View Full Version : My mother died.
Just got a voice mail from my brother’s wife that my mother died. I have been estranged from my parents for many years. I last saw them in 2002 and they lived in the Detroit area. My father was an alcoholic for many years and only got dry after I left for college through AA, though he was what they called a dry drunk. Still had the behavior patterns from when he was drinking. Both parents were very, very critical of me. Nothing I did was good enough. Lot of verbal abuse. Relations with them were always very toxic. I exchanged holiday cards and emails for a while, but I was sick of the continuing BS and blocked their phone numbers and emails probably 8 years ago. I won’t be going to the funeral. I always said I would not go to their funerals and I will keep to that. I’ve made my own family with friends. I’m not sad. Just a sense of relief I won’t have to deal with my mother ever again. I’m deleting the voice mail from my brother’s wife. I’ll be going diving this weekend as planned.
iris lilies
10-19-21, 8:31pm
Tradd, It sounds like you are on an even keel about this. I wish you well.
flowerseverywhere
10-19-21, 8:34pm
I'm sorry you had so much sadness.
Teacher Terry
10-19-21, 9:35pm
It’s sad that you had such a awful childhood.
pinkytoe
10-19-21, 10:15pm
It sounds like you somehow developed resilience in spite of it all.
catherine
10-19-21, 10:38pm
I'm so sorry you never got the mother you deserved.
What a shock; glad you are feeling strong, and prayers for your continued healing.
I'm sorry for you Tradd. I wish every child was cherished.
rosarugosa
10-20-21, 5:30am
I'm sorry, Tradd.
happystuff
10-20-21, 9:25am
In all that you related, I'm glad that you have made yourself a family and have a life you enjoy and share with others. My condolences, but also my congratulations.
Closing a chapter can be difficult and good at the same time. Blessings to you.
SteveinMN
10-20-21, 2:59pm
I really cannot add to what's already been written here, Tradd. Good on you for being true to yourself -- through all of it.
frugal-one
10-20-21, 3:26pm
I really cannot add to what's already been written here, Tradd. Good on you for being true to yourself -- through all of it.
Same here. It is quite an accomplishment to have turned your life into a positive.
A jaunt in nature is always bracing and restorative. And life moves on.
dado potato
10-20-21, 5:51pm
May her soul rest in peace through the mercy of God
Just got another voice mail from my brother’s wife. This time she’s looking for money to help cover the funeral. You’ve got to be kidding me.
Wishing you peace, Tradd.
Teacher Terry
10-21-21, 2:43pm
That’s gutsy considering they are aware of the relationship. My parents paid for theirs in advance and I have also.
iris lilies
10-21-21, 2:56pm
Just got another voice mail from my brother’s wife. This time she’s looking for money to help cover the funeral. You’ve got to be kidding me.
I guess that’s not a surprise since you know them. Haven’t they ask you for money for something before not too long ago?
We all need to plan the funeral we can afford. Just like weddings, plan the wedding you can afford. It’s not that difficult.
I guess that’s not a surprise since you know them. Haven’t they ask you for money for something before not too long ago?
We all need to plan the funeral we can afford. Just like weddings, plan the wedding you can afford. It’s not that difficult.
Yes. I just deleted the voice mail like I did with the other ones. I suspect they didn’t need money for the funeral and were just using that as an excuse.
Your SIL isn't very good at reading the room.
Your SIL isn't very good at reading the room.
Haha.
Thinking of you, Tradd. Wishing you the best.
Thank you again, all.
Had a great dive yesterday. Lovely weather. Photos posted in my diving thread. Had great chats with other divers in our group.
Came home from MX trip to a big envelope from my father with grade school report cards, original birth certificate, and stuff like that. Going through the report cards. Taking photos of a few from favorite teachers. Pitching all. Still have to go through the other papers.
There was a note from father asking me to call him, but I will not.
One report card from 3rd or 4th grade was funny. I’d always told people I got a D in handwriting and no one ever believed me, even after trying to read my chicken scratch. I took a photo and posted it to FB. We all had a good laugh.
It’s funny that you just got this. On Sunday I was doing my annual ‘go through my files and toss/shred stuff I don’t need any more’ chore and came across that same envelope that my mother gave me 30 years ago when they moved out of the house I grew up in. None of my friends were able to pick me out of my sixth grade class picture. In my sixth birthday picture, on the other hand, I look exactly the same as I do today. Just smaller and clean shaven…. (the silver coffee and tea service weren't for me. It also happened to be my grandmother's 80th birthday.) And like you my penmanship grades were always terrible.
4732
gimmethesimplelife
8-23-22, 5:38pm
I never know what to say in these situations - what I will say is that I am truly sorry, Tradd. I hope you are holding up/coping well.
Rob
gimmethesimplelife
8-23-22, 5:40pm
Came back to add that I just read your OP. Regardless, I am sorry. Tradd. Rob
I never know what to say in these situations - what I will say is that I am truly sorry, Tradd. I hope you are holding up/coping well.
Rob
Thanks. I’m doing just fine.
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