Taking you parents’s stuff [Archive]

iris lilies

9-25-21, 10:08am

The crystal chandelier:

I’m sitting here in my living room looking at a crystal chandelier my mother gave me decades ago. At the time I thought it was OK Although it was never anything I especially desired. She gave it to me in one of her many house clean out sessions. I expressed an interest in a Victorian table, but she wouldn’t give that to me because she was afraid my dogs would chew on it. And they would, ha ha! But the chandelier would hang on the ceiling and the dogs could not damage it, so she gave that to me instead.

So now that I’m mentally going through my own stuff in this house, deciding what will move with me and what I will get rid of, the chandelier is an albatross. I have no place for it to go in other houses. I’ve poked around upcycling websites to see what I can do with a crystal chandelier but there’s no upcycle ideas I like. Well…maybe, turning it into a tiny chandelier, I,would consider that. Those are fashionable right now.

It’s not worth a whole lot because these things are no longer popular, maybe $125 on a good day, $50 otherwise. It’s not a family heirloom but my mom really really liked it yet she would be the last one to say I had to keep it because she liked it.

I am torn. I either give it to our Park Conservancy sale the next time there is one, or I put it in a box and move it to Herman with the knowledge that I will take it apart, canibalizing the crystals for various things like Christmas decorations. I do really like using these Czech glass pieces as ornaments and they are expensive to buy individually.

happystuff

9-25-21, 10:25am

My grandmother, mother and I share the same birth month. It is already known throughout the family that I will get a ring with that month's birthstone. Don't want anything else.

Yppej

9-25-21, 10:30am

My parents are starting to go through things again after one friend is dealing with emptying a basement full of stuff so she can move in with her daughter and a neighbor was ordered out of her home by the Board of Health because she is a hoarder.

Tybee

9-25-21, 10:53am

I told my kids to tell me now what they want so I can label it and consider to given down the road.

One son wants an antique cupboard and a coffee table, and one son liked a painting and some flatware that I had out. I will probably give that son my sterling flatware, too, although it's a lot more valuable than the furniture, but he expressed an interest in it.

My dil's and then granddaughters will get any jewelry I have. The nice thing about jewelry is that it is so portable!

Forgot, one dil asked for a sideboard years ago, so she will get that if she still wants it. But I will label it.

Tybee

9-25-21, 10:57am

I realize we are kind of giving stuff out now to a limited extent. My husband gave his nephew his 20,000 dollar piano.

iris lilies

9-25-21, 11:19am

I realize we are kind of giving stuff out now to a limited extent. My husband gave his nephew his 20,000 dollar piano.
I wondered if you moved both big pianos across the country. It is lovely that the piano went to someone who will enjoy it and you know them.

Tybee

9-25-21, 11:22am

I wondered if you moved both big pianos across the country. It is lovely that the piano went to someone who will enjoy it and you know them.

Actually, it moved across country the other direction. My piano is still out of state. The nephew got an amazing piano, and my husband wanted him to have it, so that's cool.

iris lilies

9-25-21, 11:25am

Our friend who is about 10 years younger than we are, married, with no children, collects museum quality Victorian furniture, lighting, and Victorian accoutrements. His furnishings are super high end. He lives in a nice Victorian house that’s typical of houses in our neighborhood, around 3500 ft.². It is packed to the core with Victoriana.

He has executed a plan to deal with his very special stuff, and I assure you it is extremely special. First thing, he notified everyone in his family, his siblings and their children, to pick one thing from his collection that they would want. He got 0 response.

He has detailed how this collection needs to be sold in a will document. It will be an online auction that is nationally advertised because he needs a national audience to get appropriate prices for these pieces. He expects these to fund his old age and time in a nursing home, if necessary.

I hope he’s right. The Market has dropped for old brown furniture, but his stuff is very high end so there are still people who want it.

herbgeek

9-25-21, 11:43am

I have a couple of crystal vases that are used regularly and took a couple of paintings- one done by my grandmother who taught herself to paint in retirement and another from my nephew who is an artist and this was a piece he had to do for school. Its the skyline of Miami where he lives done in a Van Gogh style. None of the collectables, furniture or knick knacks interested me but I did find a pewter pitcher that had family names engraved on it - I think it was my great grandparent's on my Dad's mom side.

