Mom is going in for a total knee replacement

[ApatheticNoMore]

So I guess my mom is going in for a total knee replacement surgery. I am so worried and scared and depressed. I probably shouldn't have quit therapy. :~)

My mom is in her early 80s, so no spring chicken indeed. Oh I know it's not my position to tell her to have it or not have it. I'm not the one in pain everyday from knees afterall. She is otherwise in quite good health, overweight (maybe 40 pounds), takes medicine for high blood pressure, but otherwise has no health issues, very sharp mentally, so NO cognitive decline. Oh I lost my dad near a decade ago, and medical procedures were what pushed him over the edge toward death, but he had Alzheimers and was in bad health in many ways.

[iris lilies]

Well that’s worrisome ANM. I hope her knee surgery is worth it. It is painful to recover from.

[jp1]

I hope it goes well. It sounds like sheds a reasonable candidate given the rest of her health and the possibility of years free of pain. I’ve only known one person to have full knee replacement. (Both knees about a year apart). But she was in her late 50’s at the time so not exactly comparable. Both were completely successful but recovery definitely took months.

[catherine]

Yes, while it's not an easy recovery, a lot depends on attitude and overall health, and it seems your mother is in good shape with both of those. I wish her the best. Where will she be recovering? f

[Teacher Terry]

My aunt was told to have one at 80 and she decided it was silly at her age since she probably wouldn’t live that long. Fast forward to her living until 96. She said it was a big mistake not to have it. She went to a nursing home the last year of her life because she couldn’t walk. Her mind was great.

[happystuff]

Good luck to your mom. I hope all goes weĺl.

[nswef]

My mom had knee replacement around 80 or 81. She did all the exercise pre op and continued after. She was in rehab a week or so. She was eager for the therapy and showers. She was already starting dementia, but she walked every evening. She died at 87 never regretting the surgery. Good luck to your mom. Sending healing thoughts.

[catherine]

Actually add my MIL to the list of people who had successful knee surgery in advanced age. I think she, too, was 80 when she had it, and she was motivated because she hated the idea of being immobile or cane/walker-dependent.

[JaneV2.0]

My father had double hip surgery and came through it well. I've also talked to knee-surgery patients who strongly recommend the operation. Please don't worry.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Mom got the surgery and is doing well, still too soon to tell if it has improved her walking and pain as she is still in bed and on punches of morphine for the pain. But her knee was a complete mess before surgery, 3 1/2 hour surgery and a really bad case, and surgeon is optimistic now. So she should be better off. She is perfectly lucid. Someday of course the other knee may need to be done, they were both a mess, but this one was causing most of the pain. I would have worried less if she had been in her 70s rather than 80s, 80s can certainly be a time when the body is weak and frail and doesn't recover, but she was actually healthy enough going in I guess.

Now we move to the second set of problems haha, which is less worry, but still must be navigated. How to keep an ex-opiate addict sibling who lives with her, off her opiates when she gets released from the hospital etc.. Opiates in mom's case are recommended, recovery is speeded if you are not in pain. She may stay with me. In a one bedroom apartment that is also an office (but I may take some time off work), oh yea ideal setup but ... yea second tier problems >8). But surgery seems to have gone very well and that is the main thing for now! :)

[happystuff]

So glad the surgery went well! Sending prayers for a speedy recovery. Good luck with the second set of problems!!!

[Teacher Terry]

So glad it went well. Good idea to have her stay with you.

[catherine]

So glad the operation was a success! Yes, she should be in recovery for several weeks, but that's to be expected. Will she be getting physical therapy coming to the house?

As far as your second set of problems, how reliably sober is your sibling? You said they are an "ex-opiate addict"--how long have they been in recovery? How they feel about being around the drugs? Has the conversation come up? All reformed addicts and abusers have different timetables for how they handle trigger situations. If they are newly sober, I would consider having your mom move in until she's past the need for opiates. But if your sibling is at the point where risk of relapse is low even when they have the opportunity, all should be well. But I agree, it is a risk.

[rosarugosa]

I'm glad your mom is doing well. I have no advice, but wish you luck with the next stages.

[ApatheticNoMore]

As far as your second set of problems, how reliably sober is your sibling? You said they are an "ex-opiate addict"--how long have they been in recovery? How they feel about being around the drugs? Has the conversation come up? All reformed addicts and abusers have different timetables for how they handle trigger situations. If they are newly sober, I would consider having your mom move in until she's past the need for opiates. But if your sibling is at the point where risk of relapse is low even when they have the opportunity, all should be well. But I agree, it is a risk.

