—the old man had a second will. The second will did not distribute things evenly at all.The second will would have damaged the angry sibling as it left most of the siblings with less and it favored one child. The challenging sibling has no idea about this 2nd will simply because this person didnt bother to attend family meetings, help clean out the house, etc.

The Second will was never executed. The old man’s attorney knew about it Since he wrote the preliminary document, but the attorney said the 2nd will was never finalized.

So here’s the angry sibling dancing around trying to make everything fair because that’s what daddy wanted. Only daddy didn’t really want that, necessarily. It is theorized that their father had too much dementia at the end to finish the second will that favored one child over the others.

[Tradd]

What drama! Glad it’s over!

[bae]

Congrats! I know the pain of these things all too well, and you have my sympathies.

[sweetana3]

Even with siblings agreeing, it is a blessed day when all is finally settled.

Dad's second wife started to contest what the 3 kids were doing. What she did not know is that we would have been fine with a four way split. But when we got our own attorney for the estate because she hired one first, it was found that our Mom's earlier death had made the trust irrevocable and all that was in the trust was to only go to the 3 kids. She was protecting us from Dad.

Stepmom would have gotten more from us if we all had been able to work together. (Note: I think it was a lot of grief and fear that worked on her but my brother's wife added to the issue by calling her a gold digger)

[dado potato]

Disappointed heirs.

"Man has an infinite capacity to be miserable about an infinite number of things."

[razz]

Whew! Done! My kids tease me about this favourite saying to the point that they do the same when a big job is finished. I always say, "Done!" and that is the end of the whole issue and its discussion.

[SteveinMN]

I'm glad for you that that drama has ended. Death and leftover belongings sure make people weird.

[Teacher Terry]

Sweetana, so did stepmom end up with nothing then?

[Yppej]

Glad his first world problem is over. I expect no inheritance and life may not be easier that way - generational wealth is a real benefit - but it saves you a different type of stress.

[sweetana3]

Teacher Terry, no she got what California designates for a spouse outside of the trust which is pretty straightforward. He had already told her she could not afford to keep the farm so that was not much of an issue. She got a nice chunk to live on and had income outside of the estate. He had bank accounts and such outside the trust. We did not contest any of that and were totally blindsided by the way the trust was written. Parents were very secretive all their lives and I dont even think Dad knew exactly what happened to the trust on Mom's death.

PS: I would have been fine if Dad left me nothing. Not something I based my life or decisions on. Wished he had used more of it for himself but he seemed happy with the way he was living.

[Simplemind]

I would have been happy with nothing had I been spared the facts of their lives and the overwhelming clean up project to settle their affairs (pun intended). The money didn't make up for the pain.

[sweetana3]

Yes simplemind. My brother who lived in that state was the executor. He had to deal with the second wife and Dad's stuff which amounted to almost every paper document he had since 1949. I think my brother said it was more than 25 trips to the dump. There was the second wife who was having issues to deal with and little of any value anyone else would want but it still required enormous work.

We were semi lucky in that the farm was pretty much worth the land value and we did not have to remodel or broom clean the buildings.

[razz]

All these reports of the struggles of the survivors really brings to the front of thought that each of us needs to make plans to simplify one's life. The purge threads are a help to remind each of us.

[Tybee]

That's such good news, IL. I hope the family can heal from the litigation and come together again.

It is so hard when someone feels unfairly treated. To me, the lesson here is to sell the house while one is alive, and split things equally.

But it has been immensely painful to let go of my mother's house, which she always wanted me to live in after she was gone.

And when someone takes over the house, then how is it made fair to the other children?

That's why I am not fighting over anything, to preserve whatever illusion of family that still remains.

But there's not much.

[iris lilies]

The recalcitrant sibling will never feel anything is “fair.” DH is not responsible for this person’s feelings.

Where DH is going wrong now is it they are all now in a business together. That is about as dumb as you can get. It’s the guarantee of more drama. Granted, it is a passive business (farm rental) but…more drama to come.

[ToomuchStuff]

Death and covid has been such a strange thing.
The two brothers I worked for, were good together, not great, but good. People used to wonder how I, who was not family, could last between them. For years, I didn't get on the books (write checks but they would sign), until one went into the hospital and there was a chance he wouldn't make it. Heck, we had a laugh, because the very first check I could have signed was my paycheck (never signed that until the brother died, just a respect thing).
But the six remaining siblings, all had it out over this ones death. Poor record keeping, alcohol, brother assuming he was going to handle/get everything, etc. I was asked to move in for pet responsibilities, then helped find and dispose of items (family out of state, not traveling due to covid, one member contact tracer), and the family started communicating through me. I am hopeful (suspect we are about three weeks from being done), that once this is over, they actually make amends (at least most of them, two I don't think will happen).
Before this, I only ever dealt with my grandmothers estate, and the only point of contention that had, was three rings she wanted going to me and my siblings (mom, though about keeping and using them to make a ring).

Glad this is done for you. Any recommendations?

[happystuff]

Congrats, il. I hope things smooth out with the family, but at least your dh is finished with his part.

[Tybee]

The recalcitrant sibling will never feel anything is “fair.” DH is not responsible for this person’s feelings.

Where DH is going wrong now is it they are all now in a business together. That is about as dumb as you can get. It’s the guarantee of more drama. Granted, it is a passive business (farm rental) but…more drama to come.

I agree, not a good idea to be in business with family under these circumstances! Ugh. Unending drama.

[iris lilies]

…Glad this is done for you. Any recommendations?
No Because every situation is different.


Sounds like your employer really trusts you to have you take over so much of their personal as well as business dealings.