Simplemind

9-25-21, 12:04pm

We are a family of artists so I took several paintings done by both my mother and grandmother. Other than those, very little. I saved some personal items that really felt like the essence of who they were. For my dad his old fishing creel hung next to a vintage framed photo of Lost Lake and Mt Hood along with some of his Pendleton clothing. The mantel clock from the kitchen that always seemed like the heartbeat of the home and some well loved vintage kitchen crockery and cookbooks. Now that I think about it, the contents of their potting shed into the one my dad helped me build.

sweetana3

9-25-21, 12:22pm

My parents never had anything high end so I only wanted the sewing machine that my mom got in 1953 and that I learned to sew on. Ended up with it and money which is pretty impersonal. Oh, and my brother returned all the gift items I had made that my parents had on their walls. My other brother did more with the data and photos than I ever would so we made sure he got them.

My husband wanted one old gun with some history from my Dad but due to shipping complications, we let my brother have it. No where to put it and no one to leave it to.

jp1

9-25-21, 1:39pm

Much of her adult life my mom's main hobby was embroidery. Counted thread cross stitch, to be specific. She was quite good at it, winning best in show at the state fair several years in a row back in the 80's before she quit going because there just wasn't any competition. She even started mounting her own work before having it framed because none of the framers in town did a good enough job for her. The artwork on the walls of their home was entirely stuff she had done. It was all quite nice but I don't want to live in a home that looks like my mother decorated it. So I took 3 of my favorites, along with her hope chest, a really nice cedar chest, a chiming mantle clock and my dad's childhood rocking chair that had also been my childhood rocking chair. It wasn't really intentional but all of this stuff except one piece of embroidery is now the decoration of my work office. Occasionally on zoom calls I've had people ask about the chair.

3994

happystuff

9-25-21, 1:55pm

Very cool, jp1. The chest is beautiful and I really like the globe.

pinkytoe

9-25-21, 2:03pm

From my mom's house I ended up with a tramp art chest that she always said was a wedding present from her cousin. It is like a patchwork crazy quilt except all the geometric pieces are made of cigar box wood. Most everything else I let go of save for a few Orrefors vases and an old Victorian mirror. All of these things I love for their memories.

ToomuchStuff

9-25-21, 2:25pm

There is a table that belonged to my grandmother that I would like, however, with the new house, I may not have a good place for it. What I am thinking of, is taking measurements and making a little smaller version for a spot I need a plant stand in the new house. I have some walnut left that needs a project.

Other then that, maybe some old quilts, photographs and a few specialized tools.

Teacher Terry

9-25-21, 2:55pm

I took a few furniture pieces that I liked. I have already given my kids what they want except for my dining room table and chairs which only my youngest wants.

catherine

9-25-21, 4:34pm

When my mother died, as I've stated several times here, she had close to nothing. She became severely disabled at age 50, my uncle offered to store all her stuff in his barn and sell her condominium (no proceeds there), and then the barn burned down (maybe mysteriously?) with all the furniture my mother had collected, as well as 95% of her personal effects--and some of mine as well (like my wedding dress).

Out of the one box of stuff and one bag of clothing she owned at the time of her death, I took her second-hand reversible rain slicker and her Timex watch.

I still have some of her furniture that I saved shortly after she got sick, before my uncle liquidated her condominium--an Ethan Allen dining table with ladder back chairs and an antique deacon's bench.
From my father, who died destitute on the side of a building in the Bowery, I have two oil paintings he painted as well as the last birthday card he sent me ("Dear [Catherine], I don't have any money, but if love is worth anything, enclosed is a million dollars for you."). I gave the paintings to my son who has more wall space, and who loves having artwork that symbolizes personal connections.

As unfortunate as my parents' lives were I find the stories of those who are dealing with the opposite problems of trying to figure out how to divest of estates while fighting toxic relationships at the same time to be as unfortunate if not moreso. I am so sorry for what many of you have gone through and continue to go through.

Tybee

10-14-21, 12:38am

Well, I literally just got back from my last visit to my parents house, so here is what I brought back in the car

all the letters and pictures I could find
tons of papers that I will sort through here.
Two fly rods
Two crystal vases
a footstool that was my grandmother's; I think her mother did the crewel
some little silver pieces to be split among the grandchildren
arrowheads, ditto
a Quistgaard casserole dish
turkey and nightingale calls
Dad's compass, which I gave to my grandson
a pocket knife that I gave Dad when I was seven, which I gave to my son
an Irish wool sweater of my mother's
my dad's handkerchiefs, since when I was little and would cry, he'd always pull out a clean, ironed handkerchief for me
other little stuff; buyer will mail me my prepacked boxes, and I honestly can't remember what is in there except I know it's more papers and photos and a box of Dad's childhood books and a tablecloth and an orange outdoor power cord
my mom's rolling pin and three apple peelers!

