Declining a Thanksgiving invitation

[pinkytoe]

Something about holiday expectations leaves me on edge every year. We had planned to have a quiet meal at home complete with sides and homemade pie. Out of the blue, my SIL calls and invites us to their house which is wonderful except...they live six hours away on the other side of the mountain. That means a six hour drive over two mountain passes and six hours back - all in holiday traffic. Packing up food, getting the car ready, calling the petsitter, etc. I said we would strongly consider it depending on the weather and need to confirm ASAP. But now I feel guilty if we decline even though I think that's the best thing to do. What to do...??

[bae]

Decline it politely, and enjoy your holiday.

[catherine]

Definitely decline with no regrets.

[Tradd]

Just say no.

[razz]

There comes a time when common sense takes over. Six hours or more of driving there plus return six hours and total stress involved just is not wise. Thank them for their thoughtful invite but decline.

[Greg44]

In my mind I would be thinking - ah that would be a big hell no. But a gracious thank you, but no thank you would suffice.

[pinkytoe]

OK, thanks! I feel better now and a great sense of relief. I am just too sensitive about these sorts of things.

[Simplemind]

Thank her for the invitation and honestly tell her that you already had a quiet day planned which you really need and are looking forward to.

[jp1]

As others have said I would politely decline. Or as Nancy Reagan always said ‘just say no.’

[ApatheticNoMore]

The way I see it, if it's about seeing people and *if* you want to see those people, it can always be another day, doesn't have to be thanksgiving.

[Tybee]

Pinkytoe, we did the same thing this year, declined a 4 hour round trip invitation. I too felt guilty, but we are just too beat to do that, plus heaven knows what the weather will be, and I'd be anxious all week waiting for the day. DH made reservations for a restaurant, so we'll see how that goes.

[LDAHL]

I agree with the consensus here. Thanksgiving is traditionally the most miserable time of year for long distance travel.

[happystuff]

I also agree with what all the others have said. A nice "Thank you for thinking of us, but no." is perfectly fine. Have a wonderful, quiet Thanksgiving!

[rosarugosa]

We declined two invitations from people less than 5 miles away. Please don't feel guilty.

[catherine]

The other side of it is, they were maybe thinking about you having Thanksgiving by yourselves and feeling sorry for you, and thinking they should ask you, as you are beloved family. They probably now feel they've fulfilled their familial duty with the ask and they are probably just fine with whatever you decide to do.

(And I'm definitely projecting my own past experiences here.)

[iris lilies]

It is only about every 5 years that I feel like having a big to-do for Thanksgiving. Ok, maybe it is every 7 years.

Next year I will probably invite my brother and his wife and a couple of their friends to come to Hermann for thanksgiving because they are anxious for another Hermann visit. It is a cute place.My sister in law said they almost invited themselves this year, but ummm they do not realize we have no kitchen, no beds for guests, and only cold running water in the basement. Not yet set up for guests even at a casual level.

[jp1]

It is only about every 5 years that I feel like having a big to-do for Thanksgiving. Ok, maybe it is every 7 years.

Next year I will probably invite my brother and his wife and a couple of their friends to come to Hermann for thanksgiving because they are anxious for another Hermann visit. It is a cute place.My sister in law said they almost i cited themselves this year, but ummm we have no kitchen, no beds for guests, and only cold running water in the basement. Not yet set up for guests even at a casual level.

Yes, the only guests you should invite to that environment are the type of guests you hope will not accept another invite from you ever again.

[pinkytoe]

I sent her an email late last night and declined and will call in a bit just to make sure. The reality is we are all getting older and should get together while we can but as mentioned, not during the holidays when everything is crazy. I told her we would like to come visit them at their St Louis house next spring. Ulterior motive - I can go to the botanical garden there:)

[Teacher Terry]

If I am traveling that far I get a motel room for a day or two. I also only go over mountain passes if no snow is predicted.

[pinkytoe]

It is predicted to snow here tomorrow so the high country will definitely get it. It is funny how people think you are miserable if you are by yourself for the holidays or even birthdays.

[rosarugosa]

Yes, the only guests you should invite to that environment are the type of guests you hope will not accept another invite from you ever again.

So funny, but so true!

[pony mom]

Say thanks but no and don't give a reason why. But maybe suggest a non-holiday get together at a halfway point for both of you. Maybe a restaurant three hours away or a hotel where you can dine and stay overnight if you have to (pets permitted, of course).

[JaneV2.0]

I don't miss all the driving I used to do on holidays. At this point, I wouldn't travel for an audience with the Pope.

[catherine]

So funny, but so true!

DH always invites people and often I cringe because I think about how I won't be ready, and I won't have the time to prepare, but he says the best guests are the ones who you invite and they decline. At least you've invited them!

[iris lilies]

Yes, the only guests you should invite to that environment are the type of guests you hope will not accept another invite from you ever again.
Yes! Haha.

[jp1]

It is funny how people think you are miserable if you are by yourself for the holidays or even birthdays.

Indeed. Everyone’s idea of how holidays and birthdays should be spent or celebrated is different. SO strongly wants to be with family. Last year we spent both thanksgiving and Christmas home, just the two of us, and he was miserable. This year we’re going to San Diego for thanksgiving with my sister and Christmas in at Louis with his family like we have done for several years prior to last year. I’m typing this at sfo and now I’m miserable. Haha. But seriously, I like my sister and her wife and will enjoy tomorrow but I hate traveling on the busiest travel weekend of the year. At least it’s a short flight and the weather is good.

[JaneV2.0]

If you have Skype or Zoom or the equivalent, you can do that if you need to be face to face. Driving in winter weather would be a hard no for me, seeing that I've been there and done that. Ask me about that ice storm in Portland...:0! One of the advantages of old age is being able to "just say no."

[iris lilies]

Indeed. Everyone’s idea of how holidays and birthdays should be spent or celebrated is different. SO strongly wants to be with family. Last year we spent both thanksgiving and Christmas home, just the two of us, and he was miserable. This year we’re going to San Diego for thanksgiving with my sister and Christmas in at Louis with his family like we have done for several years prior to last year. I’m typing this at sfo and now I’m miserable. Haha. But seriously, I like my sister and her wife and will enjoy tomorrow but I hate traveling on the busiest travel weekend of the year. At least it’s a short flight and the weather is good.

Back in the years when DH had parents living in Northern
iowa,He liked going for one of the winter holidays. After a few years of dodging snow storms on icy roads I noped out of that.

Sometimes in those early years I wanted to alternate which holiday he was home for. Other years I didn’t care. And then, as his parents became very very old, I thought it was fine he go up to Snowy Coldland if that’s what he wanted to do.

When I was working I much preferred to work holiday season days so that people in my department who want it off could take off. I preferred to take vacation time in the spring and early summer.