What would you do about this upcoming party?

[rosarugosa]

I am on the horns of a dilemma, and I would appreciate your thoughts. We are supposed to attend a 90th birthday/retirement party on Saturday (me, DH, Mom and Sis). The honoree is Bill, a lifelong family friend and very dear man. When we accepted the invitation a few months ago, things were looking better than they do now Covid-wise, but now DH & I are having second thoughts. Most of the guests are from Bill's family, and I know that his daughter and her husband are anti-vaxxers, and their two teen kids are not vaccinated either. I spoke with a DIL who is one of the organizers, and she believes that most everyone else has been vaccinated. She said that 3 of the 4 members of the anti-vaxxer household had Covid a few months ago, so should have some degree of immunity from that. Bill's A-V daughter is my mother's godchild, so it is unlikely that there won't be some close interaction between them, and Mom isn't great with adhering to mask protocol due to her Alzheimer's. It's going to be a sit-down meal, so remaining masked throughout the occasion isn't feasible anyway. If DH and I back out, Mom and Sis will still go unless I get all-out bossy and tyrannical about the whole thing, so if they go, I'm sort of indirectly exposed from the occasion anyway, although I can insist on masks with Sis and Mom for a bit. I also have to take Mom to a dentist appointment 4 days after the event, so what responsibility do I have to our dentist and their staff, or even closer to home, our good friend whom we hire as a caregiver for Mom? Or am I overthinking this whole thing and should I just reconcile myself to some degree of risk and go and try to have a good time?
Cases are currently on the upswing in MA, and DH says there is currently an 11-hour wait to be seen in the ER at the hospital where he works, and a backup of patients who need to be admitted but for whom no rooms are available.
If I extrapolate current guidance on Thanksgiving gatherings, it would seem that we should avoid gatherings where not all parties are vaccinated, and this is a much larger gathering of about 50 people.
Oh this one is making my head hurt!

[happystuff]

Saturday is coming up quickly! Ànd this is a tough decision. Any way to "pop in" quickly, give Bill your regards and then leave, possibly before the rest of the guests arrive? Good luck figuring this out.

[Yppej]

I am on the horns of a dilemma, and I would appreciate your thoughts. We are supposed to attend a 90th birthday/retirement party on Saturday (me, DH, Mom and Sis). The honoree is Bill, a lifelong family friend and very dear man. When we accepted the invitation a few months ago, things were looking better than they do now Covid-wise, but now DH & I are having second thoughts. Most of the guests are from Bill's family, and I know that his daughter and her husband are anti-vaxxers, and their two teen kids are not vaccinated either. I spoke with a DIL who is one of the organizers, and she believes that most everyone else has been vaccinated. She said that 3 of the 4 members of the anti-vaxxer household had Covid a few months ago, so should have some degree of immunity from that. Bill's A-V daughter is my mother's godchild, so it is unlikely that there won't be some close interaction between them, and Mom isn't great with adhering to mask protocol due to her Alzheimer's. It's going to be a sit-down meal, so remaining masked throughout the occasion isn't feasible anyway. If DH and I back out, Mom and Sis will still go unless I get all-out bossy and tyrannical about the whole thing, so if they go, I'm sort of indirectly exposed from the occasion anyway, although I can insist on masks with Sis and Mom for a bit. I also have to take Mom to a dentist appointment 4 days after the event, so what responsibility do I have to our dentist and their staff, or even closer to home, our good friend whom we hire as a caregiver for Mom? Or am I overthinking this whole thing and should I just reconcile myself to some degree of risk and go and try to have a good time?
Cases are currently on the upswing in MA, and DH says there is currently an 11-hour wait to be seen in the ER at the hospital where he works, and a backup of patients who need to be admitted but for whom no rooms are available.
If I extrapolate current guidance on Thanksgiving gatherings, it would seem that we should avoid gatherings where not all parties are vaccinated, and this is a much larger gathering of about 50 people.
Oh this one is making my head hurt!

So assuming you believe vaccines work, are your concerns for the anti-vax attendees, caregiver, and the dental workers? I would say they made their choices to not get vaccinated and that's on them.

Arguably if the teens are still minors they might not be able to get the shot without parental permission, but the risk in this age group is so miniscule I would not worry unless the teens are especially high risk (undergoing chemo, morbidly obese, etc).

[herbgeek]

Have you, DH and Mom had boosters? Vaccines are great but don't make you bullet proof and if you had the mRNA vaccine fade some over time. If I went, i would keep my distance from the anti vaxxers and take a home test a few days after.

[dado potato]

Is there a "rain check" option? If you are taking every reasonable precaution as to the transmission of COVID, could you not propose that you gather with the honored family member at some future date, when COVID transmission is not a threat?

[Yppej]

Is there a "rain check" option? If you are taking every reasonable precaution as to the transmission of COVID, could you not propose that you gather with the honored family member at some future date, when COVID transmission is not a threat?

Covid has become endemic like other coronaviruses such as the common cold. It will never go away. We cannot conquer it the way we did with smallpox.

[Rogar]

I have seen ads for quick covid test kits, though I don't know that they are readily availible at retail outlets. It's probably not reasonable to request the anti-vaxers to pass a test before hand. I'm personally a little paranoid and would not attend and would try to see Bill in a different setting some othertime.

