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Tybee
7-19-21, 7:11am
We decided to change our plans somewhat and sell the paid for house out of state, so that we would not have to leave my mom at this time. We put it on the market and it sold in a day, with nine offers, and we took the cash offer and it closed in two weeks. Very, very speedy. So now our dilemma is what to do here--house prices have increased a LOT since we bought this one, less than a year ago.

DH wants to dump this house while market is good, so that we can get something we like better, closer to my mom's nursing home because it is a real haul to get there, around 2 hours each way. Unfortunately, the houses that meet this criteria are about double what we should spend if we are getting enough acreage to do what he wants to do.

So we either have to keep driving, stay where we are in a house we don't care for, buy something we can afford with little land until we sell this one, and then buy something--maybe keep that house as a rental?

Renting a place for us after selling is the sensible option but won't happen with DH, so we are thinking of making a contigent offer, contigent on sale of this house? But who would accept a contingent sale in this market?

Part of me wants to just hunker down here and just get out of the stress of house hunting for a while, like maybe a year. Prices here seem to be going down a little.

But I am not going to be comfortable selling with no place to go. Yet maybe that is what has to happen?

Feeling confused right now. But it is a relief to only have one house.

razz
7-19-21, 7:52am
Congratulations on the sale of your out of state house as owning two houses is a stressful situation when life and future are unsettled.

May I suggest that you determine what 'your needs' will be in 10 years and look for that sort of accommodation. It may take a lot of discussion to agree with different wants and needs but deciding on 'your future' without your mother involved in the planning. Two hours of driving is demanding so I understand your dilemma.
Put yourselves first and family commitments second. What do each of you, DH and you, really want longterm? What are your common values and the differing values that need to be reconciled?
Conditional offers are a poor choice in the current market as you acknowledge.
Wishing you well.

Tybee
7-19-21, 8:08am
Razz, this is really good advice, I can feel it. "Put yourselves first and family commitments second. What do each of you, DH and you, really want longterm? What are your common values and the differing values that need to be reconciled?"

iris lilies
7-19-21, 8:58am
How often do you need to see your mother? Could you make a 2 hour drive, see her that day, stay over night in a motel and see her the next day, and then go home? That would be seeing her two days per week. Seems like enough visits to me.

You should be getting a place like razz suggests, leaving the equation of your mother out of it. that is, IF you have to make another move. I would stay where you are for the time being. It is too bad you dont love it, though.

But didnt you move there for grandchildren too? How far away are they?

Why does your husband need so many acres?

I would love to be buying real estate in New England!

pinkytoe
7-19-21, 9:17am
We have the same house dilemma choices without the mother part. It's like having two brains thinking divergent thoughts. It is very stressful to think about constant tomorrows and house-hunting. We are just focusing on today - where we are now. I do wonder though how long you think your mother will be in her present situation?

Tradd
7-19-21, 9:20am
I’m sad you sold the Michigan house but understand why. Hope you can determine what’s best for your next move so not too much stress.

Tybee
7-19-21, 9:26am
I’m sad you sold the Michigan house but understand why. Hope you can determine what’s best for your next move so not too much stress.

I'm sad too, real sad, and thanks. I just can't even think about it right now. Got to get the stress down.

Tybee
7-19-21, 9:27am
We have the same house dilemma choices without the mother part. It's like having two brains thinking divergent thoughts. It is very stressful to think about constant tomorrows and house-hunting. We are just focusing on today - where we are now. I do wonder though how long you think your mother will be in her present situation?

I just don't know. I would think not long, but then she is physically amazingly strong. Her sister lived to be 97 but was in much better shape mentally.

I hear you about two brains thinking divergent thoughts. My husband and I have very different needs, and none of us likes it here as much as we did other places we have lived. But it's early, and there's been so much negative stuff here around Mom.

Tybee
7-19-21, 9:30am
How often do you need to see your mother? Could you make a 2 hour drive, see her that day, stay over night in a motel and see her the next day, and then go home? That would be seeing her two days per week. Seems like enough visits to me.

You should be getting a place like razz suggests, leaving the equation of your mother out of it. that is, IF you have to make another move. I would stay where you are for the time being. It is too bad you dont love it, though.

But didnt you move there for grandchildren too? How far away are they?

Why does your husband need so many acres?

I would love to be buying real estate in New England!

Grandchildren are very close to where Mother is. He needs acres to do what he wants to do with the place. We both like privacy and room to feel we can range around. That much is similar. I am happy with about 3 acres and he always wants more.

We see her once a week, that's all we can manage as we are both still working. Right now, we are trying to look at different areas to see if we like them more. So that is more work, more driving, more demands on time that we don't really have given our work schedule and demands of the family.

You should buy in New Hampshire, I think. It would suit you. Bargains are a thing of the past, though.

