"Weaknesses"

[Tybee]

A very weird comment yesterday with my granddaughter, age 6. We were all happily out on a walk, parent, 2 grandparents, two kids, and she was ahead on her bike,and we were talking about how responsible and reliable she is, how she really listens and it is easy to be out with her with the bike, and she came riding back and looked at all of us with a worried look said, "I think you are all discussing my weaknesses," and we were all astonished, and said, no we were talking about how reliable and responsible, which her parent said was a strength. I leaned down and told her how good she was, and she looked relieved.

All the adults looked at each other with raised eyebrows like "where is she getting this from?" I said school, her dad said maybe the other grandparents? and laughed.

Is this some school thing now, where they tell the kids they have weaknesses? I mean short of a heart valve problem or something I can't see how anyone can look at a 6 year old and diagnosis "weakness."

Have anybody else encountered this? Is this some new educational trend or something?

[iris lilies]

Shocking. And wtf.

ask her about it.

[Klunick]

Kids aren't allowed to just be kids nowadays. Can't say I have ever experienced that type of situation with my two boys from their schools but I do know for a fact that some teachers try to push an agenda onto the kids. Husband used to refer to their school as "the indoctrination center". Oldest is in college now and is still dealing with it but not as much as while in high school. You want your kids to think for themselves and come up with their own thought but they are being told what they should think and feel about subjects for 8 hours at school.

[catherine]

It might be language that she's heard somewhere--in school, on TV, whatever--and she has somehow internalized it in her own way. It's probably no one's "fault"--it sounds like she got tripped up in someone's version of psychobabble and is too young to really understand it. I remember when I was a young teenager, a rare time when I saw my stepfather really annoyed was when I told the family at the dinner table that I had an "inferiority complex" (Funny--that that term isn't even used much anymore, at least in my experience, but it was common in the '60s).

I'm sure that you and the family adequately reassured her, but maybe it would be worth another conversation with her, very casually, to ask her, what do you think a 'weakness' is, and how did you come to think that?

[Tybee]

I think that is a good idea, to ask her about it, where she heard it, what she thinks it means.

Jeesh.

[ApatheticNoMore]

It might be language that she's heard somewhere--in school, on TV, whatever--and she has somehow internalized it in her own way. It's probably no one's "fault"--it sounds like she got tripped up in someone's version of psychobabble

this completely seems the most likely explanation. A smart kid will pick things up from where ever, t.v., the cover of a book, an adult conversation within earshot "one of my weaknesses is ...", will just be a sponge for words and information (such as is understood by a kid, so sometimes emotionally perceptive, but in others missing the whole picture). But one could always ask.

If we put it in simpler language she is more asking "are you saying bad things about me?" And then the question is just one of: why so insecure?

[iris lilies]

this completely seems the most likely explanation. A smart kid will pick things up from where ever, t.v., the cover of a book, an adult conversation within earshot "one of my weaknesses is ...", will just be a sponge for words and information (such as is understood by a kid, so sometimes emotionally perceptive, but in others missing the whole picture). But one could always ask.

If we put it in simpler language she is more asking "are you saying bad things about me?" And then the question is just one of: why so insecure?
Do not ask this little kid “why so insecure?” She may not be insecure. Don’t take her query and turn it into a label she applies to herself then. If she truly did have a moment of insecurity, it is a moment.

Ask about her thoughts and feelings, assuming she will remember the incident and can reply to that time in the past.

[pinkytoe]

DD told me that just turned 3yo daughter said that something she was doing was irresponsible. Has no clue where that came from - maybe something at the daycare they go to? Although I must admit when DD was little, we would say that certain actions were inappropriate and she completely understood the concept.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Do not ask this little kid “why so insecure?” She may not be insecure.

oh I wasn't assuming anyone would ask the kid that directly. I was just thinking it's the underlying issue, right. But it's also possible there is no underlying issue and the kid just misheard something.

[happystuff]

Many of these things require more than one conversation. Discussing something -age appropriate - at three is different than discussing the same thing at age 6. Continuous open communication!

[Tybee]

Many of these things require more than one conversation. Discussing something -age appropriate - at three is different than discussing the same thing at age 6. Continuous open communication!

very true!