But practically speaking if you've had the booster and don't have any risky pre-existing conditions, the risk is probably not very significant. If I did go, I'd probably go with the flow on any masking. It just sounds too complicated. I always hear on the news that 80% of the hospitalizations are among the non-vaccinated, but that still leaves 20%. That's why I'm paranoid, though I suspect most of the 20% have weakened immune systems from other medical conditions and the elderly.

[iris lilies]

I probably wouldn’t go but it’s tricky. Depends on how much I really wanted to attend the shindig.


But for sure I would make an effort to get together with Bill with my own family group at a later time, and preferably outdoors.

[Teacher Terry]

I would go. You are all vaccinated and that’s all you can do.

[Yppej]

If I recall correctly at one time you posted in the past it would be a blessing for your mother to pass given the deterioration in her quality of life. If that is the case I would not be trying to make her wear a mask.

My own mother has stated she will never again go a year away from family, not hugging us, etc because she doesn't have that much time left to be missing out like that and "I've got to die of something".

We are not made to cower in fear for years at a time, activating the body's flight or fight system. We are designed to enjoy life. Happiness boosts the immune system.

[rosarugosa]

Some clarifying points:
DH and I both have risk factors that mean we would probably not do fare if we got Covid.
I am not concerned about the well-being of the A-Vs; I just don't want them to get me or my family sick.
We all had our boosters in October.
I realize how bad this sounds, but as far as Mom goes, I'm mostly concerned that if she got sick, she would give it to someone else.

[Tybee]

Some clarifying points:
DH and I both have risk factors that mean we would probably not do fare if we got Covid.
I am not concerned about the well-being of the A-Vs; I just don't want them to get me or my family sick.
We all had our boosters in October.
I realize how bad this sounds, but as far as Mom goes, I'm mostly concerned that if she got sick, she would give it to someone else.


If I had a lot of concerns and I could avoid going, that is probably what I would do, for myself and for my mom, if I were making decisions for her. I went to see my son and went to a family party with many anti-vaxxers present and I was uncomfortable, but I did not get sick. I traveled to see him and stopped in another state to clean out my parents' house and was around people who had just spent a day at the hospital with their uncle with Covid, and I did not get sick, even though one of them hugged me. I felt I did not have a choice but had to make this trip, but you do have a choice, so just remember that; if you are uncomfortable, you do have a choice.

If the event was of super importance to me, I would go, maybe not take my mom. But it sounds like you have a lot of concerns, and for that reason alone, I would consider going the rain check route, to see Bill at another time.

[Tybee]

Rosa, just found out my son's fil has Covid--he just found out now. No more details, but he is an anti-vaxxer. Hope he is okay.
It's definitely out there. Maybe a big party not a great idea.

[happystuff]

Rosa, just found out my son's fil has Covid--he just found out now. No more details, but he is an anti-vaxxer. Hope he is okay.
It's definitely out there. Maybe a big party not a great idea.

Hope your son's fil recovers with no complications.

Rosa, your ongoing concerns are valid. I'm wondering if you are having this many concerns before the event, how enjoyable will the event be if you actually attend? If you do end up going, I hope you are all able to stay safe and avoid any illnesses.

[nswef]

I would pass.

[Teacher Terry]

If you don’t want to go why not have your sister take your mom.

[JaneV2.0]

Another vote for the rain check. As I suggested in another thread, maybe have someone set up a brief video call.
It sounds like a logistical and health-compromising fiasco to me.

[razz]

Another vote for the rain check. As I suggested in another thread, maybe have someone set up a brief video call.
It sounds like a logistical and health-compromising fiasco to me.

There will be others who have similar concerns, is a Facetime or Zoom option for all those who are unable to make it that you could suggest?

[rosarugosa]

So we decided not to attend. DH felt a bit more strongly about the matter than I realized, so that made it somewhat easier. Then as fate would have it, we needed to make an urgent care vet visit today, so we would have ended up cancelling anyway!
(Ogden had dental cleaning and extractions on 11/22. He seemed to be recovering OK, but then he stopped eating and drinking, and was drooling profuse amounts of foul-smelling stuff. Vet gave him a shot for pain and an antibiotic shot and some fluids, and he seems to be back on track).

[befree]

Regarding gatherings where anti-vax, anti-mask people gather: I can't help but think about the convention regarding using ivermectin for COVID treatment that was recently held in Florida. Seven attendees (so far) have recently tested positive for COVID.

[rosarugosa]

Regarding gatherings where anti-vax, anti-mask people gather: I can't help but think about the convention regarding using ivermectin for COVID treatment that was recently held in Florida. Seven attendees (so far) have recently tested positive for COVID.

Yes, those are the stories that make me want to err on the side of caution. Hopefully this event won't bring about any cases, and in that case we may look silly/overly cautious, but we can live with that.

[iris lilies]

Yes, those are the stories that make me want to err on the side of caution. Hopefully this event won't bring about any cases, and in that case we may look silly/overly cautious, but we can live with that.
You won’t look silly. It’s unlikely that your event transmitted Covid, but it doesn’t matter because no one knows the odds when you go except the bigger the crowd, the more likely it is it will be transmitted somewhere in that attending population.