Yppej
7-19-21, 10:58am
You should try to get on Love It Or List It. Take some of your money from the house you sold, fix up the house you have to increase its sale value, then look at what Hillary has done with the place and decide would you rather keep it or move to someplace else that David finds for you.

iris lilies
7-19-21, 11:02am
You should try to get on Love It Or List It. Take some of your money from the house you sold, fix up the house you have to increase its sale value, then look at what Hillary has done with the place and decide would you rather keep it or move to someplace else that David finds for you.

She hasn’t talked about what’s wrong with the place she’s living in. I would like to know what the top three problems are with it. Hillary may not be able to solve that if it has to do with location, or siting, or that sort of thing.

Tybee
7-19-21, 12:56pm
She hasn’t talked about what’s wrong with the place she’s living in. I would like to know what the top three problems are with it. Hillary may not be able to solve that if it has to do with location, or siting, or that sort of thing.

We don't like the house, the land, or the location enough to put any money into it. It is a bad fit for us. It also has a large 30 year mortgage. It would be good to sell it asap, we just need a place to go.

Teacher Terry
7-19-21, 1:17pm
If I remember correctly you are close to my age which means you are closer to 70 than 60. Having more than 3 acres doesn’t sound feasible long term. Like you guys I have owned too many places and buying and selling is costly. I bought my condo contingent on my house selling but it was in escrow at the time. The seller choose my offer anyway because I was putting so much money down that he knew my tiny mortgage would go through. He wanted the offer that would close.

iris lilies
7-19-21, 2:40pm
If I remember correctly you are close to my age which means you are closer to 70 than 60. Having more than 3 acres doesn’t sound feasible long term. Like you guys I have owned too many places and buying and selling is costly. I bought my condo contingent on my house selling but it was in escrow at the time. The seller choose my offer anyway because I was putting so much money down that he knew my tiny mortgage would go through. He wanted the offer that would close.

That’s what I plan to do when I sell our city house. I want the offer that will close. I’m less concerned about how much money I get for this house.

Teacher Terry
7-19-21, 2:59pm
IL, I also chose the offer most likely to close because I didn’t want to lose my condo. I paid 20 over asking and 4 short months later the condo as well as my house are both worth much more. I don’t care because I got what I wanted.

pinkytoe
7-19-21, 4:13pm
I wondered about the age thing too and buying a rural property. It's a lot to keep up with.

iris lilies
7-19-21, 4:21pm
I wondered about the age thing too and buying a rural property. It's a lot to keep up with.
DH is a busy worker bee, and I like the idea of him riding around on his lawn tractor as well as his REAL Massey Ferguson 50 farm tractor, working our tiny one acre. It will keep him occupied. If something happens to him I would sell the Hermann property within one year.

Tybee
7-19-21, 5:50pm
IL, I also chose the offer most likely to close because I didn’t want to lose my condo. I paid 20 over asking and 4 short months later the condo as well as my house are both worth much more. I don’t care because I got what I wanted.

We took the cash offer with the short close over the higher financed offers, and they were higher. But I did not want to wait around to see if they got their financing, or if the house passed their finance requirements. They did inspections and then we reduced it a little, and were done in two weeks.

razz
7-19-21, 5:53pm
When planning one's life, it has struck me several times that one needs a Plan A and Plan B as well as a Plan C. When we had to eventually follow Plan C, it has always ended up being the best move in retrospect.

Properties with acreage have been in great demand for decades. I had a hard time finding our property in 1991 and had to hassle someone to ensure that we got it.

Some friends sold their property in 2019 for several million to a wealthy neighbour and were looking for a small acreage all last year so that he could do some market gardening and create a corn maze. A year later, with ample cash on hand and offers submitted immediately on any listing available, they were still searching. I haven't heard the rest of the story this year but they moved out of the sold property this spring.

catherine
7-19-21, 6:25pm
Regarding the idea of owning acres of land when you're older--I'm sure there are situations where the land isn't always something you have to work--it might be wooded or meadow. I think buying a house is like finding Mr./Ms. Right. If you look too hard you don't find what you're looking for. I think you're onto something, Tybee, with the idea of relaxing a little but still keeping your eyes out. You do have a lot on your plate with your mother at this point. You have a house, and you don't have the burden of another right at the moment, so it doesn't seem to me that you have to rush into anything.

