View Full Version : People You Wish You Could Thank
We all have people who impacted our lives in minor or major ways. Many times these people are like angels--they are here today and gone tomorrow. I'd like to start this thread to recognize the people that you can't thank because they are no longer in your life. I'd love for these people you post about to be random people not related to you who probably have no clue what they did for you.
Here is my motivation for this thread.
Years ago--in the late 80s--I was deep into parenting and exhausted doing it. DH and I had a friend we had met at church. A nice woman but a very ordinary one. One day I mentioned that DH was traveling on business for a few days and she said, "Why don't you get a babysitter and we'll go to the movies?" This didn't even compute. I hadn't been to the movies since 1978--ten years prior. Plus, who would pay a babysitter so that they could go to a movie??? I protested, but wound up getting a babysitter and going to the movies with my friend, who I'll call B.T.
It was a seminal event in my life, as ordinary as it was. How many times do people go to movies? Especially back then? The movie we went to was Running On Empty with River Phoenix, and I'll never forget how wonderful it was to sit in the movie theatre watching a great movie, and and eating popcorn and drinking soda. It was such a simple, innocuous moment, but I remember it with such intensity and gratitude today, over 30 years later.
So I wish I could thank B.T. for giving me an experience that took me out of the daily grind of full-time parenting and enabled me to enjoy myself with no obligations and no responsibilities.
Can you relate a simple, ordinary experience that someone gave you that you are very grateful for today?
My maternal Grandmother. She is who I hope to be when I am a Grandmother. Never took herself serious. Never a "stick in the mud" like my other Grandmother. Always up for all the adventure we could throw at her. Would keep us up way past our bedtime playing Mess Your Neighbor and then get mad at us when she thought we were cheating when we knew it was her that was cheating. We always looked forward to going to her house and we always cried when it was time to go home. We would find it absolutely fascinating that her teeth would fall out when she slept in her chair ( back when we had no idea what dentures were). Unfortunately Alzheimer's got her in the end and she didn't even know who we were. It broke my heart when she didn't think I was her Granddaughter. Just some nice girl who spent time with her. :(
Miss McKillup, my ninth grade English teacher. So much of what I have taught others over the years has been what Miss McKillup taught me.
Mr. Streeter, my dissertation adviser, who became the inspiration for how I have taught, since I started teaching in 1980. I feel his gentle presence all the time, his delight in obscure facts about American literature, his empowerment of others, his encouragement of his students, his kindness.
Two men, John Holt and Les Singer - the manager and my supervisor of the accounting department where I had my first permanent job at age 18. After working there for a few months, they called me into Les' office and told me that I could have my present job for as long as I needed but there would be no promotions out of this entry level position. They gently told me that I had potential to do so much more with my life and to get out and do it. I was shocked and devastated initially but started looking at other options for my future. Some potential employers told me that because I was attractive, I would get married, have children staying home with them so any effort and time training me would be wasted.
I ended up finding out about the dental hygiene program at University of Toronto through another mentor, graduated with my diploma, got married with two children and completed my degree along the way as I worked for 36 years.
These two men in the 1960's were so amazing in their care and concern mentoring and impacting all of my life since that talk. I do regret not going back to thank them as it took some time before I fully realized and understood what they were trying to do.
Nice thread!
There's my 8th grade science teacher Mrs. Collins and my 9th grade algebra teacher Mrs. Phelan who taught me that math and science WERE for girls.
My parents had a friend Sally, who was always deeply interested in other people, who showed a continuing interest in my life of mostly parental neglect. I've since told her a few years ago her impact. She had no idea, she was just being her curious self.
I had a boss maybe 25 years ago who highlighted that people in the organization looked to me for guidance and how to think about management changes, and that I should be careful with this power. I grew up being told that no one would ever listen to this know it all. I later got into supervision and management and found I was really good at leadership.
I have a friend who deeply, fundamentally changed the way I view work (for the better). And lots of other things in life. I don't see him much now, but I have expressed my appreciation.
iris lilies
8-5-21, 10:02am
Wonderful thread catherine! And while it is nice to see teachers and older relatives honored, your story about a friend is lovely because it is such a little thing that made all the difference.
There are so many. The one who affects me every day is the neighbor across the street in my childhood home who introduced me to birds at the bird feeder...I had never paid attention. Watching, feeding birds is so much of my life's joys now that I think of her every day. Plus she showed me the stars...I don't use that as much. Fortunately I am in touch with her daughter and have let her know. This is a great thread, because it makes us think of little acts of kindness.
iris lilies
8-5-21, 10:17am
I actually DID thank this guy a few years ago: about 1992 I went through a neighbor’s house during house tour and walked outside his back door to be confronted with a tiny yard chock full of lilies. It was a sight! That is what ledme down the garden path of growing lilies.