rosarugosa

10-14-21, 5:23am

That's great that you had the opportunity to get those sentimental items, Tybee.

catherine

10-14-21, 7:41am

Wow, so glad you were able to bring back those items! I'm sure the grandkids will prize their heirlooms, and having the rolling pin, vases and crewel footstool part of your daily life will be wonderful!

herbgeek

10-14-21, 8:16am

Its those small sentimental items that mean the most to me. I have a hat my grandpa wore in the summer (another sibling has his winter hat). Pampy was poor, but every respectable gentleman in that era wore a hat. I also have his magnifying glass that he kept on the table next to his recliner for reading the TV guide. I have my grandmothers measuring cup (that stays in the flour canister) and a couple of her paintings (she took up painting in retirement). I have one of my Dad's micrometers.

All these things are capturing an essence of them, and keeping their memories alive for me.

happystuff

10-14-21, 9:30am

Its those small sentimental items that mean the most to me.

I was going to say the same thing. So glad you were able to find the little things that hold so many memories, Tybee. Especial the handkerchiefs!

iris lilies

10-14-21, 10:21am

I was going to say the same thing. So glad you were able to find the little things that hold so many memories, Tybee. Especial the handkerchiefs!
Agreed! Glad you got this stuffout of the house before it was sold.Sounds like you got some nice daily use items as well as a few items you can pass on to grandchildren.

Tybee

10-14-21, 10:32am

Thanks, Rosa and Catherine! I am feeling really happy about the rolling pin in particular.
Thank you, Iris, happy, and herbgeek. What herbgeek said, "All these things are capturing an essence of them, and keeping their memories alive for me."
Yes!

bae

10-17-21, 6:44pm

Nothing, in terms of items.

I want the house my mother lives in when she no longer has need of it, and plan to move in there myself then. Inspired by the hell of helping deal with the in-laws' estates and cleaning up their clutter, my Mother has engaged in a heroic decluttering effort of her own the past 4-5 years, so there will be little left to deal with. Some photos which I've already scanned, and a couple of paintings that she's already given me.

My Dad this year moved here, bringing only the things that would fit in his car. He brought along some historic family paintings which he gave to me upon arrival, and his amazing train set, which I was allowed to "use" when I was a child, and gave those to me already.

Should be easy to deal with it all, except for the whole parents-dying thing :-(

Teacher Terry

10-17-21, 8:17pm

My gift to my kids is not a bunch of junk to dispose of. Mostly they have what they wanted and I still have all the photo albums which they can pick through and keep what they want and throw away the rest. My condo is only 855 sq ft and has everything I need but isn’t overflowing.

happystuff

10-17-21, 8:25pm

Should be easy to deal with it all, except for the whole parents-dying thing :-(

Yeah, I don't care about "stuff"; it is the "whole parents-dying thing" that I'm most worried about.

Alan

10-17-21, 8:41pm

My father died in 1999, my mother is currently in the end stages of dementia and under at-home hospice care. My youngest brother has lived with her for the past 10 years and acted as her caregiver since the beginning of her decline. My other brother and I have decided that when she dies dealing with her things, her home, her car, her bank account will be easy, it all goes to the brother who's been there by her side.

Teacher Terry

10-17-21, 8:55pm

Alan, I think you and your brother are wonderful people!! I totally agree with your decision.

happystuff

10-17-21, 9:05pm

Alan, I think you and your brother are wonderful people!! I totally agree with your decision.

I agree. Kudos to you and your siblings, Alan. Just proving these things don't have to be hard!

SteveinMN

10-20-21, 1:59pm

My kudos, as well. to you and your family, Alan.

I get the house back when my mother can no longer live in it; actually, I own it, but then I can do what I want with it. The stuff inside? There's very little of real value but whatever there is can be given away or sold and the money given to either my sister (who has ended up retiring earlier than planned) or my brother (though there won't be much tangible that he could use and there are limits to how much money he can hold).

The agreement all along in the family has been to give what's left to whoever needed it most. Beyond that, I can't think of an item of my mom's I really want to keep. I'll probably find whatever it is when I'm cleaning out the house.

frugal-one

10-20-21, 3:34pm

That sounds like a wonderful plan, Alan.

catherine

10-20-21, 4:16pm