DH is big on "meanders"--I'm more the "Google map fastest route" type and he's more of the "Let's just follow the road and see where it takes us." Our best journeys have been when he does it his way.

pinkytoe
7-19-21, 6:31pm
My 73 yo brother lives on 7 acres on the side of a steep mountain barely accessible in the winter. Groceries are 10 miles away. Maintenance is greatly needed and he has trouble keeping up with things. Getting on a rickety ladder to paint a second story is just dumb. His wife now needs oxygen due to the altitude and a lung ailment. I have seen so many older folks in my life that probably should have left the farm a little sooner and moved to town. Maybe it is just procrastination as moving is really hard after so long in one place. Anyway, I guess you follow your dreams until you can't. I am a worrier so I want my next abode to hopefully be for the duration and a place I wouldn't mind living alone. Plan B and C are pending.

iris lilies
7-19-21, 6:48pm
My 73 yo brother lives on 7 acres on the side of a steep mountain barely accessible in the winter. Groceries are 10 miles away. Maintenance is greatly needed and he has trouble keeping up with things. Getting on a rickety ladder to paint a second story is just dumb. His wife now needs oxygen due to the altitude and a lung ailment. I have seen so many older folks in my life that probably should have left the farm a little sooner and moved to town. Maybe it is just procrastination as moving is really hard after so long in one place. Anyway, I guess you follow your dreams until you can't. I am a worrier so I want my next abode to hopefully be for the duration and a place I wouldn't mind living alone. Plan B and C are pending.
or it’s not even leaving the farm, it’s leaving a giant Victorian house in town.

i know I will have at least one living situation after our house in Hermann, that is, I live a while. I just hope it is not in an ugly new-build assisted living place. I actively look out for non-ugly assisted living places just to keep an eye out for something I might like.

As it is, our condo is in an over-55 building (not required, just works out that way) so I will observe how those senior folks negotiate the spaces.

iris lilies
7-19-21, 6:51pm
Regarding the idea of owning acres of land when you're older--I'm sure there are situations where the land isn't always something you have to work--it might be wooded or meadow. I think buying a house is like finding Mr./Ms. Right. If you look too hard you don't find what you're looking for. I think you're onto something, Tybee, with the idea of relaxing a little but still keeping your eyes out. You do have a lot on your plate with your mother at this point. You have a house, and you don't have the burden of another right at the moment, so it doesn't seem to me that you have to rush into anything.

DH is big on "meanders"--I'm more the "Google map fastest route" type and he's more of the "Let's just follow the road and see where it takes us." Our best journeys have been when he does it his way.
Yes, those Celts! They don’t have the logic of the Germanic people.

My Germanic DH requires that we take the shortest fastest route everywhere. I say to him “can’t we go THIS way (the non-fastest way) in order to see the scenery? We can see what is going on in this new part of the world.

He is always a little taken back by this idea.

catherine
7-19-21, 6:55pm
If you were willing to go to NH, this is only an hour from Portland. A little over 2 acres and barn

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/60-Middle-Rd-Brentwood-NH-03833/170445266_zpid/?

Tybee
7-19-21, 6:56pm
We are very aware of what our limitations are, what they will likely be in ten years, and what we need to make us happy in a house and land. So that is unlikely to be the problematic part, it is more that prices have risen so much here that living near the family, we will not have the kind of place we want, or even the kind of place we left behind in Michigan, which was eminently doable for us for the next 15 years.

We would not be happy campers in a small suburban lot, unfortunately, and would be yearning for what we had lost, and depressed. So that option, to go to that kind of house, is not in the cards.

Considering that my husband already shattered his pelvis falling off a ladder while chainsawing, I don't think I'm going to talk him into buying a ocndo somewhere. He wants to die falling off his tractor, like my parent's neighbor did at the age of 86.

Tybee
7-19-21, 7:09pm
If you were willing to go to NH, this is only an hour from Portland. A little over 2 acres and barn

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/60-Middle-Rd-Brentwood-NH-03833/170445266_zpid/?

Wow, that is gorgeous. Off to check out Brentwood and the drive.

JaneV2.0
7-20-21, 9:01am
Wow, that is gorgeous. Off to check out Brentwood and the drive.

As a West Coaster, I can't get over the price, and that's a lovely house.

Teacher Terry
7-20-21, 10:32am
Jane, that does seem cheap:)).

iris lilies
7-20-21, 10:37am
Wow, that is gorgeous. Off to check out Brentwood and the drive.
It has only 2.33 acres.

it has some great original features. If we trust the listing info it is very old, “1800” which is probably a general estimate. I suspect it needs shit tons of work.

It is too big for me at my stage of life. I look at 1500sq feet as ideal, but definitely under 2,000.

Tybee
7-20-21, 5:23pm
It has only 2.33 acres.

it has some great original features. If we trust the listing info it is very old, “1800” which is probably a general estimate. I suspect it needs shit tons of work.

It is too big for me at my stage of life. I look at 1500sq feet as ideal, but definitely under 2,000.


I like the 1800-2200 range, but have been in houses a lot less than that over the past 10 years-- 824 and 1200, and current house is about 1600.

Unfortunately, the NH taxes are really high and this one is over 8000, which rules it out for us.

pinkytoe
7-20-21, 6:30pm
House prices are just stupid right now. Ones we considered a year ago are now up $100K. I think we will continue the "grow where you're planted" route for now.