He and his wife moved away a few years later. Then, about 2017, they moved back to St. Louis and came to a neighborhood event. I told him about the impact his lily garden had on me.
An interesting thing about this incident is that lilies are not usually in bloom the first week of June when our house tour is held, so that year of 1992 must have been a combination of a late house tour and early warm weather that caused them to bloom 10 days prior to when they normally would.
What a wonderful thread, catherine!
There are so many people - but two stand out right now in my mind. First one is a district manager I had when I was a computer programmer. I remember a specific instance when he had me and my manager in his office and he was asking how long it would take to write a particular program in a particular language. I answered that it would probably take someone about 1 to 1 1/2 days in this particular language. He knew I was proficient in it and he asked "How long will it take YOU to write it?" I told him and he gave me the assignment. (completed on time and correctly!). Anyway, he was one of the first people to actually acknowledge my skills AND make ME believe in my skills! I carry the knowledge with me to this day that I can learn and do!
Second, the mother of the family I stayed with as a foreign exchange student. (45+ years ago!) To have a teenage daughter and take on ANOTHER one that couldn't really speak the language and came from a totally different culture, etc! She was kind, loving, patient.... just wonderful. I'm sorry that I didn't appreciate her more while I was actually there. Tried to find them all several years ago, but no luck.
I don't remember his name. But my first wife and I met him on a train in Como, Italy, going to Milan. He translated when the conductor asked us questions in a language we did not speak (and intervened on our behalf because we kind of messed up with the tickets). When he found out we were staying in Milan, he told us his brother ran a restaurant there and that we should visit and tell the brother who sent us. Well, not only did we get to the restaurant and were treated like long-lost family, but while we walked from the train station to the restaurant, we took a back street that led us past a church festival that was so much fun to watch even though we had only the barest grip on what was going on. It was nothing we would have seen or even known about if we had stayed on the main road a few blocks away. And it taught us the difference between being a tourist and being a traveler. We've maintained that distinction since, every time we could.
My maternal Grandmother. She is who I hope to be when I am a Grandmother. Never took herself serious. Never a "stick in the mud" like my other Grandmother. Always up for all the adventure we could throw at her. Would keep us up way past our bedtime playing Mess Your Neighbor and then get mad at us when she thought we were cheating when we knew it was her that was cheating. We always looked forward to going to her house and we always cried when it was time to go home. We would find it absolutely fascinating that her teeth would fall out when she slept in her chair ( back when we had no idea what dentures were). Unfortunately Alzheimer's got her in the end and she didn't even know who we were. It broke my heart when she didn't think I was her Granddaughter. Just some nice girl who spent time with her. :(
I hope to be a Grandma like that! (Minus the teeth falling out--mine are still intact :)
Miss McKillup, my ninth grade English teacher. So much of what I have taught others over the years has been what Miss McKillup taught me.
Mr. Streeter, my dissertation adviser, who became the inspiration for how I have taught, since I started teaching in 1980. I feel his gentle presence all the time, his delight in obscure facts about American literature, his empowerment of others, his encouragement of his students, his kindness.
So many are unsung heroes. In that department I'd like to nominate my HS history teacher, Mr. Bristol, who taught history with one eye on the past and other eye on the present--he would always connect the two and made me realize that we can take actions today to change the course of history for the better.
Two men, John Holt and Les Singer - the manager and my supervisor of the accounting department where I had my first permanent job at age 18. After working there for a few months, they called me into Les' office and told me that I could have my present job for as long as I needed but there would be no promotions out of this entry level position. They gently told me that I had potential to do so much more with my life and to get out and do it. I was shocked and devastated initially but started looking at other options for my future. Some potential employers told me that because I was attractive, I would get married, have children staying home with them so any effort and time training me would be wasted.
I ended up finding out about the dental hygiene program at University of Toronto through another mentor, graduated with my diploma, got married with two children and completed my degree along the way as I worked for 36 years.
These two men in the 1960's were so amazing in their care and concern mentoring and impacting all of my life since that talk. I do regret not going back to thank them as it took some time before I fully realized and understood what they were trying to do.
Nice thread!
Like teachers, often our first managers have the power to give us confidence in fulfilling ourselves. I have one manager that I still work with today! She was my first market research boss, and she was the kindest, most encouraging teacher/mentor/manager I could have had. Even to this day, some days when I'm dealing with a client I think about that W.W.J.D. (What Would Jesus Do) bracelet, but in mind I think "What Would Judy Do?"
There's my 8th grade science teacher Mrs. Collins and my 9th grade algebra teacher Mrs. Phelan who taught me that math and science WERE for girls.
My parents had a friend Sally, who was always deeply interested in other people, who showed a continuing interest in my life of mostly parental neglect. I've since told her a few years ago her impact. She had no idea, she was just being her curious self.