Well they have been on Suboxone, have been for maybe a decade, not very functional in general to put it mildly - don't' work or even do anything else - school, volunteer, socialize, 12 steps - nope none of it, though they have gone to 12 steps years ago. Wont' even get a drivers license even though mom begged for a long time as she needs a ride for awhile after surgery. Also they recently relapsed on cigarettes after going off them for 5 months and are now chain smoking again.

I get an overwhelming sense they are not going to be any help in a caretaking sense, being there for mom after surgery, but were there for her surgery. When the times get tough and the chips are down, they are as useless as ever, only seemingly even more so, hard as that is to believe! >8) It's like OMG. And I'm like @#$# if she needs any caretaking, it's me. I saw a book called "there is no such thing as laziness", I think for *most* people, and certainly the perfectionists it's aimed at, that's actually true, but I don't even know, the whole thing is so inexplicable I wonder if they are still sneaking drugs. Any caretaking needed now is not permanent I know, from this mom will in overwhelming likelihood recover, and be better than ever, but if she needs any help it's me.

The suboxone should of course chemically lessen the temptation. Back when they were still definitely taking opiates and not on suboxone, and dad still alive, sibling stole my dad's pain meds. Me and bf have put in hours of our free time that could be more pleasantly spent, trying to offer job advice, etc. etc.. Yea sigh, nope. Maybe they do sneak drugs, who knows ultimately, the meds they are on legally like suboxone may not be helping.

[dado potato]

My dear wife had knee replacement surgery. I drove her back home over Wisconsin's disgusting highways... which was a great ordeal.

Today she feels that her new knee is fabulous, and she is talking about getting a shoulder replaced one of these days.

Sending Healing Vibes to your mom, ANM.

4028

[Tradd]

ANM, good thoughts your mom’s way.

[JaneV2.0]

ANM, I feel your pain. Often in families, it all falls on one person, and it looks like you're it. When my parents started failing--a long freeway drive away in another state--it was my beloved who picked up the ball, for which I'll always be grateful. We were kind of a tag team, and worked it out somehow. And you're right to be wary of opioid theft (those drugs are nothing to mess around with).

[iris lilies]

ANM, wishing you well during this difficult time.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Thanks.

[SteveinMN]

ANM, I'm glad to see the surgery went well. I wish you the best in caring for your mom and addressing the opiate availability situation.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Mom lived with me for two weeks after release from the hospital, the first day of which she almost needed lifting to get up (and I was like 'woah! I can't manage this!!! Dealing with a severe cripple'), but that improved quickly. Now she has gone home. Living with one's mom is stressful needless to say :laff: (in a one bedroom apartment at that and while working from home), so now I can finally rest!

From all appearances it's a successful surgery that will leave her better off than before. Oh and I will go over there and dole out the pain pills daily because yea, but I suspect she won't need many for that much longer either. Yes she still needs to do exercises to recover etc., but she was in so much pain before, it's not like she was walking well before surgery either, so she seems better than before.

[JaneV2.0]

I was thinking she probably wouldn't need the opiates for long. Most of my friends who have been prescribed them either couldn't tolerate them or didn't want them and did fine with OTC meds. I'm so glad she's healing well.

[nswef]

A combination of 2 aleve and 2 extra strength tylenol helped me after my broken hip.

[catherine]

I'm so glad your mom is recovering well! I'm sure your love and care made all the difference!

[rosarugosa]

Yes, after a significant surgery a few years ago I think I went to just Tylenol and ditched the tramadol after just a couple of days.
I'm so glad she is doing well, and I have so much respect for you for bringing her to your place for care. I'm sure it was challenging.

[happystuff]

So glad she is doing well and YOU, too!!! Prayers for quick healing.

[Tybee]

ANM, you are the bomb for taking such good care of your mom!

[ApatheticNoMore]

Thanks all.

[iris lilies]

ANM what relief that it all went well and seems worth it!

[Teacher Terry]

So glad for your mom and you are a good daughter. I always helped my parents through surgeries, etc. You will never regret it.

[ApatheticNoMore]

My mom got the other knee done yesterday, it was so stressful for me and her (she was more worried than last time but it was entirely what she wanted to do). She is doing well. Two bionic knees. Luckily we only have two knees!!! :laff:

[dado potato]

ANM, I hope that your mom is looking forward to many years of increased mobility.

Our experience with one bionic knee has been positive. DW made a daily practice of a morning walk. Her weight gradually dropped by 40 pounds over a span of 2 years. She had a great many soul-satisfying experiences on the walking paths.

[Teacher Terry]

Once she recovers her life will be better.

[happystuff]

Congrats to your mom. Wishing her a speedy recover and hope she is up and about quickly!

[catherine]

Hoping for a speedy recovery!! I agree that the relatively short recovery process will mean a long time of being able to get around much better.