I had a boss maybe 25 years ago who highlighted that people in the organization looked to me for guidance and how to think about management changes, and that I should be careful with this power. I grew up being told that no one would ever listen to this know it all. I later got into supervision and management and found I was really good at leadership.
I have a friend who deeply, fundamentally changed the way I view work (for the better). And lots of other things in life. I don't see him much now, but I have expressed my appreciation.
It is amazing what the impact of one person's thoughts and ideas can have on someone. So glad that you could let your friend know how his perspective on work changed your life, herb geek!
There are so many. The one who affects me every day is the neighbor across the street in my childhood home who introduced me to birds at the bird feeder...I had never paid attention. Watching, feeding birds is so much of my life's joys now that I think of her every day. Plus she showed me the stars...I don't use that as much. Fortunately I am in touch with her daughter and have let her know. This is a great thread, because it makes us think of little acts of kindness.
So glad you were able to let her know that she inspired one of the great joys of your life!
I actually DID thank this guy a few years ago: about 1992 I went through a neighbor’s house during house tour and walked outside his back door to be confronted with a tiny yard chock full of lilies. It was a sight! That is what ledme down the garden path of growing lilies.
He and his wife moved away a few years later. Then, about 2017, they moved back to St. Louis and came to a neighborhood event. I told him about the impact his lily garden had on me.
An interesting thing about this incident is that lilies are not usually in bloom the first week of June when our house tour is held, so that year of 1992 must have been a combination of a late house tour and early warm weather that caused them to bloom 10 days prior to when they normally would.
Wow, another example of a neighbor who had an unwitting impact. So, IL, you got hooked in 1992. It will be 30 years of iris lily love next year!
What a wonderful thread, catherine!
There are so many people - but two stand out right now in my mind. First one is a district manager I had when I was a computer programmer. I remember a specific instance when he had me and my manager in his office and he was asking how long it would take to write a particular program in a particular language. I answered that it would probably take someone about 1 to 1 1/2 days in this particular language. He knew I was proficient in it and he asked "How long will it take YOU to write it?" I told him and he gave me the assignment. (completed on time and correctly!). Anyway, he was one of the first people to actually acknowledge my skills AND make ME believe in my skills! I carry the knowledge with me to this day that I can learn and do!
Second, the mother of the family I stayed with as a foreign exchange student. (45+ years ago!) To have a teenage daughter and take on ANOTHER one that couldn't really speak the language and came from a totally different culture, etc! She was kind, loving, patient.... just wonderful. I'm sorry that I didn't appreciate her more while I was actually there. Tried to find them all several years ago, but no luck.
My daughter was also an exchange student to Madrid, and I also had the same feeling of gratitude. What a gift these host families give to young people! New eyes for seeing the world and a door to life in a completely new culture. Sounds like you had a wonderful experience.
I don't remember his name. But my first wife and I met him on a train in Como, Italy, going to Milan. He translated when the conductor asked us questions in a language we did not speak (and intervened on our behalf because we kind of messed up with the tickets). When he found out we were staying in Milan, he told us his brother ran a restaurant there and that we should visit and tell the brother who sent us. Well, not only did we get to the restaurant and were treated like long-lost family, but while we walked from the train station to the restaurant, we took a back street that led us past a church festival that was so much fun to watch even though we had only the barest grip on what was going on. It was nothing we would have seen or even known about if we had stayed on the main road a few blocks away. And it taught us the difference between being a tourist and being a traveler. We've maintained that distinction since, every time we could.
I love this story--his short, simple act of kindness changed your perspective on traveling! Just by being thoughtful! What a great lesson in that! I remember my sons telling me about a similar situation when they were in their early 20s, traveling in Scotland. They had a train out of Glasgow, but got lost and asked someone for directions. When the gentleman heard the time of the train's departure, he told them to run with him, and he literally RAN my kids to the train station, and while he was doing that he was, inbetween labored breaths, he was asking them about themselves, like where were they from, where were they going. He dropped them off in time for them to catch their train (but barely enough time to catch their breaths.)
chrisgermany
8-10-21, 6:19am
2 teachers, Mrs. K and Mr. A., who taught me to use the funny round thing on top of my neck, to do my own thinking and take my own decisions.
My boss at the university, Prof. P., who was a decent, old fashioned prof. who knew his worth but was very modest and not full of himself. He did a lot for his staff to find good jobs.
My dad who supported me no matter what and passed away too soon without being able to enjoy his retirement.
My first few elementary school teachers who taught me the basics of spelling, capitalization, punctuation, and grammar. It is now a half century since they started and the knowledge has stayed with me. Of course reading good books reinforces it.
My spiritual teachers who have - and are - teaching me patience and compassion, along with so many other things.
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